FF: D for Desire Th# 1 (Ch 1 - 14) - Page 56

11

Arnav stood silently in the middle of his office room. The indifference in his face was not giving away even an iota of what was going inside him. He had mustered to cover up his emotions since he had been very young.  His life hadtaught him that emotions made you weak; so there was no place for emotions in his life. No matter how unaffected he was trying to appear, there was a storm of strange emotions hurling inside him. He knew he had done the right thing; he had told her the truth. Then why was he feeling so miserable? Why for the first time in his life he was feeling he might have wronged her?

 F**k! He had wronged her.

He knew she was not the kind of girl who would be involved into anything non-committal. This was in fact what got him to say "yes" to her proposal in the first place; he was curious to know what that weird brain of her was cooking. Then how could he allow happening such things between them? He suddenly started to feel as if he had taken an opportunity of her weakness. It was true she had approached her herself but he could not deny he fantasized her too. But did not she equally participate? There was no reason to feel so bad. She should have thought about it too. And she did not blame him either.

Arnav ran his hand through his hair in frustration. He could not make out why he was really feeling this way. Was it because she was hurt? Was it because he felt he had wronged her? Or was it because she broke up with him?

Broke Up?

 "What the f**k is wrong with you Arnav?" Arnav groaned. He had never felt so confused in his life. He hated the fact that he could not read his own mind right now. Why on earth he thought of break-up when he himself just told her he liked it "no strings attached"?

Arnav felt he could use some fresh air now. His office was feeling different with her touch all around and he could not take it anymore. He stormed out of his room hoping to clear up his cluttered mind. On his way out of the office, Arnav suddenly halted in his track near the exit. His world spun as he saw Khushi lying unconscious near a cubicle – her plush hair disheveled, her angelic face pale & sweaty. Arnav nearly flew to her & took her in his arms kneeling down.

"Khushi, Khushi," Arnav pleaded, "Khushi, can you hear me? Are you alright? Khushi?"

Arnav kept on trying to get her back to senses but there was no response. Arnav could feel his heart twisting as she lay immobile in his arms, her rosy lips drained of color. He fetched a glass of water & tried to wake her up as he sprinkled water on her face but yet there was no response. "I have to get her to the hospital" was all he could think of before picking her up in his arms & rushing out to his car.

Arnav had been driving for around 5 minutes when he suddenly heard a soft groan from the passenger seat. He expectantly glanced to see a responsive Khushi but she still seemed unconscious. A few minutes later he again heard a groan and he braked the car. He leaned over to Khushi in hope of seeing any movement.

"Khushi, Khushi," he asked with fear and concern, "Can you hear me? Khushi?"

Arnav's heart fluttered as he spotted subtle movements of her eyelids. He raised his voice,

"Khushi? Khushi? Open your eyes. Can you hear me, dammit? Khushi? Khush .."

"Oh, don't scream," a soft whimper cut him off, "It hurts."

Arnav did not even realize when his hands moved to wrap her in a hug.

"Oh Khushi," Arnav exclaimed, "You scared me. Are you alright? How are feeling now?"

"If you don't move away, I will feel worse," Khushi whimpered again, "Let me breathe."

Arnav jerked away still holding her shoulder, "Are you alright?"

Khushi had not opened her eyes yet.

"Not much yet," she whispered almost inaudibly.

Arnav could understand though she was back to her senses, she was not feeling well. The effort she was giving to talk was very evident and often she seemed like going into a daze. Arnav started the car immediately and decided to keep her awake by conversing.

"Don't worry. I am getting you a doctor."

"Just get me home."

"You are not well Khushi. I am taking you to the hospital. Don't fuss."

"I have meds with me."

"Meds? For what?"

"M-m-migraine. A bad one."

"Migraine? You fainted because of Migraine?"

"It is not the first time… don't shout. Ahh .. it hurts."

Arnav had no idea how worse migraine can get. It was news to him that migraine could lead to fainting. He decided to call their family doctor.

"Dr. Mehta! I need your help. My .. friend fainted. She is saying it is due to migraine. Is it possible?"

"Yes, Mr. Raizada. It is not very common but it happens. A really bad case of migraine."

"Ok. So should I just take her home & let her have her meds?"

