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Entry #1
Entry #2 Raging Elephants:
Jeevika ran her fingers over Manvi's arm, slowly relaxing the sleeping girl. Her thoughts were broken by the sudden knock on the door. Readjusting her gown, she called out softly. "Come in." She smiled as she caught sight of Virat's grin and the two steaming mugs of hot chocolate and cream in his hands. "Well Bhabhi, I thought you could use a companion to oversee out dearest Bhadariya here. How is she?"
She took the mug from him, inwardly grinning at his affection and concern for both Manvi and herself. "She's okay; the doctor said that because the chemotherapy medicines have changed and are now stronger, the after effects will last just that bit longer. So, she's knocked out as anything right now. You could probably have a wild elephant in here and she still won't wake up."
She softly stroked Manvi's cheek, registering as Virat sat on the foot of the bed. "What are you trying to say Bhabhi? As long as I've known her which is nothing compared to you, is that she can sleep through anything in any case." Jeevika laughed slightly, her eyes brightening. "Oh, the things I had to do to wake her up when we were younger! Sometimes it was a bucket of water, sometimes I'd put a bug near her pillow and the best times where when I'd threaten to take her to Dr. Manna's clinic for blood tests... She'd wake up... straight away..."
Her words drifted off, her mind analysing the days that had been, compared to their here and now. Virat smiled softly, placing his hand on her knee. "Bhabhi, don't regret your past. Memories are a way of holding on to the things we love, the things we are and the things we never want to lose. Our memories of Manvi are what is going to bring her through because our memories are our strength."
She nodded slowly, her thoughts again escaping to bygone days. "You know, when we were growing up, there were pretty stupid things Manvi would do but then she would do something that would completely melt your heart again. Most of her stupid things used to revolve around Dabbu. God knows, she had some vendetta against Dabbu in those days. She loved him, but he used to drive her crazy in that Dabbu kind of way." She laughed at her own memories.
"Bhabhi, well come on, tell me a story about Manvi growing up. There mustn't have been that much difference between her now and before." Jeevika slowly shook her head as she began to tell him of one of the many incidences concerning Manvi and Dabbu...
The lively eight year old Manvi ran through the glades just outside of Hrishikesh. The sun was shining brightly and the birds in the trees were singing sweetly. In her hand was a vast collection of brightly coloured flowers, bundled together with a small piece of ribbon tying them together. Smiling, she skipped through the grassy field, emerging on the outskirt of the small town of Hrishikesh. She made her way through the narrow streets, emerging on the banks of the Ganga where she spied her six year old cousin brother.
"Dabbu! Look at all the flowers I got for Di. Aren't they really pretty? Come on, let's go give them to her." She took his hand, oblivious to the annoyed look upon his face. She turned as he still sat on the steps of the bank, adamant on not to move. "Dabbu? Hey fatty, what's your problem? Come on, we have to go give these to Di." Dabbu looked away from her, his hands curling into fists.
"They're your flowers! You never take me with you! You always leave me out, all the time. You didn't even take me to get the flowers. Why should I go with you?" Manvi scowled at the small boy, not understanding his annoyance. "Well fine! Then stay here, see if I care. That mouse will come and eat you and I won't care!" Annoyed, she turned back towards the busy streets arriving back at their home, ignorant of the absent presence behind her.
Walking up the steps to her room, she smiled jovially as she found Pinky feeding the sick Jeevika. Jumping on to the bed, she embraced the ill girl, crushing the flowers in the process. "Di! See what I got you. Isn't it pretty?" She placed the bundle of flower heads and stalks in Jeevika's lap, happy to see the smile upon her face. "Thanks Mannu, they're beautiful."
Their attention was broken by the sudden jolt of lightening followed by the towering crescendo of thunder. Manvi gulped as she hid herself behind Jeevika. "Di, I hate thunder." The scared girl hid her face into Jeevika's back as Pinky closed the shutters as the monsoon rain began. "Hai Ram, so much rain! It's a storm; I hope the Ganga doesn't get flooded again."
Manvi sat up straight, looking around the room before disappearing through the door and out of the house to the objections and calls of Pinky and Jeevika. The rain poured all around her as she sprinted through the deserted roads of the town. Slipping, she found herself face first in mud with a bloody knee, but her determination led her on.
Making it to the banks of the Ganga, her eyes shifted around trying to find Dabbu amidst the rain and the rising river levels. Her shouts went unheard in the midst of the thunderous rain. Her eyes brightened as she made her way to their secret spot in the local park, finding the shivering and scared boy curled up beneath a tree.
She knelt down, a hand placed on his shoulder as he engulfed her in a hug. "Dabbu, I'm sorry... From now on, you'll be right next to me all the time or else I'll never buy you sweets ever again." He held on tighter as Manvi shuddered against the thunder behind them.
"Rest assured, she got hell for that when Beeji found out but from that day on, she's never been without Dabbu by her side. Even now, she has to call him every day, that's the bond they share." Jeevika ran her hand over Manvi's cheek, smiling at her story.
"Talking of calls, Bhai called before. He said that he's in Berlin now and will call you in the morning." She nodded, taking another sip of her hot chocolate. "So Virat, there must be some stories about your brother that I don't know yet." He leaned back, a smirk on his lips. "Well Bhabhi, where do I begin? When Bhai is really angry, he's no less than a crazy elephant!"
The eighteen year old Virat stood gazing at the mirror, musing silently at the cast wrapped around his arm and the connecting sling. His restricted movement annoyed him greatly, but not as much as his wounded head or broken rib was doing at that moment. Turning towards the door, he eased himself out of his room making his way towards the dining table, all the time thankful for his room being on the ground floor.
Taking his place, he hissed in pain as his chest became painfully heavy. Dadaji stood behind him, a glass of water in hand with his painkillers laid out on the table. "You need rest Virat, what are you doing out of bed?" Vanshika appeared with an assortment of bowls in her hands. Laying them down, she brushed her hands against the apron around her waist, giving Virat a knowing look. "Habit Ma. Eight o'clock, eight o'clock, eight o'clock. Plus, do you have any idea just how boring it is lying in one room twenty four seven?"
"Well you should have thought of that before you went joy riding." Vanshika turned towards the voice, shock adorning her face as she saw Viren standing at the door, a few bags in hand. "Viren? You're supposed to be in London... What are you doing here?" Viren kept his eyes focused on Virat, his usually light eyes darkened. "Well who would have thought I'd have such an idiot of a brother who decides to get drunk and go on a joy ride on a motorbike he's never ridden in his life!"
"Bhai-" Viren cut him off as he made his way towards the table. "Don't you dare! I told you to make me proud, and this is what you do? What the hell Virat! Do you have any idea what was going through my head when I got a call at three in the morning telling me my baby brother is lying in the ICU? Internal bleeding, broken ribs, broken arm, concussion; just what the hell do you think you're doing?"
Virat turned away from his gaze. "All the way from London and I don't even get a 'Hi, how are you. Are you well?' What did you expect? You weren't here; this house is some sort of circus!" Viren towered over him, annoyance written all over his face. "Don't you dare."
Virat chuckled as Jeevika mouth was left agape. "Well it's fair to say that I heard a lot that day. He was livid and that's why no one else bothered to say anything to me, because they knew once he was back then all hell would break loose." He traced the small scar on his arm smiling. "Have no doubt Bhabhi, Bhai is crazy..."
Entry #3 Love in the time of cancer
He was hugging her and it felt so right, he didn't fear anyone now, least of all his bhabhi.
In fact he felt anger and hurt. He was mad at his bhai and bhabhi , when they knew her fragile state, they should not have left her alone in the first place. He was already mad at her for not telling him about the chemo session , and when he walked into her room he got a shock seeing her struggle to reach the button. Her body was shaking as if she was having a concussion and the way her face was contorted it clearly showed that she was in immense pain, silent tears were falling down and had almost wet the top of her hospital gown. Struggling with her eyes closed, desperately trying to reach out to a fallen button, she was almost going to fall of the bed. His very life soared out of him and he ran towards her and placed his arms around her, rubbing her back and trying to stop her body from vibrating too much, her arms flew around his neck, almost as if she was hoping for him to be there.
gradually her body stopped shaking vigorously, maybe it was the comfort of his arms or maybe she just needed something to hold on to. Her arms were around still his neck, which was now wet due to her tears. So he didn't move his hands and kept rubbing her back. The silence, the stillness and the proximity was endearing, inviting and scary all at the same time. He remembered when he had "spontaneously" kissed at the hospital in Mumbai, how she had reacted, She had even refused to sit next to him in the car. No, he couldn't bear another round of silent treatment.
Her body was still whimpering like a wet animal out in the snow, but she could be safely placed on her own. He moved slowly placing her down on the bed, his hands slid up towards her neck to balance her head, it was too slow for him but too fast for her fragile body and she clenched tighter in fear & surprise. He moved even more slowly which did nothing for his resolve. He wanted to ask her if she was ok, if she needed anything but he couldn't, the intensity of the moment silenced him.
You're in control
Pressin' pause on my heartbeat
Someone stole all the air
So I can't speak now
As he put her down she slowly unclamped him. There was dizziness in her eyes, probably from the fast - for - her fall. Her right hand went up and clenched the pillow; clearly she was still in pain. He made a mental note to get her a stress ball or something so she wouldn't end up destroying hospital property. Her left stayed on her stomach. He was bent on her, and their faces were just few millimeters apart, she opened her eyes and the longing look of loyal love she saw in his eyes made her tear up. Her cruel fate had given her love when she could do very well without it. She closed her eyes, but that didn't prevent her stubborn tears from flowing out. His left hand moved up to her right and made her leave the pillow she was attacking. He then moved his fingers through the gap in hers and held her hand tightly indicating that she could wring his hand instead of destroying public property, but her hand stayed open.
He felt just a little bit hurt inspite of knowing that her reaction did not show rejection, she just needed time- which was exactly what she didn't have much of left. A single tear made its way down his face onto hers. Her eyes flew open at the touch of a tear that didn't belong to her, and her left hand raised itself of its own accord, wiped away his tear-stain and despite warnings from her mind, strayed along his intense gaze, he closed his eyes to allow her fingers to graze over them. Her fingertips kept moving along his creased forehead, his temple, his thick hair, his intriguing stubble tracing his jaw line and moving up to his lips, her fingers shivering as they went in complete rebellion to her heart's wiser counterpart. They were playing Tom and Jerry. Her heart the uncontrollable little mouse that did whatever he felt like and her head the cat that tried to stop him but always failed.
I know the chase is on
I feel as though
My time has come
A part of her felt heaven, right here in the middle of her very personal hell, with her personal angel.
He was scared, he would lose his senses and then the silent treatment would start all over again. He began to retreat with closed eyes, he knew if he saw her this closely once more in his current state, his resolve and control, would take a leap down the drain.
Beside he was not sure yet that she thought of him the same way as he did of her. She had become his world, his life, his reason to live, but was it even a little bit of that for her, or was he just a close friend to her? He couldn't take any risks. He needed her presence in his life and he wasn't going to let his hormones put that at stake. He tried unsuccessfully to brush away the reined desires that had let themselves loose.
How many times do I fly
Through your head space
Now it's speeding away
From the safe place
He opened his fingers which were clasped to hers and she instantly closed hers, refusing to let him go.
His eyes opened in surprise and pleasure, he was not rejected, while hers flickered, not wanting to stay open due to the shyness that was gradually growing, and not wanting to close refusing to leave his sight. He understood. She smiled, giving him a green signal. His eyes asked. Her one blink permitted. Questions in both hearts were answered.
Yeah, your skin
The touch, the kiss
The rush too much
And here it comes
He clasped his hand around hers again as he moved even closer gazing into her eyes looking for any sign of discomfort or disapproval, and he kissed her with all the passion he had ever imagined for her, all his piled up desires put into one point of connection, hoping it would ease her pain, willing to put his life his strength everything into her, with just this kiss.
When your lips touch mine
It's the kiss of life
I know
I know that it's a little bit frightening
We might as well be playing
With lightning
She began slowly but gradually her fervor her need, her love took form and she kissed back with equal passion, a passion that feared time or rather lack of it. Suddenly she had been electrified, his passion flowing out to every inch of her. she was grateful enough to god for giving her the sense to have unplugged the electrode from her chest, otherwise all the ER doctors would be here by now, her heart that was uncontrollably screaming her joy was now only heard by her, and probably him.
Her free hand went up to cup his face and moved ahead to hair, grasping it. His free hand was around her neck giving it the balance she needed to be able to kiss him.
it lit up more desires in her than she had ever imagined, she wondered if he had the same feeling right now? It felt like standing in the rain. Allowing the downpour to wash away everything you felt, cleansing your body and soul.
She wondered why she was refusing him in the first place bcz the way he was kissing her he needed it too, perhaps more than her. She decided even if her time was less, she would give herself to him as much as she could so that she could have the contentment that she didn't hold back on anything he had wanted from her.
He now knew that if anything could overcome physical pain, it was physical pleasure and he promised himself that he would erase her pain.
Every time.
Love, selfless in its every form, whether by giving themselves, or by holding back, was re-lived in the time of cancer.
Entry #4 OS - Knight in a Shining Armour
"Virat!" Manvi said as she went behind Virat asking him to forgive her. "Partner please! I'm sorry. Okay, we'll go to your friend's house in the evening, pakka!" Manvi said as she rushed to move infront of him & held hear ears with her hands, apologizing. " Manvi I'm not angry. Stop saying sorry now!" Virat said. Virat had asked Manvi & Jeevika to come to Sapna's party in the evening but Manvi had refused immediately saying that she didn't want to go to a stranger's house & how a doctor's house would smell like dettol & had made many more excuses to avoid. She was just reluctant because she didn't quite like how that girl stuck to her partner in the morning & she didn't send a very good vibe to her. Virat would obviously have all attention towards his friends & she'd be alone. She didn't want that. She wanted to be in mumbai with her partner & enjoy every moment of it. After ranting, she'd realized that Virat was offended & was now making up. Also convincing herself that it might not be that bad & indeed may turn out to be fun & also that she didn't care if Virat was with others. It's his life & it didn't affect her. Why would it affect her?! She asked herself. It wouldn't affect, she's Manvi & she'll be glad if this chep left her alone for sometime, she answered her own question but still not being confident enough about that last bit, she knew she was lying to herself & she didn't mean it. She was confused & she didn't know what to feel. She didn't want Virat sad, he was doing so much for her. Couldn't she go to this one party for her partner? She very well could.
" So we'll go to the party!" Manvi said. "Okay! Bhabhi & you, both get ready by 7 then!" "Great!" Manvi said & jumped & turned to face a hesitant & fumbling Jeevika. "What happened di! You'll come na?" "Manvi.. Woh!" "Kya hua Bhabhi. Any problem!" "Woh actually, aaj.. Umm... Actually guys, 8pm I watch Iss pyaar ko kya naan doon & I haven't been keeping up with the episodes these days. Chachi was telling that Arnav will confess to Khushi & say I love you to her today so I can't miss that. I can't go!" Jeevika said nervously. Manvi burst out laughing seeing her sisters red & hesitant, nervous face while Virat remained clueless. "Dii. You watch IPKKND & drool over your Arnav. Waise bhi jiju is not here so you can aaram se see him. Shhh. Haha!""But Mannu, you promise to take care of yourself & not." she said, Virat cut her off " Bhabhi! Relax. I will take care of her & not let her jump around much. She'll be fine!" "Thanks Virat & come back home on time!" "Yes boss!" Manvi said with a salute & hugging, she bid her sister goodbye.
"Virat!" everyone screamed as Virman made their way to Sapna's apartment. Sapna held onto Virat's arms & introduced him to all the people present. Virat looked back to Manvi to ask her to come but Manvi moved her hand forward indicating Virat to move & telling him to go meet his friends comfortably. Virat who was initially hesitant moved ahead & greeted all his friends. It was great catching up with them. Everyone had changed & done certain things in life. He had introduced Manvi to everyone & asked Manvi if she was hungry. Manvi had said that she was okay & he should go to his friends & catch up with them as he was there for them, not for her. She wanted him to understand that. She would be fine. Virat made sure that she was okay & comfortable & given her a glass of juice & then gone to his friends.
Manvi smiled as she looked at Virat hugging a friend of his & then the smile disappeared as a girl in a thigh length off shoulder dress came forward to Virat & he turned to face her & smiled nervously as she pulled herself into his arms forcefully, wrapping her arms around his neck & hugging him hard & forcing his hand to move on her back. Virat held on her shoulder & pulled her back, out of his arms.
"Neha!" Tanya said from behind her. "Back in college she used to be gaga over Virat. I don't know if she still is. Infact her whole group used to be in love with Virat & discuss him & his features during free times!" "Manvi didn't like hearing that & immediately asked,"Were you also one of them?" " Haha. Ofcourse n... Actually, at one time yes I was but then I'd a crush on him which I got over with! " Manvi was shocked to see & know that almost every girl present has had a crush on Virat & some still did. And this Neha, her nose was like that of a mouse. Eeks. She felt abnormally disgusted seeing Neha all over Virat.
Suddenly she felt she couldn't breathe & she excused herself out, making her way to an outdoor open space. Looking around for an auto, she waved her hand when she saw one. The auto stopped & she saw an almost drunk person in it. His eyes looked all red & he smelt alcohol. Manvi moved back as the person stepped out of the auto. " Where do you wanna go madame! I'll drop you!" he said in a wavy drunk tone & a disgusting smirk on his face. " Nahi! It's okay. I'll go by myself! Manvi resisted only having the man move a step closer to her & again saying, "How can I let a girl go by herself, all alone. It ain't safe you see. I'll have to drop you, come!" he smirked "I said I'll go by myself. My huaband will be coming her any moment to pick me up." she said not really realizing what she said because that was the only thing that came to her mind at that moment. She clutched on her dupatta as the man gave her another yucky look & then her eyes were blinded as the headlights of a big car flashed next to her. She shut her eyes because of the light & when she opened them, she saw an all to familiar car, a car in which she'd sat so many times & moreover the man who came out of the car was her partner, her savior. She felt a flow of relief through her body as she noticed him coming close. Sighing she suddenly felt protected & safe, as though nothing could ever hurt or harm her now, he was here.
