He had not planned on things getting out of hand when he began. He had the only had the burning need to prove how desirable Khushi was to him and make her aware of his desire for her.
'So you think I find the Melissas of this world attractive and not you,' he said, slowly advancing towards her.
She had started moving back nervously, all the while looking at him to gauge his mood.
He came and stood close to her and yanked her to him.
'Looks like I have to prove to you, just what kind of an impact you have on me and what the word 'desire' means' he whispered in her ear.
She tried pushing him away saying, 'You don't have to prove anything. I have watched you all day with her. So, I know exactly whom you find desirable. Not let me go.'
But he was in no mood to listen to her. He bent down and nibbled her earlobes and whispered 'Can you repeat that?'
When she was about to open her mouth, he covered hers with a deep kiss.
He knew she was feeling the effect because her grip on his shoulder had gone tighter.
She tried to push him away and raised her hand to his chest. He caught it and kissed her fingers.
Whatever she did, he countered it with a kiss, a bite and a nibble.
She was panting and shuddering, when he murmured 'Do you still think I desire Melissa?'
She looked up and literally drowned in his eyes 'mmm. This is nothing. You can do the same with any woman. What is so special about me?'
'Hmm. Time to prove that too,' he said.
'Let's begin with your hair,' he said and picked up a few strands and let it slide through his fingers, 'Pure silk and its strawberry smell has kept me awake on many, many nights.'
He traced her eyes next. 'Beautiful eyes. Splitting with fury sometimes, dancing with mischief at others, smiling with love all the time. Your eyes just speak of your pure heart' he then kissed her both her eyes , one after the other,
Khushi had shaken like a leaf, as a strange fear and passion possessed her,
He moved to her nose and placed a kiss on it ,'And your nose. I used to think it is weird with the nosepin and all. But now I think I cannot see any woman without thinking of your beautiful nose and that nosepin.'
He then traced her lips making them quiver and then he whispered against them 'I can't even imagine kissing any other woman. You have the most kissable, juicy red lips. Given a choice I would spend a whole day kissing you senseless.'
She had blushed a beetroot red then.
He moved towards the perfect curve of her neck and nuzzled her throbbing pulse, 'You have a beautiful neck Khushi. Perfect, creamy, long'
But when his hands moved to the bodice of her T shirt, she caught it and shook her head, unable to speak due to the intensity of emotions.
'khushi are you afraid of me? There's nothing wrong in this. Don't you trust me? It's just me. Your Arnav. I want to feel all of you,' he said.
Khushi had been unable to deny him what he wanted.
Looking back, Khushi often thought she should have stopped him then. Because it is after her T shirt came off that he had completely lost himself in passion and she had been equally responsible for flaming it with her moans and groans.
Even today she could not imagine what had possessed her that night. She had happily loved a celibate life for the past 7 years. But with Arnav she had not been able to stop.
His passion had reached a feverish pitch as he divested her of all her clothes and his own. Unknown to themselves they had moved to the bed.
Their inexperience had not rung the alarm bells at the right time. They had already gone too far, as Arnav had kissed, sucked and nibbled at her chest and moved his hands further down to her core.
She had gasped and opened up to him, unable to understand what she wanted.
It was only when he entered her that Arnav had heard the first alarm bells in his head.
He had tried to withdraw from her. Realizing the danger of what they were doing in throws of first passion.
Both of them had been inexperienced to know when to stop and draw back. He realized later.
But half way through entering her, he had tried to stop,
But she had clung to him, unable to understand herself.
Looking back Khushi realized she had only wanted to please him. His withdrawal felt like a rejection. She had wanted to give him that something, she hadn't known what it was, being 21 and inexperienced.
Long after he collapsed on top of her after a sensational climax and she had achieved the same, Arnav felt his chest grow damp..
'Khushi, baby stop crying. Shhh. It's ok. We care for each other babe, it is natural. Today or tomorrow it was bound to happen. And sooner or later we will get married. So don't blame yourself' he comforted her, cradling her face in his palm.
But she had been inconsolable
'I have betrayed my parents.
I have let down their faith in me.
I have acted against the wishes of Devi Maiya.
I have sinned,' she cried like a baby.
Arnav had let her cry, unable to say anything comforting other than what he already said and what he kept repeating. But looking back he realized, he had not understood the depth of her deep regret and shame.
And he had accused such a woman of wanting sex with an experienced man? What a bas**** he had been, he thought self loathingly.
He had accused her even a few minutes ago. God! Would he ever think rationally when he was jealous? Could he ever make up for it?
He wouldn't think of ugly things now. His mind was still lingering on the memories of that night...
To him that night had been a beautiful experience between two people who cared for each other deeply.
This was one more expression of their feelings.
Being their first experience, it was filled with the sweet passion and insecurities and experimentalism of first consummation.
That experience still sweetened his thoughts.
On many nights he had lain awake thinking of that night. Yearning for her to be back in his arms.
But in the days which followed Khushi had become more paranoid. She did not let him lay a finger on her. She was also terrified of getting pregnant.
Arnav himself had been scared. More for her than himself. He did not like commitment. But if it was needed he had would not back out.
It was then Arnav had constantly assured her, he would marry her if needed.
He would not leave her alone and pregnant.
It was only after her monthly cycle made an appearance, she relaxed.
Suddenly a thought overtook.
What if she had lied?
What if she hadn't wanted to burden him with the weight of a baby and early marriage?
Was that why she opted for NK?
The more he thought, the more it seemed plausible.
He asked her, 'Khushi. You did not lie about the baby did you? Were you pregnant? Is that why you left me to marry NK? Tell me the truth? Was pregnancy the reason?
Khushi shook her head and said 'No that was not the reason. But what happened that night shaped my life.'
Anupamaa
Udne Ki Aasha
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