Okay don't be too judgmental about Armaan after reading the chapter.8. Never say good bye...?!
"Armaan." I heard mom's
faint voice and felt her ruffling my hair ever so gently, just like the way I
loved. That somehow relaxed me. I tried to open my eyes but they were too heavy
to do so. My head was also aching. May be
I could just sleep for some time?
I didn't have dinner
last night. I shut my door and stayed alone. I didn't understand what bothered
me the most. Riddhima's past or the fact mom chose her for me inspite of
knowing about her past. Deep down, I was hurt with mom's decision.
"Get up Armaan." Mom
whispered again. I opened my eyes a bit. Oh
God! They were burning as I did so. However from the small crevice between
my eye lids, I saw mom sitting beside me on the bed. I moved my head on to her
lap and shut my eyes again. I felt as if as I had closed my eye just before mom
came to wake me. It might be true. I had been thinking the whole night. Of
what, I had no idea of. My head had been no less than garbage of various
thoughts, though everything revolved around Riddhima sometime or the other.
As that thought crossed
my mind yet again, I sat up on the bed. I rubbed my eyes fiercely trying to
open them. The moment I opened my eyes, they landed on the wall clock, which
said its 9.40 am. Adjusting my vision once again, I looked at mom. I didn't speak
anything, but looked away again.
"Angry with me?" Mom
asked hesitantly.
My head shot up at once.
"No mom." I said instantly. "It's just-" I tried to say something that would
make sense of the confusion in my brain. "I don't know." I ended.
"Are you going back
today?" She asked softly. But I know the actual question behind that one. That
meant my decision regarding Riddhima. But what do I say? I, myself, am not sure
of it.
It's true that I do
feel attracted towards Riddhima- both emotionally and physically. But I wasn't
able to accept the fact that she was married. And I had been thinking about a
married woman all these days. That felt weird. I was angry at myself too. I
didn't want to know about the rest of the details about her husband and all. I
mean I it was obvious that I wouldn't want to marry a married woman.
But even now when mom
asked me my decision thought not obviously, I don't know somewhere there was a
very tiny part in me that was pulling me back from saying a no. Last night, it
was the same case too. Every time I made up my mind to go and talk to mom and
just end this matter for once and all, I could see the moments I had spent with
Riddhima. I was happy in her presence, with her company. But then my mind would
shout the same. She was married.
"Yes mom, I am going
back." I told her. But didn't look into her eyes, the reason for which I
couldn't comprehend.
"Okay. I have
invigilation duty today for the morning session of exam. Riddhima has got an
exam in the morning as well. We'll return by 3 pm as the exam will be over by 1
pm." Mom said. "We'll then sit and talk to Riddhima. Okay?"
"I am leaving by
afternoon flight mom." I said immediately.
"Armaan?" Mom asked
shocked.
"Yes mom. 2 pm flight
in the afternoon." I repeated.
"But Armaan, talk to her
once b-"
"No mom. There is
nothing else to talk about." I cut her between. I didn't want to talk to
Riddhima. I didn't know what to talk to her. This shouldn't have happened. Mom
should have told me everything beforehand. I wouldn't have let the matter come
to this long. Or would I?
"Okay." Mom replied
coldly getting up from the bed. I knew she was hurt with my words. But I was
not ready to face Riddhima. What would I
say to her? I am sorry Riddhima. Forget that I had asked you to marry me. I
can't marry you because you were already married. That would only hurt her
more.
I
couldn't understand why I had been thinking about her comfort even now?
"Shall I drop you mom?"
I asked trying to please her.
"Riddhima is waiting
downstairs for me. We'll go together. Will you still come to drop me?" She shot
the words at me. That shut me up. By the harshness in her voice I could feel
the extent to which I had hurt her. I felt miserable. But why couldn't she
understand? There was nothing I could do to make things better. I couldn't marry Riddhima, could I? "I
thought so." She added when I remained mum.
"Bye mom." I tried once
again. She turned to me but didn't say anything, just made her way to the room.
"Armaan, I still stand
by my words that Riddhima is the one I would choose for you. I respect your
decision because it's your life. But I would have been happy if you talked to
her once." She said. Her words came as a slap to me. "I thought you should know
that." She added before leaving.
I fell back on my bed
sighing. I didn't feel this feeling of guilty, when I had said no to the
previous girls I had met before. But this time, it was different. I could feel
that something was bothering me inside. But I couldn't comprehend what that something was.
----------------
After sometime, I got
ready and went downstairs. I found Rahul working on his laptop.
"Hey Rahul!" I greeted
him, sitting beside him on the sofa.
"I booked the tickets
for the afternoon flight." He said. That meant he had talked to mom and may be
Riddhima too before you left.
"Are you angry with me
too?" I asked him skeptically.
