Part 1:
Till I find you again
Sitting
by the pool lost in translation, my existential angst hit me again as I shifted
uneasily, fiddling with my phone.. For the umpteenth time I looked at the serene
water and cursed it as the tides of my turmoil peaked.. Closing my eyes I recalled
the moment once again- life's disgusting sense of humor or my own karma; it was
hard to say.
I
made a wish, softly blowing on the candles and opened my eyes.. and there she
was, with this assuring peace on her face, the smile giving me hope that life
was indeed beautiful. I felt like I wanted to dream again.. But' that moment
didn't last as she moved and I stared at HER.. 'holy mother of!' I could feel my blood freeze and my face
going pale.. 'Was this for real.. what are the odds.. '
As
both women made their way towards me I could sense the thick tension in the air.. probably
emanating from pappa.. I didn't even want to turn to be sure. Well, I did
manage to hold on or just be on auto pilot 'take your pick; while the whole
ordeal ended.. but that wretched sinking feeling was back after 3 months.. and
so was my irrepressible impulse as I made way towards HER; finally managing to
find her alone..
She
walked with me.. exchanging pleasantries as I finally asked "Are you happy in
your new life".. I cursed myself the very next minute as she went on her
tangent and I gulped down that excruciating pain.. it was hard to tell when it
transformed into frustration; I guess
when she said Devki is a nice girl and I should keep her happy.. the galls in
her..
"what
did she know.."
'Wait!
did I just say It out loud' and pat came
the reply
"All
I know is I see love for you in her eyes.. and Its best you don't let your
past damage your present.. "
it was like a vicious cycle- to overcome the
pain that her stinging words emanated I asked one more stupid question and this
time I didn't really stop at one-
"Did
you never think of me in the past few months.. I don't know why but its just
hard for me to believe that you didn't feel the same for me.. Did you never
feel more than you acknowledged?"
I
bet I saw the same moisture in her eyes but it changed in a fraction of a
second as the characteristic smirk adorned her face and I watched the words
filter out..
"You
are asking all the wrong questions.. How does it matter either ways what I
felt.. The answer remains the same.. I MADE A CHOICE.. irrespective. Period. And I can only hope you can get
yourself to respect it"
I
blurted out " Its easy for you to say" and pat came her rebuttal
"Is
it?" Her smirk back as she continued " Well in that case let me leave you with
a question Mr. Virani- if I DID.. would you give up everything you HAVE and
chase that dream.. Would you be willing to change the course of your life?" .
She paused and now genuinely smiling, " and Trust me I don't feel the need to
know the answer as much as YOU do"
And
with that, she was gone.. much before I could utter a comprehensible word...
******************
5
hours later, sitting by that pool the words reverberated '
'Trust me I don't feel the need to know the
answer as much as you do'.
In
sudden agitation I finally texted her as I said it out loud "Oh Heck you do!
Meet me in half an hour, same place"..
On
a roll, in my new found agitation I secretly hoped I didn't have to stop and
give explanations as I made for the car; but thankfully the coast was clear..
the Viranis had all retired to the private confines of their rooms. I looked up
briefly and just as I expected I saw the lights on in our room.. of course She hadn't slept.. on pretext of work. I
sighed and headed to the front door and shut it slowly..
The
cool twilight breeze teased my senses as I drove along the coast to the same
place where we had met.. thanks to my dream project. I told myself I had no second
thoughts but still why was I so nervous.. to face her.. I turned on my playlist
hoping for distraction but the universe was conspiring, as Richard Marx's voice
filled the surrounding..
Will the
arms of hope surround me?
Will time
be my fair weather friend?
Should I
call out to angels
Or just
drink myself sober again..
I can't
hide; its true
I still
burn for you
Your
memories just wont let me go'
I
screeched to a stop; hitting the brakes with all I had and rammed out of the
car.. Feeling the fresh air, I inhaled and exhaled a few times.. as I finally
contemplated what I hadn't even considered once; that she may NOT come.. did
she really mean she didn't want to know.. well if she didn't.. I would still
scream out loud and everyone around would have to listen..
I
didn't have to dwell in this angst any longer.. as there she was.. right on
time.. in a pair of jeans and shirt, her face covered with big masculine glares
and a black scarf on her head..
'Celebrities
and their camouflage' I mocked mentally..
As she took them off.. I got a peek at the
characteristic look on her face.. which somehow WORKED.. I regained my
confidence, my composure.. as I turned and took to the couple stairs by the
coastline and she followed me..
