Chapter IV: First Love
She had been waiting and waiting. He didn't show up. Is he really that heartless? She sighed and stared at the window. It had been two days and he still didn't come to see her. They all were taking turns to stay with Sakshi... except him. She was restless. She wanted to see him. Even if he didn't want to talk, he could've at least came to see her. She became irritated by just lying there and waiting for him. She wanted to get up but her legs felt different. Medicine caused her drowsiness so she couldn't pay attention to her body. As the medicines started to wear off, she could feel the pain here and there, especially her legs. Her legs felt heavier than normal. So heavy that she couldn't even move them. What the hell is going on? She tried once again but in vain. She turned towards Liza who was sleeping soundly on the couch. Sakshi was confused, but she didn't want to wake up Liza so she decided to ask her later. She closed her eyes and thought about him as sleep invaded her consciousness.
*****
He watched her through the small circle window of the door. He watched her struggle and He didn't dare to open that door. Arjun the super cop had no courage today to face the lady who took the bullet for him. He had been watching her since the moment they brought her to the hospital. The only times he ever left the hospital was to eat and to freshen up at his home. He hadn't even been reporting to his duty. His thoughts were like a hurricane, messing with his feelings. He was sad, he was angry, he was guilty, he was helpless and worst of all this... he was hopeless.
He was sad because he couldn't reciprocate her feelings. He had no courage to do so. It was not like he didn't feel anything. He did. Sakshi had brought him a step closer to feel alive not just live. Sakshi had been a bridge between him and happiness. He was able to at least sigh with relief because of her. He felt something for her, but he didn't let the flower bloom. He had to close that corner of his heart. He wanted to be heartless because he had hurt many people before. He didn't want to hurt anyone anymore at least not the girl he felt certain something for.
He was angry because she had no right to put her life on line in order to save him. She was not allowed to. He hadn't given her permission to get hurt. He had deliberately scolded her many, many times. It was not like scolding her made him happy, he would regret it too. He didn't like hurting her, instead she was the only one in entire team he could order around with authority and not feel awkward. He had built a beautiful but an incomplete bond with her.
He was guilty because she couldn't walk because him. She was struggling to move, but she couldn't and this made him feel guilty to the point that he wanted to go back in time and change that one mere second which had brought this hell upon them. He had no apparent opinion on whether he believed in god or not, but if Sakshi's god existed then he wanted to ask him to fix her no matter what the price he had to pay for that. Sakshi was an integral and complicated part of his existence. He didn't understand where that piece of puzzle fit, but he knew at least this much that no matter how far he ran away his feelings for her were like a shadow, at times hidden but always there.
He was hopeless because he had no promises and people to look forward to. He had no one that he could go to at the end of the day when life had disappointed him. His dreams had become nightmares. His dream job of saving his society had become a pricking thorn for him. He didn't know why though? He wanted to know the answer. He wasn't a stone hearted person like everyone thought of him. He was a normal human with an unfortunate fate. Like any other common man he wanted to have a happy family that he could see at the end of the day and feel happy. He felt that he did nothing but disappointed people around because they couldn't understand him. He had disappointed his father because in his father's eyes being a police officer held no light against their internationally spread business. He wanted his father to give him his blessings. Every award he had gotten throughout his police academy till now, his eyes had been empty. He always looked for his father in audience, but unfortunately his eyes were left empty by the end of each ceremony. He hadn't seen his mother since three years. He wanted to hug his mother and feel her warmth. He longed for her love. Roshini, his first love. Roshini was like a glue for his broken relationship with his dad. When he married her, his mother was there along with his father that was the last time he had blessings of his parents. Throughout their married life Roshini had mended his relationship with his father. That part was the happiest moment of his life. He couldn't ask for anything else. His life was power packed with happiness and love. Unluckily it was a short lived moment of happiness. Roshini was taken away from him and so was his father, mother and his utmost trusted friend, Sameer. He had lost everyone because of just one damn man... Sikandar.
It was not revenge. Revenge didn't even exist in his dictionary. He hated the word Revenge. He just wanted to cut off Sikandar's roots. He wanted kill Sikandar because Arjun didn't want to see another Arjun suffering from loss. He didn't want another Roshini to lose her life for no reason. Arjun didn't want anyone to suffer. He wanted to remove Sikandar from society because he didn't want another set of friends to end up like Rathod and him. But people around him took his wish as a revenge.
After all this how could he even dare to bring another relationship in his life. He couldn't, but he knew he had to. He knew he couldn't let go of Sakshi, not until she was back on her feet. He knew what he to do but the question was how was he going to do it?
*****
Where are you? A tear rolled down her cheek. It had been exactly a week of her being in hospital and he still haven't visited her. I need you. She closed her eyes and cried softly. They told her about what had happened to her legs. She knew he was not visiting her because he blamed himself, but why couldn't he understand that she needed him. She didn't blame him at all. She just wanted to see him, just touch him once to believe that he was okay. She wanted to hug him just once to feel that whatever she did was worth it.
He still hadn't realized that it was not the first time they met when Sakshi joined ETF. They had met before and she remembered every second of that meeting. She was the daughter of his mentor. She was the daughter of the police officer he respected and had been trained under. He still hadn't realized that She met him long ago and he was still unaware that he was Sakshi's first love.
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