JUST A NUMBER?!PART-1
Narrator's POV in Blue
Riddhima's POV in Green
Armaan's POV in Red
"Happy birthday to you..Happy b'day riddhima..Happy birthday to you" everyone in the hall sang for their dear Riddhima Gupta as she cut the cake. She fed the cake to her parents and they fed her back. Her friends fed her then, actually smudged the cake on her face and began the cake war of the evening. The fun filled cake war ended in a while. Her friends rushed to the guest room washroom to clean up. Riddhima rushed to her room and locked the door. She entered the bathroom and washed herself. She looked in the mirror splashing water on her face. "Happy B'day Riddhima Gupta" she mumbled sarcastically looking at her reflection. Happy birthday? Really? Her birthday has never been happy for her after she exited from his life. It made her sadder with each passing year to think of the reason why she had to do so. She was smiling..a smile which didn't come from heart. Her heart was screaming and crying terribly. But her face and eyes didn't show the tornado in her heart. She bit her lower lip and blinked back the tears which were threatening to spill out of her almond shaped green eyes. She splashed water on her face again and went out. She changed to a pretty pastel orange knee length halter neck dress and went down to join her family and friends.
******
"When are you planning to get married armaan?" Balvinder Mallik asked his son who was eating his dinner. Armaan closed his eyes for a moment and opened them. "I don't want to get married dad" he said calmly. Balvinder looked at his wife ananya who sighed sadly. "Enough armaan. Your mom and I was patient all these years. But not anymore. You are getting married this year and that's final" his dad shouted. "I AM NOT GETTING MARRIED TO ANYONE DAD. AND THAT'S MY FINAL DECISION" armaan shouted back and rushed upstairs to his room. His parents winced hearing him slamming his room door shut. He took a book from his cupboard and opened it. He caressed the name "Riddhima Gupta" written on its very first page in her own handwriting, with moist eyes. "How can I marry someone else when I am in love with you riddhima? A love which is forbidden in the eyes of others. I cannot marry anyone else riddhima. I will not marry anyone else other than you" he mumbled crying and hugging the book close to his heart.
******
Riddhima sat like a statue in her backyard bench staring at the night sky. The party was over and everyone had gone back home. Her parents dropped a bomb on her saying that they want her to get married..that too with her best friend rahul. Someone who is close to her, but she had never thought of him in that way. Heck, she never thought of anyone in that way. How can she when she is love with him..Armaan Mallik. A forbidden love in the eyes of others. Rahul who was looking at his friend sitting like a statue for a long time broke the silence asking, "At least now tell me who is it riddhima. Your parents had begun your marriage topic. And that too with me. You are my friend riddhima. How can I marry you? Even if we say no to this proposal from our parents..your parents will find someone else for you and get you married. Its already too late riddhima. Please let's not delay anymore. Tell me the secret which you are hiding from me. We can try to do something" rahul said looking at his friend who looked down trying to control her tears. She looked up at him after a couple of minutes and begun saying everything inhaling deep breath.
At the same time in Los Angeles,
"Happy Birthday Riddhima" armaan said caressing her name in the book sitting in a swing in the huge garden of his mansion. He closed his eyes as tears trickled down his cheeks. He opened his eyes when he felt someone tapping his shoulder. "Hi Nikki" he said wiping the tears. She sat beside him sighing. "Armaan..why are you doing this to yourself? You are thirty two now. When are you gonna settle down in life? all our freinds are settled with their own family. You even got me and abhi married. When are you going to marry armaan? Please tell me what is in your heart. You never said to anyone what happened and who is that girl for whom you are crying everyday. Talk to me armaan. It will lessen your pain..trust me" his best friend Nikita said holding his hand. He thought it was time to share his heart's secret with his friend. Not because he wanted his pain to lessen, but because he wanted to let his friend know what happened. He had already hid it from her for much too long. He took a deep breath and began saying which he was hiding in his heart from everyone.
I met him in the library for the first time. I was taking a book from the rack, when I heard someone asking the librarian about the same book. I couldn't see his face coz he was standing on the other side, but I could see the book in his hands. He had the other volumes of the book and the one in my hands was the first volume of the book. He came to the rack and searched for the book. But it was on my hands and another spare book wasn't available there at that moment. He walked towards the librarian and I called him back.