"No Armaan." I sighed
listening to his words. I could feel he was honest as the answer had been
instant. It would have added to my guilt had he said something other. "I
understand you. But you should have talked to Riddhima. Or talk to aunty once."
He added.
"I don't know yaar. I am not comfortable with that." I
replied, looking at the TV. He didn't say anything.
"Come. We'll have
breakfast. I have been waiting for you." He said after a moment. His words made
me realize the grumbling sounds in my stomach, owing to the fact that I didn't
had anything the previous night.
To add to the irony of
the situation, the breakfast was bread and cheese. It only reminded me of the
breakfasts we had with Riddhima. God, initially she was so nervous that she
used to struggle to put cheese evenly on one slice of bread. Unintentionally I
sat at the table just staring at the slices of bread Rahul placed in my plate.
"You can't eat if you
just stare at it. You have to put that in your mouth, chew and swallow, you
know like this." He joked showing his art of eating. That somehow brought a
smile to my lips diverting my mind off the things I had been feeling bad about.
With that the usual dams broke. We chatted about the usual stuff; sports, our company,
share market and the upcoming project. Very carefully, he made sure not to
speak any girls of our company as that would be the usual topic we would chat
about. I was thankful for that. Somehow larger part of my brain was off
Riddhima.
"Hey monkeys!" Muski
came barging in. "Aunty told me you are leaving?" She asked narrowing her eyes
at us.
"Yeah, leaving in the
afternoon." Replied a shy Rahul. I wondered how he talked to her on phone if
she had that effect on him. I wondered how he fell for her in the first case.
She was an exact opposite of hers- loud and gregarious. Physics is indeed true- opposites do attract!
"Oh!" Her face fell
slightly though she tried to cover that up. "Why? Is Hyderabad missing you?"
She winked at us.
"No. To just check
whether Bangalore would miss us or not." I answered it quickly, winking back at
her. She caught it quite quickly as she looked flustered for a moment.
"Obviously Bangalore
would miss u." She said after a moment.
"Me or Rahul?" I probed
her further. God, this is turning out to be quite interesting. I was teasing
Muski and the reaction can be seen on Rahul's face which was flushed up. Chemistry is true too- I mumbled to myself.
"You guys carry on. I have to do some packing." I added and got up to provide
them with some privacy. They might need few moments before leaving.
"Oh Muski, why didn't
you have an exam today? " I asked. "Mom said your exams are going on." I ended.
"Yeah, my elective is
in the afternoon. Riddhima had hers in the morning session." She replied.
I just nodded at her. "Good
luck." I wished and left for my room. As much as I tried avoiding Riddhima, she
just followed me virtually. And to my absolute horror I found myself wondering
about what Riddhima's reaction would be had she known that I was leaving today.
Does she know that at all?
----------------
When we got into the
elevator, my mobile rang. I smiled looking at the number. It was mom. She could
never stay angry at me.
"Yes mom?" I spoke into
the phone. We stopped at the floor below ours and Rahul went to give the house
keys to Padma aunty.
"Armaan, did you pack
everything? Your jacket, shaving set and-"
"Yes mom, I put
everything. Rahul checked everything twice." I smiled. Atleast Rahul's name
would assure her.
"Okay then, did you
have lunch?" She asked again.
"Yes mom." I replied
and then I heard Riddhima's voice at the backdrop. Strangely, I felt like
meeting her once before leaving.
"I am sorry mom." I
said suddenly.
"It's fine Armaan. Take
care and call me when you reach your flat." She said.
"Bye mom." I added
before cutting the call.
I saw Padma aunty
walking towards the elevator where I had been standing. I hugged her when she
came to me. "Take care aunty." I said.
"You too." She said patting
my cheek.
"And you-" She turned
to Rahul, almost startling him, who was standing behind her. "Eat properly. See
how lean you have become." I chuckled when he nodded his head vigorously at
her. She hugged him but God, I could see him stiff. Phobia for mother-in-law, I
thought rolling my eyes.
We bid her bye and took
a cab to the airport. Thanks to Rahul, we reached the airport much in advance.
While I sat in the waiting area with the luggage, Rahul went to the enquiry
desk. Sitting idle, I thought about my stay in Bangalore. It had too many
memories. Some sweet and some sour. And I realized at once that all of them
were with Riddhima. Somehow, in a short span of 12 days, she made an impact in
my brain as well as heart. Only if I could change the events of yesterday! I
sighed and closed my eyes, resting my head back.
"The flight's on time."
I opened my eyes when I heard Rahul's voice. He passed me a cup of coffee. As I
sipped it all I could think of was my little encounter with Riddhima at the
coffee lounge. I shook my head to push the thought aside.
"Shall we check in?" Rahul
asked when I completed my coffee.
I checked the watch.
