Smita,😊
Here is the interpretation to Part 8.
This update is about revealing. Reveal or disclose one's thoughts and feelings, UNBOSOM.
While Khushi came to her bedroom to dry her hair after her bath, Amma was with Babuji, helping him exercise, Payal and Buaji were in the kitchen, cooking breakfast. Arnav dressed to work, came over to Gupta House, despite the early hour. As he strode in, Payal and Buaji who were left agape to see him so early, were unable to answer his query where Khushi was. Payal just pointed her finger towards the bed room while Buaji exclaimed with her hand over her head, Hai Re Nandkisore! What has Titliyaa done now? Though Khushi heard the door open, thinking it to be Payal, she continued to dry her hair with a towel. As she heard being called, Khushi, she jerked around and was startled to see her husband standing behind her. As she slowly stood up, the towel slipped on to the bed. Calling out her name Arnav strode towards her and took her in a rib-cracking bear hug. Khushi trying to get her breath back managed to whisper, Arnavji.., so early.., what happened? A storm shower of kisses covered her face, closing her eyes while she trembled. Arnav was not listening to her words. He had missed her so much that he showed her with his action. He engrossed himself in raining kisses all over her face, pressing his lips hard against her soft, surprised cheeks and perplexed forehead. He moved on to her nose, her nosepin, her chin, her ears, and then to her neck, breathing in her jasmine fragrance, weaving his fingers through her wet hair. Khushi managing to loosen his grip asked him, what happened? His nearness, his touch was causing her heart to beat rapidly against her rib cage. His answer, that he missed her all night made her stare at him and her heart fill her throat. He had laid bare his thoughts, heart and mind to her. She had missed him too, that too desperately and felt glad that he did too. But feeling and admitting were two different things. Taking a deep breath she asked, did he have his breakfast? Her casual words of enquiry, as though he had just wished her a good morning, made him stare at her for a moment before answering, no. Then she queried, shall we have it before taking leave, in a tone without any inflection as though the past few minutes had not occurred. It was as though she had not heard him speak of his feelings at all. Arnav understanding that she was going to ignore anything connected to his feelings and that it was not the time or place for an argument, let it go for the time being. When they argued over it, they needed the privacy, as well as time to get some positive outcome. And as Arnav nodded, as if on cue, Buaji hollered out asking them to come for breakfast and also asked Titliyaa to bring in her parents.
Arnav took both Khushi and Payal home and as Akash held the door for Payal and started to converse with her, Arnav turned to Khushi and told her softly, that both Akash and he needed to be in the office as there was a lot of pending work that needed to be taken care off. For them, the past few days had been like too tight a spot through which they had somehow squeezed through both personally as well as professionally. As Khushi nodded and turned to get out, Arnav catching her by her arm and turning her towards him, stated that they needed to talk. He knew he had to do his utmost to persuade her to marry him at the earliest. Khushi watched him silently, before hooding her eyes with her lashes lest he read her thoughts.
By the time Arnav and Akash reached home they were exhausted. Arnav who entered the house as Akash parked the car, had his laptop bag and a packet in his hands. As HP opened the door, he was asked to fetch a cup of lemon tea along with a pill for headache. While HP was on his way to do his bidding, Arnav asked him where Khushi was. When he came to know that she was in the kitchen, as he made his way up to his room, he asked HP to pass on the message that, he wanted to see her. Changing into his house wear, Arnav sat on the chaise longue, nursing his temple. With all the stress he had to bear and unknotting all the tangles at work along with lack of sleep, he had felt the top of his spine was like a rope tied into a knot that just kept getting tighter and tighter as the day passed and moving around his head until his whole head, neck and shoulders were one big sore knot. He discovered he needed to resolve his personal matter as soon as possible as it was eating into him. Sensing her presence he looked up to find Khushi standing near the door, with a tray in her hand. As she caught a glimpse of his pain filled face, she placed the tray on the low table. Silently, taking the pill and the glass of water in her hand, she wanted him to take it and feel the relief. But Arnav had other thoughts. He just parted his lips and did not take the pill from her. Khushi, seeing no other go, placed the pill between his lips and made him drink the water as though he were a child.
