indi's index, from the blast from the past pages - Page 7

awww, you are sweet, msserialfan. and please do keep writing. i ask myself at times am i crazy to be doing this, but you know, i have come to believe most of us are doing pretty useless things which have been presented to us as most useful, while this supposedly useless thing is not only keeping me happy but making me reach and touch new people, learn new things, every day look forward to something, and ponder ethics, love, relationship, character, faith, conscience, ... what could be more useful. 😳 the bftp thread is really a lovely place, some wonderful people there.

my post on page 5 of crooner 1.5 nadaan parinday... the episode when she comes running into his arms in the darkness.

trying to find some of the stuff i wrote last year mainly on crooner.

look at all my trials and tribulations...
that's a beautiful quote and every word it says is true. watching this man going through his tests big and small on the way to becoming a hero is absorbing and happy making.

how heartbreakingly innocent both his lover and he.

priya, looking forward to your crooner. i was absolutely touched by the episode. even the obvious mistakes didn't matter.

will update here if necessary after priya has posted. some thoughts on page 15. 😆


UPDATE NECESSARY 😆

thank you thank you thank you, priya. star me, nice nice.

congratulations khushi. that was quite a khat you wrote. 👏 👏 👏

CROONER

salaams, priya, your post again made me consider things i'd not thought of at all. instinctively in my post i wrote i wanted to know more about the parents who had brought up these two lovely kids, they couldn't be all bad.

but the rose and the beauty and beast story, missed it totally. thanks so much for that connection. also her fear of the dark, fast cars, agra connection. so ready to see more into their pasts.

he will be badly tested but the level of submission to love is quite stunning and i don't think there's any going back now. i am fascinated by how much the creatives are willing to push boundaries vis a vis conventional relationships. i bet they all know exactly how everyone will react when the unhappy anjali story is told. but they seem to be looking to show something other than the usual didi/mother jealous/angry when only bro/son marries and his affections shift. they've just started on this track, i really want to see what i discover about this relationship with these characters.

very excited about the future tracks you hint at. it did feel like a key set of episodes starting somewhere in wednesday. his emotional commitment going another step deeper was necessary for the next bit to come. and how beautifully that got done.

as kids we used to say, don't laugh too much today you'll have to cry tomorrow. so to balance the goodies, the bizarrees: the creatives gave us that crazy exchange between akash, payal, mamiji. payal is on an interesting path at last. finding her voice and guts again. but akash? frankly i think akshay dogra needs to embrace akash a bit more honestly and with depth. utkarshaji is capable of outstanding nuance, just what you need in a bitchy, insecure, little crazy but loving saas-bahu. her writers as you say could do much better.

another thing: this complete ignoring of arnav re kidnapping, is this deliberate? or just bad writing? once the need for that framework is over, let it disappear unexplained, like masala mama. who cares if it shows intense insenitivity and lack of concern and normal human care for the much loved arnav singh raizada whom everybody wanted to talk to when he called from scotlandiya.

thanks again for that star. means a lot. going to show off like crazy to the hubs. 😉

21 september was a special day... crooner 1.42, jab tak hai jaan, page 3, my first thoughts on her saying yes, and him opening a dori finally.

i loved this episode... the dance added to the feeling of immersion in each other.


i knew she'd do it, and indeed she did.
to the towel dancer and his one true lover.

you are right, priya, that needs some recovering from and no amount of replay is enough. 

edit:

what is this maze of light it leaves us in?

what is this stance we take,

to turn away and then turn back?

what did we hear?

it was the breath we took when we first met.