"Excuse me" riddhima said and he turned back hearing her. Her heart skipped a beat seeing his shining blue-grey eyes and dazzling dimple smile. "hmm..i heard you asking this book from the librarian. I have the book and another spare book is not here at the moment. You can take this" she said holding the book out to him. "No. Its okay" he said smiling. "I saw you have the other three volumes of this book with you. And this one is the first volume. How can you read the other volumes without reading the first one? Please take this" she said smiling. "You sure?" he asked her. "Sure" she said and he took the book from her saying "Thank You". "You are welcome" she said giving the book to him. He put the book in his bag and forwarded his hand to her saying, "I am Armaan Mallik". "I am Riddhima Gupta" she said shaking hands with him. They felt something new when they touched each other and drew back their hands.
After that, we met each other daily in the library. At first I thought he must be twenty or twenty one years old. But in a few days I came to know he is twenty four years old. I was shocked. He didn't look like a twenty four year old guy. I loved reading books and it was a relaxation for me from my gruelling studies. He loved reading books too. We read books together. We discussed about the books, different authors and found out our likes and interests are almost the same. We talked about anything and everything. He was a mature, good hearted, ever smiling person. I admired him for who he was. I found a good friend in him. He helped in my studies too. We became best of friends in a very short span.
We knew each other's family backgrounds and everything about each other. She was a student. I was finishing my studies and was gonna start my own business. Instead of our age difference, I found a very good friend in her. She was cute, childish, yet a little more mature for her age of sixteen. She was a good listener and a brilliant girl. I loved spending time with her.
Apart from our friendship, I began to feel something else for him as the months passed. I was attracted to him..i thought he was my first crush. I knew he was much elder than me. But I couldn't control my feelings for him. Gradually, I could feel our relationship changing..my crush turning into something stronger.
As the time passed, I could understand that she has started feeling different for me. I was shocked realizing where this was heading. She was a teenage girl and I didn't want to give her any false hope about us. So I slowly started to distance me from her. I could see it was hurting her. But I had no other choice. I had to it for her good. It was eight months to our friendship and I almost stopped going to the library. I went there rarely and I spoke to her less.
Slowly he started to distance himself from me. It hurt me terribly. I didn't understand why he was doing it at first. Then slowly it made sense to me. He understood my feelings for him. And that's why he was pushing himself away from me. It was his birthday in ten days. I thought of what to gift him and then remembered the book he was searching from long. I collected all my piggy bank savings. I knew the book is expensive and just hoped the money I had was enough to buy the book. I searched for the book in every book shop and also in websites. Finally I found it in a book shop after eight days of continuous searching. On his birthday, I waited for him in the bench under the shade of the big tree in the library precincts, where we used sit together and read. I felt disappointed and scared when the sky darkened and he still didn't come there. I was hesitant to call him coz I knew he must be with his family and friends celebrating his birthday. At the same time I was worried if he is okay..if he is fine. Not able to take it anymore, I called him from the library phone. His phone rang continuously and someone answered the call. It was a girl. I could hear the blaring music in the background. I asked for him and the girl said he is busy. I cut the call without saying who I was. I was relieved to know he was fine. But I understood I am not important to him..it hurt me to the core..very badly. I kept waiting for him hoping he would come. Soon it was eight O' clock. I was an hour late from the usual time I go back home. Mom called the library worried and I convinced her I was lost in reading and didn't know how the time passed. She said I should be in home within half an hour. The library would be closed in half an hour too. I said okay to her and cut the call. I waited for ten more minutes. But he still didn't come. I stood up and walked to home. Tears flowed out of my eyes and I just let it flow. I didn't care to wipe it.
I was not going to go to the library on my birthday. I spent the whole day with mom dad and my friends. I knew she knows its my birthday and she must be waiting for me in the library. But I don't know how to face her. While pulling myself away from her, it hurt me more than I thought. I thought I shouldn't delay it anymore and its time to totally end the friendship between us. I knew it would hurt both of us. But it was better for her to be hurt for a few months than to live all her life with pain and hurt our closeness would give her if i let it grow. I decided to end it that day itself and went to the library somehow escaping from my b'day party. It was 8.15PM. I wasn't sure if she will still be there. On my way to the library, I saw a girl sitting in the park bench with her head buried in her knees, in the dim park lights of the dark night. I don't have think or look at her for a second time. I knew it was her. I stopped my bike and rushed to her.
