FG and Gurinder Chadha’s Potter remake

Seeing so many amazingly creative posts on this forum got my own creative juices flowing. But I never thought I cud get so-oo filmy..quite a revelation! Um sorry if this is really silly..cudn't resist! Wud love to hear from y'all. Hope there are other Potter fans who can contribute and add to the story….(or subtract, if u like!). This is my tribute to the show that's gotten me hooked and kept me away from a hellova lot of work…

 

Also, its been a while since I've read Rowling, so I keep mixing up the stories..so um..this plot isn't from any particular book! Actually it isn't even a plot..just arbit scenes…

I also wanna acknowledge 'Rashmi's' work for the Harry Potter idea…

Here's a preview:

 

Balle Balle Gurukul mein Gaake: Hairy Puttar's Journey

So the blonde guy is a film producer's agent after all. Only he isn't from Hollywood. He's been sent by none other than Gurinder Chadha, who's determined to spice up the work of British novelists by stirring them into more masaaledar movies. Her grey cells are now working overtime to get the youngest generation of immigrant Indians hooked onto desi-shtyle movies. Her latest inspiration? The whopping favourite of GenNext, Harry Pottah….

The idea is to show how the Hogwarts gang has reinvented itself to train in Bollywood music as its magic mantras. After all, if the Punjabi middle class can be compared to the Victorian, why not Boggarts and Bollywood, Polyjuice Potions and Punjabi pop? Sochne waali baat hai. All the gang needs is one stroke of their dandiya sticks. So, with these ideas swimming around in her head, Gurinder is desperately scouting for young talent to star in her new film- Balle Balle Gurukul mein Gaake….

As soon as she lands in India, she and her producers make their way to Sony's offices to sign a contract..according  to which Sony will show all her films, provided she promises to cast Fame Gurukul contestants, teachers, judges and anchors in her latest venture. Gurinder is more than happy..itne bakrey aur kahaan milengey, she thinks to herself…

Choosing the lead role isn't too difficult. The character is that of Hairy Puttar, a boy exceedingly proud of his long hair. Gurinder doesn't wanna make her 'inspiration' too obvious so she decides that Hairy shud have a mole under his eye instead of a scar on his forehead. The khufiya blondie comes back and reports to her that only one contestant fits the role: the hugely popular Qazi Touqeer….

 

Ladies and Gentlemen, here is what Gurinder has planned:

(loosely inspired by JK Rowling and Amitabh Bachchan's Gurukul in Mohabbatein)

 

STARRING:

 

Qazi Touqeer (of course!) as Hairy Puttar

Rex D'Souza as Ron Weasley

Arpita Mukherjee/ Ruprekha Banerjee as Hermione Granger

Mandira Bedi as Moaning Myrtle

Manav Gohil as Peeves

Javed Akhtar as Albus Dumbledore

Ila Arun as Prof Trelawney, the mad Divination teacher

Prashant and Padma as Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia

KK as Sirius Black

Shankar Mahadevan as Hagrid

Laveen (MTV Roadies 3) as Draco Malfoy

 

Double roles

Rex D'Souza as Dudley Dursley

Prashant Sir as Severus Snape

 

Triple role

Rex D'Souza as the Dementor (no, I'm not a Rex fan!)

 

Guest playback singers for Harry and Ron:

Arijit Singh

Sandeep Batra

Kirti Sagathia

 

Item Number

Deepak Singh Meher with 'Papa kehtey hain'

 

And last, but not the least, SPECIAL APPEARANCES by Laloo Prasad Yadav as Minister of Magic, and India Forums' Purple Princess and nsadhwani as promising new dancing talent (sorry i had to put u guys with laloo. lol)

 

(preview and snippets of the scenes follow soon)

Edited by delphic_oracle - 18 years ago

👏 👏 👏
brilliant 😆 the triple roles 😆 😆 😆

Definitely an ingenious idea, delphic oracle! 👏

All the roles fit appropriately. Just that other than the FG crowd, I am not familiar with two of the names mentioned - Laveen and Laloo Prasad Yadav. 😕 Who are they? 🤔