listen. it is here.

~~~ harold pinter ~~~

yes, it was there, their very first crashing upon each other; a girl in the wrong place at the wrong time losing her balance, falling into arms that were not wanting to be there, shock and surprise and something else in that breath of first collision. what was that something else? today it found its answer.

she had found her balance, and the arms now (as then too) did want her. and only her. nothing else but her. i understand, take me.

priya, i am still dizzy really. delirious and yet in a funny kind of calm. guess this is the effect of coming upon real beauty. how not to think about something that brings us to that. true, the hindi serial "elements" are too pronounced at times, even unbearable. but every now and then along comes magic, that restores our senses, resets our sensitivity, makes us feel the things that matter. makes us believe, "fairytales can come true, it can happen to me, it can happen to you..." 

"dance is a vibration of the spirit that stirs the body to move when music is being played. by that definition, it is not unreasonable to conclude that if the quantum universe is made of music, then we are all dancing right now." ~~~~ lar lubovitch

there was so much dance last week. a love story was told, a proposal made, a lover was punished. as we laughed and hooted and swayed and tapped our feet, as we dropped our inhibitions, opened up and relaxed, the real and last dance started on a quiet note in a secret place, under the stars, above the earth, in a space beyond the grasp. every move was natural as though they'd practiced for years. when he arrested the motion of her arm reaching for a remote, held her hand and brought it to his lips, why did my heart thud. what did i know and how? somehow, one knew this time the dance would reach its climax, there would be no rude interruptions. 

but before that started, she finally took as hers what he'd been practically thrusting upon her since the night of a terrible fight. huq. it was his way of saying take me. claim me as yours and yours alone. tonight when he asked: why did you come here? she looked into his eyes and said: because only i have haq over you, no one else. what would you have done if you'd found another woman, sorry chudail, here? i'd have killed her, but before that i'd have pulled her hair.

at last at last khushi was feeling, all her feelings. her love, her lust, and lo and behold, her hate. it was time to feel the truth. (kalpana's storyboard "kiss me" had the most interesting tying up of these words and it just stayed in me. thanks, kalpana, hope you don't mind the borrowing.) 

he wanted to show her something. their own galaxy, neatly contained in a room, or was it just limited to that.

there he laid her down and held her in his arms to tell her she was everything to him. what, she wondered, their parents must be talking about, looking up at the stars he'd fetched for her, just as she'd said to her mother he would all those months ago.  oh they'd be happy to see their children had found true love.

true love.

but how do you know it's true? he asked. she knew. a convulsive move toward him, arm reaching out and wrapping around, as she recalled his being away. they remembered a conversation outside the barrier of time and space. "hum done... kitne ajeeb hain." ajeeb. his word for her, now his word for both of them. is he relieved to rediscover his ability to be "ajeeb"? strange are the ways of love 😆.

somewhere along all this talk and play, their breath grew thicker, warmer, a wanting to be one in them. he broached the subject, ever so gently, holding himself back. i'm sorry i know, you don't want to... not before the wedding. she stopped him with a kiss, with a arching of her body, with a few words. i understand, i trust you. the winds sang, make love to me.

khushi let go of the hold of the outer world and acknowledged an inner truth. she loved this man, this man loved her, without limit, without barriers, with all of him, she trusted that. that's what made union with him right, correct. he had taken her as his wife on the basis of their wedding, she accepted him as her true husband tonight. brilliant bend in the story. nayi soch finds place at last.

the most lyrical yet completely natural movements of body mind heart and soul followed. who had thought of this? how could anything be so beautiful? take off the bangles, remove the earrings, untie a string, let the woman in black lose herself completely on this inky blue ocean of love. let her lover merge himself again and again in her. for this is love, real, ethereal, surreal. this is true love.

