Riddhima stands infront of her locker, for no particular reason. Any sort of reasoning seems absent from her life at the minute; she could be sitting, standing, laughing, crying and she wouldn't know why. Every moment in her life, since losing Armaan, since marrying Sid, since Armaan's return, since the truth was told, seemed to be passing through her hands like little granules of sand. The tighter she held, the more control she tried to exert, the quicker it fell. She couldn't contemplate her own future anymore, a rollercoaster ride.
She had given up, and if standing infront of her locker was the only thing that was remotely familiar to her, then so be it. Her arms folded across her chest, a million thoughts running through her mind, and every thought leading to a question, every question requiring an answer...which she didn't have. Besides, the answers that she assumed only seemed to cause her more frustration, pain and anger evident by the brimming tears in her eyes. She felt that, for those answers, she had no choice but to discard them. She closed her eyes tight and automatically she grabbed hold of her arms firmly around her petite frame, determined to keep herself together even though internally she wished, more than anything, to vent out her anger on something, someone...anyone? ...him.
Soft footsteps squeak on the floorboards behind her, getting louder as they reach her and this distracts her momentarily...then a whispered call of her name..
"Riddhima?"
Her eyes flash open as she acknowledges Sid's hushed tone. She turns abruptly and her arms immediately fall to her sides, her fists clasped in a ball. The veins on her neck prominent as she clenches her jaw, struggling to fathom the words to spit out at her "husband" who stood before her now.
Her eyes blink through tears as she utters one word through clenched lips, "Kyun?...." It echoes repeatedly in the empty room, reverberating off the walls, emphasising the taciturnity that surrounds them. More confidently now she stares Sid down with her eyes, her expression bitter and she spits, "Ab kyun aaye ho Siddhanth?...Kyun... Koi aur jhoot bolne?.."
Sid: [confused looks at Riddhima a crease forming over his brow] Ri-Riddhima tum kya..? jhoot?
Riddhima: [shouts, exasperated at his ignorance] Haan jhoot!...[she bites her lip as a method to calm herself down but it fails, devastated she asks] Batao mujhe... kyun kiya tumne aise Sid!? Why did you do it?...[shouts] Kyun?!
(from the precap)Sid: [frustrated by her response] Akhir
maine kiya kya hai?
Kaunsa jhoot kaha Riddhima?
Riddhima: (hurt) Tumne Armaan ko jaan boojkar puna bheja!...
(Sid had whom had been looking at Riddhima utterly confused now looks up at her in shock, his eyes widening)
Riddhima: [confidently] Bolo Sid!....
(Sid responds in complete awe, his mouth gaping yet with no answer)
Riddhima: [shouts aggravated] Main wahan tumse milne gayi thi, aur tumhari jaga wahan par Armaan pauhoncha...Bolo Sid! Kyun nahi bataya ki Armaan wapas laut aachooka hai?!
---
Sid had not anticipated this. He had just searched the whole hospital for Riddhima worried about her confrontation with Armaan... what she would say or had said to him after discovering the injury to his own lip had not been due to a fall down the stairs but Armaan's fist. He had been worried that two hurt souls in the same room, with no reason to be amicable was the last thing he needed right now. He had to intervene, especially since he was directly involved. Yet finding her nowhere he had literally ambled past the locker room to see her back turned towards the door, still. He was relieved but she was clearly upset, what had happened?
His imagination had formed many scenarios of the words that had been exchanged between them yet none had conjured her to respond with this? How could he give an answer when he had not prepared for it?? Funnily enough, what she asked him was not "rocket science" but he had realised that some answers require a lot of deliberation, look how the "I fell down the stairs" excuse had turned out...she had seen straight through his lie. And he didn't need to lie, not right now....but for whatever reason, he found himself struggling to string the truth into a sentence. His mouth opened and closed through his deliberation, his eyes fidgeting looking at the floor at the lockers, figuring out what to say....anywhere but at her...
"Riddhima maine...maine socha tum..."
"Bas!" Riddhima who had been holding her head in her hands, glares at Sid, pointing a finger at him. Completely worn out, she looks at Sid disappointed, trying to read the emotion in his face. She shakes her head slowly whilst staring into his eyes. She couldn't believe it. The answer she least wanted to hear....Looking down she saw that on the hand she pointed out accusingly towards Sid, the weight of her wedding ring seemed to be getting heavier, the stone glinting at her,attracting even more attention in this moment. It had been this mark that had made her realise that she couldn't embrace Armaan that day in Puna, because she was married, because she was Sid's wife, because she was Riddhima Modi.
