Part 26
The Heart of a Woman
"A Woman's heart is a deep Ocean of Secrets"
~ Rose in Titanic
"Hi Dhruv, How are you, ma and papa? Yeah, we are all fine. Dhruv, I am putting you on speaker, NK and Bhai bhi are here with me." Said Akash switching the speaker on.
"Yeah Dhruv, What did you find out?" Asked Arnav leaning forward in his eagerness.
Dhruv's voice rang through, "Bhai, after initial disappointment, we had a stroke of luck" and Dhruv related how they had searched in vain for the Jhas and how quite by chance he had saved Nandlal Modi on the steps of the temple, administered CPR, and had admitted him to the hospital.
It had turned out that Modiji had been the benefactor for Murli Manohar and Sita Devi over the past sixteen years. A regular to the temple, he had grown attached to the self-respecting and extremely knowledgeable Murli Manohar Jha and had brought him along with him to his house where they had stayed, with Mr. Jha tutoring Modiji's grand- children.
"But Bhai, here is where the twist occurs. It seems that Shyam had come looking for them about a week back and had been overjoyed to finally find them. He had taken them back with him to their house in Lucknow. Clearly, he has woven a cock and bull story to explain how he had been relentlessly searching for them the past decade and a half and the old couple had been overjoyed to see their foster son.
Maa and papa have set out for Lucknow to meet them and talk to them. They have a slim hope that they can relate our experience and appeal to their logic. I have to head over to Andaman to finalize the details on my next project and so will not be accompanying mom and dad. We will all meet up in a few days, hopefully with better news."
Arnav brought Dhruv up to speed with the latest incident involving Shyam's note the morning after Teej; his intention clearly was to foster the message that, in his mind nothing had changed as far as Di was concerned. He also told him that Ajay had asked the entire family to stay back at the haveli until after Nitin and Radhika's engagement when they could all return to Delhi in time for Rathod's painting exhibit.
A grim mood settled in and everyone was steeped in silence after the phone call, until Akash spoke out. "We can do nothing till he makes his next move. But, forewarned is forearmed. We will keep a look out Bhai. I have also contacted our detective agency to see if they had been able to find anyone who could have seen Kamla talking to Shyam. At the very least we will know what disguise he is sporting right now."
Arnav stood up and thrusting his hands in his pockets spoke in a grim voice, "Ok. I feel it's time we told Payal, Khushi and Di about Shyam. After what happened to Di, I do not want to risk anything by keeping them in the dark." Akash and NK nodded in assent. The unasked question that hung in the air was, do they include Rathod? How much had Di confided in him?
"JG", NK hailed Jaigovind as he spied from where he stood by the writing desk, a ponytailed man clad in a khadi kurta exiting the front porch and getting into the hummer with Ajay.
'Yes sir' said JG.
"JG, Who is that man? The one sporting a pony-tail, who got into the hummer with Ajay?"
"Hukum, that man is a journalist who is here to interview the young master and is on his way to see the stables with him".
"I see, thank you. You may go now." NK said, knitting his eyebrows pensively." The pony-tailed man's built and gait seems very familiar. Ohhh oh! I do not have a good feeling about this at all."
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Nitin looked up from his laptop as the door to their makeshift office at Vrindavan opened and nearly fell off his chair, "Anjie, is that you? Are you ok? I was not expecting you here , this soon after ... you know ..." Nitin trailed off unable to continue.
"What Nitin?" said Anjali, "You did not expect me so soon at the site of my attempted----"
Her words were swiftly suppressed by Nitin's firm hand covering her mouth. "Anjie, please, I beg you, don't say it. It was bad enough hearing it from Radhika. I am so, so sorry you had to go through it. Some men just deserve to be put down like mad dogs" pleaded Nitin his face reflecting his pain and an acute sense of shame for what one member of his species had done to his childhood friend.
Anjali gave Nitin a tight hug "I forgot that I have five and not four brothers. I'll not talk about 'it'. I am here because, we are on the final leg of the renovation. October is just a couple of weeks away and you also have an upcoming engagement, so I did not want to leave you to slog on your own. Oh Hello Radhika!" She called out spying her stepping out of the adjacent room, "What are you doing here? Taking a chance at a bit of office romance are we?"
Radhika planted a kiss on Nitin's cheek and quipped with a wink at Anjali "How cute, Nitin! You can actually blush! Anjali, he is embarrassed that I kissed him in front of you. How are you darling?" she sang out cheerfully enveloping Anjali in a bear hug.
They fell into an easy routine discussing in their usual convoluted ways, starting at one topic and ending at another, while digressing to answer questions from Nitin's design assistants or the carpenter or one of the foremen on the job.
