Sun raha hai naa tu?
Apne karam ki kar adaayein
Yaara, Yaaraa... yaara!
He cursed it all. Cursed his life like never before. Cursed the world like never before. What had he asked for? What little had he wanted?
As soon as he had seen her, a year back, all he had wanted for her was to gaze upon him lovingly. All he had ever wanted was for her to shine that smile on him. All he had wanted was that she fill his life with the radiant luck and charm she had in her.
That was all he had asked of her at that time, and if he remembered correctly, she had said yes, right?
Then why, tonight, of all nights, she told him this?
Why did she break his heart in pieces?
Mujhko iraade de
Kasamein de, waade de
Meri duaaon ke ishaaron ko sahaare de
He needed to get a grip. A grip of life that only she knew how to provide. He had been losing himself. Year by year, he had been becoming Reyaansh 'Perfect' Singhania. And none of his closest friends could even tell the difference, so much had Rey blended with Reyaansh.
It was only her entry, that brought him back from the sparkling facade that was him. She had made him human. Made him a bundle of errors. But with those errors, she had brought in new horizons. She had brought in in-numerous promises, that he made to himself. She made him want to promise her his life. She made him want to promise them a life. She brought in the strength he needed to keep the superman facade going. She was the reason he could keep the leadership, the covetous Dazzling tag much honestly than he was doing previously. And he couldn't hope for more. He could only hope for her strength. That was all.
And what had happened to that strength now?
Dil ko thikaane de
Naye bahaane de
Khaabon ki baarishon ko
Mausam ke paimane de
Still he wished... He wished and prayed like a mad man. Hours after he was left rotting in the abyss of the night, he wished all of it to be a lie. He wished she never uttered those words. He wished she wholeheartedly accepted his heart that he lay out on a platter before her. He wished that she didn't stab it with words like he was no good... that he was no more famous... that he didn't have a name anymore...
He wished these all excuses for himself. He didn't sleep. More correctly, he couldn't sleep. He just paced back and forth, burning holes in the carpet, negating everything she had just said. His cheeks, his mouth, all felt hot with the salty water that was flowing, yet he dreamed with open eyes.
He dreamed that she smiled at the Valentine gifts. He dreamed that she hugged the soft toy he brought for her. He dreamed that she kissed the roses and the promise tulips he had so carefully organized for her. He dreamed that she finally said I Love You to him. He dreamed that they finally had their blissful happily ever after.
He dreamed... With open burning red eyes... He dreamed... That this storm in his life was nothing but a little off-weather. That it would rain soon and soothe this burn he was feeling.
Apne karam ki kar adaayein
Kar de idhar bhi tu nigaahein
Sun raha hai naa tu
Ro raha hun main
Sun raha hai naa tu
Kyun ro raha hun main...
He cried, out loud, in
agony. He threw his table from its place, upturning it, creating a mess. He
kicked the lamps, crying some more at the ripping pain his limbs were starting
to feel. He screamed, voicelessly, as his lungs became void of air. If only she
could hear him. If only she hadn't done this. If only she knew how much pain
she was causing by doing this. He wanted, almost mercilessly, for her to know
how much sorrow she was causing. He wanted her to die the death he was dying.
He wanted her to suffer, knowing she was making him suffer.
Manzilein ruswa hain
Khoya hai raasta
Aaye le jaaye
Itni si iltejaa
Ye meri zamanat hai
Tu meri amaanat hai haan...
The morning came much too
early. He didn't want it to come though. He didn't know what from when anymore.
He felt discoursed, disoriented and dejected. What was he doing here in this
room anyway? He couldn't remember. And how did he end up in the college
rehearsal hall? He couldn't even remember when and how he ended up in this
hall. He wished, still desperately, foolishly, wished for her to come and take
him home. Home... Well, home for him was her arms. That was all he wanted right
now. Such a measly grim wish. One would laugh at him. THE REYAANSH SINGHANIA,
wanted just to be in the arms of a dainty weakling. Yes, and that was his
salvation. That was his collateral. That was what he would term as truly
belonging. Her warm arms... That... Only that...
Apne karam ki kar adayein
Kar de idhar bhi tu nigaahein
Sun raha hai naa tu
Ro raha hoon main
Sun raha hai naa tu
Kyun ro raha hun main
He felt the crowd bustling,
their cheery voices piercing his heart more. It was Valentine's Day
now. And he cursed every one of those happy faces even more. He saw them in
red, and that made him see only red. He
looked at himself in the dark rehearsal hall wall mirrors. He was still in the
black ganji from last night. His hands were red though. Or maybe a dark maroon.
He winced at realizing the pain from last night. Suddenly, his head jerked up
on hearing a voice. She... she was wishing other people. Her voice sounded
cheery. He felt the lump rise in his throat again. Nobody would dare come in
this darkness of a room, as if repulsed by the hatred emanating, and he let go.
He let go all of the leashes he had tied on him and shed tears again. He wanted
so desperately for her to listen. Maybe then, she would come and console him.
He prayed, again, hopelessly, that she heard him wrench in despair, and come to
comfort him.
Waqt bhi thehara hai
Kaise kyun ye huaa
Kaash tu aise aaye
Jaise koi duaa
Tu rooh ki raahat hai
Tu meri ibaadat hai
But, nobody came. Nobody
came to rescue him from his agony. Nobody wanted the imperfect weeping Rey
after all. Everybody was waiting for the Superhero to come and shine on the
day. Nobody wanted to see this grieving pulp of a man. It seemed time was
standing still, just to give him time to regain the facade. Of course, he
didn't know when and how, only his facade started mattering to everyone around
him. As if they were scared, almost too scared to face the truth that he was
weak and human.
His knees came shattering down on the floor, as if he was still asking some unknown force up above, to grant him one thing. If only she would come. His soul would rest in peace. Cause, right now, it surely felt like he was dying. He prayed, to the deities, to the lords, to her, to everything in existence, for her to come once.
Yet, she didn't.
Apne karam ki kar adaayein
Kar de idhar bhi tu nigaahein
He made his way out of the hall, wiping away his face brashly. He made his way to nowhere, as if subconsciously just following her voice. She was hugging Swayam right now, he face buried deep in his chest. He couldn't help but curse Swayam too, something he could have swore he never wanted to do. But he did. He cursed him to the seventh pit in hell. He couldn't see her face, nor understand why she was hugging him so publically. Maybe it was Valentine's Day for her after all. Only he was the fool.
He wished she would turn around once and at least see him. But as soon as he felt that Swayam had spotted him, and she was turning, he hid himself. He hid himself out of her sight, into the nearby fire exit.
Sun raha hai naa tu
Ro raha hoon main
Sun raha hai naa tu
Kyun ro raha hun main
Yaaraa...
Nobody should see his condition right now. Nobody could see how human he was. Nobody...
He slumped down on the stairs in the fire exit, taking his face into his hands, his crushed his hair as he wrenched in pain and grief again, spilling his guts out in the form of brine. He cried till he felt he couldn't breathe. He cried till he felt he would die. He cried till he felt there was nothing left anymore.
She heard him. She had heard him all along. She didn't need to be present around him to hear him. She could feel him from anywhere, it felt. She knew their souls would be intertwined like this, crushing her into his agony. She knew she shouldn't be doing this. She knew her pain itself was enough a burden to carry, that she should avoid soaking in his pain too... Yet, why couldn't she move her hand away from the door of the fire exit, hearing his muffled sobs from the other side.
comment:
p_commentcount