Married with kids - stay or leave?

I've put it off for long enough so I decided to stop being so lazy!Edited by hindu4lyf - 12 years ago

As far as possible stay together for the sake of the kids. Make sacrifices and compromises. Relationship is only a matter of clearing misunderstandings if there is love.
Often it is outside parties, relatives, friends etc who cause problems. Too much affluence and too little wealth too are problems.
It is quite impossible to expect everyone to like each other when they have strong personalities and fixed mindsets. But some do mellow with age.
Edited by Summer3 - 12 years ago

I think the parents should try to stay together for the sake of the kids. But if, despite all the hard work, the relationship doesn't work then it's better to go on their seperate way. If two people are unhappy that can have a negative effect on the children. I'm saying this from personal experience. My parents stayed together and are still together but that did not make any of us kids happier. There were times when I wished my parents could get divorce so we all could be happier in our lives.

Marriage is a relationship of love, trust, respect, commitment and a whole lot of positives. You don't abandon it for flimsy reasons. It is a commitment and you try your best to keep it. When kids are involved you ought to work harder at it. Sometimes however, it does not work out. Even two good people trying their best to work things out fail to come to an amicable agreement.

While divorces are devastating on kids, they can eventually get over it. Many divorced parents are mature, their new partners/spouses are good people and they do their best to raise kids with healthy, positive relationships. There are some hiccups, but children still see what maturity and positive relationships are about. Society is sensitive to kids of separate parents and there are support services as well.

In my opinion sticking on to a failed marriage is a more toxic environment for kids. There is no love, trust or respect in the relationship. It becomes more like a contractual obligation that people continue for their children. People in such situations feel trapped and get bitter and resentful. They mull a lot on what ifs, and how life would be different if they were not bound by this obligation. Parents are humans too and they often intentionally/unintentionally expose kids to these toxic emotions.

These kids are more vulnerable because the family pretends to be fine and no one knows that there could be issues in the family. Socially kids can be damaged because they start viewing relationships as obligations and contracts. They never get the experience of a loving happy family, seeing their parents as a couple happy and content with each other.

Children deserve happy families with healthy relationships. They need to see their parents as two people in love, content with each other, being with each other because they truly want to. They need to learn that relationships are not obligations or contracts, but built on love, trust and respect. If the parents cannot provide this environment for the child, it is better to divorce, move on and try to find a way to rebuild the environment for the kids.

I hope you give your ex hubby a good kick.

It depends. If there is cheating or infidelity involved, it should be an automatic termination of a marriage. Divorces happen for much smaller stuff also. I think a couple should try their best to work out the marriage which is a commitment of a lifetime. Kids or no kids. Of course, if there are kids involved, it makes it even more important for both the parents to work harder towards a compromise. Compromise means just that. Then parents need to live amicably under one roof. Nothing "toxic" about that.

A cool thing about being in a relationship is that when you make a mistake you get to hear about it 1,345,435 times...😛 I think love means that you care for the person in different situations...the probs I feel, some ppls cant accept the persons individuality and freedom and difficult to appreciate similarities and respect n communicate differences n never try do outsource😉and make sure you r the Crazy one.

I read a strange case. Wife got addicted to slots machines at casino, so left hubby and children.
Even if she had no money to gamble, listening to the sounds of machones ringing was enough for her.

I think sucking it up and sticking it out in a failed marriage after all avenues have been exhausted is the worst thing parents can do to a child. To me, the negativity of frequent domestic conflicts and a loveless marriage outstrip the negativity associated with a two-home situation.

Staying on in an already tattered marriage just for the child makes the parents more resentful and unhappy and may even increase the risks of violence. I've read accounts of people who were relieved as children when their parents finally got divorced, because they just couldn't put up with the constant chaos, mudslinging, and tension that could be cut with a cleaver.

Children get a whole lot more than we think they do. Their minds are highly porous, and they soak up every cue and sign around them. They can sense if there's tension in the air, and can 'detect' flows of energy in ways we cannot. To underestimate them is to hammer a nail in your own foot.

Of course divorce is ugly and traumatic for everyone involved. Many kids who come from broken homes may believe that matrimony is either a fairy tale or nothing and can grow up to harbour unrealistic expectations of the people they become involved with. But even though there's a risk of such problems surfacing later on in a child's life, it by no means equates to him/her having to live a life of lovelorn doom.

At the end of the day, it all depends on how the parents handle the situation and make a child fully understand why divorce was necessary. The most important factor being that the kid is never led to blame him/herself for the failed marriage.

Many people try to slug it out for the kids, but that's not always a worthy compromise. Because what does that teach the child? To stifle self-exploration and to martyr happiness for someone else's sake. Or even worse, that a loveless marriage/relationship is tolerable, as long as it is an intact marriage/relationship. That living with constant bickering, conducting running battles designed to erode a spouse's self-esteem, and holding the child as a hostage of war is preferable to an amicable separation where all parties respect one another and honour the familial bond even though the unit may have changed.

The parents' intentions for the child may be noble, but noble intentions don't always translate into noble actions and outcomes, whether intentional or unintentional.

Moreover, I don't think couples can commit to live together respectfully in the long run when they can't even stand the sight of one another. Nothing is more variable in a marriage than the spouses themselves. There's only so much you'll be able to take before letting loose like Mauna Kea.

I would let my husband take the children and i carry on with my job and lead a hassle free life, mwhahaha