"Riddhima" he called her softly patting her shoulder, kneeling infront of her. She looked up at him startled. His heart ached seeing her red swollen eyes. She immediately hugged him tight throwing her arms around his neck. He hugged her back and caressed her back and hair, soothing her. His eyes too turned moist seeing her like this. She cried in his arms for long minutes and he kept caressing and calming her. "Do you know how much scared I was when you didn't come?" she said to him choking and parting from him awkwardly. "I am Sorry riddhima. I am really Sorry" he whispered wiping the tears with his thumb. He felt like he wanted to kiss away those tears. Unknown to him, a tear rolled down his cheek. She wiped the tear saying, "Don't cry on your birthday". He smiled a little. "I want to see your full smile..your deep dimple smile" she said smiling a little. He smiled but she was not satisfied. "I know how to make you smile with your dimples" she said and took out his gift from her bag. "Happy Birthday ar..arma..armaan" she said forwarding the gift to him. He looked at her and at the gift wrapped in a silver colour gift wrapper. "Open and see" she said as he took the gift from her hand. He ever so carefully unwrapped it and she smiled seeing how careful he is to not tear the wrapper and harm it. Armaan successfully opened the gift without any damage to the wrapper. His eyes widened and his lip curled into a breath-taking smile and his cute dimples appeared on his cheeks. Riddhima smiled at him when he looked at her unbelievingly. "Thank You Sooo Much Riddhima" he said and hugged her suddenly. She was taken aback for a moment and then hugged him back. "How and where did you get this book? I was searching for it in the whole city" he said parting from her. "That's a secret and riddhima's magic" she said smiling cutely at him. He smiled looking at her shaking his head. "This book is expensive riddhima. How did you get the money?" he asked her. "woh.." she hesitated. "Tell me riddhima" he said softly. "woh..i collected all the money in my piggy bank savings" she said. "All of it? The money which you yearned giving tuitions to your neighbour kids?" he asked her shocked she took all that money. "Haan" she said smiling. "Why riddhima? its your first earnings in your life..your savings. Before this, you had taken money from that savings only to gift your parents. Why did you use the savings money for me? There is not any need for you to gift this to me taking that money" he said and saw her face becoming dull again. She looked down. They were quiet for a minute. He realized he had hurt her with his words. "I am sorry riddhima. I did not mean to hurt you. I am just saying..you could have bought something else for me. Why did you spend your time and energy searching for this particular book? And all your money?". "You are Precious to me than all the time, energy and money. You are in my heart armaan" she thought looking into his eyes but didn't say it in words. She sat in silence. He understood what is in her heart looking into her eyes.
Riddhima herself broke the silence between us asking me, "Will you come to the library tomorrow?". She was so vulnerable and nave at that moment. I clearly understood the distance between us was hurting her a lot. But I had to do it for her good. "No" I said in one word not looking at her. I didn't had the strength in me to see her crying. "All the Best For Your Future. I pray to god to give you success in everything you do. And keep you and your family and friends healthy, happy and smiling always. My prayers and wishes will be with you always. Take Care Ar..armaan. Goodbye" she said standing up from the bench and walked ahead without looking at me. She was crying when she said all that to me. I felt my heart breaking into pieces seeing her like that. It was wrong. She doesn't deserve all the pain and hurt in such a tender age. Her birthday was one month away from mine. She was going to be seventeen in a month. "Wait riddhima. I will drop you. Its not safe to walk alone at this time in the road" I said stopping her. "Can you protect me all your life?" she asked me turning to face me and looking into my eyes. I did not have a positive answer to her question. "You can't na. Then i will go myself. Don't worry about me. I will be safe. I know to handle myself and my life. Goodbye..Forever" she said and walked out of the park. I understood what she said not meant to just now..she meant it to her whole life when she said she can handle herself and her life. It hurt like hell when she whispered the words "Goodbye..Forever". I stood there looking at her till she was out of my sight and slumped on the park bench. I took the book and opened it. She had written "Happy Birthday Armaan. Be Happy & Keep Smiling Always With Your Deep Dimples" with a cute smiley with dimples. And she had written " - Riddhima Gupta". I found a birthday greeting card in between the books pages. She had written "Open With Your Deep Dimple smile" written on the envelope opening. It was a handmade card. She had made it herself. I couldn't control myself and cried hugging the book and card close to my heart.