ek. 

truth is one. aaj se hum ek hain.  hamari dhakane ek ho jati hai.

three memories (there are many, but these i wanted to share):

1. in crooner 98, priya, on the day of their fight, you'd chosen two insightful storm quotes.

"and once the storm is over, you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. you won't even be sure, whether the storm s really over. but one thing is certain. when you come out of the storm, you won't be the same person who walked in. that's what this storm's all about." ~~~~  murakami 

"there's always another storm." ~~~~ maria v snyder

in my post i'd referred to that: murakami's storm leaves you changed every time. snyder's storm is always there. as one ends the other comes. sometimes there's a little respite, happiness, giggles, koochie coo, rain dance. but the storm does return. yet through it all love asserts, ascends, attains. you give each other sukh but also dukkha. khushi will too, i am sure, if this love is to go where it can. one day your feelings transcend the petty limits of earthly hurt and pain, crosses boundaries you never thought you could, and reaches for hamesha. you no longer need to say it. you become part of each other. not getting carried away. promise.

2. in crooner 1.2, the night khushi didn't accept asr's birthday wish, your quote:

"it reminds me of that old joke - you know, a guy walks into a psychiatrist's office and says, hey doc, my brother's crazy! he thinks he's a chicken. then the doc says, why don't you turn him in? then the guy says, i would but i need the eggs. i guess that's how i feel about relationships. they're totally crazy, irrational, and absurd, but we keep going through it because we need the eggs." ~~~~ woody allen

i wrote in my post: how come wise, deep beauty is sleeping, not letting her shaitan feel a bit better. he's been trying desperately since that fight and forcing her to remember the contract. disturbed me. but no matter. priya, thanks for that woody allen quote, we're all in it for the eggs really. i want it, mr raizada wants it, and something tells me sleeping beauty will wake up soon and ask for an omelette.

3. after the thursday episode where the towel dancer floored us, i'd written: "i do have a crib i confess. i am not connecting to khushi as well as i want to. is it the writing that's making her tad too strident and sp bahu? or is it performance? or both? no idea. gut again. khushi kumari gupta is far more than this. i hope the problem corrects soon. asr and kkgsr need the other to be completely themselves." and the next day, khushi just got it all back, i was lost in her. had been so wanting to see her looking gorgeous with minimum fuss. and there she emerged in her lbd. has a black blouse ever been this sexy and sat on such an innocent bare back. the straight long hair minus bouffant, the silver touch on arms and ears, the bindi, absolutely alluring. both times asr chose her clothes, he did a pretty neat job. 😆 fire her designer, employ her husband instead. her huq.

right from that moment on june 6 2011 when they first set eyes on each other, we've been coming toward last friday. one long, unbroken dori gathering pearls, one by one, ah so many many memories. now that a string is untied, a string is done, and the next one begins. an extraordinary tale of love, be prepared for giddiness, dizziness, giggling, laughter, heart thudding, pillow clutching, and tears.

hamari dhakane ek ho jati hai. 

it was the breath we took when we first met. 

listen. it is here.

Edited by indi52 - 10 years ago

crooner 71, ringmaster!!!, i wrote a few posts...

1. pg 17

hi honeypriya,
good to get that crooner and your invite to join in.
am on page 3, but already ready to say things, so impatient!

lovely quote. oh howard roark, and the fountainhead, my favourite uncle called it his "bible."
at yale, recently, shahrukh khan said pretty much the same thing, in his words, about the work being paramount. what it's all about.

i remember writing in a comment to barun in his fan page (which we have all been happily assured that he doesn't read) that this interview of mr khan's (and i'm not a fan) has wisdom and he would benefit from reading it.

where is ipkknd going, no idea. missing nobody these days, just me in a giggly, smiley, silly mood at 12 midnight every week night.

love coming to the forum. reading some of you guys. keeps me feeling happy.

i am in an utter laxmiji state, really. better stay away from pots.

remember the first line of the book?

"howard roark laughed."

maybe we will and so will others.

hope it all doesn't end in:

"who is john galt?"

(if treacherous memory is behaving, that's where atlas shrugged started, a fab argument in it about the relationship between artist and audience. in my mind a lot these days, that topic.)

bye, thanks, back soon, indi


2. pg 37






3. pg 43

aww, poor baby, i know what you mean.
he is wanted, dead or alive. do you hear, ph?
truth is, never in my whole entire rather long life (who can crack the code indi52, 😉 ) have i ever been so attracted to an actor, certainly never after i met the man i live with this past 26 years.
there is something about mr sobti especially as asr, also when he's freewheeling with the media, that keeps me rooted to the spot.
i've been through the phase when he is 24 hrs on my mind, i have missed my bus stop while daydreaming about the man (yes, swear), i have driven my husband crazy talking about the chap, in fact i have even dragged him to sit and watch. he actually rather enjoys the show haha and likes sanaya!
you get the picture, fairly insane obsession.
so, yeah, days and months without him will kill me, much as i love sanaya and her personality on and off screen. also i enjoy most things ipkknd.
i am hanging around in the hope that all will come to even keel soon; no titanic in the swimming pool only tandarusti soapwaed snakewa.
maybe i'll calm down, maybe i'll go into a coma in the barun/asr squares on the chessboard of my mind. no idea.
but i think of what has been discussed before: the phoenix and mr roark.
and i console myself, perhaps there is hope.

but should asr sing sing a song... no no calm down calm down

on white and stoopid


1.
stupid idea.



why is it that the moment i saw the two together i started to smile and would you believe it, i had this crazy maternal feeling for these horrible kids, i just wanted them to be happy together. at the same time my heart beat went phangurrl crazy, practically grazing against the walls of my fragile beater, not a trace of mother there. 52 on my face, 21 (old enough to dare to have many uh huh thoughts) in my heart. so should i be counted as one viewer or two? actually, sometimes, i even feel my 13 year self leaping about, curious, irritating, taking sides, reveling in utterly idiotic things. for example, best of all it said, he pronounces stupid exactly as i do. no "stewpid,"  just plain and simple "stoopid," wee hint of "h" after the "s."

from crooner 1.15: anjaane vaade!


2.
this post is dedicated to a man i adore and a kurta i did not.








Edited by indi52 - 10 years ago

the august 1 fight, one of my favourite episodes... here's what i wrote in crooner... back then after first viewing. crooner 1.13... matlab ki baatein.

still looking into eyes that are trying not to show the hurt.
matlab ki baatein. funny how things come back, archu, lovely title. beautifully written post. but nothing is sticking in my head today. all i see are those eyes. even the cleverness at the end doesn't have any matlab, it's only survival. forgive me, if i go off track today. that was an outstanding piece of work from all at ipk.

update
 
spectacular cracking of the shell.

khushi yeh sab hone dogi tum?

you, who hold the dor of my life in your hands, you will let this happen? his ego shatters itself to reach out to her. his eyes lay bare his feelings. naked, defenceless, exposed.
 
ha-mari shadi yoohin khatam hone dogi?

a stutter in arnav singh raizada at even the thought of this unthinkable thing. to consider it would be to die.

itta easy hai tumhare liye?

even his language is loosening as his heart breaks, itta, not itna, how can it be so easy for you? how? when it's so hard for me?

he has tried everything. he's done things for her he's never done for anyone before. he has tried to win her back her way. then the audacious move of persuading her the absolute asr way. provoke, threaten, do what you have to do, but get her back. he's even tried to make her accept her own desires, goaded her to claim her huq over him. you have a right to ask for something for yourself, you have a right over me.

patni ho tum meri. he has reminded her again and again. come claim me, make me yours. as you are mine, as i am here to claim you. i need you don't you see that? of course, you do. i don't need anything else, khushi.
 
aap aisa kyon hain?

tum jaanti ho ki main aisa kyon hoon.

echoes from another day: i don't know why i do the things i do... par main aisa hi hoon, khushi. by mistake, a confession to lavanya, how flawed is our angel.