"See I told you my husband would be here any moment!" Manvi said running to move behind Virat & holding his arm from behind, at the same time hoping he didn't hear the husband thing.
The auto guy was horrified seeing the look of pure anger in Virat's eyes. He clenched his fist as Manvi held his arm tight. He was going to kill the man who troubled or even tries to touch his Manvi.
As Virat moved forward a step towards that man, he moved back. Murmuring his sorries & prayers he moved behind, joining his hands as though begging Virat to not kill him. "I'm sorry, I thought she was alone! I'm s.sorry!" he said petrified. He hated men who did this to girls, they were a black spot mark on the society because of whom the girls weren't safe & protected.
As Virat took another step towards the guy with his angry, clenched fist, the auto driver sat in the auto & drove away to save his life.
Seeing he was finally gone, Virat turned towards Manvi with the same look of anger on his face. Manvi was still scared & shaking a bit & Virat's cold angry face didn't help either.
Manvi clutched onto her dupatta as virat took a step towards her. "What were you doing? Why did you come here without telling me? What do you think of yourself? Was it not important to let me know you were leaving & have me come with you? Do you realize how worried I was for you? This is not Rishikesh Manvi, it's Bombay. Anything could've happened. What would you do?" Manvi felt guilty, sad & scared. Dammit, she thought. She was so stupid. "Virat I didn't think..." Manvi started in her defence, trying to calm Virat down. "That is the problem!" Virat shouted, "You don't think before anything. You just do it. How don't think how it will affect, those who care for you & love you. You don't think what could've happened! What could've happened if that bas***d..." Virat couldn't continue, actually thinking of what could have happened if he didn't find her missing & came here just on time. What could've happened if he was late, thinking of it made him shiver. Manvi looked at the unshed tears in Virat's eyes & realized she was such a real fool to actually come out. He saw her running into him as she rushed and hugged him & as she hugged him, drops of rain fell. He'd never felt so relieved as he was now to finally have her in his arms. As soon as their chests collided, it began to rain as though the rain saw the union of a beautiful couple who were so much in love. He wanted to keep her in his arms forever, to protect her from every sorrow, to just have her always close to his heart. He knew how scared he's felt when he saw that man near her, how he almost died seeing her helpless but he came as her protector. He was his knight in shining armour, was her last thought as she lost herself in him with the rain drops blessing them.
Entry #5 Rains-of-Truth
The weather in Chandigar seemed to be changing rapidly. Yesterday, the sunlight had seeped through the windows and a luminous light had filled the house. But today was a saddening and rainy day. The sudden change in weather had made Maanvi ponder whether this was an indication that life was taking a turn for the worst.
As Maanvi sat on her window seal, she watched the droplets of rain pitter-patter down on to the ground, splash and then disappear. She caught the glimpse of a tiny, isolated mouse running along the ground. Its scarcely visible feet sunk underwater as it took each step. As it travelled further, Maanvi could tell it began to feel sick and tired of its journey through troubling waters. As each and every moment went by it began to give up and lose against the harshness of the terrifying rain. Wasn't this almost like the story of life?
Before Maanvi could think any further, her beloved Jeevika Di entered the room. How was it that Jeevika always came to Maanvi in the times when she was feeling the most lonely?
Jeevika: Kya sochri hai Mannu?
Maanvi: Di, vo dekhye. Chota sa chuhaa hai ek. Aur zindagi ke safar mein vo harthaa jaara hai, thaktha jaara hai. Soch raa hai ki kab yeh baarish rukeygi aur kab dhoop phir zindagi ko khushiyo sey bhar degi. Patha nahi kyu di, par aaj ki mausam dekh keyy ayssa lagra hai ki mein zindagi ki safar mein thakthi jaari hoon, haarthi jaari hoon, doobthi jaari hoon.
Jeevika: Maanvi! Jabtaq mein hoon tujhey kuch nahi hoga. Samjhi? Koyi bhi cheese tujhey mujhsey judaa nahi karsakthi hai. Jabtak mein hoon, tu doob nahi sakthi hai Maanvi-kabhi nahi.
Maanvi: Di mujhey cancer hai. Iss bimaari ko jhelthey, jhelthey patha nahi kab zindagi ki dor katjaye.
Jeevika: Mannu! Ayssi baathey keheney seyy peheley ek baar merrey barrey mein tho sochliya kar. Kaysey jiyungi mein terrey binaa? Chahey kuch bhi hojaye, mein terri iss bimaari ko door karkeyy rahungi.
Every time Maanvi listened to her sister's words she felt a sense of relief grow throughout her body. It felt as if after so many years of nourishment and care, a flower had finally bloomed inside of her. Jeevika placed a gentile kiss on her little sister's forehead. Maanvi placed a hand on her Jeevika's stomach inside which there was a tiny life'yearning to come out.
Maanvi: Di? Kya naam rakhogi baby ka?
Jeevika seemed extremely hesitant to reply. Maanvi did not know why but every time she mentioned the word baby nowadays, Jeevika seemed to get uncomfortable and tried to ignore the topic.
Jeevika: Yeh sab chor na Mannu. Chal khaaney ka waqt hogaya hai.
Jeevika turned to leave but Maanvi grabbed her hand just in time.
Maanvi: Di? Mujhey baar baar ayssa kyu lagtha hai ki aap mujhsey kuch chupaarey ho? Kya baath hai di? Jab bhi mein bacheyy ki baath karthi hoon aap topic band kyu kardethi ho?
A tear slipped down Jeevika's face.
Maanvi: Achaa di'aap roye math! Mein'mein naam bathaathi hoon! Agar ladki hogi tho Diya; kyuki vo Diya ki joth keh tarha hummarey zindagi mein roshni laygi. Aur agar ladka hoga tho Shaurya; kyuki vo bohoth bahadur hoga aur apni mummy, papa aur mami seyy bohoth pyaar karreyga.Kayssey naam hai?
Jeevika: Acchey hai Mannu.
Maanvi: Di, jab yeh bacha aygaa tho hum sab ki zindagi khushiyo seyy bhar jayegi. Dhup ki roshni badal ko hamesha, hamesha kilya chupaa degi. Hai na?
Just as Maanvi said this the rain began to poor heavier than ever. Thunder and lightning struck the sky. Dark clouds hid the last part of the illuminating sun. Maanvi turned to look at her sister's expressionless and emotionless face. Maanvi could sense a strange tension brewing upon her. Was life really taking a turn for the worse?
Maanvi cupped her sisters face with her hands.
Maanvi: Di? Kya hua Di? Aap theek tho hai ? Bacha theek hai?
Jeevika: Sab theek hai Maanvi, tu chal yaha seyy!!
Maanvi nearly jumped at her sister's sudden harshness. She could clearly tell that there was something Jeevika did not want to tell her.
Jeevika: I'm sorry Maanvi. Mujhey aysey baath nahi karney chah yeh thaa. Sorry? Accha chal, neechey chalthey hai.
But Maanvi had made up her mind.
Maanvi: Nahi di.
Jeevika: Kyu nahi Mannu? Kya hua?
Maanvi: Jab tak aap mujhey sub kuch such, such nahi bathaadethi mein kahi nahi jaongi.
Jeevika: Kaunsa such Maanvi? Kya jaaney chah thi hai tu?
Maanvi: Yahi ki aap mujhsey kya chupaari hai? Di, sab kuch tho theek thaa. Tho phir jab bhi mein aapkey bachey ka naam lethi hoon aap itney chup kyu hojaathey hai? Itna dar kyu jaathi hai?
Jeevika: Mannu, sab theek hai. Tu chintha math kar.
Maanvi: Theek hai Di. Aap mujhey math bathao. Likin, mein tabtak aapki baath nahi sunoongi jabtak aap mujhey such nahi bathaa dethi hai.
Jeevika: Maanvi please aysaa math kar. Teri Di mein ithni himath nahi hai Mannu.
Maanvi: Nahi Di. Hum dono ko patha hai ki aap mujhsey kuch chupaa rahi hai. Aur jabtak mujhey patha nahi chaljaatha ki vo kaunsi suchayi hai, mein na aapsey baath karoongi aur naa aapki baath sunoongi. Challey jaaye aap yaha sey.
It seemed like today it was God's will for Maanvi to find out the truth. Jeevika did not have an option but to tell Maanvi the harsh reality.
Jeevika: Mannu? Suchayi jaaney chaathi hai na tu? Tho sun. Parso jab hum terrey Doctor sey cancer ki reports collect karney gaye they tho Doctor ney kaha ki teri halaath aur bigar gayi thhi. Jab tu kamrey sey nikal gayi tab Doctor ney mujhsey kaha ki teri bimaari bohoth serious ho chuki thhi. Un-unho neyy kaha ki-ki-terri ilaaj ki ab bass ek hi tareeka hai.
Jeevika paused.
Maanvi: Aur vo kya hai Di?
Jeevika shut her eyes tightly. She could not look Maanvi in the eyes whilst telling her this.
Jeevika: Bone marrow transplant.
Jeevika held back her tears. She wasn't going to cry. She needed to this for her sister.
Maanvi: Bo-bo-bone marrow tr-transplant?
Jeevika: Ha Mannu.
A few seconds of silence escaped. After a minute or so Maanvi asked:
Maanvi: Ka-kaun, derra hai mujhey bone marrow Di?
Jeevika took a deep breath. This was the question she had been dreading the most. Never had Jeevika felt so helpless. Never.
Jeevika: Main.
Maanvi was silent. She had no words. She didn't even look towards Jeevika's direction. On one side, it was raining. Acidic, bitter and salty teardrops of the universe were trickling from the above and splashing on the rough Earth. On the other side Maanvi and Jeevika's eyes were dry. Neither of them had the strength to let a tear escape from their eyes.
After a painful and piercing silence, Maanvi finally said something.
Maanvi: Nahi Di. Aap nahi dey sakthi.
Jeevika: Maanvi, dekh, tu mujhey rokna math.
Maanvi: Aap mujhey bone marrow dengey? Aapko patha bhi hai ki isska mathblab kya hai?
Jeevika: Ha Maanvi, mujhey isska mathlab patha hai. Magar Mannu; tu merri zindagi hai aur meyy therey liye kuch bhi karsakthi hoon.
Maanvi: Di! Mein aapki zindagi hoon? Aur aapkey andar jo zindagi pal rahi hai usska kya? Di, aapkey andar ek nanhi si jaan hai. Merri zindagi bachaney kilye aap ussey iss duniya mein laaney seyy rok kyu rahi hai?
Jeevika: Kya kehena chaathi hai tu Maanvi? Ki mein bhul jao, ki meri kabhi ek behen bhi thi aur terri zindagi ki sabsey mushkil mor par tera saath chor doon?
Maanvi: Di yeh aap kya bolri hai? Di, Yeh bacha aapki aur Geeju ki pyaar ki nishaani hai. Aap issey kyu mitaari hai? Iss bachey ki jaan leyy key aap guneygaar kehey layengi!
Jeevika: Aur terri jaan leykey mein marjaongi Maanvi. Mein aapni jaan dey sakthi hoon par teri jaan nahi ley sakthi. Mujhey maaf kardey; mein aapni behen ki jaan nahi ley sakthi. Samajhney ki koshish kar Maanvi, please apni Di sey nafrath math kar.
Jeevika was in tears. She had tried to be strong but she could not hide her emotions any longer.
Maanvi: Di, aapsey mein nafrath nahi karsakthi. Ayssi baath math kahiye. Likin Di, mujhey tho koy aur bone marrow dey saktha hai na? Likin yeh bacha ko koy aur janm nahi deysaktha.
Jeevika: Maanvi waqt bohoth kam hai aur tujhsey hi merri zindagi hai. Terrey bina, mein kuch nahi hoon. Tu meri shakthi aur meri himath hai, tu hi hai merri sab kuch Maanvi. Please apni di par yeh ehesaan kardey. Mujhey bone marrow deney deyy Mannu. Mein tujhsey bheek maangthi hoon Maanvi. Aur koy raastha nahi hai Mannu.
Maanvi: Di?! Aap yeh kya keheri hai? Aap ki khushi merri khushi. Jaysa aap kahengi vaysa hi hoga. A-a-aap hi mujhey bo-bone marrow dengi Di. Merri zindagi, aapkey haatho bachey gi. Thank you Di, and I'm sorry. Mein aapki khushi aapsey cheenri hoon.
Jeevika: Tu mujhsey kuch nahi cheen rahi hai, tu mujhey aapni zindagi deri hai. Thank you Maanvi. I love you.
Maanvi: I love you too Di.
Entry #6 We-Found-Love-in-a-Hopeless-Place
Maanvi
I was scared.
I was alone.
In this hopeless place I was trapped. I had always learnt from yesterday, lived for today and hoped for tomorrow, but I wondered; what was left to hope for? Little did I understand that today was going to be one of the most adventurous days I had ever known; the only thing was that I didn't know yet.
So why was I here? Fancy that, I was asking myself the same question.
Suddenly he came in. I wondered what he wanted from me. I knew I would never be able to understand, yet I still tried to. He sat on a chair in the corner looking frustrated and tired of his life, just like me. Behind him came Prakash. He walked towards me, checked that my hands and feet were locked-up and sat right by my side, guarding me. I wished he were guarding my life, but he wasn't. He was guarding my death making sure that I was not killed by anyone else; but him.
"Agar soch samajh keyy samajh na aye, tho samajhdaari issi mein hai, ki apni soch ko samjho aur vahi karo, jo dil kahey." I explained.
"Keep your advice to yourself." Prakash stubbornly replied.
"I was talking to Virat." I answered within an instance.
Virat stood from the chair and came and sat in front of me. I stared into his disconcertingly penetrating eyes. I had never been able to recognise the color of them. Sometimes they were golden brown, sometimes hazel and sometimes a startling green. His beauty attracted me in every possible way, yet I hankered to get away from him fighting against the temptation in front of me. As much as I tried to, I could never be scared of him. He was torturing me so much, yet I still loved him.
Why?
Virat
As I saw her swollen hands and feet I felt like killing myself. I loved her so much yet I was forced to kill her every day. Kill her so I could save her life.
I could see how much pain she was in but she never said a word of complaint. I gently wrapped an arm around her back and pulled her into my body. She didn't hesitate to come into my arms. I kissed her forehead as I heard the thunder roar outside. Maanvi had always been scared of thunder and lightning. I felt her head dig deeper into my chest. It was then when I realized that being so close to her meant risking her life for my selfishness. I pushed her away from me and looked into Prakash's suspicious eyes. He was so evil. So, so evil.
I forcefully walked away from the girl I loved, who was being tortured beyond explanation. She hadn't been given food for eight days now. At first when she found out that I was working with Prakash she had been so scared, but now she acted as if she was used to it.
"Send her outside." I said to Prakash against my will.
I knew he'd been suspicious as I had just hugged Maanvi. Now I had to prove to him that I hated her, the only thing was that I didn't. Prakash untied Maanvi from the chair. Her hands were still locked up. He forced her outside into the storm of thunder. As soon as Maanvi went outside she was nearly blown away. What else would you expect? She was as light as a feather! She didn't have a jacket on, just the old salvaar she had been wearing for eight torturous days. I fought against my heart to go and wrap my arms around her and tell her that I loved her, but I couldn't. Prakash returned inside. I was about to run up to Maanvi and escape from this hopeless place; but Prakash was too quick, he returned within the flash of lightning. It wasn't his speed which made me jump. It was what he had in his hand; a whip. He ran up to Maanvi and started whipping her.
"NOOO!!!" I screamed as loud as I could.
I pushed him aside, took a very sick Maanvi in my arms and made my way back to the hut. I could see her clothes beginning to tear. I took off my jacket and wrapped it around her. She was being punished for something she hadn't done.
Why?
Maanvi
My body ached like anything. Why were they doing this to me? I was about to die when Virat came and took me inside. He wrapped his warm jacket around me. I inhaled his scent, sweeter than honey. He was the one who had sent me outside in this weather and he was the one who had brought me back inside. I could not define his deeds but I understood that he was so being forced to do this against his will.
I knew he loved me.
Ever since I had been kidnapped from the Vadhera House, Prakash had never left me and Virat by ourselves. Along with guarding me, he seemed to be guarding Virat as well. But right now, Virat and I were alone. I looked outside; Prakash was still outside being drenched in the storm. Then I looked back in front of me. Virat had disappeared.
"Typical." I whispered to myself.
He came back within the blink of an eye holding a key. To my utter surprise he un-cuffed my hands, lifted my weak body into his arms and ran out of the hut into the rainy weather. I was so confused. I heard racing footsteps behind us. I turned around to find Prakash and a few other men chasing after us. Virat was running the faster than the wind. I clutched on his shirt tighter. The rain was drenching both of us and the thunder and lightning were roaring. What was Virat doing? Wasn't he supposed to be evil? After all these days of torture, he was saving my life.
Why?
Virat
As soon as I realized that Maanvi and I were alone in the room, I seized the opportunity to run from this hopeless place. Maanvi was so hurt and I had to get her back home. I could hear Prakash chasing after us with his men. My feet were throbbing but I didn't stop running. I eventually found myself facing a dead end. I had no choice but to run in the forest to my left. Twigs were sticking out from everywhere scratching my body, but I didn't dare stop. Then I saw a clearing in which there was a tiny house. I turned around to see that Prakash and his men weren't visible. I ran as fast as my feet would let me inside the empty hut. I placed Maanvi down on a small bed. After all that I had done to her, being alone with me still didn't frighten her.