Days, weeks, months and years passed. I had started my own business then. I worked hard on it. But I couldn't get her out of my mind and heart. I could feel myself changing. I was not the armaan I used to be. I missed our conversations..our discussions..her giggles, her smile, her frown, her pout, her cute kiddish antics. I was missing her more than I thought. I became a workaholic. All I thought of was achieving my dream and become successful. For three years, i spent every minute of my life focusing on my business. But somewhere in my heart, I missed her. I missed her hell lot. I ignored my heart which was telling me to go and meet her once. I couldn't risk doing that. It could go wrong. It was three years and she must have moved on from me. Me meeting her could make things worse for her. On the other side while I was busy becoming a successful business man, mom dad began my marriage topic which i was avoiding for a long time. But mom was very persistent. So at last I agreed to meet the girls who she wanted me to. I met a couple of girls and didn't like them. I met a couple of more girls and didn't like them too. It was not that they weren't good. They were good in their own way. But they were not the one I want my life partner to be. Suddenly one night mom told me she wants me to attend her friend's son's wedding with her the next morning. I tried to avoid the wedding, but she didn't leave me. I said okay to go to the wedding with her. That night, i felt something. I couldn't pin point what it was. I had sleepless a night and what made me wonder was I was thinking of riddhima all night. I remembered all our discussions and conversations..i relived every moment I spent with her in my heart. That night I realized riddhima is not just any other girl in my life. I cried that night and I realized that her place in my heart is special and every single moment I spent with her is Very Very Precious to me. The next morning I went to the wedding with mom and I felt like riddhima was somewhere there near me. I went out to answer a phone call in the middle of the wedding and stood rooted my spot. I saw her. Riddhima was standing with a group of girls talking and laughing with them. I was so lost in her seeing her laugh. That moment I realized how much I missed her smile and laughter. She was twenty then..but the childish innocence in her face was still the same. I noticed the spark in her eyes was missing. I felt her smile was not real..her laughter was fake. She had grown up a little taller than before. I was able to see her face only. Her body was hidden from my sight coz of another girl who was standing in front of her facing her. Suddenly riddhima's eyes wandered around her as if searching for something or someone. I wanted to talk to her. But I didn't. I rushed out from there before she sees me. I don't want her to see me. While leaving from there, I felt like I was leaving a part of me behind.
I was so restless from the moment I saw riddhima again. I couldn't concentrate on anything. I was a complete mess. I was going crazy. Almost a month after I saw riddhima again, I had a meeting in a hotel with some clients. After finishing the meeting, I sat in the sea side restaurant of the hotel trying to calm myself. My thoughts wandered on her only. I remembered her saying she likes the sea view. Once she had told me that she would love to spend a calm evening alone in the beach just admiring nature and reading her favourite book. Slowly it made sense to me. It came as a blow to me when I realized what I was feeling. I realized i was looking..searching for riddhima in all the girls I meet. I tried to convince myself its just I am feeling guilty for hurting her. But who was I kidding. My heart didn't accept it. It screamed my feelings for her was deep and intense..romantic. After a lot of fight with myself, I wholeheartedly accepted I love her. I knew it was very very wrong. She aroused those feelings in my heart which I never felt for any other girl. I knew I had fallen for her deeply, truly..i was irrevocably in love with riddhima. When I realized my feelings for her, she was twenty years old and I was twenty eight. She was much younger than me. How could we possibly be together? Our parents will never approve of us. Our family will not accept our relationship. And moreover, to be practical, she was just a teenage girl when she had feelings for me. Her feelings for me could have changed as she grew up. Infact she might have forgotten me by then. And that thought felt like someone stabbed my heart. My heart said her feelings for me must have grown stronger in the three years and she loves me. I wanted to meet her and know if she still loves me. If she does, I wanted to marry her. Her lifeless eyes told me she was not happy and she was faking her laughter. But what about our parents? I was sure our parents will not agree to this. At that moment I realized..i lost My True Love forever coz of age difference. I thought age is just a number. But is it? Is it a Just a Number?
