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DancinFireflies thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago

Originally posted by: Enchantress

This stirred no. of emotions within me.. Hurt, pain, joy and laughter... I genuinely loved it... As you said their are no. of ways of writing a story and I guess this was the best for this story. And, I am loving it.. continue soon,

Dee

I am glad that it touched you๐Ÿ˜ณ It was a ride for me too, when I wrote it. Hoping you'd enjoy the story as it moves forward๐Ÿ˜Š
MystiqueDew thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago
You know how to use the words, and you are doing really well with it.
loved your narrative style
Ubiquitos thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago
Boy this was something. Rare ;-) . Besides your writing style, I loved it for one more reason, for Sukhna lake haha I am obsessed with some places in fact every place I have gone to :-D. And when I read them here on IF where relatable writings are rare, I feel good :-). Enough.
I am hooked. Awesome :).
DancinFireflies thumbnail
Anniversary 15 Thumbnail Group Promotion 2 Thumbnail Engager 1 Thumbnail
Posted: 10 years ago

Originally posted by: Ubiquitos

Boy this was something. Rare ;-) . Besides your writing style, I loved it for one more reason, for Sukhna lake haha I am obsessed with some places in fact every place I have gone to :-D. And when I read them here on IF where relatable writings are rare, I feel good :-). Enough.
I am hooked. Awesome :).

I like the lake, too. One of my favorite places in the city.  Thank you and I am hoping you'd enjoy the story๐Ÿ˜Š

Originally posted by: -dia-

You know how to use the words, and you are doing really well with it.

loved your narrative style

Thank you :)
DancinFireflies thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago
Thanks๐Ÿ˜Š
AthenaA thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago

Originally posted by: DancinFireflies

Who says I'll let u hug me๐Ÿ˜ก


No one can let Shika. Shika does as she pleases. If I want to squeeze you, I sure as hell will do.

Yes this is my ego speaking. Go to bhaad
DancinFireflies thumbnail
Anniversary 15 Thumbnail Group Promotion 2 Thumbnail Engager 1 Thumbnail
Posted: 10 years ago

CHAPTER TWO

 

IT'S BEST TO KNOW THAT YOU HAVE INTROSPECTION COMING WHEN RANDOM THINGS REMIND YOU OF A PERSON AND BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE. YOU'RE OUT WITH FRIENDS, CHATTING AND GOSSIPING, AND IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CONVERSATION YOU'RE LOST. YOU SMILE FOR NO REASON AT ALL BECAUSE SOMETHING SOMEONE SAID REMINDED YOU OF THAT PERSON. CAN SHE REALLY HAVE BECOME SO SIGNIFICANT, ALREADY?


Yes, Sis, already! Ever heard of Destiny? Everyone we meet is destined to play some part in our lives, the essence varies, but it's there. Never would it happen that you stumble upon someone and that person leaves no effect in your life. Sometimes the why is complicated, but there is always a why. I've learned not to question destiny. Believe in it. Embrace it. You'll see just how simple live becomes"you'll see the beauty. And no I am not saying life is always beautiful, of course it has a flip side. All I am saying is there's always--always--a silver lining. Many a people have caused their own ruination by concentrating on the bad, and thereby blinding themselves to the good.


Don't do that to yourself, Sis. There was a time when the thought of me brought a smile to your face. Don't let me become the cause of your tears. How long will you cry? Life doesn't stop, why don't you understand that? Maybe right now you can't figure out why I had to leave. Frankly, I can't, too. But that's the catch, don't you see. There is a why, Sis. Someday, weeks or months from now you'll know the reason. You have to live, really live, to find out.


Get up from that stupid window ledge and go out. And for my sake do not go to the lake again. Can't say about you, but I sure as hell am bored of seeing the water and the fish and the hills! My system is going to short circuit if I have to follow you to the lake again. I always liked that place, you know, like really liked it. Now, there's no place more irritating than the lake. No wait, there is one place. This bloody window seat!


Although I don't mind talking to myself, I'd love it if I could yell at you right now. Get up!!!


Go window shopping, walk in a crowded market, eat softy, spill cold drinks on your shirt, do stupid things. Don't just sit there like a dummy. Do something . . . anything.


You know what, if you don't get up from there I'll not talk with you. That doesn't make sense, does it? Whichever way, you can't hear me. Well, this being a spirit has a flip side of its own.


God, since no one can hear me, and you better than anyone else know just how much I love to talk, how about giving me some concession in the form of super natural powers? What say?