i know what i have to do and this time it will work my way, he'd thought the night he realised the meaning of 13 days. for three days he'd pursued his goal relentlessly. looked like it was going somewhere. he was happy to see her reaction, she was coming out of her shell, losing her cool, unconsciously treating him like the husband he so wants to be. abusing, threatening back, even showing signs of buying into his philosophy.
 
he didn't want her to change or be someone else, just be strong enough to say to him i want you and i can't leave you. he needs that, today he needs that for survival. the man has only had his anger, his ego to protect him, today he instinctively seeks to heal himself with love.

the day had started on a confident note full of hope for him. he teased her, he cajoled, he turned off the electricity and water trying to blackmail her into coming home. she wouldn't want her folks inconvenienced.

ziddi jo ho, par apne zid ke chakkar me apne amma bauji ko kyon trouble kar rahi ho. mere saath ghar aa jao, that's all you have to do.

that's all. that's everything for him. but she isn't ready. her hurt doesn't let her do as you want, as she so desperately wants, but something is not right, she can't... just can't. the tussle over water. the touch on her pulse beat on the neck. yearning fingers linger. he's drowning in her. from a conversation across space echoes: aap sun sakte hain hamari dil ki dhadkan? haan, hamesha.

she's drowning too... no drawing away.
 
aap aisa kyon kar rahen hain?

you already know ki mein ausa kyon kar raha hoon.
... wapas aa jao mere paas.

but she won't relent, as hope fades, familiar anger surges back. yet she stops him and changes her mind. he can't believe it, say it again? at her confirmation, a return to asr-ness. only he knows how difficult all this has been for him. and in his relief, again a glimpse of his arrogance. i am always right. and that's all it takes for her to swing back: she's not going to him before the end of the contract, she avers in a beautiful sequence, even as he vows to bring her back before the end of that fateful contract.

did anyone ever think he wouldn't pay for his hasty decision that night, his wronging of her, his sin, if you will? he would pay with a currency far precious than money. he would pay with his love. he would pay till he was stripped of all he needs to survive, till that nakedness in his eyes, and maybe even beyond that.

when he comes to pick her up and she pretends she isn't there, he knows she is. when he sees her bandaged foot, he's worried, concerned, forgets his ire. when he sees she's lying, oh those averted eyes, he just can't take it. he hurts himself to prove a point. doesn't she see how much she loves him? he picks her up in his arms as she hobbles. she struggles, what are you doing?

tumhe ghar lekar jaa raha hoon! abhi uthakar lekar jaa raha hoon. agar zaroorat padi toh kheechkar bhi leke jaa sakta hoon. natak khatam ho gaya tumhara?

he will do anything anything to take her home. she won't give in. can't take the bandages off for a few more days...

problem sirf dus din ki hai. hai na?

pause, cut out sound, cut out breath. she realises he knows. look away. you can't bear to see the pain in him.

khushi, you can't lie to me.

yeh sab tum contract ki vajah se kar rahi ho na?

two onscreen, one before screen finding it hard to inhale.

baki dus din yahan rehna chahti ho taki tumhe humari shadi se azadi-

he can't bring himself to complete that last line. mein tumhare bina-, faraq padta hai kyonki-. incomplete sentences tell beginning to end stories sometimes. but who's listening.

kaisi shadi? humne jo kiya woh shadi nahin dhoka tha, ek sauda tha. ... ab dus din mein sharte khatam, sauda khatam, aur baki sab bhi...

khatam, he who can't complete his own sentences, completes hers for she may not be able to. or he fears, she will.

finish. his eyes say it would certainly finish him.

ab hamara in sab baton se koi matlab nahin hai.

koi matlab nahi hai?

while we all know how much he'd hurt her with precisely those words on a lamp lit dark night, i knew he didn't have her strength, maybe she does maybe i just think she does, but i knew he didn't have that strength, so i prayed for his anger to return. only that could keep him together now. mercifully, it did.

she said, as hurt as he was, as helpless.

...aap sab kuch jante hain.

issliye hum yeh sabke bare mein kuch na kahe, yeh hi accha hai.

ok, sure. he replied and his teeth gritted. i relaxed.

the path of love is never easy. it burns all those who dare to walk it. no one is spared. in fact, if it doesn't scorch your very insides, know it has not found you worthy, your love isn't all that love can be.

