hi bhartiOriginally posted by: -bharti-
Rose
Dutta ki dimag ka batti abhi jala hai, dil ka dard bad raha hai.. But the first thing i remembered reading the promo was this pic, his smile.. 😉
Early in the afternoon dutta reached the shopping complex site. The temporary structures built by Anna needed to be demolished before fresh construction started. It was a bright and sunny day, the sharp sunrays were piercing through his eyes. He lifted his hand to his eyes to block the extreme light as he scanned the whole site. Suddenly he felt a tug on his knee, looking down he saw a toddler grabbing his kurta. He furrowed his brows as the toddler pulled his kurta and raised herself from the ground. Fisting his kurta in both her hands for support the little girl pushed herself up and managed to stand on her feet. Gazing up at him she gave him a toothless grin as if she was proud of the fact that she succeeded in standing up on her own. Seeing her grin broadly brought a faint smile on his lips as well, it was a strange feeling that touched his heart. He raised his hand ever so slowly to caress the little one's head but he was late, turning away from him she'd already started walking in the opposite direction. He saw how her small body swayed with every tiny step that she took. Lifting her arms on her either sides she tried to maintain her balance. With every step that she was taking his heart pounded loudly inside his chest, fearing that she might fall down. He had a strong urge to go after her and pick her up in his arms. He was about to approach her when his cell phone began vibrating.
" haan..main pahunch gaya hoon." He had a very important meeting with the project manager, design engineer and the construction engineer, hence without any further delay went ahead to hold a talk with them. For the successful execution of this project, effective planning was essential therefore discussions were required not only for designing the project but matters related to scheduling, budgeting, construction site safety, availability of building materials also needed to be considered. He went through the quotations file scrutinizing the prices offered by various material suppliers. Quality of construction was important but at the same time he didn't wish to go overboard with expenditure. The meeting stretched till late in the afternoon, seeing the hungry and starving faces of his managers he decided to call off the meeting and announced lunch break.
He then went back to the place where demolition was being undertaken with the assistance of a wrecking ball. A heavy steel ball suspended from a crane was allowed to free fall on to the structure. The speed with which the building was coming down he thought it wouldn't take more than a day to demolish it completely. Satisfied with the way things were progressing he turned to leave but stopped midway. From the corner of his eye he spotted the same girl far away from him playing with mud, oblivious to all that was happening around her. His eyes froze for some seconds when he saw her sitting next to a wall that was about to collapse. Clenching his fists he ran hard in her direction and leaped high in the air to engulf the child underneath him but before that he saw a safe pair of hands pulling the girl from the spot just in time. He landed on his abdomen and supported himself on his palms but failed to protect himself as a few bricks fell on his back. He squeezed his eyes shut and gulped the pain silently. Raising himself on his feet, he glared at the man who was holding the girl and yelled at him," yeh kiski bacchi hai?" the man startled seeing dutta scream at him, he folded his hands together and replied softly," bhau ..yeh meri beti hai." Dutta's eyes were now spitting fire, how could that man behave so irresponsibly and let his child alone.
" agar sambhal nahin sakte ..toh paida kyun karte ho?" he growled at him. There are couples like him who crave to have a child while the man standing before him had it but unfortunately failed to value it.
" kya zaroorat thi isse yahan laane ki? Ghar par iski maa ke pass nahin chod sakta tha?" he asked through gritted teeth. The man knew that the site was getting demolished still he had the guts to bring his child to such a dangerous place! Couldn't he have left the child at home? His callousness was enraging dutta to no extent. What if something happened to the girl? With hooded eyes he stared at the laborer before him who had lowered his head.
" jawab de!" dutta demanded an answer.
" bhau ..iski maa..nahin hai…main issey ghar par akele nahin chod sakta." The laborer stammered badly as he replied back to dutta. The answer knocked the wind out of dutta's body and his eyes slowly shifted towards the young motherless child. He gulped the lump formed inside his throat and regretted the words he'd spat. Without giving the poor man an opportunity to speak he'd vented out his anger on him. He cursed himself under his breath for acting on impulse as always.
