Chapter
Thirteen – The Regretful Night
I turned to look at her. Her
eyes were open. I had thought she was speaking in her sleep but she was staring
straight at me with her beautiful brown eyes.
I held her hand with my
other hand and sat on the edge of the bed facing her.
"I'm not going anywhere
Madhu."
She tried to sit up but
had a bit of trouble. I helped her up by bending over her and fixing her
pillow.
I sat back down with her
hand still in mine. I stared at her as she stared at me.
Suddenly I felt her body
weight against me. She had flung herself into a hug within my arms.
Her face was above my
shoulder. I could feel her soft hair brushing against my cheek.
I closed my eyes, placed
my hands on her back, and slowly ran them up…
The instant I felt the
bare skin of her back beneath my fingers, my eyes shot open.
She's drunk
RK, I
remember thinking to myself.
I pulled her away slowly.
As her face came into view I noticed the tears flowing out of her eyes.
"What's wrong?"
I spoke
sincerely. I knew that it wouldn't have been the best time for me to speak
angrily. Especially since she wasn't at fault for her condition at the time.
She wiped away her tears
and swallowed.
She nodded her head as if
wanting to say something but not being able to.
I slowly nodded my head to
let her know she can speak.
"All…all I want is…I mmean…I'll
never be…I don't think I…"
"Spit it out Madhu."
"I want to be loved!"
She burst into tears and
placed her face in her palms.
I stared at her, confused.
Then I remembered that when someone's drunk, they usually speak their mind.
They speak the truth.
I wondered if her parents
loved her. Then I realized that's not what she meant.
She wanted to be loved.
She wanted to feel love. She wanted to experience love…
I'm not a
loving guy. Never was. I didn't know how to deal with her at the time. I didn't
know what to do. I had no idea how to fulfill her wishes.
I gently moved her hands
away from her face and she looked up at me. I hesitated but then wiped away her
tears. I fixed her hair and placed it behind her ear gently.
In all this time she just
gawked at me. As if I were some first place prize she was seeing for the first
time.
I remember looking at her
in question when suddenly her arms were around me again. She pushed herself
into me with so much force this time that she managed to push me back onto the
bed.
She laid on top of me with
her arms around me in a hug.
Her feather like weight
felt good on top of me. I didn't want her to move.
I inhaled her scent and
closed my eyes.
I slowly ran my hands up
her back again, this time not backing away after feeling her bare skin beneath
my fingers.
Her scent drew me in.
I felt her turn her mouth
towards my neck.
At first I felt her warm
breath against my skin, then suddenly her soft lips touched my neck.
I felt a slight shiver run
down my spine. I had never felt anything like it before.
Yeah, I'd
been close to a few girls in my past. But this…it was different. I don't know
how or why. It just was.
I let her run her lips up
my neck and towards my jaw. Then something took me over and I spun her over. I
laid on top of her and began to kiss the same collarbone I was eyeing earlier.
She moaned which caused an automatic moan to release my mouth as well.
I moved my lips across her
chest and towards her shoulder. I softly bit her with my teeth. Her fingers
tightened on the jacket on my back and I heard her slightly gasp as I left a
love mark on her between her shoulder and collarbone. Then my lips moved up. Up
towards her neck. As my lips reached her neck, she put her head back which gave
me more room to plant kisses on her neck. My lips moved towards her jaw and
then finally, towards the lips I had been eyeing for days.
I gently planted a kiss on
her lips. I explored her mouth as she followed my movements. I realized it was
her first kiss. So I directed her with my mouth. The kiss grew heavier and
heavier. Eventually my hands moved beneath her back and grabbed the zipper I
had fixed earlier.
I undid the zipper slowly
and slid off her dress to reveal her beautifully perfect bare body.
I slid off my jacket but
was too impatient to stop and undo the buttons on my shirt.
I started kissing her
chest and moving down to her navel. I heard her moans as my lips explored every
inch of her body.
As I reached her lips once
again, she undid the buttons on my shirt. Our lips remained interlocked as I
began to remove my dress pants. I managed to slide them off without leaving her
lips. I ran my hands through her hair as she undid the last button my shirt. I
slid off my shirt and laid back on top of her, making sure not to put my entire
body weight onto her. I didn't want to hurt her in anyway. We rolled over again
so Madhu laid on top of me. We locked lips again and then the kiss grew even
more intense than the last one. She began to run out of breath before me. She
took a few breaks to catch her breath. Eventually she pulled her lips away and
closed her eyes tightly. Almost as if she was in pain. I stared at her as my
hands caressed the small of her bare back.
As she took deep breaths,
I saw a tear escape her closed eyes.
"Madhu?"
I quickly rolled her over
so she was lying on the bed comfortably. I sat up and noticed she was breathing
heavily and wasn't opening her eyes.
I held her hand and placed
my other hand on the side of her face.
"Madhu?! Are yo…"
I trailed off as she
opened her eyes. They were watery; she looked as though she were in pain.
"Did I hurt you? I'm so…"
I trailed off again as she
managed to put all her energy into speaking.
"Nope! I'm…I'm fine. But I
can't do thi…"
"I understand."
I really didn't understand
why she couldn't do it anymore. A normal person wouldn't have run out of breath
so quickly. We hadn't even gotten that far yet. Not that I wanted to get far at
the time. It just baffled me that she was so exhausted.
I figured it was because
she had drunk alcohol for the first time.
I saw her smile to herself
as she closed her eyes and turned to sleep in a comfortable position.
I looked to my left to grab
a pillow for her. That's when I saw our pillow wall. It was destroyed.
I looked back at Madhu in
shock and saw her lying there in only her undergarments.
I looked myself up and
down and realized I was only in my boxers.
I panicked.
I realized I got caught up
in the moment. I knew she wouldn't be able to handle the fact that she had
slept with me when she awoke in the morning.
As much as I just wanted
to lie next to her and hold her in my arms all night, I had to stop myself.
I got up and picked up my
clothes. I put on my nightclothes and then grabbed her dress off the ground.
I stared at her and
decided I had no other choice. I went to dress her again. She was still
slightly awake and managed to move her body vaguely to help me place her
clothes on her.
I noticed the love mark
between her shoulder and collarbone.
I had never
worn makeup myself. Never played with it before. But in that second, I became
the makeup artist of the century.
I quickly grabbed Madhu's
makeup bag and found something that matched her skin colour. I rubbed it onto
her skin with my fingers and it managed to hide the mark almost completely.
I smiled at my work and
then zipped her dress back up.
I picked her up in my
arms, placed her down in the right position on our bed, and then placed her
blanket on top of her.
I watched as she turned
into a comfortable position again.
You'd think
I'd be happy with what happened. But I wasn't. It was in the moment I watched
her sleep that I realized I was in love. I loved her, but I couldn't even tell
her what took place between us. I loved her, but I couldn't hold her in my arms
and sleep with her. I loved her, but she didn't love me…I loved her…and I
couldn't tell her.
I fixed the pillow wall
and then grabbed my pillow.
I decided it'd be best for
me to sleep on the couch that night. Especially since I was so easily drawn in
by her.
I didn't sleep that night
though. I sat on the couch watching her the entire night. Making sure she was
okay.
And thinking. Thinking
about how I could've possibly fallen in love with her; the girl who never liked
me.
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