Chapter 35
In the hideout somewhere in Delhi a group of people were hiding for sometime. They were waiting for things to cool down a bit, to make an escape from the city. The operation they had come to perform turned out to be more successful than they hoped for. Yet some of the members were suffering from repercussions of guilt and self-loathing.
"Here have this. In your condition it is best that you eat something"voice2 the head of the operations handed a packet of food to his subordinate. He was feeling sorry at seeing the miserable condition of his deputy but then crushed the feeling immediately as emotions held no place in his world. It just weakened them and made them stray from their chosen path.
"I am not hungry. I cannot bring myself to eat. I just want to go as far away from this place as I can" voice1 said folding the legs and making the body form like a ball in order to overcome the sense of revulsion.
Suddenly remembering to change the saline bottle for the woman present in unconscious state made the person stand up and rush to the woman's side. The woman had shown signs of improvement. She had opened her eyes for a little while and had gulped down the fuilds during that time. But her progress was being hidden for her own safety.
"I can't believe we just did what we did?" Said voice 1 feeling very remorseful and ashamed after checking up on the woman.
"You always knew that this was on the cards. We cannot back away now...even if we want to" said voice 2 unable to understand the sudden onset of conscience in his teammate. In their field it was a dangerous quality to have, one that could lead to death.
"It all seems so extreme. Why should so many people die?" voice1 asked guiltily at the gruesomeness of the act that they had carried out.
"We are doing it for our cause, remember. What about all our people that got killed on our side, our people who were slaughtered mercilessly? Who avenges their deaths? Why this sympathy for others when our own people got butchered too" said voice2 in a self-righteous anger.
"Two wrongs do not make a right. If some of us got killed that does not necessitate the killing of innocents like this. I cannot live with myself for what we have done. I can see the blood of those killed on my hands. I just ...I can't face myself. It shames me...I just hate myself right now. I wish I had died too in the blast ...at least my soul would have been less burdened" voice1 broke down under the weight of soul crushing guilt.
"Enough. I have had it with you. No one forced you to join us. You came of your own free will. You have become close to me in more ways than one. And if you do not follow orders then it would create a loss of confidence for the entire team.
And because of you we are also carrying the dead weight of that woman. We should have chucked her off somewhere. Who would have noticed another dead body in the bomb site anyway?" voice2 said ruthlessly.
"That lady was alive. She saw us escaping. I could not bear killing another innocent. I just had to save her and add to that you hit her with the iron rod on her head. How could you bring yourself to hit an unarmed innocent woman...just how could you? I loath what you did to her"voice 1 said with hatred in the voice.
"Listen to yourself. We killed over a 100 people in the blast. Saving 1 will not reduce your crimes"voice 2 said sarcastically.
"I know it won't but atleast I can sleep a bit easy at night. At least I can say to myself that had I truly known what I was doing I would never have gone through with it. That there is still some humanity left in me somewhere" voice1 said breaking down praying to god to forgive the sins that had been committed.
"I can't take your lectures anymore. Just tell me one thing. Do you still believe in the cause? Do still stand behind the oath you had taken to serve the cause till your last breath?"voice2 demanded an answer.
"Yes" It was a very forced and unwillingly agreement on the persons part.
"Then prove it. Kill that lady and dump off her body somewhere. We leave this country in the next twenty four hours"voice2 challenged and issued a dictate.
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"Yash...Oh my god Yash what were you trying to do? Get yourself killed. How could you?" Pankaj asked still in shock when they finally manged to get Yash down on to the terrace in the upper floor. He wanted to take Yash as far away from the water tanker as he could. Never in his life had he been more scared. This was his younger brother. The little one whom he had carried on his shoulders, held his hand and seen many ups and downs in life with.
"I...I...She...was...there...I thought...Oh my god. She was right here...I was so close...I was so damn close to be in her arms? I almost touched her...Aarti...Aarti...I can't live without you Aarti" Yash heaved and hot tears flooded his eyes and overflowed.
"Ah! Yash you thought Aarti had come for your?(Pakaj sighed) Oh Yash..Yash...she is not going to come back. She is NEVER going to come back. You just have to accept that she is no more Yash" Pankaj said feeling sorry for his brother at the same time trying to drill some sense into him.