"Waise how far have you progressed with Ajay?" queried Radhika out of the blue, with a side-ways glance at Nitin.
Anjali shifted in her chair and sighed, "Rathodji is wonderful. It's just that I have too much of baggage and it's unfair to expect him to sha----"
Radhika swiftly cut her off. "What crap! Does Ajay seem like a man who would be intimidated by your past? Who does not have a past Anjali? Rathod has his bag of woes too. Have you asked him about it? It's clear as daylight to all of us that you both are in love with one other. It's high time you talk it through."
Radhika rose to pace and rolled her eyes at Nitin, gesticulating at him to say something. "Think about it Anjali, I have to run. Nitin, please knock some sense into your friend," And Radhika strode out of the office, but not before pausing at the door step to jab her index finger in the air at Nitin and then at Anjali's back with a firm glint in her eyes, that said to him, "YOU, speak to her NOW."
Nitin poured two cups of tea from the thermos and handing Anjali one, settled down next to his best friend. There was nothing but silence for a while until Anjali broke it, "Nitin, I am confused about what to do? Do I risk telling Ajay all about Shyamji?"
Nitin looked at her troubled eyes and reached out to hold her hand. "Anjie, remember, several weeks back in this very office I told you one of the facts about men, now let me tell you another. It's important for a man to know that the woman he loves trusts him entirely; and that means she opens up about the bad and ugly of her life as well. Ajay deserves to know everything and from your very lips. And not just about Shyam, but also Shashank and ---- your father.
If anything, the conversation will be a litmus test of the strength of your commitment to each other. I know both of you well enough to predict the outcome, but I am going to keep my thoughts to myself. It's for you both to decide what you want to do with what you have on your hands today? Are you going to take it forward on a platform of trust and respect? Or will you bury it under the weight of doubts about the past, effectively extinguishing all hopes of a tomorrow?"
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Ajay paced his room and pulled apart the drapes for the fifth time to take a peek at the balcony across. She has not come out into the balcony tonight as was her habit. She had no idea how much he had become addicted to looking at her from the shadows of his balcony every night. It's amazing how she looks everywhere except straight across.
Infact, come to think of it, he had not seen her since breakfast this morning. She had left for Vrindavan right after breakfast and he was happy and proud of her for not letting that unfortunate incident scar her. Then, he had become busy himself; what with the ministry's enquiry on his mining that he had successfully resolved, and then the interview with Rakesh Singh, the journalist who had helped Tashi.
"There is something about that man that's off. He was polite and smooth and knew a great deal about my paintings, and yet I had the distinct feeling that he disliked me and would have liked to bloody my nose. May be I am just tired and need a break. Oh! heck, let me go knock on her door." He resolved, ending his mental monologue and charged towards his door, when he heard a soft rap on it.
Anjali stood holding his coat half-expecting him to invite her in, and half-dreading that he actually would, when she heard him say with amusement dancing on his face, "I said, come in Sugar Queen".
Anjali stammered a feeble reply and stepped into his room. She immediately averted her eyes from the huge four poster bed that dominated the room, and settled in the couch by the windows. "I came to return your coat" she said handing him the coat.
"Thank you. What else?" he asked noting her guarded expression.
"Actually, I want to talk to you Ajayji. That is if you have some time."
"I have all the time in the world for you Anjali. What's eating you?" he asked settling down in the chair adjacent to her.
Anjali took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a moment as if preparing for battle. When her eyes flew open, they were clear as the lake and determined.
"Ajayji, a few days back you had said you were waiting to hear from me about Shyamji. Tonight, I am here to tell you everything. Not just about Shyamji, but about three men who are an indelible part of my past. To understand the present one must examine the past so they can decide what the future entails."
Ajay put the coat aside and settled down to listen.
"I loved my dad with all my heart. You might have heard the popular story of the strained relationship between my mom and dad. But that was not the case always. When I was a little girl, even before chotte was born, papa was the most loving dad in the world. I was his little princess and he could not deny me anything. I do not exactly know whether there was any tension between maa and papa at that time, I was either too young to realize or too wrapped up in myself and my dad's undivided attention that I did not care. Papa had promised to be there for me always and never ever hurt me.
You see, Papa was betrothed to mama while they were children. Naana ji and my dadaji were best friends right from childhood, and they wished to convert their friendhip into a lasting familial bond with this marriage. Soon as papa returned from London after his higher studies, they performed his marriage with mama. Mama was a traditional woman. Everything was fine in the beginning, then, increasingly there were fights between the two of them and they hurled accusations against each other.