Why?
Maanvi
More than anything I was confused.
"Virat; after so many days of hurting me, why are you trying to save my life?" I asked.
Virat sighed as if he had given up.
"Prakash's sister died in an accident in which the car was being driven by Swamini Bua. Ever since this incidence took place Prakash has been after our family. The day when you were kidnapped had been the death of me and I saw no other option but to join forces with Prakash. I managed to convince him that I hated you so I could ensure that I was by your side and you didn't get hurt. I-I'm sorry."
After a few moment of silence, Virat rested his head on mine. I placed a hand on Virat's scratched cheek and looked into his all-pervading eyes. He came closer to me. Suddenly, I saw a scrubby mouse running along the floor, I opened my mouth to scream but I couldn't. It's hard to scream when someone's kissing you. Virat lips were pressed onto mine. I moved my hand to his hair and gently ruffled it. When we finally broke from the kiss I let a few words escape my mouth.
"I love you." I whispered through my quivering lips.
"I love you too." Virat said in a soothing voice.
****
Early the next morning Virat and I saw them. Prakash and his men had found us. We ran faster than we ever had out of the house and through the trees. Before we knew it, there was an abrupt sound of a gunshot. Virat instantly stepped in front me of and took the bullet in his arm. Before I could help him in anyway, he put an arm around me and ran. After being chased a little further we had managed to find the road. We hailed a taxi and escaped from the sight of Prakash and before I knew it, I drifted off in Virat's arms.
When I woke up next the taxi was running along a jerky road. I touched Virat's wounded arm as he looked down at me.
"We're nearly home," he whispered whilst kissing my hair.
But I'd found home a long time ago.
My home was in his arms.
Entry #7 silence
I shook my head, hardly knew what to say, years later I received a happy news. My ears were hungry for good news. Each passing day was spent in agony and grief. I wept through all the days. Every night I felt my soul got ripped apart yearning for solace but all embraced me was ultimate solitude. And today years after I smiled, subtle feeble smile brightened my face and an aura of happiness surrounded me. I looked aside at the wandering people clad in white, aimlessly walking. Each passerby told me a story, story of their endless worries and sufferings. Sigh, I am not the only depressed. Turning back I looked at the envelope on my side, forbidden memories flashed through and I took a walk over the troubled stony roads connecting me to my past.
24/7/06,
Monday
Darkness eluded on a bright sunny morning. Chirping of birds and rattling of leaves fused into air of happiness. A smile would pass even for the hardest soul as nature mesmerized everyone with its enchanting beauty and serene atmosphere. I looked at my sister, half awake half dozing off, she gave me a silly smile, splashing water over face and sipping in coffee she looked at me.
"What's your plan?" she asked.
"Oh! Nothing di, well I was wondering on catching up with jeeju once he returns from office."
"Today he'll be late Mannu"
"I'll stay awake till he returns, have lots to tell"
"Hmm, well, when you know is Virat coming?"
"I don't know, will ask jeeju"
Whole day was moving in a slow pace, it looked as if a mouse was given world's largest cheese to be eaten, were eat bite was cherished yet a long way to finish off. Each moment was passed with excitement and each second was cherished for the sweetness of waiting. I never thought waiting would be treasured and will become a part of my memory with goodness. Me and Jeevika di would sit on a sofa and start talking of jeeju's achievements. She blushed each time I mentioned jeeju's name. Restless was I on seeing clock striking nine. It's nine at night and still jeeju not arrived. He knew today I'll be at home and after six long months will be meeting him. Yet he is getting himself late, there is lot to be told and heard, whole day would be less and he is least bothered to turn up early. I wiped my tears and as my eyes welled up again, I heard di calling me from kitchen.
"Look it's raining" she exclaimed "Virenji loves rain"
"Yea di, I know last time when jeeju came to Rishikesh, we got ourselves drenched in rain, you remember he even pulled beeji and badi beeji too "
"Wonder why he is getting late"
"Jeeju I guess is doing purposefully to irritate me"
Heavy thunder and lightning started, I shivered, di started sneezing, lights started flickering, and the serene aura of happiness which earlier embraced faded away and was replaced by eeriness. Jeevika di was looking worn out and tired. Her face was gloomy and eyes sunken. A heavy burden was pushed over her head and her eyes were drooping. She looked weak and feeble as if some harsh arrows from a bow were hit on her. I went towards di and asked her to sleep. Whole day of working made her tired, she needed a goodnight sleep.
"No Mannu, I fear something bad, let me wait till Virenji arrives"
Silence prevailed in the room; the only sound was of falling droplets of rain hitting the window panes. I looked at di and di at the ceiling. Now each passing second seemed dragging and creepy. Fear was lurking in us and we waited hopelessly yet hopefully for news from jeeju.
The clock struck eleven. Whole house was in darkness and an abrupt sound woke me and di from our sleep. Jeevika di looked happy and her face brightened as she ran towards the door to receive jeeju. All smiling she opened the door only to see her smiles vanish forever.
An unknown unseen stranger stood there with an envelope in hand. His hand shivered as he gave the envelope to di. Taking in the envelope and tearing of the cover, grabbing in the paper in inside she hurriedly scanned through the content. Her face turned pale and body numb. She stood there motionless not aware of what is been said by the man
I tired catching what he was saying, my eyes on di and ears over his words, all my ear could catch were the worst words ever I wish to hear. My thirst to know what happened pushed me into darkness of endless suffering; my wait for my jeeju seemed a wait forever.
World stood still so di. Tears rolled down my eyes and I kept on wailing till my throat started bleeding. People dear and near ones came to console, all came and all left, my eyes were dried and my voice subtle. I looked at di; she was shattered and still motionless. Not a single tear came. She stood numb and was partially dead.
Doctors came, all were hopeless, she lay there dead yet living, not a living corpse yet a living corpse. I wanted to be with her forever but fate is cruel, destiny evil. None would let you be with her. They snatched me away from my soul, from my di and here I live in a hope of meeting di and seeing her lively and full of life one day. My hopes went in vain and I remained silent throughout.
Today six years passed by and I sit here receiving a letter from beeji, a letter I longed for breaking off my silence and wishing me happiness. it was a news which breaks one to ultimate sadness yet it made me smile. I was happy on knowing my di's sufferings ceased forever, she smiled and laughed. Learning that made me smile. I reread those lines "she smiled and laughed, after six long years I saw her speak, she did everything you yearned to see, she was lively and happy and smoothly she took her last breath"
My smile vanished yet I smiled, my eyes welled up, yet I smiled, I sat down and started wailing yet I smiled in between my tears. I smiled all for my sister. There was silence, silence was all left, silence talked to me and I listened to the endless tales of silence about my Jeevika di's silent years.
24/7/12 another dark day of my life forced me to brightness by snatching away my sole happiness and deserting me forever, yet travelling with me as ray of brightness.
Entry #8 THE RAINSONG:
She watched as the drop trickled down her fingers into her palm. Drop by drop, she saw the water filling up her cupped palm, the moonlight reflecting on it. "Itne paani mein kya koi doob sakta hai? Ye tumhara chullu bhar pani hai?" she heard a voice and didn't bother to look back as she stood near the window . She knew why he was here now. And she didn't want to face him. Not now, not ever.
It was a normal evening at Chandigarh and Manvi had no intention of making it abnormal. She had got the day's quota of her Di's scolding and Dabbu's live commentary of Rishikesh. Now she just wanted to be alone. "Ab sukoon se apna jail time khel sakti hoon. Koi samajhta hi nahi, mujhe apne aap se baat karne ka time bhi toh chahiye?! Warna meri andar ki awaaz mera dimaag khaa jaayegi. Chall Manvi, lets start. Ab koi nahi aayega" she sighed with relief and sat on the bed when the door opened. "Tumne yaad kiya?" Virat asked with his half smirk as he came in with his laptop. Manvi dropped her head back against the bedrest "Hey Bhagwan, ye toh andar ki awaaz se bhi khatarnaak hai. Tumhaara naam Virat se Pantrywala rakhlo ok?" she quipped as he sat down with a quizzical look "Pantrywala? Matlab?" he asked and placed the laptop down. Manvi raised an eyebrow "Pantrywala nahi jaante? Hamare Indian Railways ke famous Pantrywale! Hamesha haazir. Tum chaho ya na chaho wo item pe item laate rahenge. Jaise tum. Samjhe Pantrywale?" she smiled as she took his laptop. Virat shook his head at his 50th nickname from her and went on to make her hear his new song.
"Achcha hai." she said as the guitar faded and removed the headphones. Virat raised his eyebrows and cocked his head to one side. "Kya? Aise ek ankh wale crow ki tarah kyun dekh rahe ho? Bola na achcha hai." she said and thrust the headphones into his hands "Yeah right. Sach bolo Partner." he sighed and folded his arms. Manvi narrowed her eyes "Maine kaunsa jhoot bola?" she asked in confusion and he closed the laptop "Tum batao. Aaj tak tumne kabhi koi compliment ek line mein diya hai? Compliment chodo, tumne kuch bhi ek line mein bola hai? Jab tum sirf ek line bolti ho, toh wo jhoot hota hai. Ab sach bolo please?" he explained in a tired voice and Manvi cringed. "Well, actually , utna achcha bhi nahi tha." she said in a sheepish voice "kuch missing hai." Virat frowned "Matlab tumhe pasand nahi aaya?" he asked as he felt hurt "Haan..I mean nahi..wo actually, feel nahi aaya Virat! Gaana baarish ke upar hai right? Baarish itna beautiful hai aur tumne..tumne to aise gaya hai jaise ek mouse gaata billi se bachne ke liye. Ek dum fast fast. Koi feeling nahi tha." she ranted on and on not noticing Virat's changing face.
"Theek hai! Tumhe pasand nahi aaya na? Chod do!" he retorted suddenly and started to leave the room. Manvi jumped up and held his hand "Oye Rajdhani Express, suno to! Maine aise nahi kaha! Oye, tumne hi toh poocha tha na kaisa laga? Ab gaana aur beautiful ho sakta hai to main kya karun? " she tried arguing but Virat was hurt "Beautiful? Kaise, tumhari tarah?" he asked without thinking what she might understand. Manvi gasped and Virat froze. Slowly she left his hand and he closed his eyes as he knew that she misunderstood him. "Manvi..mera matlab.." he started but she stopped him midway "Sahi kaha Partner. Mujhe kya pata beauty ke baare mein. Mujhe na music aur na beauty, kisi ke baare mein kuch nahi pata." she said and tried to go out. Virat smacked his head "Manvi! Kahan ja rahi ho?!" he called out "Chullu bhar paani mein doobne" she replied and went out of the room.
"Ho gaya?" his voice snapped her back to the present as she saw him standing next to her near the window. "Nahi. Ab tak pool bharna baaki hai. Uske baad doob jaaungi, don't worry" she snapped at him without looking at his tired face "Tum jao aur apne guitar ke saath romance karo. Wo tumhaare bina paani paani ho jaayega. Sorry, jaayegi" she mumbled and continued to try and catch the rain. Virat held her arm and made her face him "Wo baad mein. Pehle mera gaana suno." he said in a soft voice. Manvi wanted to scream but saw his puppy dog face and kept quiet. She put on the earphones and heard the song from his ipod. As five minutes passed Manvi felt tears slide down her face. Virat smiled and wiped them with his thumb making her look into his eyes "Virat..ye to.." she choked but he understood "..tumhari kahani hai. Haan Partner, ye us baarish ki kahani hai jo mere life mein happiness leke aayi. Jiske drops ne mere saare darr, saare gham mita diye. Is baarish ki har boond mein koi khushi hai. Isiliye ye duniya mein sab se zyaada khoobsoorat hai.", he said tenderly as Manvi gazed speechlessly into his eyes. Seeing her eyes moist he cupped her face with one hand "Partner, jab maine kaha ki gaana tumhara tarah khoobsoorat nahi hai tab mera matlab tum samjhi nahi. Manvi, aaj tum jaisi ho, agar duniya ki saari beauty queens bhi mere saamne ho na, mujhe sirf tum dikhogi. Kyunki tumhara dil tumhaare chehre par dikhta hai. Aur us dil se zyada beautiful to mera gaana kabhi nahi ho sakta right?" he asked and Manvi bent her head to control her tears. He slowly took her wet hand away from the window and looked at it "Manvi, ye baarish hamare haath ki lakeeren change nahi karti. Jo hona hai wo hota hai." he said with a tinge of sadness. Manvi held his hand with her other hand " Par is baarish se hum sabko kuch seekhna chahiye. Aasma mein clouds khud rote hain par jab baarish aati hai tab hum sab ke hoton par smile aajati hai. Waise hi, hum agar dukhi bhi ho, tab bhi hum apne logon ko khush kar sakte hain. Bas, ek achche Partner ki zaroorat hai. Haina?" she asked and smiled. Virat felt tears well in his eyes but smiled and nodded. Both of them turned to the window and gathered their raindrops in the cup of their joined hands. Drops of faith and trust. To build an ocean of love.
Entry #9 Os:Pyar Ka Ehsaas..
Tensed virat kicked stand his bike near LOVERS POINT..He was looking everywhere mumbling "That stupid girl must be there..Hope she'll be fine"
it could be rain anytime.
Atlast his glance fell on her. She was sitting on the same rock on which chubby manvi used to sit in childhood..When ever she upset or was angry from him.
The soggy aroma of the gusty wind, which blew in fitful virulent puffs, warned a heavy rain.
Virat: whts this Manvi? Do u hv any idea how all r worried at home, Dont u care how beji'll face thoz pple cmng to see u??Its enough, Lets go home right now.
Manvi:i'm not coming. She said sternly while looking down the hill.
It thundered and started raining.
Virat:why? dont u care about anyone?
Manvi this time frustrated, she yelled "why should i care about any1 virat? when they dont care about me..Nd who the hell ru scolding me? U Just go m not coming.
The rain splashed all over the hill nd rocks.
Manvi wanted to get ride of all tht was happening..She walked away from him to hide hr tears. Virat unaware of her broken heart followed hr shouting "stop Manvi..Whr ru going?"
Manvi: Dont no..
They were drenching in the shower of heavy rain.
Virat :stop manvi plz.
Manvi didnt listen to him, she ran down the hill while crying. Her vision blured due to misty tears in hr eyes.Hr foot slipped on the rocky way nd She fell down. She screamed "Oouch!"
Virat got scared, he reached nd sat beside hr. She got a deep wound on her knee nd foot. Virat angrily "look wt the hell u hv done.Manvi u never take care of urself."He scold her bt in very caring tone...Saying this they both lost in their childhood memories.
Flashback;
Little Manvi whnevr gt wound coz of hr carelessness, little Virat always scold hr in the same way.In his reply she always said "why should i care of myself, whn ur here?"
Virat:"Ya,m always here for u" he always used to reply assuring hr,he'll always be wd hr.
Their eyes were saying the same today also, Bt they couldnt say it coz she was going to be of some else.
They both felt hurt..Manvi didnt say bt Virat lift hr up in his arms nt take hr to the old garage for shelter. It had been closed for years.
Virat made her sat on the floor nd pushed hr trouser up till hr knee. She didnt stop him as hr heart knew, how much he is closed to her.How she can hide any thing from him.Virat gently tied his handkerchief on hr wound. Her transparent pink shirt was clinging to hr wet body,showing hr perfectly carved body..Hr each nd every curve was visible making his eyes filled wd lust..He felt hard to stop his eyes to feasting upon her.She tried to coverd hr body with her dupata. He felt embarrass nd left to other side saying "u dry ur clothes,m gng.."
He sat as they were showing their backs to each other.
She squeezed her dupata, ruffled hr hairs nd started rubbing hr palms together as she was feeling cold.She was continuesly mumbling "If he doesnt love her, so why he is concerning nd caring like before? Kiun meri chot ka dard iski ankhon mein saaf nazar aata hai?
Virat unbuttoned hz shirt mumbling "why she is so upset? Jevika bhabi said tht she loves tht person, so why this drama. Why she didnt go home after college? Ek to mujhse kie hue sare promise bhula die. Or phir ab bhi ye sab..?
Manvi:"Ise kya faraq parta hai..Ise to kuch yad bhi nahi hoga..America mein dozens girl frnz hongi iski.."
Vi:"Agar ise sab yad hai,to anjan kiun ban rahi hai?Kuch kehti kiun nahi?"
M:"agar iske dil mein mere lie kuch hai, to keh kiun nahi deta apne dil ki baat"
V:"Mein kiun kahun,zruri to nahi ke ladke hi confess krein.Vaise itni patakha hai,Khud nahi keh sakti?"
M:"Why m expecting anything from him,wt he think..Mein kya mari ja rahi hun Mrs.NRI banne ke lie..No ways..I woudnt say,lekin..Mein uske ilawa kisi se pyar nahi kar sakti.I cant even think to live widout him.Yeh samjhta kiun nahi ke mein.."her glanced fell on an ugly mouse..Wt could u expect in an old garge..she screamed on the top of hr voice. She ran to virat side..Nd cause of wound,she lost hr balance nd fall on him.
Their eyes met nd the forgot wt was going on around.The touch of his cold bare body coz butterflies in hr stomach.She spoke"wo..Wahan..Mouse.."she tried to got up bt again slipped nd fel on him..This time hr bossom collide wd hz chest.They could feel eachothr's breaths on their lips.Looking deep into eachother eyes they can read their hidden feelings.It thundered louder nd manvi hugged him tight.Virat gave her way inside nd embraced hr in his arms.His hands touched hr bare silky back due to opend zip.The sensational touch reminded them of their passionate desires.
