Ridzy:
Sid.... It is very difficult for me to become stone hearted. To push you away when what I need most is to feel safe in your arms. We met by chance, became enemies && friends by choice, but what brought us together was destiny, and it seems that destiny is what is keeping us from separating. I do not wish to divorce you, nor do I have any intentions of hurting you, but what am I to do? I feel as if I have become a burden in your life, something that you have been forced to conciliate with. I was whole-heartedly ready to begin my new life with you, because sid that is what you have taught me, when life knocks you down, you don't retreat but instead you fight and that is what I wanted to do, to fight for you, but how am I supposed to do any such thing when you yourself do not want me? Despite knowing how you feel, I experience an electrical sensation when you are near me, when you hold me close to you, I am like an ice-queen that has been reduced to melted butter. When you gaze at me with your intense soulful eyes I am rendered speechless, I become an incoherent wreck. There is a particular lyric of a song that pops to mind to describe how I feel when we are in much close proximity, it goes along the lines of this:
"And I don't know how it's gonna be after this
Do we pretend these feelings don't exist at all
Or do we fall? My confusion shows whenever you get so close
I stumble, I stutter, forget what to say
I'm nervous, I wonder why I'm acting this way"
And I wonder sid, how long my state of incoherency when you are around will last for, is the fact that I am undeniably attracted to you, even when I wish not to be, insanity? And how am I to behave? How am I possibly meant to ignore these feelings that I have developed for you? To pretend they don't exist? I sometimes feel that you wish to make the effort, to try and give US another chance, but those hopes are diminished as soon as you bring Ammy into the conversation. I am trying sid I really am, to ensure that neither you or Ammy have any affect on my life, but it is beyond difficult for me, how do I ignore the man who revitalized my soul? Who taught me to live life and smile again? How do I ignore the man who over these several months I have come to know as a wonderfully amazing loving person, who became my friend in my hour of need and saved my life countless number of times? How do I possibly ignore you when slowly yet inevitably I have come to love you. 7 months Papa has given us this time to reflect on our actions and decrypt our misunderstandings. Papa is correct, marriage is no game, but perhaps it is fate that is playing games with US, we are its players and we are being put to the test, question is sid, will we survive? Or will we crumble? I hope within these 7 months I am given the chance to understand you to a greater depth. And perhaps within these 7 months we will have gained a new way to start being together. Time holds the key to our troubled hearts. What I do know without a doubt is this. Siddhant Modi, I Love You.
By Tazzy.
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