" aisi galti phir nahin hogi..bhau ..maaf kardo." The laborer asked forgiveness through lowered eyes.
Dutta glanced at the girl one more time, shook his head slowly and turned around to leave. The whole incident replayed in his mind as he walked back to his jeep. How conveniently he'd blamed the man of being a careless father when he'd succeeded in saving his child on his own, nothing had happened to the girl as he had managed to reach just on time. He didn't need dutta's help to protect her daughter, he was there when she needed him. Agreed, leaving the child alone was a mistake still the man didn't let his daughter get hurt, yet he without thinking once declared that the man didn't deserve to have a child! He couldn't have been more insensitive and bitter than this.
The man was juggling hard to play the role of a mother and a father in his daughter's life, maybe he couldn't play both the roles perfectly still he was trying but what was he himself doing? He stopped in his tracks as he questioned himself. For months he couldn't accept the fact that he was going to become a father, reason being that a stranger was carrying his child instead of his wife. But then that didn't alter the truth that the child was his irrespective of who the mother was, even if it was coming into this world under circumstances that were not acceptable to him. The fact remained that he was the father! Then how could he overlook such a big thing for so long? He had his guilt to deal with but then that was his personal problem, why did he let his child deprive of the acceptance that it was entitled to? If he'd committed a mistake then wasn't it his responsibility to face the consequences even if it was committed out of pressure? Yes, it was but did he do that? NO!
Did he ever accompany nakusha to the hospital for her checkups? NO, because supriya was there to do that.
Did he ever take care of nakusha's health, eating, medicines…anything for that matter? NO, because supriya was doing the needful.
In these past few months, did he ever spend time with his unborn child? NO, how could he when he was busy fighting with his inner demons.
And when he finally started to come to accept that he would be a father soon, when he started to experience this much awaited and desired joy then what did he do? Supriya suggested to shift nakusha to a different place and he agreed without protesting! For his information, nakusha was not moving out alone, his child was also going away from him along with her.
Then did he do anything to stop /alter supriya's suggestion or decision? NO, because she was doing what was best for nakusha and the baby and if that meant he would have to miss out on seeing how his baby grew on a daily basis he was prepared to that. Applause…Applause…Applause!
Fine, he was ready to give up this much wanted happiness for the sake of his child but other than sacrificing did he personally contribute in any way towards the betterment of his child? NO, because supriya didn't ask for his help, she'd already decided and arranged everything on her own.
Yeah, he wasn't asked, he was only informed but still did he bother to enquire about the place they were going, did he even have the address of that place? NO, because this whole thing was supriya's plan and it hurt his male ego that she didn't need him…at all.
But she did wish him to drop them off to that place and she asked him not once but twice, so did he do that? NO, because he was mad at supriya, moreover dropping off was something that even a driver could do, he wasn't really needed by her.
It was raining heavily when they all left, he must've at least called up supriya to ensure that they reached there safely, it only required a small phone call on his behalf, that much he must have done isn't it? NO, why should have he called up when he had no say in all this, if there was a problem then supriya could contact him, he'd told her.
He openly smirked on himself, for all his miseries, for all his failures, he had circumstances or supriya to blame. He had time to wallow in self pity but never ever attempted to change his circumstances for the better. Supriya, who couldn't become a mother could have spent the rest of her life like he was spending currently…cribbing, cursing her destiny and avoiding facing reality. But she didn't do that, she grabbed her happiness in whatever way she could, be it right or wrong, she cared a damn. She dreamt of becoming a mother and she was doing everything that required to fulfill that dream. Being a parent was not just her dream but even he wanted to become a father, even he desperately desired to hold his child in his hands and even he desired to shower love on his child.
But ever since the news of his becoming a father broke, what had he done to cherish this happiness? Nothing, What had he done for his child? Nothing, what had he done to discharge his responsibility as a father? Nothing. Still he had the audacity to accuse someone else of being a careless and callous parent when that other person was not only playing a father but also attempting to be a mother to his daughter. He had only one role to play and even in that he'd so far faltered miserably. Posing himself to be the god father of PV when he couldn't be a father to his own child! Disgusted with himself he drove back home like a seething tiger.