Here comes the shooting of the first scene, ppl. Unfortunately I cudn't write the whole thing together as I can only work on this in my study breaks..:-(

The scene is supposed to open with the Dursleys doting over their only son, Dudley. The scene opens with Rex stuffing his face at the dining table, while Prashant and Padma watch lovingly. They look confused as Dudley puts jam on his knife and licks it off. Padma: "Beta, why are u eating your jam this way?"
Rex: Cos everyone at school calls me meethi chhuri…(sniff)
Prashant: You shouldn't care about what others say to you. Tumhari kabiliyat sabko pata hai..

Rex looks depressed……
Enter Deepak Singh Meher, who performs the film's first item number…'Papa kehtey hain bada naam karega…..'

This is when our hero makes his first appearance…the camera pans to a silhouette observing the happy family from the kitchen..the figure comes into sharp focus..he is a handsome young man with long, tousled hair and a mole under his eye…he is sitting at the kitchen table, posing with his hand covering his forehead and eyes…the camera zooms into his face…there is pain in the expressive eyes….

As the last notes of the song fade away, Dudley cheers up and bounces into the kitchen. He expresses his good mood by pulling Hairy's ears, grabbing the pack of FROOTI Hairy was holding, and stuffing it into his schoolbag…..

'Ha Ha, you don't deserve Frooti,' he yells, as he bounds out of the house. As Dudley leaves, the camera zeroes in on the dining table that Dudley has left behind inna mess…especially on the papaya fruit lying untouched in the middle of the table…

Prashant yells 'Arrey Papita ko to letey jao, beta'

No reply…..Prashant and Padma are left gazing at the papaya deep in thought, while the camera again shifts to poor Hairy..who is climbing up the stairs wearily, his loose jeans looking like tents on his lean frame…'Kab main yahaan se nikloonga? Mujhe kaun bachayega? Ma ki yaad aa rahi hai…"…

The scene closes with Hairy sobbing softly in his closet of a room, to the accompaniment of 'Tanhaee Tanhaeeeeee' in Sandeep's mellifluous voice……

(ok folks am going to sleep now.hope to finish this tomm!) Edited by delphic_oracle - 18 years ago

thank you, all those who clapped..i must say ppl in this forum are very appreciative.. 🤗
But u r free to criticize and contribute ur own ideas!

Thx for coming to read this, purple princess. Hmm I had to use laveen and laloo cos i cudn;t think of better ppl to fill the roles...if u can think of apt FG members, do post em.

Laveen: This burly guy from MTV Roadies 3 (a reality show on MTV) whom all the fellow contestants hate and who was the first to get voted out (they also have elimination procedures)

Laloo Prasad Yadav: Minister in the Indian Cabinet from Bihar. Actually he's the Railway Minister. Well known for several things: getting away with blatant corruption (multi-crore fodder scam), his hairdo (check out a pic if ur sufficiently interested!), his unique Bihari style of speaking english. the journos love him. He;s just this entertaining character who is ACTUALLY gonna star in a film soon.   

wow thts great. keep it up 😊 👏 👏

The next scene is the one in which torrents of letters from Hogwarts (oops..Gurukul)_ pour into the Dursley household, and are ignored by Vernon. It culminates in the entry of Hagrid (Shankar) who arrives to take Hairy away with him….

Gurinder: Lights, camera, action! (er sorry if they don't actually say that!)

The scene is supposed to open with Qazi sitting alone in the living room, in the same pose with hands over eyes… everyone else has gone to bed, but Hairy can't sleep..he just can't take his imprisoned existence and he's trying to figure out ways of escaping Privet Drive forever…..

Outside, a thunderstorm rages outside and the rain lashes against the windows…what better moment for special performer Shamit to complete the mood with an emotional song…
Shamit: Bheegi Bheegi raaton mein….Phir tum aao naaaaa

Suddenly, Hairy is jerked out of his thoughts by incessant pounding on all the doors and windows…what could it be? What could it be? Hairy gets up, looks around with that cute confused expression of his, and starts singing…
Dhakak dhadak, Dhadak dhadak, dhuaan udaaye re….dhadak dhadak…..