Manvi couldn't able to control her emotions nd burst into tears confessing "I cant live without u.I..I love u virat.."
virat was not beleiving on his ears.
He rolled on the floor..Now she was down,he was on her.
V:"What? Manvi..?"
she nodded in yes, assuring him of hr statement.
Their desires overcome on them nd virat pressed his lips on her lips. She ran her fingers in his hairs,deepen the kiss.She followed hr jaw line nd neck wd his lips.
She sat nd buried her face in his chest.
Vir:Manvi y u didnt say it befor?Meri jan I love u too..I also cant live wdout u..
Manvi:i thought u hv changed aftr going US.U never called me.U forgot all ur promises that u did before going.
Vir:I didnt call because, Manvi mein tumhari yaad mein rota tha.I was mising u badly.I thought if i called u,i wudnt able to cntrol my emotions nd'll cry,thn u'll make fun of me.Bt u also didnt call.
Man:i thought wahan jake tumne new american girlfriends bna li hongi, nd now u dnt need me, so y would u talk to me?
Vir:Manvi,beleive me,i never ever had any girlfriend,cause no one on the earth could be like my bandaria.He hit her nose wd his.
Manvi:bt now what abt beeji?
Virat:i'll talk to her.
Manvi:huh..Mujhse 3 words kehne ki himmat to thi nahi tum mein.Meine hi confess kia.Tum beeji se kya khaak baat karoge.She made face.
Virat:wo Mujhe laga agar tum ne mana kar dia to,mujhe meri life partner to mile gi nahi,balke mein apni childhoo bestfriend bhi kho dunga.Manvi trust me mein sirf tumhare lie ayaa hun.
They both smiled and hugged again.
He took her back to lovers point.Nd hugging her from back he said"yaad hai manvi..We planned to confess our love on lovers point 17 years before.Kiunke tum kehti thi ke jab do log is jaga apne pyaar ka izhaar karte hein,to ye asman,yeh hawaein or wo log jinhon ne kabhi pehle yahan sath jeene marne ki kasmein khai hain,un ke sache pyaar ki gawahi daite heinor phir kabhi juda nahi hote.aao aaj khuda ko or is jaga ko witness bana kar hum apne dil ki baat ek dusre se kehte hein.."
Manvi smiled at hr,their passionate eyes looked into eachothers.nd holding their hands, they both spoke louder on the same time.
I LOVE U MANVI/VIRAT
The voice echoed several times,nd They made of eachother forever.They spent the whole night sharing their feelings to eachother.Manvi didnt came to know how the night past.Kepting her head on his shoulder in his embrace,it was easy for them to spent ages together.
Next morning,virman entered holding eachothers hands in hr house.Virat confront beeji that Manvi doesnt wants to marry smone else.
Beeji:Dekha jevika,meine kaha tha na,yeh kabhi ek nahi hosakte.
Beeji sat on the sofa.Jevika was confused.
Virat and Manvi sat beside her foot nd said:beeji,Mein or Manvi shaadi karna chahte hein.Plz dont refuse.I promise Mein Manvi ko bohat khush rakhunga.
Beeji looked at jevika.
She cheered in happines "look i told u,Manvi loves him.They are made for eachother.Who can know my manu's feelings on the earth except me?"she smiled at viren.
Virman stood up,looked confuse.Viren kept his arms on them,standing between."Yes my dear,Kal Manvi ke lie rishta le kar koi aur nahin,balke humari Mom aa rahi thi..Manvi ka hath mangne,tere lie.Thora to sabar kia hota mere bhai..!
Beeji holding Virman ears "phir humein inke pyar ka andaza kaise hota.They both got embaras nd huged beeji.
On their wedding night..
Virat entered inside,locked the door,nd in excitment turned to saw hr most beautiful bride.Bt she was not on the bed,She was standing beside dresser,taking out hr jwellery.
Virat frustrated "wt ru doing?"
Manvi innocently:Jwelery utar rhi hun.
V:ya i can see,bt y?Chalo wapis pehno or ghungat daal ke betho.
Ma:kiun?Mein nahi..
V:its not fair manvi,u always do the same,he complained.I wants to enjoy nd live every single moment of my wedding night.I wanted to remove ur ghungat.Bt u,He went to the window in anger.
Manvi kept hr entwined fingers on his shoulder tried to made up her Roothe pia..She looked at the floor nd said shyly"i thought u'll be happy.If i remove the jwellery myself.So u would not have to waste time in these little things.I thought u would not wants to be interrupt or disturb in between after ward.So wdout wasteing any minute..She looked into her eyes,which was gloating at her.They both laughed,virat hugged hr "i love u.."
Manvi"me too",she whispered in his ear. He lift her in his muscular arms nd take hr to their bed.
Entry #10 Entry #11 "I know what I'm doing Manvi", those words kept on haunting her since dinner. She could withstand any turmoil in life but she shatters into pieces when it comes to him; neither can she stand his pain nor his anger. Suddenly she felt herself being wrapped into a hug by a strong pair of hands; her heart instantly skipped a beat. His effect on her never fades and he knows that very well, but she was not giving in easily this time. She immediately shrugged, trying to break away from him which made him strengthen his grip on her bringing her closer to him instead. Her heart was beating erratically against his chest, against his calm and composed rhythmic heartbeat. "Abhi naraz hai" he whispered at her ears while he kissed her earlobe. "Control Manvi, control Manvi" she kept chanting to herself but her body was slowly giving up to his charm. His proximity, his husky voice, his touch and his aftershave is already breaking her defense and the moment she meets his gaze, she will be clean bowled again.
"Manvi, I'm sorry I didn't mean to raise my voice earlier at you but I just lost it yaar." he tried to explain but she cut him halfway. "It's ok Virat, I shouldn't have interfered as well. It is your career and it is solely your decision" she responded trying to hide her disappointment. Virat's body stiffen by her words, he slowly turned her to face him, lifted her chin to meet her gaze. Her eyes tried to avoid his gaze but he made her meet his eyes. Those glazy eyes pierced his heart, "Manvi, it was not about my decision or my career. Partner, remember that I have told you many times that nothing precedes you in my life priorities. I will go to any extend to fulfill all your wishes, obey all your commands but I will not compromise my responsibility to be with you when you need me the most because of my career. Nothing including you will be able to make me change my decision, so don't bother wasting your time. Samjha?" he told her. She knew that once Virat's mind is made up, he will not change it. "Do you know that your biggest weakness is your anger." she told him. "Hmmm, and it is also my biggest strength as well! " he replied her back with his trademark smirk. "Tumara matlab?" she was clearly confused with his reply. "Well, Virat Singh Vandhera has the charm to turn his weakest point to his strongest. My anger has given me a perfect chance for me to romance my dear wife. What else do I need?" he smirked. "So what else did you complaint your parents about me, it seemed like a long session with them today?" he asked they both sat on their favorite spot by their bedroom window, admiring the beauty of the night. "Actually I was only halfway thru my complaint list when you disturbed me" she replied him back. "Mera bare itna complaint?" he asked as he caressed her head that was resting on his chest and she nodded mischievously.
Suddenly he felt a tug on his shirt and he was surprised to see a pair of angry eyes scrutinizing him. She crossed her arms and continued staring at both of them, and even the Mickey Mouse on her dress looked equally angry as her. "Ab kya hogaya? Ek ka naraaz katam hua, dushree shru kya!" he exclaimed while shaking his head in disbelief. "Tum dono phir jagada kiya?" she finally broke the silence. "Hum? Jagada? Nahi!" he replied while Manvi watched the attics between both of them. She was not convinced with the reply; she continued to wait for her answer as she tapped her feet in annoyance. Virat looked at Manvi for help but Manvi smiled and raised both her hand in defeat. Virat had to confront the chothi sherni all by himself. She was their angel, their symbol of love, their world, their daughter, their Mia. Virat was skeptical when Manvi wanted a child; he was not ready to endanger her life again after her survival from her cancer. He tried to convince her that their love was strong and sufficient for both of them but Manvi believed otherwise. She promised him that their child will only bring them closer and not apart as he feared. Virat reluctantly agreed after consulting almost all the doctors he could find in Chandigarh. Mia was their bundle of joy; she inherited his gift of music, Manvi's spirit and mischief, bhabi's maturity, bhai's tactfulness, ma's love, Beeji's sternness and Badi Beeji sense of humor. Recently she has started to resemble Swamini bua who always watchful over their behavior.
"I'm still waiting!" her delicate yet stern voice broke Virat from his thoughts. "Ok meri ma, we had a small argument and we resolved immediately. "Ab khushi?" he asked her. "How did you apologize to mummy? "she naively asked him but her question made Manvi blush and Virat speechless. "Woh... woh... " Virat tried to find a way to explain to his 3 year old daughter how he patched up with his wife but his mind decided to fail him when he needed it the most. "I knew it! You didn't apologize to mummy yet, that is why her face is still so red in anger" she announced. Little did she know that it was not only anger that made Manvi turn red but they decided to keep it that way for now. "Now, apologize to mummy by holding your ears "she instructed. Virat scoffed and got up from the couch; he lifted his angel and placed her next to Manvi. Virat then went down on his knees and held his ears and apologized to the two beauties in his life, "Will you forgive me my love?" Mia and Manvi pretended to give serious consideration to Virat's apology. After some time, Manvi nudged her daughter and whispered in her ears "Shall we forgive him?" Mia immediately smiled and nodded. Manvi finally chuckled and announced "Theek hai, after consideration we have decided to forgive you". Virat sighed in relief, "For once I thought I will be stoned in this position forever. Thank god, you decided to bestow mercy on me".
Suddenly there was a loud roar breaking the serenity of the night and immediately Mia and Manvi hugged Virat. He wrapped his hand around both of them, calming them out of their fear of thunder. "Some things never change. Arey yaar, why fear when Virat is here" he told them. "Now do you understand why it is necessary for me to be here with you instead of the promotion tour? If not for me, mother and daughter would have brought the whole house down. Am I right?" he asked her. Manvi couldn't deny that she and Mia once freaked out when they found a mouse in the garden and screamed so loudly that everyone in the house panicked fearing something really bad has happened. It took her di and Vanshika ma almost an hour to calm both of them down and find out the actual reason. Virat immediately ensured that not only the house but the entire area was mouse-free; he didn't want anyone to have heart attack from another hungama that both his drama-queens are capable of creating if they encounter another mouse. They were both still clinging to him even after the thunder has calmed, Virat called out Manvi's name softly. Manvi finally looked up, the calmness in his voice gave her the assurance, the comfort that she needed. "You're ok? It was just a thunder baby" he assured her and her lips curved into a faint smile. Virat then softly kissed his little angel, carrying her into his arms. He could see her angelic eyes slowly opening, her fear immediately vanished the moment her eyes met his gaze. "Papa" she cried and hugged him tight.
Virat made Mia sit on his lap while Manvi rested her head on his shoulder and assured them "Both of you are my world, my family and I will never let anything harm both of you". "Ouch!" Manvi cried out and Virat panicked. "Manvi, kya hua?" Manvi held her baby bump and smiled, "I guess someone is seeking your attention and reminding you that your junior will be one joining us soon. Usko mat bulna." She took his hand and placed it on her bump, letting him feel the movement of their baby. Virat lowered down his head and whispered "Hey junior, how can I ever forget you? You are the reason why I fought with your mummy today, she wants me to concentrate on my career but do you think I will ever miss being there to welcome you and embrace you when you decide to make your debut to our world. Mummy, papa and Mia didi love you a lot and we are looking forward for you junior. Virat kissed his junior and asked Manvi, "Do you think my junior will ever forgive me if I was not with there with his mummy when he arrives?" Manvi was unable to answer him but she knows that she needs him in every phase of her life.
Entry #12 Remission
There were certain people who, on being afflicted with disease or poverty, tended to become philosophical and started appreciating the deeper meanings in life. Maanvi was sitting next to one such man, who was writing poetry in his journal while they waited for their appointments with their respective oncologists. It was something about how this dark period in his life had taught him to appreciate the sunsets and the birds, and Maanvi wanted to wring his neck rather than empathizing with him. What the hell was he talking about? There were no sunsets or birds. Yes, there was a brief period of time where you could be stupid enough to fall in love with your best friend, but that was probably a side-effect of cell mutation.
Maanvi felt her eyes going blurry as Jeevika came with the report. It was what she had feared all along. She didn't need to open it, but did it, just to satisfy the hopeful look on her sister's face. She took one look and started sobbing. Jeevika frowned and read the report, then started laughing. It was the first time she had smiled in months.
"Manoo, what are you upset about? You've gone into remission. Just some more time and the cancer will disappear completely. You've responded so well to the treatment, be happy! Oh god, you're gonna live! I knew this new treatment would work!" Jeevika began giggling hysterically, like she had just heard a joke that was too good to be true. The people around them began giving them curious looks. Meanwhile from a cabin not too far away, Mr. Poet began shouting. He was in stage III, too late. Maanvi cursed her luck. She should have been in his place. She should have been dying.
Two years ago
"Maanvi, you're being stupid," Viren said. They were all sitting in the Chaudharys' living room in Rishikesh, where she was sulking on the couch, looking like a baby with colic.
"I don't care!" she shouted. "Virat is mad! What does he think of himself, asking me to marry him? Wasn't shaving his hair off bad enough? Has he forgotten that I have cancer?"
"You don't have to yell," Jeevika said softly.
"How can you be so calm?" she asked. "You are the one who wanted me to stay away from him."
Jeevika sighed. It was true; her brother-in-law's proximity to her only sister had always made her uncomfortable. Partly because she was worried of her in-laws' opinion and partly because of Virat's obsession with Maya. Swamini Bua had already discussed how Virat seemed to be growing increasingly dependent on Maanvi's company. But at the same time, there was no denying that no man could love her sister the way Virat did. How many times had she caught him snuggling next to her sister at night, massaging her back and comforting her every time she had a nightmare, or remember she was bald? Maanvi was afraid to step out of the house, but when Virat suggested wearing a bandana she had reluctantly accompanied him to the Chandigarh local market.He had even tie-dyed matching bandannas with "PARTNERS" inscribed on them.
"I'm not going back to the house," Maanvi ranted. "I don't want to see his face again." She coughed as she spoke and Jeevika worriedly looked at her sister's condition. She was growing paler by the day, as the white blood cells inside her warred for dominance.
There was an uncomfortable silence and Maanvi felt like crying. She didn't really want to make her sister and jiju unhappy.
"Di, let's go into the attic and see our old childhood photos," she suggested brightly. It was their favourite pastime in the summer vacations.
"The attic!" Jeevika said, making a face. "No way! Remember that one time when we were cleaning it and this mouse popped out of nowhere? I'm not going there again. Who knows, we'll find a spider or a cockroach?"
"Di, you're such a scaredy-cat," Maanvi giggled. "It was just one time Di. I chased it away then, and I'll do it now. Seriously Di, you don't have to be scared when I'm with you."
"No," Jeevika said stubbornly. "I'm not going there again. That's final."
Maanvi sighed. Her Di could be so petulant sometimes.
It was just that one time, and Jeevika was scared of the attic for life. They would never sit there and look at the photos of baby Maanvi and Jeevika and laugh over the funny faces and the embarrassing incidents. Or maybe they would, because Jeevika wasn't really scared for life. Maanvi was. She had lost out on her Di's message that day.
While Jeevika excitedly began phoning everyone to notify them of this exhilarating piece of news, Maanvi stared at the television. Virat Vadhera was stepping out of the Mumbai International Airport, wearing his trademark leather jacket with white shirt and blue jeans. On one side of the screen a news reporter was discussing whether his look was 'just in' or 'outdated', while on the other side several girls and boys clamoured him for autographs. He ignored them all and walked to his jeep which was waiting for him, manned by only a few thousand bodyguards, talking to some unknown person, probably his manager, on his cell phone.The crowd let out a huge scream as he lifted his guitar to them as a 'Howdy' gesture before zipping away.
I wonder where he's going, she thought dully. Jeevika had told her that he would be staying at some Marriott hotel near Juhu Beach before flying off to his hometown Chandigarh, where he had a rock concert scheduled for a day later. She had suggested going there and visiting him, considering they were in Mumbai too, but Maanvi had refused. Visit him to say what? Oh Virat, all that crap I said about how I was going to die and that you were better off without me wasn't true and now I'm going to get cured, so can you please come back to me? Like he was some kind of object which she could accept and deny depending on her mood. No, it was better he married some glamazon or some boring girl from Chandigarh Dadaji had chosen for him, instead of being Maanvi Chaudhary's puppet.
Virat would have been there with you, she thought. The dark and dusty attic, the cancer, he would have loved you through it all. And yet, maybe it was better that she had rejected him. After all, the doctor had said that in remission, there was a possibility of the cancer returning. How could she give him hope, only to see it shattered? No he was better off zipping through Mumbai's streets instead of sitting there with her in the cold, sober confines of the hospital.
A chorus of screams from the ground floor broke her depressed chain of thought. She jerked back to reality, to hear a few nurses whispering that Virat Vadhera had come to the hospital. An instant adrenaline rush flooded through her body. It was as if until then she had been some kind of limp rag doll, and some magic diety had breathed life into her. Every inch of her felt on fire, so mindblowinglyalive. This was what you called remission.
The elevator opened with a 'ping' and Virat stepped out, his jacket dripping and his hair pasted to the forehead as a result of the sudden rainfall that had started half an hour ago. As if on cue, she heard a rumble of thunder outside. "God playing the guitar strains for us," Virat said, stepping towards her. "His Kya Hua is way off tune, don't you think?"
"I'm in remission," she blurted out instantly, feeling an uncontrollable urge to beam up at him. He only smiled and pulled her into his arms.