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Stripping himself off his black pathani he barged inside the bathroom to wash down those thoughts from his system. Clouds of steam formed around him, blinding his vision as hot water cascaded down his body. Wincing in pain he shut his eyes firmly when the water stung his wounded back. Yes, he wanted to go through that pain. The agony was soothing his nerves. Picture of that small girl flashed before his closed eyes, the way she'd clung on to him for support, the way she'd smiled back at him, everything came rushing back to him, making him wonder would a day ever come when his own daughter would do the same with him? Would he ever get the opportunity to coil her tiny fingers around his fore fingers and help her walk? Would she ever come rushing into his arms? Would he ever be fortunate enough to experience this joy? Banging his fist against the marble wall he leaned his head against it and breathed heavily, hoping, wishing and praying that a day like the one he'd always imagined would come in his life.
The bathroom door swung open and he came out in his crisp white kurta and pyjama. Standing before the mirror he brushed his fingers through his floppy hair clung to his forehead. Folding his sleeves up to his arms, his eyes squinted slightly and he looked at his arm in the mirror. While falling down on the site he'd accidently scrapped his arm and that was hurting him now. Shaking his head he opened the cupboard and took out the first aid kit. Dipping the cotton ball in the antiseptic, he was about to clean the wound when the thought of nakusha crossed his mind. He remembered how she'd taken care of him when he'd got injured. Her worried and painful face was still so fresh in his mind. He recalled how carefully she'd handled his stitches on his back, fearing that she might hurt him and blew at them from time to time to sooth his pain. She could never see him hurt, be it physically, mentally or emotionally. She was always there for him when he needed her. Initially he himself wasn't aware that he needed somebody in his life to share his pain till she stepped in unannounced. He did everything that was possible to shun her away but she always stood like a rock solid wall to support him. He clearly remembered that night when he was furious with himself, supriya and the circumstances that he was being forcefully put through, when he was nothing but cruel to her, when she barely knew him, still she felt his pain and not only felt it but also shared it. Till today he regretted that night, he believed he failed as a husband, he believed he wronged her but she not for once blamed him for anything, on the contrary through her actions and words she always tried to bring him out of this guilt. He didn't know what kind of a relationship they shared that his pain and agony managed to find a place in those emerald green eyes. Those eyes that shed silent tears on seeing him miserable, those eyes that understood him even before words escaped his lips and those eyes that read all the emotions that he tried to hide behind his dark pools.
She perceived him the way he wished to be perceived by the world, strangely he still couldn't perceive himself that way but she did, so easily and so effortlessly that it amazed him. Whenever his mind was clouded with questions and confusions she was there to answer and clear them. Whenever he wanted to say something she was there to listen. Whenever his heart desired to share its pain she was there to embrace it. Looking back at the mirror once again the image of a tear rolling down her eye before she left reflected in front of him. There was so much that she wished to say but didn't. Maybe that time she was expecting him to hear all that was unsaid. Maybe that time she was hoping to be understood by him. Maybe that time she was wishing to share her pain with him.
For the first time she expected something from him and did he live up to her expectations? NO, how could he, when he himself was busy drowning in his own miseries then how could he notice and feel her pain.
" bhau ..khaana taiyaar hai." The maid servant informed after knocking the door and breaking his terrain of thoughts. Seeing him nod his head, she left silently. Clenching his jaws he squeezed the cotton ball in his hand and threw it away. His wounds didn't deserve to be attended.