Her conversation with Armaan runs through her mind, "Kya tumhe humare pyar par barosa nahi tha, kya tumhe mujhpar bharosa nahi tha Armaan..."
Her face twists in agony at the irony of it all, Armaan and Sid, Sid and Armaan both whom had claimed to have thought of her best interests alone when they had made such significant decisions in their lives. Yet they had forgotten that those decisions had required her contribution because she was the person who would be affected most. It hurt so much to think that none of them had considered her capable of making her own decision. If it had been hard enough to accept when Armaan had left her in Panchgani then her heart bled now that Sid had confirmed the same. She felt betrayed, she felt worthless, everyone trying to find an escape route, playing pass the parcel...with her. She tries blinking away the tears clouding her vision but to no avail. She realises Sid shifting towards her, his arms open protectively to hold her but she stops him with her hand.
"Nahi Sid, bauhaut hogaya.... Kya socha tumne? Mereliye tumne yeh sab kiya? ....Main Armaan se miloongi aur kya hoga? [she she shrugs her shoulders, examining him]"
Upon instinct Sid looks at Riddhima, he remembers the time he had sent her to Pune, of course he had thought about her all the time when he had made his decision, been willing to sacrifice everything for her, eventhough it had crushed him...was that so hard for her to understand "Riddhima, tum aur Arma--."
"Sid!" Riddhima interrupts, preventing him to finish what he was going to say, he still didn't acknowledge why she was pained. Wiping away the tears spilling down her face with her hands she breathes. "Kitni bar Sid, kitni bar maine tumse kaha ke Armaan mera ateet hai. Humari shaadi hui hai Sid! Iska matlab bhi jaante ho tum?? Mere liye humari shaadi meri zindagi ka sabse bada sach hai. Shaadi do logon ke beech ek atoot vishwaas hota hai Sid, bharosa hota hai...Agar Armaan ke naa hone se maine yeh baat tumse kahi, to tumhe kyun lagta hai ke uske wapaas aane se mera faisla badal jayega?! Uske wapas aane se kya humara rishta badal chooka hai Sid?....Shaadi koi mazak nahi hai Sid..." She can't help but look at Sid defeated, the person whom she had learnt to trust so much, for this? She closes her eyes, "Main tumhari patni hoon Siddhant, tum kaise mujhe kisi aur ke paas bhej sakte ho?"
At this last statement, Sid's eyes prick with tears. He understood now, eventhough he had never meant for it to be perceived this way. In his mind he had always been thinking about Riddhima's autonomy, her sole decision... "Riddhima, aisa nahi tha, mujhe laga ke tum decide kar paogi..."
"Mujhe bhi laga tha Sid, mujhe bhi laga tha ke hum ek doosron ko samajne lage hai ...lekin mujhe Armaan ke paas bhej kar tumne saabit kardiya ke tum mujhe is layak hi nahi samajthe, mujhpar yakeen nahi karte...humare rishte par yakeen nahi karte ...main kitni ghalat thi Sid...[she corrects herself]....hoon"
Sid was annoyed now, she was being hypocritical, he walks
towards her slowly,
"Teek hai Riddhima, maine jo kiya so kiya....lekin tum? Tum ne bhi to sach chupaya, ke tum Armaan se mili..[he stands facing her at close proximity, she looks up at his face] kyun?"
Riddhima realises where the conversation is headed, but the situation had been different, she had history with Armaan and seeing him had brought back all those memories, unfinished business, her fate her marriage...the reality had been before her eyes and she was so lost in her own world that she had been selfish enough not to comprehend Sid's question to her that day at the hotel...the answer had been impulsive.
She purses her lips her expression grim, "Farkh hai Sid, maine tumhe isiliye nahi bataya kyunki main nahi chahti thi ke Armaan meri zindagi ka hisa phirse bane...[she turns away from him] lekin tumne sach chupaya kyunki tum mujhe uski zindagi mein wapas bhej rahe the"
She looks back at him, "Jab maine sach batana chaha Sid, to
tumne apni Mom ka vaasta diya...." She holds onto his arms, almost pleading him
to recognise her, to save her before she lost herself to the emptiness that was
creeping inside her now. "Sirf tumhare liye, tumhare saath ke liye, humari
shaadi ko bachane ke liye maine Armaan ko sach bataya Sid...aur tum usi rishte ko
tukrane ki koshish kar rahe the? ...."
She felt dejected, failed by her first love....failed by her husband... a final look at her reflection in Sid's deep brown eyes and she breaks down, putting her hand across her mouth she runs out the locker room, avoiding Sid's reaching hand in attempt to stop her, past the curious eyes of the nurses and doctors, towards the stairs heading onto the terrace....
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