Remission(medicine)-the state of absence of disease activity in patients with a chronic illness, with the possibility of return of disease activity.
Remission-the forgiveness of sin or the reduction of a prison sentence.
Entry #13 Blessed
The Hospital
"Hi Doctor Bakshi how is maanvi now?"
"Oh Viren! Come sit .There is a good news .She can be cured of her cancer"
"Really!"
Viren nearly screamed. He was relieved. At last maanvi would get cured and live a normal life. How painful the journey had been for maanvi but she had won in the end. After all she was Viren's saali!
"Doctor Can you please tell me the procedures ..I mean how she will get cured"
"I have discussed with a panel of doctors and we will do a bone marrow transplant and the good news is that Jeevika's blood group is same as maanvi so there will be no complications"
"Thank you doctor"
"But Viren please bring Jeevika to the hospital tomorrow we need to do it fast... till then we will prepare for it"
"Sure doctor Bakshi! You just made my day"
Viren came out of doctor Bakshi's office beaming. He wanted to jump up high and scream. He hummed a tune as he turned to maanvi ward. He entered the room and saw maanvi smiling. It had been ages since he had seen this beautiful smile and his heart smiled with her.
"Oh so you have been told the good news! Hun"
"Oh yes jiju I mean THE WOULD BE DAD"
"What!?"
"Now don't look at me as if you don't know anything ... Your wife is my sister first ok and she has told me that. "
There was a thunder in Viren's world. He was mum. Should he be happy or should he be sad. He knew that he wanted to be a father and it was a good news but was not he a husband first who had promised to take care of his wife ...to never let any tear come in her eyes. He was not confused he just couldn't choose between the two situations
"Jiju but you know that now Jeevika di will have no time for you so your love story is now in the dustbin! Hahaha!"
Viren gave a fake smile. He could not make maanvi sad at the moment .He had to keep her happy and away from the truth.
"So what maanvi! I have my brother virat with me he will stay with me Na "
"Oye! Jiju stop teasing me. Just because you know my secret that does not mean that you will tease me!"
"Ok ...ok! Your virat is yours! Shall I go now Virat will come to pick you "
"Ok jiju! "
"Ok Bye!"
"Bye"
Viren went out of the room. He could not bear to see maanvi in pain but he could not bear the pain to lose his child who hadn't even stepped in this world but could he ruin his wife's life. He had made his decision. But would Jeevika do it ...Would the heart of a mother allow this?
At the vadhera house
Just as he entered his room Jeevika rushed to hug him
Viren did not react he just pushed her away leaving Jeevika in awe
"What has happened Viren ji? Why are you so stressed? Is everything alright ... is maanvi"
Viren remained quiet .He did not reply to any question and how could he. How could he say to her that they would have to abort their child to cure maanvi?
"Ok leave it!" Jeevika blushed
"Did maanvi tell you something?"
"Ya she did "
"Aren't you happy? You wanted a child and now we have the most blissful period of our life! It's the most special day in my life! I could not wish for more"
Jeevika looked at Viren .She sensed that something was wrong.
"What has happened Viren ji?"
"Nothing Jeevika! And I am happy and who in this world will not be happy to hear this "
Viren pulled Jeevika closer and hugged her .He could not understand what to say and what not to. He had no words to convey what he was feeling. He was so troubled that tears came running out of his eyes.
"What! Why are you crying ...Please tell me what has happened:"
Jeevika was scared. She knew that Viren was strong enough and did not cry on small things but now ... What had happened that he was so troubled? She was scared ... Terribly scared
"Jeevika we have to ..."
Viren's voice cracked. He could not speak.
"Viren ji TELL ME! Is maanvi all right"
"Jeevika we have to abort our child"
Jeevika was left with her eyes open. The words just stabbed her heart. Abort her child! Tears rolled out of her eyes. She was so shocked that she fell on the ground. How could she abort her child!
Viren could not stop crying. He knew in his heart that it would take time for them to come out of this shock.
"But why Viren ji! Why!"
Jeevika shrieked she could not bear it. She shook Viren so hard that his buttons broke
"Just tell me that this is a joke"
Viren closed his eyes and looked up to the ceiling wishing that it was a joke but it was reality. It was true that they had to abort the child. It was difficult especially for a mother but Jeevika was like a mother to maanvi .He knew that Jeevika wanted maanvi more but she did not know that herself
"Jeevika the doctor has said that maanvi can be cured only if we transplant your bone marrow to hers and for this we need to "
Jeevika kept her hand on her stomach. She was not in a state to understand things she felt like a mouse so small ...so confused .She was torn in being a mother or a sister.
Viren went up to Jeevika and hugged her. He too needed the same amount of comfort as Jeevika. He knew that it was his wish to have a child, He had told to Jeevika that ...but before that he had promised her to protect maanvi and that was important for him.
Jeevika continued crying she sunk her head in his chest. Viren stroked her hairs making her feel all right. She knew that he was taking the decision for her ...for her happiness but she could not kill her child. She cried so much that viren's white shirt became transparent.
"Jeevika I don't know what will happen to us but I just know that this will cure maanvi "
Jeevika looked up into viren's eyes .She could not understand anything ...actually she did not want to understand anything. She just wanted her child and her sister in her life
"Jeevika I understand the pain but it will protect maanvi and maanvi is just like your child"
"And what about our child! Can you handle it! No you can't Viren ji! Viren ji you are asking a mother to do the impossible "
"Jeevika maanvi is your sister you have to do this for her! "
"And what about you and di jiju! Have you ever thought about that".
Viren looked up and saw maanvi and virat standing near their door.
"Bhai why are you doing this cant' we find another blood group with the same"
"You know virat it is so difficult to find the blood group of maanvi and Jeevika "
Maanvi was cursed herself. She felt that she was the cause of every problem. If she was not there her jiju and di would live happily
"Jiju! How does it matter if I die "
Viren looked into the eyes of maanvi. This was the last thing he wanted to hear
"If you say this next time ... you will get a slap "
Viren got up and wiped up his tears .He knew that he had to do it .At least her wife will be happy .It did not matter if he was sad. It did not matter at all.
"Come Jeevika we are going"
Jeevika was quiet she did not speak anything. She was in a deep shock. Viren picked her and walked up with no stir as if this child did not matter to him
"Bhai why are you giving yourself this ..."
Viren ignored everything and walked on till his car ... He had to do this
The Next day
"Congratulations Maanvi you are cured "
Maanvi gave a watery smile
Viren got up without a word. He had lost his child so he was a bit down but at least maanvi was cured
"I will go and sign the discharge papers"
He went out of the room.
Jeevika had been quiet since the previous day. She was in the shock till now maanvi took her hand in hers
"Sorry di "
Jeevika shook her head in a no.
"DI I am blessed to have you and jiju in m life. I am really debted to you di ...because of me "
Jeevika hugged maanvi and cried. She had a bag full of feelings. She was happy for maanvi ... Sad for her child and angry on Viren but in the end she was blessed to have Viren in her life
Entry #14 A storm was approaching the city of Chandighar, Viren sat by the window, watched as the rain slowing began to drizzle down. He wondered how his life has changed so much. A few weeks ago, everything was perfect, he was happy. How could life change so dramatically in a few short weeks?
It had been less than a week since Jeevika left. Left without any warning or even a goodbye. He wouldn't speak to anyone, just stayed in their room reliving the memories that surrounded him.
Suddenly he heard a scream, as he looked around he saw his past in front his eyes. Jeevika was running around the room as if there was a swarm bees behind her, she jumped on the bed from the fear of a mouse. A tiny furry animal that managed to find refuge in their bedroom. Viren laughed with amusement at the antics of his wife. Adamant that she would not come down until the mouse was gone; Viren climbed onto the bed and lifted her up. Unfortunately, he missed judged himself and they both fell straight into the mattress. Looking at each other, they couldn't help to laugh.
For a brief second, he smiled. Thinking about the beautiful moments he spent with his wife, until reality kicked in and he found himself alone once again. How could he come out of his loneliness? The storm had progressed further; it seemed as if the heavens were angry. Thunder and lightning Crashed down, scared the children of the town but Viren sat there with his window wide opened looking out into the abyss. Loneliness had engulfed his life; he was no longer the same man he once was.
Something suddenly caught his eye; he couldn't tell what it was. It looked like someone in their garden, just standing there getting drenched. Realising who it was Viren ran downstairs at the speed of light. He knocked and crashed into everything in his path, as he needed to get outside.
He ran up to the person, grabbed them the shoulders, and tuned them around.
"What the hell are you doing? You're gonna make yourself ill." he tapped her on the face and arms to try to get her to respond. However, Maanvi was in a trance of her own. She stood their vacant as if someone had left her body and her soul had flown away.
Quietly she whispered "Di"
Viren's heart sank, Di.
Di, she wanted her Di. How could Viren tell her again that her Di will never return to them. He stood there shattered, helpless at his current state. Maanvi was lost in her own world. Viren tried to bring her out of it but in vain. He couldn't move her it was as if she was stuck to the earth. She just stood there watching as the rain pour down as if it had flooded her entire world. Viren tried wake Maanvi out of her depression. But he stood there powerless and infuriated with his prediment. He couldn't help his own grief let alone Maanvi's . Unable to do a thing, Viren left, leaving Maanvi out in storm. He walked back towards the house, thinking about Jeevika.
As he peered back to the garden, he was unable to see Maanvi. He bagan to search for her, quickly he rushed back outside to try and find her, suddenly he looked down and saw her lying unconscious on the grass. He tried waking her up and alas, he carried her into the house and took her to bed. As he touched her, he could feel that she had a high temperate. This could not be happening to him again, he has already lost one person in his life, he could not lose another.
He called for someone, but no one was home. He had to get her out of her wet clothes. By which time a doctor had arrived, and gave Maanvi an injection to reduce her fever. As she woke, she didn't make a sound. Viren was sitting on a chair beside her bed. Maanvi slowly opened her eyes and saw her Jiju sitting beside her.
His eyes may have been closed but he was not asleep.
In a quiet vice Maanvi whispered "Jiju?"
Viren rose and sat on the bed beside.
"Hey, how, you feeling"
Slightly confused "I'm ok. how did I get here? I mean..."
"You collapsed outside; you were standing in the rain."
"Outside?" Confused by this statement, Maanvi couldn't remembered being outside. She remembers thinking about Jeevika but could not recollect going out into the storm.
"Jiju, I'm sorry. I umm I'm sorry."
"You don't have to be sorry. " He tapped her hand and was able to leave when Maanvi clung on.
"Jiju I'm really sorry, I know your grieving Di as well and I just, just make problems everywhere I go, I should go back to Rishikesh. With Di..." Viren stopped her mid sentence.
"No, it's not like that at all, you don't have to leave, this is your home too. Don't ever think you have to leave. We both lost your Di and have to learn to live without her. Maybe whenever we think we can't cope and things get too hard for us to handle, we can lean on each other and try as help is though this. The pain inside is indescribable; no one can understand this feeling, except you. She was both of our lives and we have to find a way to..." Viren's voice broke.
For the first time Viren extended his arm and wanted someone, he could share his sorrows with. Without Jeevika, both Maanvi's and Viren's world had crumbled. Life may not have been complete, but for now, they could support each other in their time of grief.
Entry #15 "SHE LEFT ME
VIRAT COULDNT CTRL THE RAIN POURING OUT OF HIS EYES.SHE LEFT HIM.S SHE LEFT HIM AN HOUR BEFOReTHE DESTINY SHOWED ITS POWER 2 HIM.HE CANT STOP HER THATS THE END.HE CANT TEASE R LAUGH WITH HER ANY MORE.
JEEVIKA SEEN HIM CRYING LYK KID & SEND VIREN 2 PACIFY HIM.SHE CANT GO SHE HERsefl crying.
viren went 2 him & said
MANVI IS STILL WITH U SO U BOTH CAN GET ANOTHER DAUGHTER ON THE MMRY OF UR JUST
MARRIED DAUGHTER
LIYA VIRAT
SO DNT CRY LYK A SCARED MOUSE"
Entry #16 Zindagi Ek Kari ...Kabhi Chhoti to...Kabhi Badi...
Zindagi Ek Dhuwaa ... Reth se Bhada ek Gehara Kuaaa...
Zindagi Ek Swaad ... Kabhi Meetha ... to Kabhi Khattass
Jaane Kitni Anokhi hain yeh Zindagi..Jaise Khuda se mili ek Anjaani Bandagi ...
Jaane Kitne Rang hain iss Zindagi ke ..Jo Samjhe Bane wahi kuchh Khaas ... Aur Jo Naa Samjhe kho de ek Anmol Ehsaas..
These were the lyrics of Viraat's new song. Maanvi kept reading these lines again as tears made their way down her face. She could relate with every word of the song. She wondered how unpredictable her life has been, she lost her parents when she was 4 years old and now s facing death at the age of 22. Not that she was scared of death but what shook her from bottom was the impact that it can have on her loved ones. She brokedown as she recollected the trauma Jeevika used to go through even when she caught normal cold.She was scared to even imagine the bruises her disease puts in the Di's heart.
Maanvi to herself "Mannu control kar aapne aap ko... tu iss tarah toot nai sakti ...agar tu hi himmat har gayi to ..di ka kya hoga .. " (while rubbing her tears)
She gets up to drink water when her hand touches a beautiful pendent (Viraat's gift on her Birthday) lying on her side table. It had her name engraved on one side and had "Always yours" written on the other side (She never checked the other side until recently). Her heart again felt new tides of emotions as she picked it. She held the pendent in her palm and said "Sorry Partner...Kaash ..Kaash hamaare zindagi ki gaadi hum khud chale paate ...par shayad ... bhagwaan ji hamein licence deneke mood mein nai hain" . Her never dying attitude and her moral of laughing till death tried to bring a li'l smile to her face but the storm rolling inside her heart failed all her initiatives. She sat down on floor with the pendent still in her hand when she heard a composed voice nearing her " Itna pasand hain yeh pendent to pehen kyun nai leti" Maanvi looked up and saw Viraat standing near her. She tries to get up but Viraat signal her to keep sitting and instead he makes himself sit beside her. She kept looking at Viraat recollecting the change in Viraat's behaviour ever since their first meeting in Hrishikesh. She smiled while she remembered how much he hated Hindi movies, drinking tea from plate, dancing at a desi Dhaba and how she used to make fun of his style in their early days their friendship or rather "dushmannship". She could never figure out the exact reason how and why they transformed from being just being Bhabhi ke Behen - Jiju ke Bhai to such great buddies and then such great partners who understood each other even when they were silent. She kept looking at Viraat and smiling all the while she took a walk into her memory lanes
"Kya hua Maanvi kya soch rahi ho?? Tumne mere question ka answer nai diya ab tak." Viraat asked Maanvi while maintaining a calm and composed look. His words brought back Maanvi to her real world.
Maanvi : Aaahhh ..tumne kuch kaha ???
Viraat : Haaann ..maine pucha if you like this pendent so much then why don't you just wear it???
Maanvi : (breaking from her thoughts and clearing her throat) Kisne kaha mujhe yeh pasand hain?? Yeh bas niche gir gaya tha to ..main bas utta ke rakh rahi thi.. (she lied) Aurr tum yahan kya kar rahe ho?? Maine tumse kitni baar kahan hain mere se bina puche tum mere kamre mein nai aaoge ..phir aaye kyun?
Viraat : Silent...(He goes into flashback..remembering the incident that makes Maanvi behave such with him)
Flashback
It was after the intimate moment they shared in the hospital where Maanvi first time brokedown in front of Viraat. Everything changed after that incident at for Viraat and Maanvi, especially Maanvi. Viraat always wondered the reason behind sudden change in Maanvi. He could not believe a joyous girl like Maanvi could go into shell like this. He wanted to clear everything between them as he knew that such reverse thoughts might have bad effect on her health. So one day after their lunch (at Chandigarh) Viraat goes to Maanvi and insists her to explain the reason behind her changed nature. Maanvi initially did not want to speak about it but finally succumbed to his constant demand for an answer and shouted "Kyunki ...Main tumse..." But due to her weak health she fell unconscious. It did not take him a second to figure out what she actually wanted to mean and felt happy to know how both echoed same feelings. Despite their realisation, Viraat's priority has always been Maanvi's health and decided not to disturb her anymore about this. Maanvi soon came back to her senses but after coming back to her senses she said something that he never expected to hear.
Viraat : Partner abhi tum kaisi ho?? Main tumhare liye paani leke aata hoon (tries to rise)
Maanvi : Viraat ruko ...I want a promise from you..
Viraat : What ??
Maanvi : Viraat .agar tumne kabhi bhi ..mujhe aapna aacha dost maana hain to promise me that ..aaj ke baad tum mere barein mein sochna chhor doge and will move on with your life. Promise me that from today onwards you will not even meet me. I don't want you to be around me
Viraat : Maaanv...
Maanvi : Sshhh...Please Viraat ..aab mujhse koi sawaal mat puchna ...kyunki shayad main khud bhi iska jawaad nai jaanti ...Bas main itna janti hoon ki main tumhe aapne pass dekhna nai chahati ...So please promise me that from today onwards u will not see me ..or be around me.
Viraat heard her words .and felt like dying 1000 deaths every second. The impacts of her words were million times more than the impact of her disease. For a moment he can tackle cancer but the single thought of going away from her shattered him. His emotions were bursting out like hot molten lava.
No he was not angry neither was he sad rather his emotions were an amalgamation of several sentiments unexplained. He stormed out of her room without uttering a single word. He always respected her a lot so he never broke the promise he made and since that afternoon he never went near her without her permission except till today.) Flashback ends
Viraat looks at Maanvi and says "Woh sab cchoro...yeh batao kaisi ho??" Maanvi was amazed to see him so composed given the fact he is talking to her after so many days.