London returned papa wanted his wife to move ahead with the modern times, but mama was steeped in tradition and culture and content in her own little world with me and chotte. Chotte was the apple of her eyes. Slowly papa started drifting away. First it was late night meetings, then overnight trips for weeks on end. Every time he returned, there would be fights, with maa confronting him about the many rumors she heard about him, and him denying them, and maa would be miserable, and he would leave without even sparing a second thought for his wife or kids.
To add to mama's woes, daadi used to taunt maa all the time saying there was something wrong with her if her husband was happy to be away from her. I am ashamed to say that there were times as a teenager that I used to blame mama and tell her that if only she would listen to papa, he would be home and we would all be happy. I always wanted a happy family. I often pretended that everything was normal and that mama and papa were the most loving couple in the world. Living in this little make-believe world of mine gave me great joy and I found myself slipping into that parallel universe more and more with each passing day.
Chotte and I tried to keep things calm between them, as we grew older. I even agreed to his choice of groom, and yet all hell broke loose when maa found out the day of my wedding that indeed papa was in love with his stenographer Garima and she followed daadi stealthily when daadi had gone to meet Garimaji early that morning to warn her off her son."
"Garimaji as in Khushi's mom?" enquired Rathod incredulously.
Anjali nodded and went on to tell him all about how her dad had duped Garimaji who thought he was single and how she had later married Payal's dad and become a step-mom to both Payal and Khushi who was in reality her niece.
"My chachaji(paternal uncle) also had played a role in revealing about papa's truth to mama. Maa could take it no more. She confronted papa. A huge fight broke out and in the ensuing tussle, papa accidentally shot mama who died on the spot. Papa panicked and shot himself too.
Chotte was merely fourteen and his world crumbled around him when maa died. I had to step into her shoes overnight. Papa had not just betrayed the trust of two women that night, but three. He had let me down by breaking all of his life-long promises to me that night. I was nineteen."
Anjali got up and paced the room unable to stay still. Instinct told Ajay to stay put and listen to her instead of trying to walk up to her and touch her. She probably had all this bottled up for a long, long time and needed to let everything out tonight.
Anjali, paused briefly and went on to tell him about her groom Shashank; parts of which Ajay had already overheard when she had confided to Nitin, on her first day at Malhar.
"I was just finishing up with my Architecture degree, when papa broached the topic of my marriage with Shashank. Like many girls, I have been a romantic all my life and had many aspirations for what I wanted as qualities in my husband. Above all, I wanted to be wooed and not just married off because a bunch of elders had discussed over afternoon tea and decided to do so.
What I really wanted was to go to Yale, just like Nitin and pursue my Masters in design. I had secretly applied to Yale, aided by Nitin, but as luck would have it, papa found out about my acceptance to the Master's program and he broke down, threatening to commit suicide. I loved my dad too much to cause him pain. I relented and decided not to go to the United States and instead agreed to marry Shashank. Papa in turn promised to mend his ways and stay at home more and be at peace with mama.
I tried to train my mind and heart to view Shashank as my future husband, but my sixth sense always alerted me that all was not well with this arrangement. Shashank was the perfect gentleman, courteous to a fault and attentive to my every need in public, but when we were by ourselves, there always seemed to be a huge barrier between us. I voiced it to daadi who advised me that it was upto the woman to break down such walls. She said if I am flexible and molded myself to be the woman he wanted, everything would be fine.
But everything was not fine, the minute papa died, Shashank walked out of Seeshmahal without a backward glance, leaving me alone at the altar to fend for myself and chotte when chachaji disinherited us and turned us out on the streets of Lucknow."
Anjali's voice broke down and she returned to sit next to Ajay as she related the tale of how she had gone to meet Shashank and how he had belittled her, how he had told her to her face that he found her unresponsive, cold and unfit to be his wife. How she had driven off the cliff and ended up damaging her foot permanently. Huge tears flowed down her cheek at this point and Ajay clasped her hand in a silent show of support.
"The worst of it was that he was marrying me to further his dad's business interests. I was reduced to a mere clause on the contract of merger. He was not in the least bit interested in me. I later heard that he had migrated to UK where he settled down with his long-term boyfriend."
Anjali shuddered, paused and looked at Ajay to guage his reaction. Had she found even the slightest trace of pity, she would have clamped up, instead she found a pair of deep dark eyes that looked back steadily at her with an open expression that merely sought to listen and understand.
Dashing her tears off she went on, "For the next three to four years, I would not hear of marriage. Chotte needed me. He had become extremely reserved and had bottled up all his emotions using them as fuel to forge his iron will. A will to succeed and beat destiny at its own game. The more he rebelled against rituals and traditions, the more I was drawn to them to find peace and solace to an extent where the pendulum had swung to the other extreme and I became exceptionally superstitious.