Arnav shut his eyes for a moment, his head ached like a herd of elephants tromping around his skull. He knew that the need of the hour was rest but he had no time to pander to it. This was the sixth day and soon it would be night that would pass in sleep and the dawn would leave only five more to persuade her. As he uttered, Khushi.., she asked him, whether he wanted his forehead to be massaged. Knowing that he had to take care of more urgent things immediately, he told her, later, and gave her a bright pink wrapped packet, making her eye him warily for a moment and then ask, what was that. A snake, all wrapped up, just for her, was his irritated retort. Muttering, it was not beyond his capability, she took the gift. While she was holding it gingerly and pondering what to do, Arnav urged her to open it and swore that it was not something that would bite her. Pulling off the wrapping and opening an elegant silver and black box she found a bright red saree that was an absolute stunner. Mesmerized by it, she took it out of the box and saw that it was of soft tulle with self coloured roses embroidered, peppered with golden beads and edged by a fine line of gold thread work. The soft material felt heavenly against her fingers. As Arnav looked eagerly at her, she was overwhelmed and not wanting to betray her feelings, she reluctantly thanked him saying that it was a beautiful piece. Arnav was all smiles for having his present accepted by her. Keeping his fingers crossed, when he asked her, will she wear it? Khushi with an uneasy smile told him, that it was a grand saree, how could she wear it at home? He felt let down and when that showed on his face Khushi tried to appease him with a quick, she would wear it another day. All he could do was nod and be content that she had not rejected his gift.
At his request, she got herself in position behind his chaise longue from where she could massage his forehead and made him lie back against it. Slowly, her fingers began to soothe the knotted muscles and the taunt nerves along his face and neck, bringing him relief. The pill too started to take its effect, and Arnav felt much better. When he murmured, Khushi, she looked at him cautiously, thanking her stars that she was treated to an upside down view of his face, for even then, he could make her heart skip a beat. At her soft acknowledgement, Ji, he asked her, whether she missed him last night. His unexpected question startled her, making her hand slip away from his temple. Recovering quickly, she blinked and continued to massage. Taking care not to have any voice inflection, she asked why she should miss him as she was away for just one night and that too she had been to her Amma, Babuji and Buaji's house. But Arnav confessed that he missed her very much. Khushi felt as though she was wearing a crown of flowering thorn. Her heart felt scorched feeling difficult to lie, to hide her feelings, to keep an expressionless face when posed with questions that ripped her soul apart, to pretend not to see the longing on his face. But the need of the moment was to be strong. Thinking that she needed to be strong for both of them, she forced a smile. With a quizzical and slightly acerbic tone, she queried, Arnav Singh Raizada missed Khushi Kumari Gupta? Oh yes! she retorted, that he would have missed his punching bag. But the fact was, he needed to get used to being without her as after five days, she would not be around to listen to his shouts and bellows! Her words evoked perfect silence and after giving her a wary look, he sat up tugging gently at her hand making her sit beside him. With a quaking heart but a brave front, he asked her, what her plans were and what was she going to do after five days? Her answer with a smile that, she would go back to Buaji's house and live there happily forever and ever... made him ask softly, whether she would be happy? He knew she had put on that smile for his benefit, for, it was the same smile she had sported on her face while they were in his car on Diwali night. Realising by this display of smile that she was not going to give in, his heart sank pit bottom. Taking a reasonable tone, she asked him, how can she not be happy? She proclaimed that she would get relieved from the contract and thereby the bond of this farce of a marriage. All connections between them would be severed and he would be Arnav Singh Raizada, and go back to his bachelor ways, just like he was before he met her and she would be Khushi Kumari Gupta, a single girl, same as before. She spelt out that they would be able to wipe away the misery of the past one and a half years from their lives. They would be given a chance to start afresh and this time they could ensure that their paths do not cross, the star crossed path. Arnav focused his gaze sharply on her, making her draw a deep breath and think, fooling Arnav Singh Raizada took a lot of effort and the need for oxygen to have a clear head was too great to keep her brain honed on the matter at hand and not give away more than necessary.
