Haila. This girl won't give me one day away from DMG without having to put on my Ridz defender cap. So I watched the epi from 5/11 and then I came by and saw everyone confused and up in arms about the conversation between Ridz and Armaan. So even though this post is a day old, I decided I'd go ahead and make it and you guys could read it if you wanted to.
So we see Armaan saying in the sweetest way how he loves
Ridz. How hard it's been staying away and trying to convince himself that there
is nothing left between them. Then
he goes on to tell her he will always love her. That he came back for her. So Ridz tries to let him down
gently. She tries to explain to
him that it didn't all end in a snap for her. She struggled with her decisions.
That while he was gone she used to spend night and day thinking and dreaming
about him. But she did move on. That they shouldn't talk about the past, because it's just
that, it's the past. You can tell
by her face that she's hoping Armaan will accept this and not make her hurt him
further. Cause she knows the heartache that is awaiting him once he comes to
terms that they can no longer be together.
But of course, Armaan goes on to describe how hard it is for one to stay away from the one they love. To drown in the memories of every word they said and to know that the one person they always wanted, the one person they had always dreamed about can never be theirs. And although in this monologue Armaan is talking about himself and how he is being torn apart on the inside without Ridz. You can tell that every word he spoke was touching Ridz as well. Not because she's in love with him or cause she wants to go back in time and fix it so that she and Armaan were never apart. But because she herself has felt and lived all of those things. She felt them when Armaan left her. When she was floundering through life trying to find a way back to the world of the living. So tries once again. She tells him that it's too late that he was her past and that she has moved on. It wasn't easy but she did it. Sid is her present and her future. She married Sid and now Sid is a part of her life.
Then comes Armaan's question' "Do you want Sid to be a part of your life?" And here she answers the only way she can. She says, "It makes no difference what I want." Now I know a lot of you took this to mean that this was
about her relationship with Sid.
About her marriage and how she is honor bound to keep it. But the way I took it, and what I think
she truly meant was that from the time Armaan left and up until she made the
decision to fight for her marriage nothing was in her control. It was never her decision for Armaan to leave her. But he did. She never planned for Sid to come into
her life. But he did. And Sid didn't just come into her life,
he held her hand at a time when she needed it the most. He came to her when she was stuck
frozen in a life without meaning.
She had lost her one reason to live, she had lost her jeene ki armaan. But this man, Siddhant did
come and he didn't just thaw her and show
her that life continued, but he gave
her a new reason to live.
Once again, Armaan can't lose that last kindle of hope. So he asks her, "Why can't we be
together?". So Ridz tries another
approach she says, "fine we can convince our hearts, but how can we justify
hurting others". Now when I first
heard this I was like what the'why are you even saying that you would think about it. But then it struck that she said convince her heart. She didn't say
convince their minds. I mean if
her heart said Armaan then I could see her having to say convince their minds
to make that decision. But she
says heart, and to me that says that
her heart wants something else.
Her heart, as we all know, wants Sid. So then Armaan continues to challenge her and tells her "No
we can be together". Ridz asks him "Why do you keep asking me the same thing
over and over? Something for which
I don't have a solution for". And
to me the solution she's referring to isn't about them getting back together. But it's about solving Armaan's
pain. It's about convincing him
that he needs to move on. And you can tell she knows that Armaan is in for a world
of heartache. When he punches the
locker, she reaches for him to soothe him, but then she stops herself. In that moment she knows that she is no longer the person meant to
soothe him.
Once again begs him to stop, to stop asking these questions that will only lead to more heartache for him and for her to reveal something that she is not ready to admit to herself, let alone say out loud. And then she says the most important part of the conversation, "If she listens to her heart, then it betrays her." So she says the truth, she's sid's wife. The reason she doesn't say she loves Sid is because she hasn't admitted it to herself. And even if she did she hasn't told it to Sid. And love for someone isn't something you blurt out to just anyone. You want to make sure when you say it, the person you want to hear it first is the person its meant for. So she tells Armaan, "I know I put those tears in your eyes. And I will am sorry for it. And whatever punishment I get for that I will accept." She says this because she knows how much pain Armaan will be facing, cause she herself went through that pain. But she also knows that she can't help Armaan face that pain. He will have to find his own way, just as she did without him. She has someone else's pain to worry about, and that's where she goes.
So we see Ridz go to Modi Penthouse and we see everything unfold. This confrontation once again affirms that Ridz loves Sid. If she didn't she wouldn't be going through all of this to get him to understand. She wouldn't be putting in her all. She said it herself, she wouldn't be there with Sid right now. But why does she keep saying patni? Why doesn't she tell Sid that there is love between them? Everytime Sid asks her why she's at the penthouse she says it's because of their marriage. Why she says it is actually quite simple. She continues to say patni because she herself doesn't want to admit it to herself that it's love. She's afraid of it. The last time she loved someone with all of her heart not only did she get hurt when he left her, she almost died. Thus even though she is in love with Sid, she is afraid of admitting it. She can't admit it for fear of what it will mean. It will mean making herself vulnerable to another person. It means handing over not just her pain and hurt, but her happiness and yes' her life. Cause when Ridz loves someone she doesn't love them with half her heart. She loves them fully and completely and that was only confirmed by her taking her life when she saw no future with Armaan. Thus, she says she's married and that's all there is. But if that was truly the case then to her all it would take is the divorce papers and then there no longer would be a shaadi. So why does she keep fighting for something that is only a duty to her? Cause it's more than a duty. It's love.
So I leave with this'Ridz is in for the fight of her life. Not just to get Sid to believe her, but for her to understand what is really blooming in her heart before she loses him forever. She is human, she will make mistakes and she will probably say or do something wrong. But remember it's more important to be true to yourself then to be perfect. And with each day I see Ridz finally listening to herself and she's finally being true to herself and to her feelings.
You know the rules...play nice
-Arp
P.S. Don't worry i'll be back with a post about Sid and his majboori
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