Maanvi : Uhmm main thik hoon ..tum ..tum yahan kya check karne aaye ho?? Main zinda hoon ki nai??
Viraat : Nai main yahan yeh check karne aaya hoon ki yeh tum hi ho ki nai ...Mera matlab main yeh confirm karne aaya hoon ki ... jo ladki hammare ghar mein itne dino se Maanvi Chaudhary ke naam se hain woh akhir wahi Hrishikesh ki sherni Maanvi hain yaa koi bheegi billi ...
Maanvi : Yeh kaisi bakwass hain Viraat ..tum mujhe itne awesome se mausam mein pakane aaye ho??
(Maanvi referred to the Monsoons first rain ...playing with the winds like a free mouse unknown of its destination...The winds brought fresh air into their rooms and spread serenity in the atmosphere)
Viraat rises and goes near the window, collects a few drops of rain and sprinkles at Maanvi's face to make her furious. Maanvi did not get angry to his surprise but was rather taken by surprise to see his new side. Viraat continues
"Maanvi aaj main tumhare room mein na to tumse kuch puchne aaya hoon aur naa hi kuch batane aaya hoon . Main yahan bas tumhe tumhari hi kahi hui ek baat yaad dilaane aaya hoon . Yaad hain ek din hum sab tumhe tumhare career ke bare mein puch rahe the ..aur tumne kya answer diya tha?? "
Maanvi tries to remember ..while Viraat interrupts "Accha apne nanhe se dimmag pein zor mat dalo ..Main batata hoon..tumne kahan tha ki Zindagi bahut chhoti si ..hain isko ek dusre se gussa raheke yaar ek dusre se ladke kyun beetana.. Har insaan ko ek hi zindagi milti hain jeene ko .to usse khulke jeena chahiye na ki dukhi reheke yaa kisi ko dukhi karke"
Maanvi recollected the incident which Viraat just mentioned.
Maanvi : Tumhara kya matlab hain Viraat??
Viraat : Mere kehene ka matlab sirf yehi hain ki I want my old Hrishikesh wala Maanvi back who always used create problems for others. I want that Bandariya Maanvi back who could smile even in the toughest situation. I WANT THE MAANVI IN YOU BACK (he cups her face while saying these)
His words acted like ice to her soul which was till now burning in the rage of hurting Viraat. The effect of his words was much like the effect of first rain which had just put an end to the scorching heat of Chandigarh. His words instilled a certain power in Maanvi; all her negative thoughts seemed to get washed away with the rain and showed her the ultimate path to happiness, the ultimate way to enjoy life. She remembered the First line of Viraat's song
Zindagi Ek Kari ...Kabhi Chhoti to...Kabhi Badi...
Entry #17 I Can Kiss Away the Pain
I can be your hero baby
I can kiss away the pain
I will stand by you forever
You can take my breath away
It was pouring rain outside. And the realization had just hit her. She loved rain, loved getting wet, loved it when the raindrops fell on her face and made her eyes tickle. She loved being a total girlie girl and running outside in the rain and jumping up and down in puddles. That was who she was. She was Maanvi, a simple, yet crazy, yet young-at-heart type of girl who loved everything about rain and the weather that followed it. Because she loved the smell of fresh grass after the rain; the richness of the ground as the rain hits it, sometimes as a gun, just flashing itself on the ground or sometimes like a small, slow violin, a drop after another.
She loved the thunder too, lightening; she wasn't a big fan of, but definitely thunder. The big boom sound it made to scare her but yet engulf her and tell her that he was coming...that rain was coming. And sometimes, the rain also helped her hide the pain, the intense raw emotions that poured down her eyes. Just like right now.
The rain was her cover. Cover from the tears that were rolling down her eyes. Because when it was raining, no one could tell that she was sad, that she was crying; that she was suffering. She didn't want people to pity her; she didn't want people to be nice to her because they felt sorry for her. And that is why she loved the rain. As much as the rain brought her pleasure, and happiness, it brought her support, cover from the various questions that would be asked later on.
Maanvi was not an emotional fool. She didn't cry easily but now, she had to. She had to because she was feeling the same emotion that her Jeevika Di felt for her Viren Jiju. Love. Pyaar. Mohobbat. Ishq. She was in love. The realization had just hit her but she was in love. She was in love with her best friend. Her partner, the person who she fought win, laughed with, joked with, had some of the best moments of her life with, the person who supported her throughout her battle against Cancer, the person who in a very short while became so much to her. Virat. She was in love with Virat.
And she didn't want to be.
It was now that she realized that she couldn't bear to see him with any other girl. Before she had just thought her feelings when she found him hanging with another girl was irritation, irritation at the fact that he was being a flirt, but now she knew what it was. It was jealousy. She wanted to be Virat's everything. She wanted to be the person who would be the reason of the smile on his face, not anyone else. She wanted to be the person with whom he laughed, shared his most precious moments with. She wanted to be his.
But she couldn't. Her cancer was lingering in her heart. In her blood. She couldn't destroy his life. She couldn't trust herself, trust her cancer. What if something went wrong? What if something happened to her? If he does love her, just like she loves him, his life would turn upside down. She had cancer, and something could happen to her at any time. Then what? Then what would happen to him? She couldn't do this. She couldn't tell Virat that she loved him. She'd have to forget him, let him go. See him talk to other girls. She couldn't destroy Virat's life just because she realized she was insanely, irrevocably in love with him. She couldn't leave Virat hanging.
Maanvi placed her arms around herself to get away from the chilly feeling of breaking his heart, leaving Virat alone if something did happen to her. She couldn't do this to him. She couldn't be the reason that he broke.
"Maanvi!" Maanvi heard Virat's voice ringing in her ears. She turned around to see Virat running towards her.
Her voice was mum. The rain was hiding her tears but still, she couldn't seem to meet his eyes. Because somewhere deep down, she knew that Virat would see through her pretence and know that she loves him.
"Maanvi, what do you think you are doing?"
"N...no...nothing. Actually I just...love the rain." Maanvi tried very hard to give him a fake smile, but failed. There was no point fighting her feelings now. She had to tell him, he had to know.
"Lies. You're stuttering."
"No...no I am not. I am just cold."
"Maanvi, it's not that cold outside. Tell me why you are here, walking out in the rain. Tell me now. Abhi." Virat gently held Maanvi's shoulders to assure her of his presence.
"Virat..." Maanvi turned away from Virat. She couldn't bear to tell him the truth about her feelings while looking at his face. His eyes. "I..." Maanvi closed her eyes, "When I first met you Virat, I didn't like you. We fought, we argued, we teased each other. We had our share of arguments and fights and we also had our share of emotional moments. And you were always there to support me throughout my battle for cancer. Being with you gave me hope, gave me light that I might, I just might make it through this battle and be with you, Jeevika Di, Viren Jiju...Thank you for that. And then we came here, I saw you talking to other girls, and something just didn't feel right. First I thought you were being a flirt and slowly, I started noticing myself, trying to look good, just to impress you. And I realized that my irritation towards you was a possessive instinct, jealousy...and for the past few days, I kept thinking and thinking. And with the moments we shared to the fights we had, I don't know when or how but I fell in love with you."
"Maanvi..." Maanvi could hear the feel of happiness in his voice and it killed her.
"Virat...let me finish. Please." Maanvi held one of her hand closely to her heart. "But...but I think this is wrong. Virat, I can't love you. I have cancer. I might die anytime Virat and right now, I just have this access baggage on me and I don't want you to bear the weight. What if...what if I die Virat? What then? I can't love you because I know that even without you having similar feelings for me, my death...it would hurt. I didn't want to fall in love with you Virat. But I did. I am sorry."
"Is that it? Or do you have anything else left to say?" Maanvi turned around to face Virat to see him standing there with anger pouring down his eyes. And that anger was something dangerous, something that she had never seen before. But amidst the anger she could see his love. His love for her.
"Virat?"
"Maanvi, now let me talk. I love you too Maanvi. And I knew I loved you long back, when I found out it was you who helped Maya in trying to win me back. I love you for who you are Maanvi. I love you for your craziness, your ideas, your thoughts, your smile, you eyes, and especially your courage. And cancer? What makes you think that you and your cancer are a baggage for me? Partners are supposed to stick together like glue, through thick and thin and cancer is...we can fight cancer. I supported you before with cancer, I support you now, and I'll continue to support you till I take my last breath Maanvi. No one can tell me what to do Maanvi, not even you. You can't tell me to stay away from you because I won't listen. I love you Maanvi because you make me feel good, you make me feel like I am worth something. You make me feel like I can do anything, fight any evil, win any war. You were there for me when I needed someone to understand me and I'll always be there for you too."
"Virat but..."
"And as far as you loving me goes, I love you, you love me and that is all that matters right now. Stop thinking about the future, live in the present. What will come in the future doesn't matter. What matters is what we have right now. Right at this moment with is you and I." Virat brings both his hands forward and gently grasp Maanvi's. "I love you like this rain Maanvi, pouring from my heart and soul and landing right on you, around you."
Maanvi smiles and grasps Virat's hands gives Virat a tight hug. She loved the warmth of Virat's body, the hold of his firm big hands around her like a live blanket. She loved it when Virat showered her with love. She loved him. All of him.
"I love you Virat."
"I love you too, and either ways, I thought you, Maanvi were a wildcat, but you run away from love like a mouse!"
Maanvi pulled away from Virat with a shocked expression on her face and hits him gently on the arm before laughing. Virat makes her laugh, and seeing her laugh, Virat started laughing too. "Owww Maanvi!" Virat shakes his head and gently but firmly holds Maanvi's face and places a small, soft kiss that was worth a thousand words.
Entry #18 Ishaqzaade
Ik ore badhne lagey jo
Ik dor bandhne lagey jo
Ik shor karne lagey jo
Do dil..
Ik chal chalne lagey jab
Ik dhaal dhalne lagey jab
Ik thaal chakhne lagey jab
Do dil..
Judney lagey..lagey
Do dilon ke yeh jab kinaare
Udney lagey ishaqzaade
Ishaqzaade ishaqzaade ishaqzaade
Jeevika Vadera looked up at the sky to see the moon quietly disappearing behind the shadow of clouds. Jeevika smiled. Her favourite weather, cloudy with a whole lot of upcoming rain. She loved watching the rain pour down, on her hands, on her face. She loved having it rain in the afternoon because after every rainy day would be a rainbow. She loved the smell of fresh grass which had just been watered by the rain, the ground giving the popular musky scent.
Jeevika looked up at the sky when she heard the loud rumble of thunder. Something good would happen tonight. Thunder and rain together meant a good sign. Jeevika smiled and placed her hands out, extending her arms on both sides and twirling around in the still stellar, non-rainy weather. Her sari moved gracefully around with her. Jeevika's face was looking up at the cloudy night sky when she felt the first, the very first rain drop hit her cheek with a small 'dip'.
And slowly, as she continued to twirl around, then raindrops started to fall, one by one, and suddenly with the sound of another rumble of thunder, the rain quickened and fell down hard and magnificently. Jeevika stopped twirling and stood in one stop, soaking in the rain, soaking in the peace and quiet excluding the sound of falling raindrops.
"Jeevika? What are you doing? You're getting wet! Come inside! You'll catch a cold." Jeevika could hear Viren's distressed yet amused voice and smiled. She felt like a child again.
"No Viren ji! The rain is beautiful. Right now I feel like I can conquer the world," Jeevika replied back to Viren without opening her eyes to even look at Viren.
"Jeevika please, come inside."
"No Viren ji! You come outside and enjoy the rain. Feel the raindrops against your skin. If you haven't felt rain falling against your skin then you haven't lived your life the way it should be lived."
Viren just smiled at his wife's childish antics. He was more amused at the carefree Jeevika he was witnessing right now then be worried about her catching a cold. Viren ran his hand through his hair and stepped outside in the rain from the shadow of the porch and walked towards his wife in a warm yet 'I've-got-you-now-and-you-can't-escape' way. Viren felt the rain pour against his shirt and face and he liked every moment of it.
Viren stopped when he neared Jeevika and just watched in awe as his wife stood there soaking in the rain. She was beautiful, and he told her that everyday but for the first time, he was seeing a carefree Jeevika, who wanted nothing else to do but have fun in the rain.
Without a warning, Viren grabbed onto Jeevika's hand and pulled her with a loud thud against him. His other free hand automatically gripped her waist with a tight possessive hold, making a statement to no one in particular that she was his. Viren's hand held tightly onto the part of Jeevika's waist that was not covered by the pallu of her sari and his action was met with a loud gasp and a rapid opening of eyes from Jeevika.
Viren and Jeevika's noses were close enough to tough, his lips just inches away from meeting hers. Her lips were a rosy pink, with the water from the rain holding onto them, refusing to drip down to the ground. Her eyes stared intensely into his. Viren could swear he felt Jeevika's heart beating faster and louder and he tried very hard not to smile. Viren had the same effect on Jeevika's heart, her soul just the way she affected his.
"Viren ji..." Both of Jeevika's hands had a tight hold on Viren's shoulders.
"You were right" Viren says, his voice suddenly thick and romantic at the same time.
"About?"
"You were right about how if you haven't experienced rain falling against your skin, then you haven't experienced anything. And right now I love the rain, because it's letting me hold you against me. Do you know how beautiful you look in the rain? Just like an angel. My angel."
Jeevika's cheeks turned a blush pink and she turned her eyes away from Viren. She loved it when he talked romantic with her but at the same time she blamed him for making her feel more nervous and being the reason for her blushing a lot.
"Viren ji...stop it. You are making my cheeks turn red."
"It's called 'blushing' my dear wife and you do that a lot."
"It's all because of you." Jeevika says, wrapping her arms around Viren's neck.
"Oh sweetheart, I take full credit for making you blush."
Jeevika smiled and placed her head against Viren's chest. Viren let go of Jeevika's waist and wrapped his arms around Jeevika like a blanket, protecting her from anything bad that might occur.
Jeevika opened her eyes from the warmth of Viren's chest to see a mouse carrying a huge piece of cheese which was barely fitting in his mouth over to the small hole near a tree. There, she saw another mouse and two baby mice and smiled. A family. A family, with two parents and two kids. A family that one day, Viren and she would have. Jeevika smiled at the thought of Viren as a father. He would make an excellent dad would be involved in the day to day life of their kids and she couldn't wait.
But right now, she was going to live in the moment with him. Enjoy it. And the rest, everything including the kids would come later.
Viren pulled Jeevika away from his chest and kissed her lightly on the forehead, before pulling her out, extending his arm and then her arm before pulling her in again, with his hand moving to her waist. The other hand held tightly onto her other hand while her other free hand was placed against his shoulder, just like two people in position for a slow dance.
"Viren ji, what are we doing?" Jeevika asks, quite uncertain of Viren's intentions.
"Dancing." Viren said, giving Jeevika the mystical Prince Charming grin.
"But there is no music."
"The rain is our music."
Jeevika blushed again before finally giving in and moving step by step with Viren. Viren held his hand out and twirled Jeevika around in the rain. He then pulled Jeevika in and turned her around so her back was against his chest and slowly started to move his hand up her arm, gently, seductively. When Viren's hand got up till Jeevika's chest, he moved it around her neckline till his hand was lying protectively from one shoulder to another before turning her around in his arms.
Viren could hear the loud thud, thud of Jeevika's heart and melted. Both of Viren's hands which had now found their way to her waist, moved up her arms and cupped the sides of Jeevika's face, gently but firmly. Passion, intensity, raw emotions...they were clear in his eyes and the same showed in hers.
"Jeevika...I love you. I fell in love with you the first time I saw you, when you fell from the sky, like an angel. I think it was then that I decided that you were the one for me. My soul mate. It was then, after knowing you, your thoughts, your values, your immense love for your family, your extreme care for your family that I decided that if it wouldn't be you, then I didn't want anyone else. I told you I love you before...in fact many times over but never in the rain. I love you Jeevika."
"Viren ji...I love you too. You coming into my life changed my life...drastically...for the better. Because of you, I became a better human being. Because of you my life...finally feels complete. Before I met you, I loved my family, my sister Mannu but after you came into my life, my life got a whole new meaning and that meaning was to stand by your side, love you and, be the best life partner...soul mate for you. You are a good human being and I am glad that I got the chance to have a soul mate like you. If I am your angel, then you are everything to me. I love you too."
Viren nodded his head and smiled. "Thank you...thank you Jeevika."
Viren slowly brought Jeevika's face and leaned forward himself. Jeevika slowly closed her eyes as she held onto Viren's hands. Viren closed his eyes too as his lips met Jeevika's. Her lips were salty from the rain, but all the too sweet and enchanting. Jeevika's lips were soft, almost like her. Simple, sweet, soft but the passion flared from the kiss. Her lips might have been sweet but she was kissing him with intense, raw passion, just like he had hoped.
Viren's lips were firm and possessive. The passion and intensity of the situation, the moment flared in his kiss. His lips knew what they wanted and Jeevika could feel the taste of rain that was on his mouth against her lips.
The rain continued to pour as the kiss deepened.
Entry #19 The lost hope
'I am sorry Mr. Vadhera, we tried but no vain. We couldn't save her', the doctor informed, patting him on his shoulder in comfort before walking away; taking away the life that stood in the figure in front of him.
'I am coming home in half an hour; it's raining heavily. I think I might be late', Maanvi informed as she drove the car in the pouring rain; the flashlights of neighboring cars flashing too brightly.
'Maanvi! Why are you on the phone when you're driving? It's alright just be careful and pull over when you need to talk', he scolded as he huffed from anger. His fianc needed reasons to talk. She had been a careless driver, saying she found the streets too distracting to concentrate on the road ahead. 'Love you', she whispered.. It would be an hour before she reached Chandigarh.