I know everything about him. I even came to know he shifted to Los Angeles four years ago and I am So Happy to know he is a Very Successful business man there. After that I don't know anything about him. He knows everything about me till that fateful night. We both didn't try to contact and meet each other all these years. I am twenty four today. Eight years had passed. I thought I would forget him and move on in life. I did move on in life. But I couldn't forget him. I was sixteen when I fell for him. People say its teen age love..puppy love. Whatever it is..but he is my First Love. What is my fault in falling for a man who is eight years elder than me? Love cannot be forced on one. It happens..right? How could I possibly stop my feelings for him? Yes, its bad that I couldn't control my feelings. But I am a human too. I was very vulnerable then. After that i learned to control my feelings and accept life as it is after his exit from my life. But I was never able to forget him. I could never see someone else as my life partner. Just the mere thought of someone else holding the place which I want him to hold in my life disgusts me. How can i cheat myself? Even today i am hoping he would come for me. But what if he is married? I don't want to meet him at all if he is married. But I want to see him Happy once..i want to see his Happy Deep Dimple Smile which reaches his Shining Grey-Blue Eyes. Maybe after I see him happy and content with his life, I could convince myself and move on from him..start a new life. But one thing is sure. I lost him..lost him coz of age difference. I thought age is just a number. But is it? Is it a Just a Number?
*******
"It is armaan. Age is Just A Number! Its not big deal here. Remember? We are in living in Los Angeles..in America. Lets go to India immediately. No more waiting armaan. We will be too late if we delay further. If she is eight years younger than you..she is twenty four now. I am sure her parents will get her married soon. Come on. Get up" nikita said getting up from the swing and pulling him up with her. "Its not that easy nikki. Her parents will not approve of this. I hurt both of us. I realized age is not a big thing when two people love each other truly. But I don't know how to make both hers and my parents understand that. And most of all, she was just a teen age girl then nikki. She must have forgotten me and moved on in her life. But my heart says the opposite. I don't know if should believe what my heart is saying nikki. I think me and her being together in this life is impossible" armaan said defeated and with moist eyes. "Trust me armaan. I am a women myself. Listening to what you said about riddhima, I am Absolutely sure she must not have forgotten you. Believe your heart armaan. And stop worrying about parents. We are with you two. We will handle the elders and make them agree for your wedding" nikita said strongly, smiling reassuringly at her friend. Armaan looked at nikita in deep thoughts..the same thoughts which had always occupied his mind.
Should I go to India and meet her? Will be it right to do it after Eight Long years? I would be bringing back those hurtful memories for her and digging her wounds which must have healed now. What if she is married now? But what if she is not married? What if her feelings for me had turned much stronger and intense? I know I wasn't just a teen age crush for her. Her feelings for me were stronger even in her teen age. So much stronger to search a book in the whole city and gift it to me. Even in between her gruelling studies, she took out time and got me the book which I was searching for just to see me smile. The money which she used was her first earnings..her savings. Even when her father is a successful businessman, she didn't care about it and did what she wanted. She gave tuitions to her neighbour kids and earned her own money. She had used that precious money only to gift her parents and no one else. But she used it for me. I held that place in her heart after her parents. I was so important to her and she respected and loved me so much.
A thought which he was ignoring from the past years, from when he realized he loves her and knew she has stepped in her twenties, aroused in his heart stronger than ever at that moment.
What if she is still waiting for me with the hope I would come? I cannot ever forgive me in this life if she is still waiting for me out there and I am just sitting here fighting with myself and left her hurt for her whole life. I must go to India and meet her. But before that I should know about her present life.