mere saath. mere paas. how many times he said those words today. tum ho saath mere, paas mere ho tum yoon. i need nothing else, khushi. he has been showing her just that for so many days, but us mere mortals, the furies won't let us escape a single mistake we've made. till we've paid for it.
...

i can give not what men call love;
but wilt thou accept not
the worship the heart lifts above
and the Heavens reject not:
one desire of the moth for the star,
of the night for the morrow,
the devotion to something afar
from the sphere of our sorrow?

shelley from my college days.

arnav singh raizada can't give what ordinary men call love, but then khushi kumari gupta is no ordinary girl. he will pick her up this morning he said. i'll wait to see what happens.

some more thoughts.

i have never ever seen an actor of this calibre i am beginning to think. and i speak of barun sobti of course. i literally had trouble exhaling at times.

sanaya irani was equally powerful in her role today, but the script was practically written for him, i felt. that koi matlab nahin, the khatam, the dropping of all his defences. unbelievable.

himmat, sach, jhoot kept coming at us today.

i got a feeling in those i'll throw your family out on the streets, there were again hints of the past coming up.

anjali wore another lovely sari and misunderstood him once more. he never said buaji was unwell.



Edited by indi52 - 10 years ago

Lots of good stuff Indi Di😊, I never knew you have a lot to offer besides the epis.

hi preety,

a post on the main forum... 7 december 2013



this was what i wrote in reply to someone on another thread. then i thought, i wanted to post it here... on the main forum, because i just wanted to, bas.

i am waning a bit every day, minus that acting.

just saw 111, all because my friend is on an orange white man chase... of course it was the wrong episode. but there's that little scene there. where he is feeling things after almost kissing ("almost kiss" can make its way to the oed or something now i think 😆), he grabs his phone, then he looks for an escape, from her, from his feelings, what else who knows... he turns around, ever so slowly, and finally makes eye contact... though his eyes stray away... she keeps asking him, he watches her, all sorts of feelings in his eyes, then lunges forward grabbing her shoulders as if to shut everything up...everything is too much for him..., then again a wave of emotions assail him... his fingers let go, he steps away...

i can go on.

every bit hits me inside. he is the guy who has left her without any explanations, after being drawn to her and seeking her all evening. he is the one refusing to give any explanations now and being rigid and distant, and snarly... she is the young virginal one, he the guy who is worldly and has a live in gf at the moment... to whom he will get engaged an instant later...

yet my old cynical jaded heart is feeling bad bad bad for him.

what can one call this level of acting.

yes, direction and editing in these scenes were extraordinary... but those expressions were his, that timing, and the emotions he allows to seep into the frame.

what amazes me also, is that in our times of smart everything, lots of one liners and this trendy cool lovin', when it is almost unfashionable to show too much feeling, he expresses so minutely, deeply, and with shades and tones and yet remains utterly cool. asr is hot, even when he weeps... nothing makes him thobby, embarrassing, filmi...

i often feel there's a hollywood matinee idol in him and a hindi films sixties/seventies actor and something from right here right now... i wonder if even he knows what he exudes, how he talks to the camera.
 
this is a rare rare actor... i've never ever done this for anyone, not even my favourite mr ford or shash kaps or jeremy ji...

but this guy is something else.

now a lot of people will disagree with me i am sure... no problem. each to her own. this is what i think, i feel, and i want to share here. if you'd like to talk about a scene that particularly touched you or drives you crazy even now... please do.

i spoke about barun and his acting, but if you'd like to share something about sanaya or any of the other actors, please do so.

would like to stick to thoughts on acting here, that's all.

and happy, chilled out discussions, no fightings shightings, pillheej.

i haven't edited the shots at all... they make their point as they are. and on repeated viewing.

crooner 1.2: in an egg-shell!!! on page 5 i wrote this. it was on the day that khushi refused to make peace with asr on her birthday. i compared mistah to michael corleone, yay.