Okay I'll make do without them. Doesn't hurt to try my luck. You didn't have to thunder quite so loud. A simpler form of no would have gotten your point across just the same.


Look, now it's raining. I like rains, but damn it, I am bored of staying in this room. You just gave my dear Sis another reason to keep herself parked at the window.


Wait a moment there! Who is it at the door? At least now she'll ditch that seat, if only to open the door.


Why am I feeling you're up to something, huh, God?


Isn't that the Tall Guy from the lake! Oh, yes!


I see!


Tell you what, I like what you doing. Ah, can you give me bowl of popcorns too? This is going to be fun. Alright, I'll settle for a watch without eatables. You really don't need to thunder quite so loud.


"Hello" Gautam said, ". . . Kriti"


"What are you doing here?" Her first instinct was to shut the door on his face, but decency dictated otherwise. He was dripping.


"My car broke down. There's no network coverage in my cell. This is the only house in sight and"--he paused,--""I am not following you. I mean, I didn't know this was your place. I'll leave if you say, just don't think of me as a stalker or someone."


Bravo, Tall Guy. Sis, isn't he a smart one? He can read your mind even before the thought is fully rooted in your head.


"Come inside--"


"Whoa!" he exclaimed and before she knew it or he could stop it, she was half-sitting half-lying on the floor with a wet dog upon her and licking at her face.


Nothings better than having a wet dog lick at you! A golden retriever, isn't he? I just love them. Such lovable cuties they are. I tell you, Sis, you are in deep waters. Tall Guy with a Huge Dog, now, who wouldn't go bonkers over such a combo?


"Dog--" Gautam called out but stopped when he heard her laughter.


"Oh, boy" Kriti laughed. "You're . . . heavy"


She had a pretty laugh, he thought, smiling at the sight.


Hmm ... I see that smile, tall guy. Interesting development here!


 After a while Kriti stood next to the dog, smiling. She glanced at her shirt. It had two huge dog paws on the chest. Didn't find any other place to stick his paws, did he. She chuckled at the dog, "I'll have to change now."


"Sorry." He said.


 She'd completely forgotten his presence. As she raised her eyes to look at him, again not quite able to meet his gaze, the smile left her face. Somber again, she said, "I'll be back in a minute. Don't walk around the house in those shoes, just sit there," she pointed to the sofa and left.


Tall guy, stop smiling at her back, don't you know what happens when she catches you. She'll roast you with her eyes. Or you know what, keep smiling. One day, she'll like your smile. Right, God.


And why are you staring at me, doggie? What's your name? Wow, you just swished your tail. Is it me or are you really looking at me. You can see me? Oh my god, you just growled.


God . . . I told you I love to talk, so you gave me a dog to talk with. I like dogs. I love Golden Retrievers. But this isn't exactly what I had in mind when I asked for super powers. Anyway, I'll take it.


So, doggie, what do you think about my Sis and tall guy? Wouldn't they look cute together? Let me share with you a secret: if someone dares mentions this--cute together thingy--to Sis, she would probably shoot the person between the eyes and fry Tall Guy in magma.


Talk about Sis, and here she is.


"Still standing? Go sit." She'd changed her clothes, he noticed, and had a towel in her hands which she placed on the sofa. Without a word, she spun about and walked into the kitchen.


She came back with a glass of water in hand. Gautam stared at it in surprise. When she'd gone into the kitchen he'd expected she would get him something warm. Well, the Lady was different. He took the glass from her. "Thank you." After having a sip, he realized the water was warm. Definitely different, he bit back a smile when she raised her brow.


"You want to make any call?"


"If that would--"


Before he could complete his sentence, she'd already left.


"Different." He muttered under his breath.


I heard you. Of course she is different. Good that you realized early on. Let me warn you, Tall Guy, you have some work coming your way. My Sis won't give you anything easy. So while you are at it, buckle your seat belts. You're in for helluva ride here.


"Here" Ignoring his outstretched palm she placed the cell phone next to him on the sofa and once again, walked away.


As he made the call she observed him from a distance. His was the face of a hard man, she mused. Now that he wasn't aware of her gaze, she could look at his eyes. In direct contract with the sharp angles and strikingly rugged features, they gave his face a softer edge. They were a shade so dark a brown they appeared nearly black. They should have been harsh with their coloring, and they were, to an extent. But there was a softness about them which tugged at her.


Suddenly, as though he'd felt her regard, he lifted them and met her stare. She looked away, a moment too late. And it was in that moment, she was afraid he'd seen too much already. There was only one another person whose gaze had unsettled her as much as his.