Nikita looked at her friend who is lost in his thoughts and numerous change of expressions in his face for almost the past one hour. Suddenly he took out his phone and dialled a number. Nikita smiled hearing him giving details about riddhima to his PA and asking her to gather all information about riddhima. "Please gather all the infos..every single little detail about Riddhima Gupta's life now. I need them immediately..ASAP Annie" he said on the phone. "Sure MR.Mallik. I will call you back sooner" annie said to him surprised with the urgency in his voice. Armaan cut the call saying "Okay. Thank You". Nikita looked at him surprised, as he walked to and fro in the garden restlessly. Never in her life had she seen him so restless. She had met him in first year of their college life and they became best friends. When they finished college, her elder sister Pooja was pregnant with her first child and she had gone to stay with her in Chennai. That is when armaan had met riddhima and everything had happened. They were not in much contact at that time and after that armaan hid everything from her. He never told her the reason why he doesn't want to get married, before he told her now. His impatience now showed her how much he loves riddhima. She wondered how this man controlled his feelings all these years and was able to be patient.
For armaan, every second felt a huge burden. The patience he kept all the years flew in the wind the moment he finally decided to know everything about riddhima and her present life. He kept looking at his phone waiting for annie's call. Finally after almost an hour, which felt like an eternity for armaan, his phone rang and he immediately answered the call. Nikita looked at his expressionless face as he heard his PA on the other side of the phone. "Thank You Annie" he said blankly and cut the call. Nikita looked at him questioningly. "I can't believe this" he whispered. "What happened armaan? What did annie say?" nikta asked him worried seeing his blank face. "Riddhima is not married nikki..and as far the infos annie gathered about riddhima, she is single and not committed to anyone" he whispered with a wide smile and hugged her in happiness. Tears of joy rolled down his cheek. He parted from her wiping the tear. "Lets go to India Nikki. I have to know if she loves me still. If she does, I would make her Mrs. Riddhima Armaan Mallik" he said with a huge smile on his lips which she had not seen in years now. "That's Armaan Mallik" she said and hugged her friend happily who hugged her back smiling and saying in his heart, "I am coming riddhima. Your armaan is coming to you" with his eyes shining and his deep dimple smile which riddhima loves to see on his face.
*******
Armaan looked at his parents defeated. He had told them he is ready to get married. They both were very happy hearing him. But they didn't agree to him when he said about riddhima. He, nikita and her husband Abhimanyu was trying to convince them from the past few hours. But they were stubborn on their decision. Armaan took a deep breath and stood up from the couch. "Mom, dad..I Love Riddhima. I cannot marry someone else with her in my heart. My heart belongs to her and no other girl can hold a place in my heart other than her. You both always say my happiness is what both you want. I am telling you mom dad..Riddhima is My Happiness. She is My Everything. I am going to India in the night flight. I am not sure if she still loves me..but my heart says she loves me and I trust my heart. I am going to meet her. If she still loves me, I will talk to her parents. I hope you both will agree and will support us when riddhima and i talk to her parents. Let me know your decision soon. Please remember one thing, your consent is very important for me. I will not marry riddhima without you both saying "yes". And I know riddhima will not marry me without her parents' consent. We both respect and love our parents a lot and will never go against our parents' word. We both will wait for you elders to agree for our wedding but will not marry any other person. And please listen to one more thing. If riddhima doesn't love me now, I will not force her. I will come away from her life forever. And I will not get married..Ever" he said determined and climbed upstairs to his room. His parents and friends stared at his back Astonished. His parents were Utterly Speechless. They know how much stubborn he is. They know he will do what he says. They looked at one another and quietly went to their room. "Did you heard what he said nikki? He is so stubborn that he will marry only riddhima and no other girl will become his wife. At the same time, he said he will not force her if she doesn't love him and he will come away from her. How much love does he holds for riddhima in his heart? How much self-control does he have to control all his feelings all these years? I am eager to meet this Riddhima Gupta who captivated The Armaan Mallik" Abhimanyu said surprised by armaan. "Trust me abhi. I have the same questions and I am eager to meet riddhima as much as you are. Lets go and do the packing. We need to leave soon" nikita said and went out of the house holding her husband's hand.
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That's the first part
I am waiting for your reviews now
Love & Regards
Madura 
Writers Corner: Books, Stories & Poems
Anupamaa
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