Khushi, addressing him as Mr. ASR, shared that he has no idea how scared she was of him, she had been scared out of her wits and used to have nightmares and break out in a cold sweat. Khushi recalling their times at Sheesh Mahal, the office, working in his house, let on that they should never have met. They were two different people who were world apart. Arnav was unable to think of a time when she had not graced his life and thoughts, protested with an admonishing, Khushi... Unheedful of his intervention, she continued to ponder aloud that, even if she had to fall in to his arms at Sheesh Mahal and return his key at the dargah, she should have kept her cool when he insulted. She should have never, never on her life have taken on a fight with the Arnav Singh Raizada... When Arnav protested that her courage..., his words were cut short with a wry, self- depreciating smile that it was not courage but a folly, for she had no business taking up the challenges that he threw on her way. She concededthat if he wanted to have a live-in relation with Lavanyaji and Lavanyaji was stupid enough to agree, she should have left them to it. His personal life was none of her business. She admitted that she was too naive and too much of an imbecile to see it. If he did not want to attend the pooja on Janmastami, then that was his decision, his choice, his loss. It had nothing to do with her. If Lavanyaji wanted to leave him she should have minded her own business and stood aside, instead of writing a love letter to him and selling her bangle to buy him plants...
Realising what had spilt out of her mouth she stopped short. Arnav who was quick to pick it asked her slowly but clearly, was she the one who had written that love letter? Inhaling deeply she braved herself to admit, that it was her handiwork as she was anyway caught, then where was the necessity to hide the truth? She answered by countering him with, did he really think Lavanyaji would write him a letter in Hindi? Arnav who had never given it a thought, had to admit, no. Khushi with a dry smile continued, or that Lavanyaji would write such inane nonsense like jumping from a mountain if he did not love her? Once again Arnav had to admit, a no. In a tone belittling herself she acknowledged that, all that filmi fundas amounting to rubbish was written by her, such absurd thoughts could come to only her mind and could only be written by her, the one and only Khushi Kumari Gupta, who was not only crazy but had no idea what was happening around her, who had no idea what real life was all about, who had thought that she could bring about changes to arrange everything to every body's satisfaction. The jist was, she conceded, that she was a simpleton, a nave, gullible nincompoop. When in a voice barely above whisper, he asked her, whether she sold her bangle? her nonchalant answer while owning up to her deed was, that the manager at the nursery was not her uncle to give her plants for free. So she had to pay for them. When he persisted by asking, that she sold her gold bangle for him, she corrected him saying, that it was for Lavanyaji and not him and she had sold her gold bangle as there were no buyers for her glass ones!
Arnav could not believe his ears. He admitted to her that she possesses a big and accommodative heart. He was curtly cut off by her disclosing, yes, she does possess one like he described, that was too big for her own good. And also, she informed that she does possess an empty head, just as he had taken pains to point out more often than not. Arnav tried to apologise saying, that he never meant it, but Khushi, was not in the mood to let him go. She apologized looking straight in to his eyes, for being so foolish. When he was puzzled as to why she used the word foolish, she explained that when she was growing up, Hindi films were her staple diet that... that she had believed her life was one big film, where idealistically she could do whatever seemed right, and everything would become all right at the end. Arnav looked at her, thinking was she for real. He saw that she was dead serious. Heaving a deep sigh she declared, that she should not have come to his office to work. And while working at his house, she should have just done her job and kept out of his way, his life. She should have kept her counsel to herself too. She should not have let Naniji and Anjaliji form a bond of friendship with her. She should have been business-like and kept a distance. She owned that on Diwali night, she should not have let him come near her. It was utterly wrong and worst thing to do, knowing very well that Lavanyaji was his girlfriend...