The doors break open and the windows begin to smash…the wind gushes into the Dursley house, carrying with it an entire flood of letters marked 'To Mr Hairy Puttar, From The Gurukul'……

But whats's this? Hairy is refusing to continue with the scene! He is clutching his hair and demanding a mirror!

Gurinder: Cut!!! Cut!!! What is going on!!!

Hairy: I like challenges, lekin public mujhe pasand karti hai kyonki mere baal lambe hain..maine itne pyaar se inhe badhaayen hain..and now this wind is totally spoiling my hair…pls, change the script!

Gurinder: Dude, this is essential to the script. Don't worry, I'll make sure that we won't make your hair look spoilt for more than one second…..come on, Ila ji, pls tell him….

Ila: Qazi, tumhe maine hamesha support kiya. Tumhe lekar faculty se bhi jhagad padi. Ab tumhe meri laaj rakhni hai…..

Qazi: Ok, anything for u, ila ma'am…

Scene continues: A reluctant Qazi allows himself to be shot with his hair being blown all around by the wind.

The Dursleys wake up….they stumble downstairs yelling "What's going on!"

In the meanwhile we can hear heavy footsteps stomping though the door….enter a huge creature wearing black, followed by a scholarly-looking old man and a saucy poltergeist carrying an LG CDMA mobile phone…duly focused on by Gurinder's cameraman…..

Huge Creature: Main bataata hoon, yahaan kya ho raha hai. Aap logon ne is mind-blowing bacche ko bahut zyaada sataaya hai…hum logon ne Gurukul ki taraf se itni chitthiyaan bhejin, but you never thought he deserved an ducation..ab hum isey le jaaney aaye hain !!! (looks menacingly at all 3 Dursleys..Dudley sticks out his tongue). Main Hagrid hoon, aur yeh Dumbledore, Sangeet ki duniya ka dhamaakedaar duo!

Old Man: AAp sab ko mera salaam. Main Gurukul ka sabse senior teacher hoon. Maine hamesha is bacche ka honest aur sincere badhtaav dekha hai…mujhe pata hai aap log agar iski jagah hotey to kya kartey..chalo, Hairy…tumhaari kismet mein bahut kuch likha hai….

Hairy (jumps for joy, executes a perfect Hrithik dance move): Yao! I'm happy!!! Maine itne dinon se sajda nahin kiya, kyonki maine khud se vaada kiya tha ki jab tak main is nark se nahin nikalta, main sajda nahin karoonga…lekin ab main sajda karta hoon!)
(Dramatically, Hairy bows to the ground and touches his forehead to it)

Poltergeist: Aur main, Peeves the poltergeist, is shaandaar pal ko apne LG CDMA mobile phone mein kaid karta hoon….smile please…..
Aise hi haseen jhalkon ke liye, dekhtey rahiye, Balle Balle Gurukul mein Gaake…

(end of scene)
Edited by delphic_oracle - 18 years ago

The shooting of the film Balle Balle Gurukul mein Aake is well on its way….the stars have been getting a lot of publicity. Since its crossover cinema, Gurinder is famous in any part of the world where Indians are settled…so one day she gets a call from Harpo Inc. Owing to the amount of hype that's been created around the film, Oprah Winfrey wants her and some of the cast to feature on a special show she's doing on crossover cinema….

Gurinder selects Qazi, Rex, Ruprekha, Arpita, Ila and Javed to come with her for the show….there are some teething troubles in getting to Chicago, cos the flight they were taking was held up for a very long time. Reasons? Qazi was ceaselessly mobbed by screaming female fans at the airport, and Ruprekha needed new medicines….

But finally, its showtime! The moment has come. Oprah sits on her sofa with Ila, Javed and Gurinder, and is asking Gurinder questions. Finally she says "And now its time to welcome the young Indian sensations who've got the whole world abuzz….please give a very big hand to the very young, very talented cast of Gurinder's new film!"