"We cannot lose you too my brother. We need you. Maa, Bauji the children...yes most definitely the children NEED you Yash. Please some how find in yourself the strength to come back to us. Come back to us Yash we are nothing without you. I plead you..implore you do not ever try this again"Pankaj gulped still feeling utterly scared upon thinking of a possibility of this repeating.
"What would Maa and Bauji feel if they got to know about this? Have you thought about them Bhaiya. They raised you with so much love and care. You are their confidence, you are their pride, you mean the world to them and to us. You have got to get a grip of yourself bhaiya. What would have become of all of us had we...had we not stopped you. Had we come just a second later. Oh my god bhaiya just look at yourself. If Aarti bhabi is seeing you right now from heaven above what would she think? You are letting her down bhaiya, she would expect better from you..."Pratik cried unable to control the himself.
Yash stiffened at what Pratik said. He looked at both his brother. He did not know what to tell them. He did not know what was happening anymore. He was totally broken from inside. He knew they would not understand, he knew no one would understand.
But he knew he also knew that he had to he had to at least pretend to stay strong in front of his family. His suffering was causing them even more suffering. He did not wish to cause anyone any pain because of him. So he made a pact with himself. He would suppress his anguish, hide his pain and pretend that he was fine. Only even pretending to live was going to take too much out of him. He was unsure if he could pull this off. How could a dead man fake life. Yash lifted his hands and wiped his tears away. He would try...even if it killed him. You could not kill a dead man anyway. And he would do it for his Aarti. Just for his Aarti.
He tried to tell his brothers about the conclusion he had reached. Tried to tell them not to worry anymore but words failed him. Pankaj and Pratik just hugged Yash and tried to take away his pain his suffering. They tried and get back the Yash of before, tried and get back their brother from the hell he was in.
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Yash got up in the wee-hours unable to sleep anymore. He had had to force his brothers to go away and get some rest themselves when they kept insisting on keeping a watch on him. They had reluctantly gone back to their rooms after he promised that he would not try anything "silly" again.
He came out of the room and headed towards the one place he had tried going again and again since he had got back from Delhi yet had not found the courage to do so.
From the doorway he saw his three children sleeping peacefully. He kept looking at them. And finally stepped inside the room, it was dimly lit with only the night lamp on. He approached the bed taking one step at a time and finally stood next to the bed.
Emotions flooded through him. He folded his hands to stop himself from reaching out and touching his children. But he so wanted to do just that. He wanted their love the most right then. He wanted to forget himself in them. He wanted to ease away the pain that was throbbing in his heart. To lose himself in their embrace, but he could not bring himself to do it and turned back.
Just while going out of the room his eyes fell on something placed on the shelf which was not present before they had left for Delhi. He made himself go near it to get a better view.
It was crude statues made of play-dough which had now become hard with cracks appearing on them. They had tried to make a replica of their family, two big lumps representing their parents and three smaller lumps obviously representing each of them. But what made Yash's heart stop was the note attached to it in Ansh's handwriting.
"Muma Papa velkum back"
Yash immediately remembered Aarti words
"Yashji I think we need to make Ansh understand that in English not all words are written as we pronounce them. God he makes so many spelling mistakes"
That voice was enough for Yash to pluge back into darkness. Yash just left the room as soon as he could to try and rid himself of the images of all the times he and Aarti had spent with the kids having fun, being parents and so much more.
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Somewhere in a secluded place near the highway away from Delhi, one of the men in-charge of killing off the woman carried her body on his shoulder and took her inside, far away from from the road away from any prying eyes.
As he placed the woman on the ground, his mouth started to salivate. He had not had a fix in a long time. The woman even though was unconscious and weak still was too beautiful to ignore.
He could still have his way with her he thought. Maybe she could be of some use to him before she died. He slowly unbuttoned his shirt, loosened his belt and lowered his pants. This was going to be enjoyable he thought, no opposition from the female just docile surrender and the best part he did not even have to pay her anything after the deed was done. If ever there was a better offer than this.
The clothes on her were proving to be a hindrance. He slowly unbuttoned the torn shirt she was wearing. His eyes opening wide at seeing the flesh that was getting exposed. The lower half of her was still covered and he tried to open the pant she had worn with greedy impatient hands.
He then slowly lowered himself onto the female lying in front of him.
TO BE CONTINUED...
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