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Reliving IPK ...
Episode 130
Ek toh mein pehlay say koshish kar raha hoon ...
This was not at all the out come he had wanted, or even close to what he had hoped for. The whole point of cornering her had been to break her will and get her to admit, Farak padta hai ... He had never intended for it to revert back to this point ... Mujeh koi farak nahin padta ... It was never his intention to rebuild his fortress, stronger and more impregnable than before, all over again ...
Much to everyone's horrified shock, he had been uncharacteristically dictatorial, absurdly harsh, in his opinion of Lavanya's choice of clothes ... Ek toh mein pehlay say koshish kar raha hoon ki, he had snapped, frustratingly.
His koshish ... His losing battle, his unravelling control, his futile struggle to forget her, comes to a head in a jumbled, senseless rant. He will, months from now, remember these futile attempts ... Meinay kitni koshish ki tumsay nafrat karna ki ...
Aur yeh cheez ? He gashes his teeth, grabbing the frivolous pompoms hanging off her kurta sleeves. How can a ridiculous thing like that put him over the edge? Is he to get no break ? Does every little stupid thing have to remind him of her ?
The pompom, a tinselly adornment ... A apt name for the most frivolous, most inessential part of an outfit ... Yet for Khushi, the most essential. No outfit of her's is complete without it. Quintessentially Khushi. Months from now, this stupid thing will become his lifeline, a cherished keepsake ... Even as he will pry her hand away, he will takes a part of her. A memento, his good luck charm ... His pearl ...
Lavanya had tried to justify her choice. She had liked it, as had everyone else.
Is he the same man who his Di had once said of, Tumhay toh kisi cheez say farak nahin padta ? It sure does not look like it now, as he escalates his nonsensical triade further. Looking squarely at Khushi, he provokes, completely unnecessarily, Mujeh pasand nahin ayaa. Mujeh aisi cheezain pasand nahin hai jin mein koi class na ho, jo itni cheap ho.
He had stalked off, walking past her, not sparing her a glance, but only after ordering Lavanya to change her clothes immediately. Lavanya, for once had been defiant.
She had followed him, just as he knew she would. Get out, he mouths, his voice soft, his injunction, ice cold.
She stands, not in his room, but at the threshold. Whatever advances she had made in the last few months, penetrating his formidable shell, he has again pushed her outside. She too will not enter his inner sanctum, but neither will she leave.
Nahin, humay aap say baat karni hai, she predicates. Toh phir karti raho, he wants no part of this. He turns and slides the door shut, turning his back to her. The walls are up, the defenses firmly in place.
She is undeterred. She slides open the door, but still does not step in.
Does he even have any idea of how much people around him, his aas pass kay loag, aapse kitna pyar kartay hai, aapko bilkul bhi andaaza nahi hai ? Does he know how much his harsh words hurt them ? A twinge of guilt ... Does she include herself in this group ? This group of aas pas kay loag, who love him, Who he has hurt with his harsh words ? He has an andaaza alright, it is her admission he wants.
She knows he is angry with her. Hum jaantay hai ki aap hum say gussa hai. Aapko jo kuch bhi kehna hai, aap humsay kehiyay.
The truth exposed ... His cover blown, he is a cornered animal ... A complete loss of control. A volcanic eruption, the rumblings of which had started days ago. He has been simmering ... Trying to keep it tightly under wraps, but tonight the lava erupts and flows unchecked. Wave upon wave of acidic assault.
His voice rising with each violently spit out syllable, his tongue spewing toxins, his eyes scorching her, his finger forcefully punctuating the air in emphatic emphasis, he stops at nothing.
She listens silently, stunned by his vehemence, startled by the rising cadence of his voice, physically cringing at the restrained violence barely held in check.
Tum samajhti kya ho apnay aap ko? Mein jo karta hoon tumhari vajeh say karta hoon ? Agar tumhay yeh lagta hai ki mujhe tumharay honay ya na honay se koi farqa padta hai, Then FORGET IT !!! Meri life mein tumhari itni importance nahin hai ki mein tumhari vajahay say gussa hoon aur voh gussa kisi aur par nikaloon!!! You don't even exist for me, do you understand !!! Tum ho ya na ho, kuch karo ya na karo, Mujeh oosay koi faraq nahin padta. SAMAJHI TUM !!!
Each and every word he erupts, is a double edged sword. On the surface, yet another forceful rejection of her, but within each simmering word is a direct indictment of himself. Guilty as charged on all counts ! A self incriminating diatribe. It is not her he is trying to convince, it is himself.
With each word he reveals more of his heart. He does everything because of her. Guilty. She is the only thing important to him and much much more. Guilty. Nothing else exists for him. Guilty. Farak padta hai. Guilty. He knows the truth, he knows he is fighting a losing battle, yet he battles with it ferociously, denying it violently, knowing fully well he is sentenced for life.
The farak offensive that had started with a supremely confident, relentlessly focused man, has run aground. A man who had been sure of himself that he would be able to get her to admit, Farak padta hai, is now fighting his last ditch battle ... A do or die offensive. The ramparts are up, the shields lowered. He fights not to win, but for a mere retreat. An offensive battle of self preservation.
She does not matter ... She cannot matter ... She is not important ... She means nothing ... Do you understand !!! He roars ... So that he can hear it.
Whether he hears himself or not, she hears him loud and clear.
He sees the hurt flood her wide eyes slowly. Another vow broken, in a matter of hours. He turns his back on her, unable to endure her tears. He closes his eyes in agony, takes a moment to collect himself and then turns to face her again.
Her breath comes in shorts silent draws, her agitated eyes spill her tears, down her cheeks. She wipes them, but does not look at him. She knows very well, he has said all this to her before. Hum jaantay hai humaray honay ya na honay se aapko koi faraq nahi padta. She has forgotten that he is Arnav Singh Raizada, and that he never apologizes. It is her fault that she forgot and came to him.
He has done it. He has broken her down, but not the outcome he had wanted.
She lifts her eyes and looks at him directly. Her surrender. She slides the door shut. Never has she backed away from him before. Never, even in the midst of their most fierce battles has she ever walked off. He no longer needs to throw up walls, or hide behind his shell. It is she who is leaving him to his haal. She who is walking off his battlefield. She will not fight this un-winnable battle.
A battle lost on all fronts, by all parties. He stands, alone, behind a barrier erected by her, just as she left him.
Another soft turn in the story. All his attempts, his struggles, his koshish to distance himself, to reject her, to get her to admit, are a colossal failure. But, whether he knows it or not, he is in it for life. Her tears coax him out from behind his shell.
And so, once again, like har bar, for her, for her ek ek ansoon, for his hazar choat over her spilled tears, he goes to Lavanya.
Lavanya, he says gently. Sanity prevails. He is sincerely contrite. I love you, ASR, Lavanya hugs him, easily forgiving him.
He arms around Lavanya, he looks directly at her. His brow furrowed, his eyes, repentant, softy pleading, he murmurs, childlike, I am sorry.
It is none other than Arnav Singh Raizada, who begs to be forgiven. He sees his absolution in her quiet acceptance of his apology, her slow, measured withdrawal. Her work is done. It is her that he wants in his arms, but she will not stay. His eyes follow her out of the room.
The battle is over. For now.
Daily motion video ... Enjoy ...
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x10hnag_ipkknd-full-episode-130_shortfilms
Chakravarti Samrat Prithviraj Chauhan
Mangal Lakshmi
18