'Love you sweetheart' he answered as he hung the phone; holding his phone closer to him. It had been a week since he had last seen her; she had gone to Mumbai for a conference; he missed her immensely. He smiled warmly as he thought about his wedding gift for her; an apartment in Mumbai so they can live out there and he can join a law firm so there would be no distances.
The dark figure stood motionless, the earlier words sinking in his head. His body trembled in fear; fear of losing her. He breathed in and out, his breaths getting shorter by each second as he dragged his feet inside the hospital room. Gliding through any path to be as near to her as possible. Every step in finding her, leading towards her. The mere possibility of her leaving cannot exist in his dreams yet alone in the real world. This wasn't the plan; they were supposed to grow old together.
Virat moved through the door and so did Maanvi. Their hand brushed against each other; a touch that was comfortable yet new; possessive yet passive. Maanvi yanked her hand away and walked further into the house only to be stopped by the tugging of her dupatta; pulling her back to the fate she was avoiding. A partner that was her soul mate; a friend that was a lover. Her heart stopped in her chest; her breathing accelerated. 'Why is he holding my dupatta?' she asked as she turned around slowly to face him.
She followed his gaze to see the dupatta around the door handle; her eyes snapped at his face. His eyes were so different than before. They held care and desires; hurt and anger. They were trying to mask their feelings; something they have never done before. His eyes had always been a clear indication of his feelings so why was he bound on hiding them. Virat lowered his eyes unable to look at her dejected face; the hurt which screamed out at him. There stood two figures, both of their hearts were being pulled into many directions.
Opening the door, he took in the vivid image of white sprawled across the hospital bed. Her black tresses on the pillow, the radiant face was lifeless with her eyes closed; serene and angelic. A band of bandage wounded on her forehead as the mere sight of blood was peeking out; his jaw clenched involuntary. He sucked in his breath to acknowledge the life which was now drained. The life which he tried to protect but he failed; he lost his life.
You are beautiful person. You know why I know this? Because you are the most inspiring person I know. You are special Maanvi', he had told her after she crashed down on the stairs of the hospital. The tears swarm in her eyes as they flowed endlessly; the seriousness of the situation dawning upon her. That mere statement pierced her heart and she longed for a source of comfort; embracing his tightly.
He didn't understand the boldness; should he hug her back? Should he not? He welcomed the embrace; his arms snaked around her, pulling her closer as the heartbeats of two souls merged into one. He wanted to be closer to her as her arms moved from his back to the collar of his shirt. He brushed his lips against her head; slightly pecking. She as she moved back slowly to realize what she had done; given in to the moment. His gaze stayed on hers as she looked on; embarrassed and ashamed but moreover confused.
He opened her fist to reveal the mouse hair pin he had won for her in the carnival. He chuckled lightly by the memory of a private joke before crashing down on his knees; sobbing uncontrollably, drawing in warm breaths and spitting it out as life meant nothing. Breathing was merely a chore. She couldn't leave him at this point; she was his partner.
'You're promoted, from now on you're my partner', she declared brightly, pointing her finger at him. It sounded more like an order. He mirrored her infectious smile; the life she bought around him. The happiness of the world would always surround her; she would always share it with him.
Looking around the room in daze, he insisted that she was still here. He could feel her, she hasn't been taken away from him. If she had, he wouldn't feel a presence. He rapidly got up on his feet and shook her to wake her up. 'Wake up please', he pleaded as droplets of tears landed on her face but in no vain as she held her lifeless ground. He brushed his lips against her forehead and traced the jawline...nothing. He marched up to the window in disappointment and fury, running his shaky hands through his hair. He punched the wall harder as it drew out blood, somehow soothing him as he waited in anticipation for her. If he had to wait a lifetime, he would.
You do know the ball has to go in the basket? I mean, I am just saying. It seems like you're aiming for everything- everyone', as she pointed to the stall keeper who was rubbing his head gently from the aftermath of being hit by a ball. 'Why don't you aim for the basket?', she mocked, her eyebrows rose up and she bit her lip from bursting into fits of laughing she had been suppressing.
'What will I get?' he asked; ignoring her mocking expressions as he gazed onto the glorious face; which held so much faith. 'What do you want?' she asked suspiciously.
'A promise', he answered as he looked upon her confused eyes; the hint of amusement had replaced into annoyance. 'You are never to leave me', he asked; looking into her dejected eyes and his eyes lingered onto her white gold engagement band. 'Why make I promise which I can't fulfill?', she answered as she began to walk away from the stall before the feelings of being lost encountered her. Her body was pulled back abruptly into a strong chest. 'You are never to leave me', he gritted through his teeth; marking his authority.
'This', he pointed to her heart, Belongs to me; only me. You are never to take it away from me; to take my breath away. Do you understand?' he asked as she nodded her head. It had been a month since she had got an all clear from cancer; Virat had seen her through her lowest point in life, through the darkness of death and he wasn't going to lose her again.
He heard the sudden beep of the machine and the frantically increasing heart beat that flashed onto the monitor. Virat turned around abruptly to see her body jolt up as she sucked in air; her eyes snapped open and she blinked them rapidly. He rushed to her bed and sat on it; grabbing her hand as the tears shone from his eyes; the difference was they were the tears of happiness. Life had given her another chance; to be with him. He knew life was kind to her and would never be cruel. He kissed her forehead as she smiled warmly. He leaned into her; his forehead against hers; to never be apart again.
'I will never leave you, I will fight my way to be with you; I will fight myself from the pit of hell to be with you; the brightness of the heaven. I will never stop my breaths for you', she had promised as the ball went into the basket.
Entry #20 Angrezi beat
The monsoon season reflected through the pouring in Chandigarh; brisky winds swayed around picking up the summer leaves; greenest leaves. The moon hung low in the sky. Maanvi sat onto the window seat as she looked out to the sky; the illuminating moon hung below the star line. Light rain sputtered on to the ground and trailed down the window. She couldn't understand the feelings she had felt. Her heartbeat increased at the sight of his; his piercing brown orbs never left her as she walked across the room. It had been a week of the constant staring. He would never lower his gaze; unashamed and proud; drinking in the sight of her.
She rubbished the thought and walked over to her bed; picking up her dusky pink lehenga with a crop top. She rushed to the full mirror, holding the lehenga and top against her and admiring it in the mirror; it was a gift from her parents; more like a demand.
'You look nice in a crop top', his voice flooded into her mind as she clutched onto her top. Her breathing ragged by the husky voice on the day of the haldi when he had come to their house to deliver some wedding stuff. He had walked up to her and whispered the line in her ear as she debated whether to wear anarkali or the lehenga.
Who does he think he is? Telling me what to wear! Maanvi Chaudhary? I will wear whatever I wish and I wish to wear an anarkali.
After 5 minutes, she walked out of the bathroom to look at herself in the mirror; the chiffon pink lehenga hung below her waist; drop waist. The small choli was beaded in little silver shimmers that complimented the plain chiffon lehenga and her tan complexion to perfection. 'I wish to wear a lehenga', she concluded in her head as she bunched up the lehenga in her hand and walked out; an extra beat to her steps.
___________
She descended down the stairs; rushing over to the dance floor. She jumped around the space; fisting her hands in the air as her other hand was clutching the lehenga. so she wouldn't trip over her feet. Her hair bounced on to her face as she grabbed the group of girls and followed to the seating area of the groom and bride; her beloved sister and her jiju.
'Right so let's start the deal. Your shoes in exchange with money, we accept checks too', Maanvi cheered as she stood near to the seats with a group of girls dressed in the brightest wedding outfits; she leaned onto her sister's chair and rose her eyebrows at Viren. 'Well?' She asked as Viren took out his wallet and smiled.
'Well', came the reply as Maanvi turned around to see the familiar voice and the familiar face; making his way to their side. Her breathing accelerated as she looked away to calm her unsteady breaths. She shifted her weight to her other foot; uncomfortable by the encounter that was soon to follow. ''Don't the girl's side steal the shoes at the wedding? Didn't know they had a rasam on sangeet as well', Virat asked as he sat next to Viren.
Maanvi's furious eyes lingered onto his handsome face; the straight nose, his eyes were the darkest brown coated by the longest lashes; mysterious to some extent. Her eyes trailed down to his lips, plumped and strong; smirking at her. 'Wait! What am I doing?' she wondered as her eyes snapped up and away; knowing she might have been caught staring at his lips. She clutched onto the border of her dupatta in disbelief.
'We are all for the rasams, as much as you can repeat them, it only brings good luck right?' she defended, bored. 'All I hear is rasam, money, money, money, rasam', he muttered robotically as her jaw dropped; forming an o shape. If he wasn't her Jiju's brother; she was sure he would have been shown the door long time ago.
'Why don't you make yourself useful. Stop these cat and mouse games?' she asked; motioning her hands in the air to scoot over and leave while Jeevika tugged onto her arms and stared her to stop being rude. 'Anyway Jiju, we are asking for 20 thousands', Maanvi replied as Viren laughed. '30', came the reply from another girl.'40' a high pitched girl's voice pitched in.
'Miss head -in -the- clouds, come back to the earth and check your box before you demand money' Virat stated as Maanvi's eyes creased in confusion. She followed Virat's gaze to the green box of shoes; she rushed to the box and grabbed it off a girl; opening it to see an empty box.
'Whoops', Virat spoke in her behalf; gasping at the sudden turn of events. 'Where are the shoes?' Maanvi snapped as she placed her hands on her hips; her eyes sent daggers to every form of his smirk and he chuckled by the way her eyes never left his.
'Upstairs, the bride's room', Virat answered as she gathered up the lehenga in her hand and ran towards the room. She wasn't going to give him a chance to take the box away; she wasn't sure why he had told him where the box was and she wasn't going to stand there in his heated gaze.
She walked into the bridal room; swinging the door open and muttering unintelligent things under her breath. 'He thinks he owns this place', she shrieked. 'Well he kind of does; since he lives here and it is his house', the subconscious voice in her head uttered. 'Not the point', she muttered in annoyance.
She frantically ran around the room; picking up bunches of orange and yellow boxes and going through them; opening the cupboards and scanning through the shelves... nothing was found. Her anger reaching high on levels and her eyes began to moist; as the breach of rage shot through her.
'Oh sorry did I say the bride's room; which one was it again?' he asked with a small smile; leaning against the open door. If Priyanka was allowed saath khoon maaf then why can't she commit one?' she thought as she stared onto Virat, hoping to wipe the sly smile off his face.
'Give me the shoes back', she stated; holding out her hands and tapping her foot in impatience. Virat grinned and took out her hand, pulling her closer to him so she crashed into him. Her hands unintentionally went out to clutch onto the collar of his brown sherwani. 'Promise me a date', he said as her eyes widened. She pulled onto his hands; trying to get them off, which were around her waist; holding her closer then she would like.
'I said give me the shoes', she repeated throwing an irritated glance. 'Coffee tomorrow at 12 would be fine?' he stated, leaning in towards her as she turned her face to the side; avoiding his mesmerizing eyes. 'I'd rather bungee jump without a parachute', she replied; sticking out her tongue.
'You don't feel anything when I am close to you?' Virat asked as he leaned in closer. Of course she felt something when he was this close to her; she felt tingly. Her breathing got ragged and her heart beat shot in a speed that wasn't humanly possible.
'Touching you?' he asked; brushing his finger down her cool arms; Maanvi sighed at the trails. His hands went to her back and he caressed lightly. 'Nice top', he whispered. She felt the touch in her spine; as it shivered her body. A remote touch which was anything but strange. It was comfortable and exciting.
'Kissing you?' he whispered as he brushed his lips on her jaw line trailing down her neck; leaving wet kisses. 'Virat', she said in haziness; her lips creating havoc on her senses. 'Well do you Maanvi?' he asked as she pursed her lips together; her voice had been lost in the process and he grinned. 'Do you Maanvi?' he asked again and she muttered an 'ahmm', this time nodding her head in a yes and he kissed her neck.
'Good, I'll see you tomorrow for coffee'', he stated as he pulled her away; winking at her and walked away out of the door; leaving behind a flabbergasted Maanvi, who could only look at the door in confusion. 'What just happened?', she murmured.
Entry #21 Orchids and Lilies - VirMan OS
'Zulfe teri, itni ghani. Main inko jab yaad karta hoon, phoolo si aayi khushboo'
Virat walked by the lake, looking ahead and listening to Maula Mere, singing along with the lyrics. He put his hand on his head, used to the feeling by now. He rubbed his head and smiled, remembering Maanvi's reaction on seeing it. That was the first time she actually broke down in front of him, when she actually let herself go, and when she actually hugged him and didn't shy away from him after that.
She had hugged him tightly, and didn't let go for a long time and he kept rubbing her back and kissing her head. When she did break the hug, he expected her to look away and never meet his eyes again but what she did next, made him love her even more and hate cancer more than he ever did. She put her hand at the base of his scalp and pulled his head down and stood on her toes and kissed his scalp and lingered there for a minute and whispered, 'Thank you Virat.'
He reached his destination in a few minutes. He had been going there everyday, for the past three weeks and he knew the place even in his sleep. He had lived in Chandigarh almost all his life, and yet, he hadn't seen the most beautiful place there. Maanvi brought him there. It was the most beautiful meadow he had ever seen. The grass wasn't trimmed, there were flowers everywhere and it looked wild, but it was perfect.
A strong gush of wind blew against him, and he closed his eyes and let himself get lost in it. It would be raining anytime soon, he knew, but it didn't matter to him. Maanvi loved rain, and so did he. He walked to the center of the meadow, and picked a few pink orchids, and looked around for another flower to match the one he picked. He walked around the meadow for a while, looking around for another one when it started raining heavily. He smiled and ran his hand over his scalp before continuing his search. After walking for a while he found white lillies, he picked up a few and put the bunch together and began walking out singing, 'Aakhein teri, itni haseen ki inka aashiq mein ban gaya hoon, mujh ko basa le inme tu'
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He was still soaked to the bone when he reached home but he didn't go to change immdeiately. He went to Maanvi's room and knocked on the door and waiting for a minute before peeking in. He laughed when he saw Maanvi, sitting on the bed moving the attachable mouse of the laptop vigorously, eyebrows knitted in frustration, bandana on head. She looked up when she heard his laugh.
"Partnerrr! Dekho na, kya ho gaya is laptop ko! Main kabse tumhara intezaar kar rahi thi! Kitna der lagaya!" He walked up to the to her, flowers hidden behind his back. He took a look at the laptop before saying,
"Im sorry Partner. Woh, baarish ho rahi thi na, toh traffic bahut zyada tha. Lo, dikhao. Hang ho gaya hain. Theek ho jayega. Tum isse chodo. Ab guess karo." He shut the laptop with his left hand and moved it off her lap.
"Virat, maine tumse kitni bahar kaha hain, agar baarish hoti hain, toh jald se jald waapis aana chahiye na?" She frowned at him, taking in his dripping clothes.
"Guess karo na."
"Ummm." She put her finger on her lips and tilted her head. "Pink? Aurrr white?"
He grinned at gave her the flowers. She took them and smiled up at him.
"Ab mera gift?" He winked at her, as she reddened slightly, but smiled nevertheless.
"Main har roz yaad rakhti hoon na? Aao." Virat smiled and bent down so that their heads were at the same level. She placed her hand on his face and made him turn sideways, and kissed his cheek and whispered, "Thank you Virat."
Entry #22 Bandish~ Limitless Love in a Limited Life
The one person that she loved since her childhood, the one who always brought a smile to her face. Every time she hears someone her heart starts to race. She looks toward the door with expectant eyes that she might see her beloved, but the wind proclaims her loneliness. Her smile fades and she looks down discouraged. Her heart refuses to listen, but her mind silences her once again. The sun shines, but she is locked up in darkness. She hears laughter, but she refuses to smile. She remembers only one name, the name that is engraved in her heart, Viren.
I hear shrieks, echoing my name. I sense the helplessness in her voice. I want to tell her I am here, but they tell me I can't. They say that she will kill me, that she is danger for me. But I wonder how the person, who used to hurt herself for my sake, can possibly harm me. They tie her up and I see her from far away. She yelps in pain, but I make sure she doesn't see me. Her every tear shreds my heart to strips, but I can't do anything. She doesn't deserve this pain, it wasn't her fault. I am worthy of this anguish, that I have caused her. She loved me, truly loved me, still does. But I betrayed her, I didn't want to but I did and she hurt herself more. She didn't hate me, but began to despise herself. She had waited for me, she had forgotten the world for my sake. She left everyone to be with me, but I didn't give her the love that she deserved. I didn't respect her feelings, I am horrible person. But then why doesn't she forget me, why does she desire to get drenched in the rain of my love?
They think I am crazy, I am. I am crazy in love with him. I don't care what the world thinks, but does he think that I am crazy too? If he doesn't, then why does he stay away from me? He thinks I don't see him, he thinks that he has hurt me, but he hasn't. He loves me, he refuses to believe it, but he does. If he didn't love me, then he wouldn't be here, he would be with her not me. He wouldn't cry every time I cried. He wouldn't hurt himself every time they hurt me. But I'll wait, like I waited before, this time my wait won't fail, my love won't fail.
They tell me to forget her and move on, but I tell them that I won't. I sit outside her room for hours, I touch the wall and feel her presence. She does too, I can tell, her touch even through a wall is the same. I remember the times we spent together, her laughter, her eyes, her innocence. The way she cared for others, her heart that is so pure and clear as if it is water. All those memories that bring a smile to my face, but then drained out by the remembrance of her tears and the lies that I had told her. And then I go back in my thoughts trying so hard to changed what I had done.
"Please Jeevika ke saath kuch mat karna, main tumhare saamne haath jodtha hoon, please," I pleaded.