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Pulling the dining chair for himself he found the dinner tray lay before him. One morsel of chapatti dipped in dal and his taste buds alarmed that something was different. Lifting his lashes he, thought for a moment whether to ask or not because he hardly spoke to the servants around but he was too curious hence asked the maid who was getting water for him," aaj khaana kuch alag kyun hai?" the servant furrowed her brows and began doubting her culinary skills when it struck her and she replied," bhau roz raat ko nakusha banati thi..pan woh hai nahin ..toh main banayi." He creased his forehead on hearing her, the fact that nakusha used to daily prepare the dinner was unknown to him. He waived off his hand gesturing the servant to leave. His breakfast usually comprised of buttered toasts and lunch, either he would skip or grab something from outside if required. Dinner was the only meal that he had properly and that too started after he was shot by Anna, little did he know that nakusha had begun cooking for him after he met with that accident. He gazed at her chair where she used to sit and have her glass of milk with ladoos, after he returned home late. She would try hard to slurp on the hot milk without making any noise in his presence, a faint smile tugged the corners of his lips remembering it. She would not only keep quiet for long something that was really tough for her but also kept a tab on him whether he ate properly or not by glancing at him through the corner of her eye, unaware of the fact that he knew he was being watched by her.
Taking another morsel in his mouth he glanced at the pillar that was where the dining hall started, initially she often used to hide behind it when he'd come back home drunk and he would royally ignore her presence never caring to know why she was up so late. With the passage of time his eyes began getting accustomed to seeing her around at night either heating her milk or just casually roaming in the house. He didn't remember exactly when she started joining him for dinners. Not at the table but would sit on the sofa in front of him, in the beginning it felt odd to have someone not really waiting but just being there to share a meal with him. His late mother used to stay awake till he returned home safely and then they would eat together but after she passed away nobody waited for him, not even his wife and he didn't complain because he didn't expect her to do so, as having a meal alone was not such a big issue for him…till nakusha started accompanying him. He would hate to admit but the initial awkwardness slowly disappeared giving way to something that he started looking forward to. The reason was unknown to him as to why his heart felt nice seeing someone wait and eat with him even when it was just a silent affair. Chewing on his last bite he realized that probably the taste would remain like this…forever. Her chair would probably remain vacant…forever!
He was still in his senses and his stomach was still not full, in such a case how could he sleep? His feet automatically turned and took him to the place which he had stopped visiting for some time…the bar. Sitting comfortably on the bar stool he poured himself a drink. Picking up the glass he stared at it briefly before shifting his gaze to the hall. There was no one to object his drinking! He brought the glass close to his lips and emptied it in one go. The liquid without swirling around his mouth straight away flowed down his throat. Flaring his nostrils in irritation he made another drink and gazed around. There was no one to stop him! Breathing in rage he downed the drink once again. He continued to gulp drink after drink till his mind continued to scream loudly within him that things had turned back to square one, he was alone till some time ago and today he was again alone and would always remain alone! Loneliness was written in his fate and he couldn't change it, in fact he didn't wish to change it. He derived pleasure in seeing himself in pain. He liked pushing himself into darkness because Happiness was not meant for him. Scrunching his eyes shut he gripped the glass firmly in his fist. Image of a giggling child came before his eyes and he banged the glass hard on the counter. The glass broke into pieces.
"NOOO!"
Enough of self pity!
Enough of cursing himself for his mistakes!
Enough of blaming his destiny!
Enough of pointing fingers at others!
Agreed he'd committed mistakes, agreed his destiny never favored him, agreed people and circumstances were against him still he would give his life a second chance, he'd stop cribbing over his past and embrace the present with open arms. Happiness was knocking at his door, beckoning to enter and he would surely this time open the door. It would be tough as wallowing in self pity had become his nature and he might be tempted to go back to his old self, who knows he may become the silent brooding gangster again but before that he'd definitely attempt to become a responsible father. Right now there was not much that he could for his unborn child but still something could be done. Picking up his cell phone he started dialing supriya's number, at least this much he owed to his child. He was about to press the green button when one more picture flashed before him making him wonder, did he owe something to her as well? The alcohol began to intoxicate his senses, preventing him to figure out correctly what actually he felt for her. Before he lost his senses completely and changed his mind he pressed the green button. What they both shared could wait or probably he was not yet prepared to face and deal with that aspect of his life.
Without caring what time it was, he dropped himself on the couch and began raining questions through his cell phone on supriya who was about to tuck herself under the blanket. The question hour round continued till his eye lids dropped shut! and at the end only a satisfied smile played on his lips.
Thanks for reading
Rose
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