Just one another person . . .


"If you're done with your call, you can leave. I am sure you can sit in your car while you wait or whatever."


Sis, I wish you could hear yourself just now. Then ask yourself, how you would feel if a guy talked to a girl like that. You never talk with girls like that without a justifiable reason. Then why not extend the same courtesy you give to girls to guys as well.


There was a time, I recall, when in eighth standard I'd remarked I hate boys. It was a random remark and I can't be too sure whether or not I'd meant it. My class teacher heard me. She came to me and all she said was it's not a good thing to say that.


That had made me think. For the first time I questioned my beliefs. Till then, I'd always thought of boys with distaste. I don't think I hated them. But I didn't care much for the male half of our species. Why should I have? I'd once heard someone from my family call my father childless' because he'd been cursed with just one daughter. All my life I battled the stigma of being a girl. No, my father never made me feel less. But there were many others who did. I grew up believing that I wasn't good enough. People talked about my mother's faults, and in my insecurity somehow I developed a complex that I am just like my mother. I believed that had I been a boy I would be like my father . . . a larger than life person whom people looked up to. So, because god had made me a girl and thereby weak, I disliked boys for being what I was not.


My teacher's subtle admonishment made me evaluate my motivations. They were misplaced. Because I believed that I was not my own person I'd never explored myself.


That is when, I believe, I'd started on the journey to be me--'the me' you love so much, Sis.


Judging a person by whatever standards isn't right. I understand your actions because I know your motivations but it's time you realize the motivations are misplaced. Channelizing them is important. Trust me, once you do, you'll know an inner peace that makes you feel beautiful.


Oops, I went all sentimental and philosophical. I don't like preaching, you know. Leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I wish I had a chocolate just now.


"Yes, I am done." He replied, "You've got a nice house, Ma'am."


"If you're done, what are you waiting for? Me to show you the door?"


There you go taking pot shots at him. Take a chill pill, Sis.


"Why do you never look at me when you talk?"  


Nailed it! You're an astute one, aren't you, Tall Guy!


Her heart lurched to her mouth. "Leave."


"Nice meeting you." He smiled. "Come on, Dog."


Before the thought was fully formed, she asked, "Why do you call him Dog?"


"Her name is Dog" hand at the latch, he glanced at her over his shoulder.


You're a she, doggie? Dog sounds masculine. I'll call you Doggie. It would be an insult to call a she by a he name.


 "What? That's just silly." she half smiled.


 "Well," he shrugged, "I am not a creative person. By the way, nice shirt." With that, he left her gaping at the door.  


She glanced at her black shirt with the inscription yet despite the look on my face you're still talking' and chuckled.


Later that night, she sat on the couch before the TV, flipping channels. On some random channel someone said nice shirt, and sitting on the other side of the screen Kriti smiled.


Introspection . . . Introspection . . . Introspection . . .


See anything coming, Sis?


By the way, God, I am impressed. That was fast. Second day and she smiled. Maybe he isn't significant yet, but this is a sign, nonetheless.


*My Bak Bak*

I realize that description is minimal. I'd just say that this story is not about the plot or the setting. For now, I'd rather go with the flow. I might edit it when I re-read the final draft after the story is complete, in fact, I will edit. But till then, description will not have much showtime, so to speak.


Edited by DancinFireflies - 10 years ago
spvd thumbnail
Anniversary 16 Thumbnail Group Promotion 7 Thumbnail + 4
Posted: 10 years ago
part 1
awesome part dear...
excellent...
too good...
cont soon dear...
DancinFireflies thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago

Originally posted by: AthenaA


No one can let Shika. Shika does as she pleases. If I want to squeeze you, I sure as hell will do.

Yes this is my ego speaking. Go to bhaad

Aap saath chaloge?๐Ÿ˜ณ After all, to squeeze you gotta tag along with me๐Ÿ˜›
Onir thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago
The part 1+2 : Quite a mix of descriptions and peep into the unseen yet understood characters.. 
Liked this style of revealing stuff and the flow of thoughts in the writing  ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ Makes me wonder and want to decipher it yet feel like to let it flow with the pace planned. Lovely and different way of bringing it out ๐Ÿ‘

The Tall guy!! ๐Ÿ˜ณ Liked his calm and astuteness ... whereas at the same time liked Her attitude and brooding nature as contrast to him. While the needed tadka in form of Her inputs and conversations with anyone and none at the same time. ๐Ÿ˜‰