To the sound of deafening applause from the NRI, NRP and other South Asian audiences specially invited to the show, the Famous Four make their entry, with Rex of course blowing unsolicited kisses in all directions.

Qazi: Everybody say YOW YOW
Audience: YOW YOW!!!

Oprah: Wow, is that an Indian greeting? It sure sounds cool!

Javed: No, but its become the anthem of young India.

Ila ji: Is baat pe main Javed bhai se sehmat hoon. Oprah, sirf aap hi ke show par I get to agree with Javed bhai…

Oprah: Yes, I hear there have been a loooot of ego clashes in the making of this film! Sure is as spicy as masala chicken! But before I go there, lemme just ask all of you how you feel about doing this film:

Qazi: Its all about passion

Arpita: I have been working towards this for a very long time. It has been like worship for me. Main already kaafi trained hoon. I was not surprised to be chosen.
Ruprekha: Yeh to Mera Aaatma hai.

Rex: I take everything one step at a time.

Oprah: Mr TOW-KEER, I hear that you're quite a sensation with the ladies!

Qazi blushes….says "I love you all!" More deafening applause and whistles….

Oprah: So our producers traveled all the way to CASH-MIRR to see what goes into the making of this demi-God….ESPECIALLY how Gurinder got him to look real tall….

They show a clip of Qazi in his house, posing in his room in front of his mirror, trying on shoe after shoe…
Qazi: Jooton ka mujhe bahut shauk raha hai, bachpan se. Mujhe fancy type ke jootey bahut pasand hain. I will show you my shoes…

the camera focuses on how the shoes have been especially made with very thick bottoms, like heels…

Interviewer: We hear that one of the leading ladies was really tall, so Gurinder insisted that you look tall…did u feel bad about that?

Qazi: Of course not. I like challenges….

Back to Oprah, and more applause..

Oprah: Wow, I can see that you have one hell of an attitude! Sure seems to keep things goin your way!
Now, lemme get to the juicy stuff…ArPEEta, I believe you were initially chosen to play the lead female role, but now Rup-rekka has been asked to do some of the scenes?

Arpita: Yes, that's true….<sniff>…I don't know. They felt I wasn;t suitable for some roles. I am being penalized for tiny mistakes in acting. I just can't fathom how that can happen to someone as trained as me. I have never seen that happen to Ruprekha. I think I have not got what I deserve…the role of Hermione demanded someone who could act like she had her nose in the air..I think I was perfect for the role. Even Prashant Sir has told me main corporate mein rehti hoon…I don't know why they decided to take someone with mitti ki khushboo….

Oprah: Are you jealous of Rup-rekka?

Arpita: OF course not. You can only be jealous of someone who is better than you.

Oprah: Would you like to comment on this, Rup-rekka?

Ruprekha: No, but I would like to ask Javed sir, kya achche logon ke saath hamesha accha hi hota hai?

Javed: Yeh zaroori nahin.

Oprah: Not in Chicago!

Ila: Yeh kya durbhagyapoorn baat keh rahe ho aap log? I don't like it!

Oprah: Uh-oh..things are getting verrry heated here…now I see why everyone keeps raving bout spices in India….As we come to the end of this show, I want these young people to teach me something about Indian clothes…a few months back I had the beautiful Aishwarya Rai on my show, who taught me how to wear a saree. What are you guys gonna teach me? I love Indian clothes!

Javed: Arrey yeh kya sikhaayengey. Ila ji is the expert on Indian clothes. She specializes in singing songs about cholis and lehengas….

The show ends with Ila covering Javed's mouth with her hand and Qazi signing autographs…




Edited by delphic_oracle - 18 years ago

thank you to all those who've read and applauded. :-)
I doubt i'll ever be able to finish this, though..ideas to bahut hain lekin waqt nahin!

thanks especially to purple princess! will write the rest now after the show. hope u;ll still be around to read!