Arnav feeling a lump in his throat thinking of the direction this conversation was heading to, swallowed and told her, that he was there too. It was his fault, he was the one who instigated it. Khushi jumped in to say, that was the sum total of their relationship, folly! However much one resorts to permutations and combinations, she divulged that they could only come up with the conclusion that it was nothing but a series of follies, some committed by him, some by her and some both together. Right from their accidental meeting at Sheesh Mahal, to their marriage due to misconceptions, misunderstandings, it has been nothing but a chain links of mistakes, a long line of bad decisions. Arnav's protest asking Khushi not to call it so, and all these follies led to their meeting, coming to know each other..., were not heeded. All it succeeded was in Khushi butting in, not wanting him to use the word 'love' in to the conversation. Keeping her cool, she asked him to pause for a minute and think of a particular scenario, where his Naniji wants him to get married, where he is not averse to the idea and she brings the proposal of one Khushi Kumari Gupta, the adopted daughter of a halwai from Lucknow. Would he have considered the proposal? She wanted his truthful answer. An agape Arnav stared at her. She insisted on him to be true to himself while answering, would an ordinary girl from Lucknow, from a middle-class family have appealed to him? Would he have even let his Nani finish listing her details before he jumped down her throat and go off the deep end for having suggested it? She patiently waited for his response. Finally he answered saying, he would not have accepted it exposing the crux of the matter.
In a soft voice, she asked, why not? while her heart sank without a trace in the depths of gloom, his hope was gone like a glow on the cloud at the close of day. She knew that she was winning... and that in her victory lay the defeat of Arnav Singh Raizada and his contract wife. Arnav could only come out with a stammered whisper, because.. because they would not suit. That smoked out the real reasons behind all the spats and accusations. Khushi concluded her talk saying that as usual he had hit the bull's eye and they do not suit at all. So saying as she moved from the longuer, Arnav pulled her back indicating that the conversation was not over. Arnav responded by saying that he would be wrong in taking that decision. Khushi let out a deep sigh thinking why was Arnav Singh Raizada being difficult? When she had wanted him to be Arnav he had been ASR and now when she wanted him to be ASR he is mellowing out like Arnav! What contrariness! What is the need to be humble when she wanted him to be his usual arrogant self? As Arnav tried to explain his statement by saying if he had rejected without even seeing her, meeting her, knowing her.. he was cut short by Khushi. She, warning him, brought out the fact that, seeing, meeting, knowing, all those things are unimportant, as they would just clutter his mind and cloud his judgement, inducing him to doing something that would be out of character and make him regret later on.
When Arnav tried to justify his remarks quoting his Di, that in matters of love and marriage, one should give in to one's heart. Dil se faisla lena chahiye, dimag se nahi... Khushi countered it sounding out, that Anjaliji took the decision to marry Shyam listening to what her heart had to say. Had she used her intelligence and mind the result would have been totally different. Following her own advice she had withered on the vine. Arnav had nothing to say as his argument fell flat. Khushi had effectively shut it out. She had shown he was going up a blind alley. Both of them sat side by side in silence, mired in their own thoughts, thoughts buzzing like a swarm of bees, thoughts filled with despair. Finally, Khushi opened up her thoughts and said that when he insisted on her to marry him for six months, she had wondered why that specific clause was inserted. But now she was glad for his insistence or else they would have been stuck in a rut for their life time with it being a real marriage. It would have been in the same dull round, like blind horses in a mill when they both would have been happy to be away from one another. Every thing happens for good. Atleast now they have a chance to correct the mistake and end this farce of a marriage. Getting her thoughts off her chest, she got up to leave.