Its 1.30 already. "Yeah, let's go." I agreed with him and we stood up to leave.
As we made our way
towards the check in counter, I stopped dead in my tracks spotting Riddhima at
the airport. She was searching frantically around. I guess for us. Unknowingly
I took a couple of steps towards her. She sighed in relief when she spotted me.
"I'll wait near the
counter." I heard Rahul's voice. For once I didn't bother that statement of
his. I was glad he went away. I didn't know, somehow, I wanted some privacy
with Riddhima.
"What are you doing
here?" I asked Riddhima when she approached me. Her eyes were slightly red and
so was her nose.
"Are you going back?"
She asked without replying to my question.
"Yes." I replied.
"Oh!" Her face fell.
But her eyes had been searching for something in me. "I just came here to meet
you." She replied, her eyes boring into mine, making me uncomfortable.
An awkward silence
prevailed between us before I decided to break it. "I am sorry Riddhima.
Regarding yesterday…" I left the sentence incomplete as I didn't know how to
finish it.
But she just smiled,
the one which didn't reach her eyes. "That's fine. I am used to rejection as I
already said. I can manage." She replied. But her words hit me hard. I recalled
my words when I had denied her of that.
"We can be friends,
right?" I asked trying to sound cheerful. But I know as well as she, how
miserably I failed. She just smiled at me.
No
Tears! No Tears! No Tears! I found myself praying, as I
watched her face. Within moments I saw her eyes getting moist. But I didn't
understand the reason behind them. Why
was she here in the first case?
"Will you be fine?" I
heard myself asking her. She averted her gaze from me for the first time in the
last few minutes. I felt relieved. I felt as if I was under a scanner when she
had been looking at me. She then looked up at me, her eyes depicting defeat. Of
what? I thought confused.
"Riddh-" I opened my
mouth only to leave it hanging open the next moment.
Riddhima took a step ahead
and embraced me tight, running her hands around my neck. The bag I was holding
fell off my hand. She buried her face in the crook of my neck and held onto me
tight. The hug was too intimate to dismiss it as a friendly gesture of her
part. Her entire body- head to toe- was pressed up against mine. I couldn't hug
her; something held me back. I kept my hinds to myself, at my sides.
"I am scared." Her voice
cracked as she mumbled when I tried to part away. And my resolve wavered. I
wrapped my arms around her body, hugging her closer. Just a hug. I convinced my mind when it screamed at me to move
away. I felt her relax in my hold. But my every muscle was too stiff to relax. I
didn't want this, my senses yelled. It would only complicate things, making
them worse. As a reflex I pushed myself away from her not so gently.
"May be you'll come
back." She whispered stepping away from me. It was not a statement, rather a
question.
Now
what does this mean? I sighed tired of the turn of the
events lately. First she doesn't show anything that she might be interested in
me. She stood by me when I needed someone. Then when I made up my mind about
her and thought of marrying her, she dropped a bomb on my head saying that she
was already married and on the face of it, cried bitterly. She was the one who
remarked nothing would be possible between us and when I agreed with it and
tried to get back to my routine, she came and hugged me tight saying she was
scared. It disturbed me to the core. What do I make of everything happening?
I heard Rahul calling
for me. "Take care." I said, my voice devoid of any emotions, my head swimming
in various thoughts. She just stared at me as I took a step backward, still
facing her. I felt miserable under her gaze. Her eyes had been different today.
They were as if searching for something, pleading for something and asking for
something. But there was nothing I could do to make her feel better. Not able
to stand her gaze any longer, I turned around and walked to Rahul. When I
nodded at him to move ahead, he didn't respond to me. I followed his gaze and
turned around. I found Riddhima running back to the exit, her hair and dupatta
swaying along with the air. However I sighed inwardly and took a deep breath
before moving ahead.
Sitting in the plane, I
closed my eyes and once again saw Riddhima's eyes. I opened my eyes startled. I
lay back on the seat and stared into space. Major part of me said this was
better for us. But there was also a minor part, which I couldn't ignore, that
told me the good bye was wrong.
If I could take this moment forever
Turn the pages of my mind
To another place and time
We would never say goodbye
If I could find the words I would speak them
Then I wouldn't be tongue-tied
When I looked into your eyes
We would never say goodbye
If I could stop the moon ever rising
Day would not become the night
Wouldn't feel this cold inside
And we'd never say goodbye
I wish that our dreams were frozen
Then our hearts would not be broken
When we let each other go...
If I could steal this moment forever
Paint a picture-perfect smile
So our story stayed alive
We would never say goodbye
[HAYLEY
WESTENRA]
-------(complete)------
LOL, I couldn't believe I have updated. Pms will be sent later today as I am tired now.
Now, keep the comments coming!-sushmita
Edited by perfectsmile - 13 years ago
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