"Ek shart par, tum raaste se hat jao, mujhe Jeevika se shaadi karne do, usse tumse nafrat karne pe majboor kar do, aur main usse haath bhi nahin lagaoon ga," Manan stated smugly.
I had no choice, no choice at all. He was going to kill her, he had taken her captive. I had to listen to what he said, otherwise my Jeevika would '', no, I wouldn't let that happen.
"Theek hai, main tayar hoon," I said choking back all other thoughts and feelings.
I compelled her to hate me, to be disgusted with even my name. But she didn't hate me, no matter how insolently I behaved, she loved me more. Manan gave me a last chance, he told me to tell Jeevika that I hated her. I refused, but then realized that I couldn't be so selfish.
"Jeevika main tumse pyar nahin karta!" I shouted.
"Viren tum aise kaise keh sakte ho, yeh kaisa mazak hai," she questioned expectantly.
"Main mazak nahin kar raha, I hate you, tumhari shakal bhi nahin dekhna chahta main, Just leave!" I pushed her away.
I saw the shock on her face, I expected her to come and slap me. I stood there waiting, but it never came. She silently got up and walked up to me and said, "Sorry," before walking away forever. I knew that she loved me, respected me, and cared for me, but I didn't know that I meant that much for her. She took my words so seriously, she began to hate herself. She blamed herself for my hatred making me even more guilty. She tried to kill herself many times, and that was when everyone began to think she was crazy. They locked her up and never let anyone go near her. But I never listened, I went through all her pain with her.
I sit by the wall quiet as a mouse and try to capture his touch through the wall, I can hear quiet sobs and I know what he is thinking about. I caress the wall as if trying to console him, and a few moments later the crying stops.
They are going to come hear again today, to tie me up and do my "treatment". I quietly wait for the door to open, and seconds later it does. But this time it isn't them, I see him walk in and he was crying again. I try to get up, but don't have enough strength. He walks up to me and helps me get up. I hold on to him and he doesn't say anything. For a long time, we stay in the same position until we hear footsteps. He gets anxious and reaches in his pocket. He pulls out a sharp metal object with a black handle. It is a dagger. I look at him confused, and he just stares at the dagger. He looks up at me with teary eyes, and mouths a sorry. I try to ask him something, and just then he stabs me with the dagger. He is crying, but says he can't see me in pain. He says that he can't live without me and then stabs himself as well. We couldn't live together, but at least we could die together. This might have been the end to our story in this world, but our love will never have an end.
Entry #23 Helpless
It's that moment in time, a painful one, it's the heart-breaking realization, poignant yet subtle, wringing your neck with the intensity of pain. It's when you understand that everything you ever believed takes a back seat, it's when reality hits you, hard, right in the face ' it's desperate & delusional, longing & lustful. You always plan if I ever come across something like this I will do this and that. You think it's easy to fight destiny ' to take matters in your own hands, to do something - But it only takes a breath to realize that all you are is helpless ' the damage is done ' what can you set right and exactly how much will you gain. Despair is all you can feel.
jeevika never felt more helpless in her entire life.
What do you do when you realize someone you love is fighting for their life with every breath they take, what do you do when you know what must be done is exactly what cannot be done, what do you do when you are asked to pick one of two pieces of your own shattered heart. What can you do?
Life is not always fair, but surely there must be a limit to the unfairness allowed per person.
She knew how much manvi loved virat, after all she could read not only her eyes but also her breaths. She could feel everything her baby sister felt, without the latter's ever telling her ' everything from her little joys to her intense pain to her despair in knowing her own hurt, to her pretence of keeping well, even her love for the only man in her life.
But would it be right to let virat marry her, it would give manvi the immense happiness she deserved for all she was going through, but god forbid if manvi didn't make it, there was barely any hope left now. God forbid, would it be fair to virat to give him the pain of losing her. Ever since virat had asked jeevika for manvi's hand in marriage, she just could not bring herself to think straight.
She headed out to the terrace of their simple hrishikesh home ' to gather her thoughts, perhaps talk to her parents.
Manvi didn't know of anyone better than her sister to trust with all her secrets and her problems, even her own life. It was all she had done all her life ' up until quite recently when a certain chep had taken up full time employment as her partner.
But the fact that her sister faced so much pain because of her was killing her, perhaps faster than the cancer. And to make matters worse she had fallen for virat. Fallen in love ' despite trying hard enough not to. And he wanted to marry her, as it was, she feared her di's state after her death now she had to worry about his too. She could not even die in peace. Death was the least of her problems now, love was first on the list.
All she had ever wanted all her life was to see her di happy and yet she was the one who ended up hurting her the most.
Unwillingly. Somehow.
Why was it that the people you love the most end up in pain because of you? Why weren't there solutions that solved everyone's problems? Why did loving, anyone, hurt so much? She decided it was time to ask her mom and dad to help her. She headed out to the terrace, she loved sitting on the edge of her terrace, watching the small town sleep, a serene peaceful sight, in contrast to her life ' which was anything but peaceful right now.
Manvi had never felt more helpless in her life.
Jeevika came up to the terrace and stood still, her heart struggling to take in the sight her eyes beheld. Her brave baby sister sat huddled up, cheek on her knees smiling up at the sky, arms wrapped around her legs ' most definitely talking to their parents. Her eyes glistened but her lips smiled as she tried to put up a brave face even in front of those could see everything.
She walked up slowly and sat down placing her legs through the gap between manvi's, she wrapped her arms around her sister's legs and rested her forehead on her sister's. This was probably the most affectionate thing manvi would ever do to her when they were little, she would rest their foreheads together and cry or apologize.
They looked like conjoint twins. They were conjoint, only you couldn't see exactly where they were joint, or how. At their souls, perhaps.
They spoke in soft whispers, as if the words were gentle feathers, caressing their worried lives. Words have the power to kill and cure, and whispered words arouse a sense of completion, a safe haven, an intense ardent selfless love. And it was all they were for each other, they completed each other in the sanctity of their relentless love for each other.
tum kya keh rahi thi mummy papa se?
Kuch nahi unko aaga kar rahi thi ki mai aajoungi toh unke neendh uda doongi.
Mannu maine bahut socha, aur virenji se bhi baat ki, mujhe lagta hai tujhe virat se shadi karna chahiye.
Nahi di, main shadi nahi karna chahti. Kya faida shadi karke jab mera koi guarantee hi nahi. Mai virat ko aur zyada apne aap se jodna nahi chahti.
Lekin dekh, tere shadi na karne se koi farq to padne wala nahi hai, virat toh kisi bhi haal mein tujhe yaad karega aur agar tu ussey shsadi karleti hai toh use kam se kam is baat ki to tasalli hogi ki usne tujhe har haal mein khush rakha, wo yehi chahta hai ki wo tujhe har khushi de, main bhi yahi chahti hoon lekin sab kuch tujhe main nahi de sakti.
Di, dar lagta hai mujhe. Ki itni badi khushi ki kya keemat hogi? Jab kuch acha milta hai toh kuch utna hi keemti khona bhi padta hai na. dar lagta hai mujhe ki main agar ye khushi accept karti hoon, itni badi khushi, toh pata nahi kya khona padega. Kya aapko nahi lagta ki aapki khushi ki kuch toh keemat chukai hai? Aur mai kucch bhi khone ke liye tayyar nahi hoon.
Haan mannu , keemat chukai na, tujhse se door rehna hi mere liye meri khushi ki sabse badi keemat thi. Lekin teri shaadi se tu mujhse door toh nahi jayegi.
Isiliye toh di aur bhi dar lagta hai ki pata nahi is se bada aur kya bura hoga mere saath.
Mannu kuch nahi hoga, tu dar mat, aur agar kuch ho bhi gaya toh hum saath mein ussy jhel lenge. Theek hai? Tu bas haan kehde.
Mummy papa aapki haan chahiye, please koi nishani deejiye.
And as they say you need to see a miracle to believe it. A miracle happened, their parents responded.It started to rain, little tears from heaven perhaps at the joy of their daughter's immense faith in their guidance.
Manvi squealed with delight, jeevika laughed with her,
manvi stood up and dramatically offered jeevika her hand. Jeevika took it
Nautanki kahin ki.
Agar aap chaaho toh mr. viren se ijaazat le kar aa sakti hain ' unke elawa kisi aur ke saath dance karne ke liye.
Mujhe tumhare saath rehne ke liye kisi ki ijaazat nahi chahiye ' ye toh mera haq hai. Kya aap apne hone wale pati ji se ijazat lena chahti hain?
And they danced, and suddenly they were both younger by many years, and everything was alright. Their mum was pulling their dad into the heavy rain, on this very terrace, and he was pretend-refusing as two giggling little girls were pushing him. He fell out into the rain, much to the delight of his deliriously laughing little angels, allowing them the illusion of being super-strong.
Bohut hasi aa rahi hai na.
He ran back inside and picked up a squealing jeevika, trying to run away inside, and an uncontrollably laughing manvi, hiding under the sofa like a little mouse, and brought then out in the rain, handed manvi to mummy and a family that considered themselves the luckiest in the world, danced in the rain. A while later - naughty, as she always was, manvi suggested 'mummy aap mujhe aur di ko apke aur papa jaise dance karna sikaho na'.
Watch and learn.
Kids always watch and learn.
Two little sisters watched in awe, learning their first lesson in love, amidst silly giggles of course, as daddy took mummy in his arms and twirled her around, and minutes later tried to follow them. Tripping, stumbling, supporting and holding each other ' something they would continue to do for the rest of their lives.
Needless to say all four of them had woken up with raging temperatures & beautiful memories the next morning. Memories re-lived in both their hearts as they danced to new beginnings.
Entry #24 Present ~ standard
Flashbacks ~ italic
Left Unexpressed
Manvi & Jeevika were on their way to Chandigarh.Manvi was cured of her biggest fear,her cancer that came between her & her partner.The side effects were also dispelling day by day.Finally she made up her mind,the day came when she was about to tell Virat about her feelings.It took a long time.She remembered that day when she had tried to tell him about her feelings but that moment she had come to know about her worse condition & she didn't want it to make worst by involving him also in her pain.She that time had stopped herself.She was not sure that she would be able to be with him till the end.Her life was in a such a mess!She had made a wall of believe that she was not worth of him.It made her even more weak.She had started to lose it.She closed her eyes & remembered the moment that had gave her courage to fight against her destiny,fight for her life,fight for her love.
Manvi was lying unconscious on the hospital bed.She was going through the worst phrase of her disease.She was regaining her sense but didn't have the strength to look or move.All she could do was feel it was raining.Suddenly she sensed someone's presence.It took not much time to recognize that it was him,her partner.He sat in front of her & took her hands in his.She felt his warm touch.
'mujhe ek baat samajh nahi aa rahi hain meri sherni achanak chuhiya kaise ban gayi hain?just imagine Manvi aur"mouse"!!!they really not match with each other...bhai mujhe toh meri taigor(tiger) jaisi partner hi chahiye!!!'
She heard those words & could feel his pain very well.
'dekho partner abhi isse zyada ganda joke main nahi kar sakta hoon!plz utho!mujhe maaro,daato!jobhi karna hain karo but plz kuch toh karo!plz!'
She could hear him pleading but was not able to comfort him...He wiped his tears away & gathered all his courage n strength.
'dekho partner bohat hua!ab tumhari koyi manmani nahi chalegi...ab sirf woh hi hoga jo ki main chahta hoon.aur tumhe thik hona hi hoga!!!'
That day she understood very well that he was her real partner & he would not leave her in any situation.He would be with her till the end.All she needed to do is gather the same strength & courage like him.
'Mannu!uth ja!hum aa geye hain!'
Manvi opened her eyes.They reached Vadhera house.Today she was free from all her boundaries.She was ready to tell him what he meant for her & why she was not able to tell him it for so long.She was about to explain her every pain,her every tear,her every moment of hesitation & separation'the two sisters entered Vadhear house.Everyone was there to receive them except Virat & her eyes were only searching him.Jeevika noticed that Viren looked a little bit upset.Viren went to his room & Jeevika followed him.
Manvi entered Virat's room.Everything was in the same way she had seen the last.She could feel his presence in each & everything of the room.She saw his guitar.He had played it numerable times to cheer her up.His punching bag was hanging.She held it & hugged it.So many memories with this room.She was eagerly waiting for him.It seemed like the time forgot to fly!Viren entered the room.He gave her a letter & left immediately.She opened it & started to read.
She stood by the window of his room.It was raining.Her vision was blurred not due to rain but because of tears.She saw someone.It was him,her partner.She quickly ran out of the house.She stopped & had a clearer look.She was right.It was him.She stood in front of him.
'tum kaha chale geye the partner?aur kyun geye the?yeh jante huye ki main yahan akeli reh jayoongi?'
'main janta hoon partner tumhare dil mein bohat saare questions hain lekin mere pas unka koyi jawab nahi hain!'
'jawab nahi hain ka kya matlab!mujhe mere har ek question ka jawab chahiye! abhi!'
He was silent for a while 'sorry partner!main tumhara accha partner sayad nahi ban paya!'
'kya?tum yeh kya keh rahe ho!!!tum toh humesha mere sath the,mere sukh mein,mere dukh mein,mere masti mein,humesha!!!tum toh mere sacche partner ho!'
He didn't say anything.She came close to him & making his hand caress her chick she said 'jo bhi ho partner plz mujhe kabhi bhi chod ke maat jana!!!main tumhare bina nahi jee payungi!yeh life toh tumne hi mujhe taufe mein dee hain aur main isse tumhare sath jeena chahti hoon!'
She hugged him & cried 'I love u,Virat!'...He was still silent.She thought he was hesitating.She smiled & said 'ab tum kab bologe???yah phir bolne ka koyi plan hi nahi hain?'She looked up & smilingly said 'ab itna bhau phi maat...'before she could finish her sentence,she realized he was not there.Suddenly his warm touch was not there anymore.It felt so cold,so alone!
"main ja raha hoon partner.pata nahi kab wapas lautunga!sayad kabhi nahi...bohat koshish ki thi tumse baat karne ki lekin nahi kar paya,sayad kamzor pad jata!isse liye tumhe bina bataye yeh karna pada!plz ho saaske toh mujhe,apne iss partner ko maaf kar dena!socha tha ki tumhe bata doon lekin main tum pe mujhe thopna nahi chahta tha,main yeh nahi chahta tha ki just maine tumhara sath diya hain isse liye tum bhi mera sath do.main tumhari marzi se tumhare zindagi mein aana chahta tha lekin yeh bhi kaha ho paya!hum jo chahte hain woh humesha hi hume milega yeh toh nahi ho sakta na!!!..."
the words of his letter echoed around her & made it suffocating for her.Why did he do that!He at least should have gave her one chance to sort the misunderstandings out...but he left,he left her alone,her feelings were left unexpressed...
Entry #25
"So Long...Farewell.."
The shadows loomed large...the hands clutched at nothing..the air seemed to grow thick inside the room..rain and mist blinded her vision...
Jeevika woke up with a start. It was just another of those nightmares she comforted herself. Or was it?
The room around her did not seem familiar...was not she restored to her known world? But how could she be so? Her familiar haven would have Mannu sleeping peacefully by her side, with the calm face of a child comfortable in the knowledge that her mother is around.
The sunken eyes..the ever receding figure..the squeaking mouse like voice..NO! she would never remember her angel that way, for Jeevika her baby would always be the prettiest..she would always remain so. But where could she be?
Then Jeevika saw her. Standing at the end of the room, she was not the pale shadow one knew her to be these days...eaten up every inch by that hateful disease..she was the Mannu Jeevika always knew..vibrant,radiant, smiling ever so mischieviously at her Di..Jeevika reached out smiling back.
Viren and Virat sat beside Jeevika's bed..Numb.unable to react to either her screams or smiles. They watched helplessly as she flitted in and out of her dreams..or nightmares as one would say.The doctor had given up all hope, medication was not helping, it had been three days.. the senses had not yet returned..would it ever?
Viren didn't know who needed more help..his wife who did not seem of this world anymore or his brother standing stoically beside him without a word of complaint. Viren's eyes trailed to the thin layer of hair recently cropped on Virat's head..the memories stabbed him..he looked away.
The memories were a blur..Virat wouldn't know when would it hit him that his partner...the ever smiling girl..he would not think about it now. He needed to stand by for fulfilling that one last promise he had made to her..Virat would never let anything happen to his bhabi. Life had ceased to have meaning for him but he knew his partner was somewhere around him..watching...waiting for his last promise to be fulfilled..
"Di"...Jeevika opened her eyes. Mannu was sitting right beside her.."Kya hai Di!aap kumbhkaran ki tarah kya so rahi ho..uth bhi jao..ganga ghat jaana hai..yaad hai na aap ne promise kit thi?"
Mannu talked on...Jeevika couldn't take her eyes off that lovely face..the face that meant the world to her. She hardly heard what Manvi said..at that moment the world seemed a blessed place to be in..Suddenly the fear came rushing back..the dark reality of cancer gripped her once more..Jeevika jerked up from bed and hugged mannu...the tears came down like incessant raindrops..She wouldn't let her go for the world...she couldn't lose her life to death..
"Tu mujhe chod ke to nahi jayegi na Mannu" she pleaded like a child , "Pagal ho aap Di?!Aakhir behen hoon main aapki...Khoon ka rishta hai hamara Di"
abd Jeevika knew she would be there...to the end of Eternity..the coin had done its magic...God had answered their only prayer...even death wouldn't take them apart.
Viren and Virat watched in helpless resignation as the doctor looked up after checking her pulse...the inevitable had finally happened...Jeevika was no more.
Originally posted by: love_never_dies
How to vote yaar? have to send PM to you or what ?😕
got it, thank you..Originally posted by: Prernarbofan
just like we vote for the banner contest
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