For Arnav, hearing Khushi shake off their marriage as a mistake and being grateful for having the six months clause as a way out, was like the last straw that broke the camel's back. Gathered in his arms, while she stood still, her heart fluttering like the wings of a captive bird thinking that it was a near missed escape, she turned her head to look at his never say die attitude written face. He dug in his heels refusing to accept her statement. He asked her softly, was it a mistake, whether she considers what they have as a mistake? hauling her close, with his arms wound around her, her chest pressed against his well toned muscles. The excitement of their nearness had their hearts gallop together like wild horses. He asked her how could she call their love a folly? His breath feathered across her cheek before his lips pressed against their soft plumpness. He queried, a mistake? While his lips travelled down her cheek, his hand cupped the back of her head. Angling her head he touched her lips with his, rubbing against them, making Khushi gasp. He uncloaked the passion that was burning within them. Taking advantage of her parted lips he kissed her thoroughly till all her senses were scrambled and she could not find two coherent thoughts in her head. Their lips parted reluctantly. His eyes burned in to hers, and as if in a dream, their lips met again... and again... and again... Somewhere in between, her arms came around him. One hand clutched the back of his head, her fingers luxuriating in the feel of his dark, thick, unruly hair and curling into them. The other traced the muscles of his shoulder and arm. His fingers trailed down the length of her back, their soft caresses making her jump in unexpected pleasure. Her response was a tell all and it leaked out her feelings.
Finally as Khushi lay weak in his arms, he caught hold of her arm, setting her slightly away from him, he asked her softly, does she still think that their marriage as a mistake? A mistake that ought to be corrected at the earliest? His query, burst the dream bubble she was in and made her look at his lips that had spewed hard facts of their current state as well as given the delights of being together, the remnants of which could be seen in its slight reddening. Arnav strengthening his argument, pushed on to ask her raking up her acts of selfless deeds, if it was foolish, then why did she take risk to save his life. Why was it her breath comes out in rapid rate as he nears her? Why did she let him kiss her now? Why did she kiss him back? Why did she let him touch her on Diwali night even though she called Lavanya her friend? He was intent on making her admit that her love for him was greater than every other consideration. Khushi paled and tried to pull her arm free from his hold. Persisting with his line of questioning, steeling himself even after seeing her squirm, he asked her, why was it that she tried to stop him from boarding plane to London? Why did she let him touch her that night in the hut? He was determined to get an answer out of her. As Khushi successfully removed her hand from his hold, tired of her blocking his every move, tired of her reticence to answer his queries, he egged her further to communicate with him and relate her feelings to him. He once again plied her with, why does her heart beat faster than her breath when he approaches her? Why does her heart beat in sync with his, making the music of their own when he comes close to her? She had asked him these questions on Holi. Does she remember?
His queries and reminding her of her naivety was the last straw. She took her gloves off and shoving him away from her, unveiling her thoughts, she stated categorically that it was because she was foolish, stupid, she was away with the fairies, her head holds nothing but foolish thoughts, she does not know how to look after herself. She was one dangerous person who was not only danger to herself but also to others with her hare brained ideas under the false belief that she was of service to others. Arnav tried to move closer to her and make her understand that it was alright to feel love for him saying, that she was not foolish, she was right... As those words came out of Arnav's mouth, Khushi cut them blazing a fiery No! in a tone, that she had never used before. Stepping back she said, she was wrong and he had been right all along. She just lacked the commonsense to realize it to be so. Arnav was shell-shocked to see a Khushi who had come apart at the seams. He was stunned to see the amount of panic, grief, turmoil that had been hidden under her stoic countenance. In a voice, filled with disillusion, that unmasked her bitterness, she asked him, does he know what love really is? She debunked it as nothing but sheer stupidity, a weakness that has the capacity to destroy homes, people and their peace. It makes you cry and want to die. As she spoke, tears pooled in her eyes and streamed down her cheeks, just like the honeydew gathered upon withered lily. Arnav's compassionate, Khushi, went unheeded. His repeated attempts were as futile as to oppose an earthquake with argument. She