Sid:
Ridzy..... even your name has me spellbound, what to do? How do I even begin to communicate my feelings to you, when I myself lose all senses when in the same vicinity as you? These hallucinations are something I look forward to, even for a few minutes it seems all is at ease between us, I can bear my heart and soul to you without getting the look of death! Sadly the situation is quite different in reality, I turn into a starstruck, love-drunk teenager. I literally become lost for words. Not to mention the fact that you shoot daggers in my direction! The term if looks could kill pops into mind! On a more serious note, the hallucination of being so close to you in the preparation room was like being driven by ecstasy, this is what your love is like, a drug I wish to never give up, and truly ridzy I don't wish to give up, I want us to try and work things out, to try and re-build the relationship we were about to embark on before Ammy returned, Dad has given us 7 months to try and over-come our issues, I plan to utilize those 7 months to the full, to understand you and your feelings better, to learn more about you, and most of all to try and understand my own jumbled feelings, and express my love for you, if by the end of the 7 months you wish to return to Ammy then I will not stand in your way but will instead support your decision as that is what friends do, and at the very least if we cannot be lovers then we can be friends, right? Although I am hoping these 7 months give us a chance to venture into the unknown depths of our relationship that we have both been fearing to tread. It's very strange, I never thought I would end up loving you so much that I am now afraid to lose you, it would be like losing a part of my essence if you were no longer a part of my life. To be more specific the mere aspect of losing you petrifies me, how is it that I would cope? But again I am possibly jumping to conclusions, we have the time of 7 months to sort things through, not only that but to also explore how we feel with each other. It seems that from afar you have built a wall to keep yourself from me, but when we are in close proximity it feels as if I am able to penetrate that barrier, to glimpse into your soul for a few moments and penetrate into the heart of the vulnerable side of you, if I am being honest then I will try my best to allow you to lower your defences around me, but I shall not rush you, I will respect you and give you the time that you need. If only talking to you in reality were as simple as doing so in my imagination, but I am lost in the beauty of your smile, it seems my mind has captured the dazzling smile to the core of its perfection. And when you smile, how can I help but not smile back? Its impossible. Its like trying not to breathe, one can do so for a few minutes but to do so for an age of time is simply impossible, your smile is such that one is drawn to it even when trying to avoid it. As the seconds, minutes, hours, days and nights tick by I find myself falling into a deeper sense of love with you, ridzy I wish to express my feelings to you, somehow, && I crave to hear your response, but alas it is time that holds they key to the survival of our relationship, these 7 months will determine what fate wants from us. Hopefully within these 7 months we will both have gained a better understanding of one another, and I will have declared my love for you. Now I just need to find a way of talking to you without stumbling over my words, I shall attempt to do so soon...... I Love You Ridzy.
By Tazzy xxx
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