"Can you ask her a few things?"

"Sure."

"Is the headache still on?"

Arnav turned to Khushi.

"Khushi, is your head still hurting?"

Khushi nodded slightly. Arnav spoke on phone again.

"Yes. Dr."

"Ok. Is she having other symptoms? Visions, light or sound sensitivity?"

"Sound, yes. Let me ask her about the rest."

Arnav turned to Khushi again.

"Khushi? Are you seeing things? Is the light hurting you?"

Khushi nodded again slightly.

"Yes. Dr."

"Ok, it must be migraine then. Plus if it is not her first time, she must be able to read the symptoms herself. Can you please ask her the name of the meds?"

Khushi with great effort told Arnav the name of the meds. As Dr. Mehta confirmed it was fine, Arnav cut the call & drove towards Khushi's hotel. Parking his car, he picked up in his arms a very limp Khushi who did not seem to have much understanding of her surroundings. She tried to hold onto his collar but her hands were falling off. She was giving infrequent groans & Arnav was getting restless. He almost ran into the elevator. Room service helped him to unlock the door to her room. Arnav laid her down in the bed and started looking for the meds.

"Khushi … can you hear me? Where are the meds?"

"Mmm .. suitcase .. "

Arnav ruffled everything in the suitcase and finally found the meds. He took a water bottle and lifted up Khushi's head slightly, supporting with his left arm.

"Khushi, I have the meds. Take it."

Khushi just opened her mouth slightly, waiting for him to give her the meds.

"Khushi, can you open up your mouth a little bit more."

As Khushi forced to open her mouth a little bit more, Arnav put the meds first and then started pouring water into her mouth slowly. Khushi gulped down the meds with great effort but spilled most of the water and started coughing. Arnav lifted her up more and patted her back to soothe her. He took her upper body in his arms & Khushi rested her head on his chest. She was trying to hold onto him but she did not find any strength.

"Relax Khushi," Arnav murmured, "I am here. I will hold onto you. Just try to get some sleep."

Arnav felt Khushi laying her full weight on him as he wrapped her tightly into his arms. He stared at her face as she dozed off almost instantly. He sat like that until he was sure Khushi was into deep sleep. The frequent shudders stopped and the pain from her face was also withering. He made her lie in the bed and finally he felt he was breathing properly after hours. As he checked his watch it was already half an hour past midnight. He decided to stay the night with her. He felt sort of responsible for her state; he must have triggered the headache. Arnav was startled as he felt a twitch of pain in his heart. How could he hurt her?

Drawing a chair near the bed, Arnav sat there staring at her. He tried to understand why this girl made him feel so different. He remembered how he had confessed this to her as she gave herself to him. Arnav winced. He remembered how worried he was when she did not appear on time. And seeing her unconscious, he felt like his life was slipping away.  Arnav knew things were different with her. But that did not mean he could give her any false hope. He could not even ask her out knowing her beliefs in marriage. But he could not deny that it mattered to him that she was hurt. Arnav felt a poignant pain in his heart – something he had not felt in a long time.

Arnav went through Khushi's clothes and found an oversized white t-shirt. He started to undress her slowly not once looking at her body. That face held everything he wanted to see. As he freed her from her crumpled & sweaty clothes, he started to massage her skin slowly with a dampened towel. He started with her neck, to her shoulders, arms and he stopped at her sleek fingers. He intertwined her fingers with his and brought to his lips to place a soft kiss. He dampened the towel again and sponged the rest of her body finishing off at her toes. He kissed her toes softly before getting her into the t-shirt. She was sleeping peacefully, dosed by the med, unaware of the affection & care that was being poured on her from a rare heart. Arnav finally sponged her face & placed a soft but lingering kiss on her forehead. He had never felt his heart so drenched ever before.

Arnav removed his shoes, socks & belt. He opened a few of the top buttons of his shirt, loosening up a bit and joined Khushi in bed lying beside her. Khushi was sleeping in a fetal position, turning on her right. Arnav wrapped her waist in his left arm as he moved near her, pressing her back with his chest. He dipped his nose in her tousled locks and the last thing he remembered before his eyes gave up was an intoxicating smell that he would like to breathe in forever.