My sole purpose in life was to protect chotte and support him in his quest for success. I used to help out Mamaji with his garment and textile business, and became the buffer between mamiji and naaniji. When Chotte left for Harvard on a fat scholarship, things finally started looking up.
Mamaji and Naaniji started seeking suitable proposals to get me married, but no one wanted a woman nearing her late twenties and a cripple at that with an added stigma of a broken marriage and stories involving an adulterous dad. My ego took a beating day in and day out and I silently resigned myself to a long lonely life ahead, when I met Shyamji.
He was like a god send at that point in my life. We first met when he saved me from tumbling down the stairs of the temple I regularly frequented. He had every single quality that I had wished for in a prospective husband. He was attentive, caring and did not mind my physical shortcomings in the least bit. Despite being an orphan and of middle-class background, he had risen in status by grit, hard work and goodwill. He colored my life a beautiful shade of rose.
Chotte and my family were overjoyed that I had finally found my Rajkumar, one who looked beyond my physical and social stigma and was willing to accept me whole heartedly. I was happy beyond measure and at the same time terrified of losing this happiness.
Fate has never smiled on me. All my life I expect things to go bad and I have never been proved wrong. My frenzy in pooja paat escalated. The more successful Chotte became, or the greater my husband's love for me, the greater my addiction to prayers to ensure that these did not slip through my fingers like sand. I was so wrapped up once again in my own world. I would die a thousand deaths before disappointing Shyamji in any way. He used to adore me and always addressed me as Raani Sahiba.
Then things started to change after Chotte's purchase of Seeshmahal and AR's record breaking Fashion reveal in 2011. Little things like Shyamji being pre-occupied. His business trips became more frequent and longer in duration each time. I also sensed that when he was with me he was only present physically while mentally and emotionally he was elsewhere."
Anjali's voice became hoarse with every word she spoke as if it was being torn from her. She felt her throat ache with the effort of it and the knife wound to her heart opened up yet again and began to bleed. She went on to narrate how she chose to deny every tell-tale sign of a broken marriage, and how she had continued to make excuses for her husband's many slip-ups. She narrated about how she had refused to believe Khushi ji and Arnav, despite Arnav returning home battered, having escaped the goons hired by Shyam to keep him captive. How she had unknowingly caused hell between her brother and bhaabi and how she had secretly connived with Shyam to let him in the house behind her brother's back.
"My ego would not allow me to accept the simple fact that my husband had lost interest in our marriage and me. That I was somehow a woman, who, in public opinion had everything going in her favor, but who in reality lacked in every respect. A woman who could not even keep her marriage intact and keep her husband from straying. I hoped that our soon to be born child would bind him to me, and help the family accept him back; while he gambled on the child to gain his re-entry into Raizada Mansion. The writing was on the wall; I just refused to read it and in doing so put my chotte and his wife through agony."
Anjali then retold how Shyam had master minded and executed in cold-blood his plan to abort their unborn child and how Khushiji, Chotte and NK had trapped him into a confession. She raised hollow eyes at him as she ended her long winded story. "You see Ajayji, I bring nothing but a saga of pain. I am a huge failure as a wife and lover. I could not possibly bring happiness to anyone. I most certainly do not deserve someone as wonderful as you in my life. It would destroy me if I were cold with you in ---"
Ajay put a finger to her lips at this point and said in a solemn tone, "Anjali, where you see yourself as unfortunate and helpless, I see a woman of substance and character, a woman brave and strong yet sweet and loving towards her family. I see a loving sister, a mother and a dutiful daughter. More importantly I see a woman who loved whole heartedly and lost. But losing does not equate to failure unless you accept it lying down.
Shyam and Shashank never deserved you. You have proven that you are not a failure in the way you turned your life around, not letting it embitter your relationships and outlook. You pulled yourself up by your bootstraps. Look how much you have accomplished with Vrindavan. Look at you through my eyes Anjali, and you will see a beautiful strong woman with the power to rule the world. A woman who had my heart in a short span of four days since she stepped into my home and made it her's"
Anjali crumbled and slid to the floor her body racking with tears. Ajay slipped down beside her and held her in his arms and let her cry her heart out. Anjali knew not how long she had cried, or how long Ajay had cradled her in his arms and held her against his chest. Finally, utterly spent, she had slipped into a deep dreamless sleep lulled by Ajay's steady heartbeat.
Ajay laid her in his bed gently and lay down next to her cradling her in his arms resolving to give her as much time as she needed and offer her a world of love and more till she found the strength to believe and accept what her heart already knew - that she loved him as much as he loved her.
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Cricket
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