squealed, it starts as dhak dhak and acidity, and then burns your life, it was worse than acid. That is what love is. She declared it as a disease that kills your common sense and your morals, makes you believe in a dream world that does not exist. It is a knife that cuts deep, again and again till there is nothing left to kill... It was worthless like the conjurer's gold. It gives one second of joy and a lifetime of pain. It is like a word written on water. Now you see it, now you do not. It vanishes into thin air whenever it suits the lover. It is a word people use to manipulate others and use them. Khushi's words dripped with anguish and cynicism, her cheeks glistened with tears. Arnav's plea to soothe her, console her was not heard by her. She was beside herself. She continued to say that it had made her listen to every cutting word that he spoke to her, made her weep and shed tears in buckets, made a mockery out of her family in front of their relations, and now will hurt them beyond repair when their marriage ends. That's it. She avowed that it was more than enough. There was a limit to this insanity. Wiping her face dry with her fingers, Khushi said that in the name of love she had put up with too much. She had withstood too many things. Anjaliji's love, Shyam's love, Jiji's love, Jiju's love, his love, her love, love, love.. now the word love disinters nothing but pain and she was sick of the word.. Khushi sat down on the chaise longue, feeling like a deflated balloon after her outburst, while Arnav looked on helplessly as a silent spectator. Her outburst unearthed the fact that the impact of his presence in her life was, she had turned herself into him, cold, callous, thinking only taking cold facts and the impact of her presence in his life was, he had turned out to be like her, filled with warm thoughts, understanding and the need for love.
She muttered to herself that if she had tilled a plot of land, with such diligence with which she had tried to solve all his problems, it would have given her a good harvest! What a waste of one and a half years of her life! Once again Arnav was rendered to the position of a helpless, silent spectator. Khushi in a voice that was low, yet firm, unequivocally announced that she had no use to his roses, his night dress, or his sarees. She had never hankered for them. She also does not want his love, his sister's apology, a place in his family or Lavanyaji's friendship. All she wants is just to be left alone. Arnav tried to swallow through a choked throat. Khushi said her priority was her family. It was for them she has to live. It was for their sake she has to learn to live. Now at this point of time, in her age she has to learn, how to live. She needed to take care of a few things and change her earlier attitude. She had learnt all these in a bitter way. The rosy tint with which she used to eye the world with had been shed just like a moulting of a bird when it looses its feathers before a new one grows in place. With her eyes gone as cold as a glacier, she admitted that trusting her heart had made her life into a hotch-potch pie. Now she would rather trust the little intelligence that Devi Maiyya has bestowed on her than her heart.
Khushi and Arnav looked at each other, both silent, both hurting. Finally, Khushi broke the silence saying that, if he loves her as he claims to do, to let her go.
In this update, Arnav tried his level best to get Khushi unbosom and reveal her innermost thoughts and feelings. He had thought she would accept her unconditional love towards him and his love for her as the basis for them to have a life together. What he had not bargained was the pain, panic, grief and turmoil that were hidden by her happy nature. He had not even thought she could be harboring such emotions in her as her natural tendency was not to dwell on such thoughts. But repeated blows had taken its toll on her. Just like a stone cutter hammering away at his rock, perhaps a hundred times without as much as a crack showing in it. Yet at the hundred-and-first blow it will split in two, and we know it was not the last blow that did it, but all that had gone before. That is why Arnav's repeated queries made her go ballistic. As he thought, she unbosomed herself but not the way he wanted. She had turned about-face, that too a radical one, on love. She who had held his entire family in high esteem showed she could turn her back on them as all she had received from them were punches most of the time in one form or the other. She had reached her limit and within the next few days she had decided to severe her ties with all of them. She needs time to heal, time to recover, time to decide. That is why she asks him to set her free in the name of love.
"If you love something, let it go. If it returns, it's yours; if it doesn't, it wasn't.
If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they're yours; if they don't they never were"
~ Richard Bach, Jonathan Livingstone Seagull.
That is why this is titled UNBOSOM.
That's it from me. Hope you enjoy it.
Edited by rulama - 12 years ago
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