" Thank
you" I began, now smiling at her
" I
don't have a lot of time , I fly out in less than.."
I
cut her midway "you were right ! I spent
a lot of time asking all the wrong questions.. To be honest, I didn't know what
hurt more- that my love was unrequited or that you didn't turn to look twice at
me before moving on, or if I hopelessly chased a fantasy.-that maybe you loved
me as much as I did and destiny just played spoilsport" I paused and sat down
by the stairs and this time she joined me.
I
turned " but in all this I simply disregarded something' YOU and ME.. yes, I
was so self-consumed in my existential angst that I couldn't see beyond US and
all the beauty that came with it.. " I studied her profile as her lips turned
to form a smile. I continued
"
Sabina.. I wont repeat about what you mean to me and what your presence in my
life has given me.. a whole new perspective.. and when you asked me if I could
give up everything I have' my first instinct was YES' But"' pulling myself up I
walked ahead a little "I visualized the blissful life we both would make
together' and although you looked really beautiful in that picture I painted..
I just couldn't stare at myself.. coz I couldn't complement you.."
Looking
into nothingness, I ranted "All I could see was the dejected faces of the very
people I love.. for life.. my PARENTS- my mother who had always looked at me
with this sense of pride for being her son- the same mother whose daughter I would
have wronged and my father.. the tycoon I. M. Virani who had his hopes invested
in me.. more than anyone else.. " a lone tear made its way as I turned to her "
I am not just Vaibhav.. I am a Virani ' the future of an enterprise.. I have
opened my eyes into that legacy and worked my way towards it for the better
part of my life.. I am responsible for everything and everyone VAIBHAV
Industries stood as an establishment for.. I owe each and every bit for who I AM
"
She
had a full smile on her face as I advanced towards her and kneeled down in
front of her " And I am responsible for
a few more things'the trust bestowed on me by Bha to take care of his grand
daughter.. and most importantly I am responsible for the smile on Devki's
face.. the smile that brightens my whole family.. apart from' Me.."
" You
showed me the colors of life.. the vibrancy.. and I will always love you for
that.. irrespective of what you feel; but at the same time I cant overlook
these three months.. each day and night that Devki has lived as Devki Virani in
every sense.. She has made my life easy.. she has gotten this sense of
tranquility and stability in my life.. and most importantly she FITS perfectly
in every dimension."
I
looked her in the eye "Sabina I don't know how I would iive a day with myself
having disappointed so many relations in my life and I am not even sure I would
be any good for you. I can endure this angst but not live a day feeling ashamed
of myself"
She
got to her feet as I followed her "Well said Mr. Virani" and now extending her
hand she concluded "All the best.. I wish you every happiness in life.. more
importantly a fulfilling life"
I
shook her hand and we walked back; the sun finally making its appearance behind
us..
*********
Seeing
her off, I got into my car and thought was it as hard as I considered it would
be.. and spat came the reply.. It WAS.. as the song continued on my god
forsaken playlist
How many
dreams will end..
How much
can life pretend..
How many
times will love pass me by..
Till I find
you again'
I
sighed 'why are the right karmas.. the most appropriate ones so hard to
follow..' I believed everything I said.. and for once I felt she cared enough
for me to find this direction and follow this path in life with utmost
sincerity.. Everything was right.. but only if this wretched heart believe me'
I
finally stopped at my destination' looking up at the early morning sky and
closed my eyes.. ' Only if there were SIGNS for real.. ONE sign that would
effectively put a stop to this endless debate'..
Nodding
my head, chiding my foolishness.. I walked in hoping my luck was still on my
side and I wasn't interrupted especially by mamma.. I breathed a sigh of relief making it to my
room unscathed.. I shut the door behind me and turned' to see her on the couch.. she had fallen asleep there.. I recalled
everything she had done for this surprise party.. in every sense of the word..
I chuckled and moved to put a pillow behind her as I noticed something in her
hand..
A GREETING
CARD..
My
eyes couldn't believe what I read.. I re-read as my mind exclaimed 'What are
the odds'.. I couldn't believe her simplicity in the manner of her expression and
the strength that came with it.. This girl was really something else.. Putting
the pillow behind her.. and the card where it belonged.. I smiled as she moved
in her sleep..
'As
usual YOU made my life easy.. thank you for THIS Birthday Gift..'
Edited by sonali.19281 - 12 years ago
comment:
p_commentcount