Smitar's OS:Knowing Khushi#2 Part 13 (Last) Pg 63 - Page 14

Originally posted by: smitar

Posted Part 11. It is small. Will make up for it in Part 12.😉

Smita

Originally posted by: -Mrinalini-

Tell me tell me... Warna mera dil phoot jaayega! :(

Smita,😊

Here is my interpretation to Part 11.

In this update it is about seek, search, look for. In a nutshell QUEST... in its verb form.

Arnav looked at Nani, Mami, Akash, & NK as they sat around Di, their faces weary, fatigue seeping from their souls as they watched Anjali sleep... They had summoned a doctor to sedate her, to let her rest, to let her forget the hell her life had become...

Bodily haste and exertion usually leave our thoughts very much at the mercy of our feelings and imagination"

~ George Eliot, Adam Bede

Her face still had marks of the never-ending stream of tears she had shed. Arnav slowly wiped her face with his hanky. If only he could clear her mind of Shyam Manohar Jha too...

"If you want to forget something or someone, never hate it, or never hate him/her. Everything and everyone that you hate is engraved upon your heart; if you want to let go of something, if you want to forget, you cannot hate"

~ C. JoyBell C.

There was nothing more to be done here. Di would sleep through the night. Arnav slowly left the room, walking towards the steps down.

He stood for a moment, looking down at his house... the elaborate lines, the expensive furnishings, the elegant furniture, the designer interiors... He had made it all. By working day & night for years. Because he had wanted to make his Di happy, his family safe. And at the age of 28, he was back where he had started out. His Di was still crying, his family was still vulnerable... What had he gained in the past 14 years?

"We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone - but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy"

~ Frank Crane

He sat on the steps, his elbows on his knees, his head hanging, defeated.

"Always keep your head up when you are feeling down and your feet down when you are doing well"

Suddenly, her face came to his mind. The red sari, wind playing with her hair as she said in a matter-of-fact manner,

"She has you. She will survive. You will make everything alright."

"Khushi...", he murmured.

"Believe in a love that is being stored up for you like an inheritance, and have faith that in this love there is a strength and a blessing so large that you can travel as far as you wish without having to step outside it."

~ Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

He pulled out his phone to call her. It was 40 minutes past 12. How could he...? She would be asleep... But if she was awake...?

Maybe he could text her. If she was awake, she would reply. And then he could call her...

He texted her, 'Are you awake?'

"Yes.' The reply was immediate.

"Dreams and needs tear down fortress of impossibility"

~ Toba Beta, Betelgeuse Incident

Arnav sighed in relief. He quickly called her.

"Hellooo. Arnavji, how is Anjaliji?", Khushi asked.

Arnav swallowed.

"She was crying too much. Wouldn't stop. We were scared that she would fall ill. So we got a doctor to give her a sedative. She is sleeping now.", Arnav said.

Khushi could feel a rock lodge itself in her throat.

"She will come out of this. She has to.", Arnav said, more to himself than to her.

"To get through the hardest journey we need take only one step at a time, but we must keep on stepping"

~ Chinese Proverb

"She will. Anything is better than letting her live with that rascal without letting her know the truth.", said Khushi.

Arnav nodded.

"It may take time. But she has you. And she has Nani, Mami, & 2 more brothers. She will live again.", Khushi comforted him.

"Yes. She has to.", Arnav said.

"The dawn of beauty always comes after night."

~ Sorin Cerin, Wisdom Collection: The Book of Wisdom

"Arnavji, it is late. You should go to bed.", Khushi said.

Arnav agreed but did not cut the call. He sat with the phone at his ear, his eyes shut.

Finally Khushi said, slowly, "Life is so funny... so strange... like a dream at times... like a nightmare at other times..."

Arnav swallowed, feeling tears gather in his eyes.

"There is no shame in what you are feeling, Harry,' said Dumbledore's voice. 'On the contrary... the fact that you can feel pain like this is your greatest strength"

~ J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

"Sometimes it feels that everything is going my way... like seeing questions I know the answers to in the exam paper. Sometimes, I don't know where I am... on my head or on my feet..."

"Hhmmm...", Arnav responded. Anything more was beyond him.

"Buaji & Amma are crying. Jiji thinks that I am very disappointed about Shyamji. The house looks as though someone has died here..."

"When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight"

~ Kahlil Gibran

"Here too.", Arnav said. "Khushi, can I call you tomorrow?"

"Shall I write a permission slip for you, Banke Lalji?", Khushi asked, a small smile on her lips.

Arnav smiled.

"It is your phone, your time, your money... If you want to waste it on me, the Jalebi Express from Lucknow, who am I to complain?", Khushi teased.

"Tomorrow, Khushi.", promised Arnav.

"Tomorrow it is.", said Khushi.

"The timeless in you is aware of life's timelessness. And knows that yesterday is but today's memory and tomorrow is today's dream"

~ Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

The betrayal of trust, that the Raizadas' had to face and Anjali, who was dealt a severe blow, now in tatters had taken its toll. All were weary with the knowledge that Anjali is passing through a tough phase in her life.

"Fatigue is here, in my body, in my legs and eyes. That is what gets you in the end. Faith is only a word, embroidered"

~ Margaret Atwood, The Handmaid's Tale

They had summoned a doctor to sedate her to sleep and recoup. They knew it was not easy for Anjali, to change the direction of her life all of a sudden.

"Life's under no obligation to give us what we expect"

~ Margaret Mitchell

Her face still bore the marks of the tears that had traversed her cheeks. Arnav using his handkerchief wiped the marks. He wished he could erase away all her memory of Shyam Manohar Jha, a snake that had bitten the very hand that fed him. He wished he could keep her safe!

"You will find that it is necessary to let things go; simply for the reason that they are heavy. So let them go, let go of them. I tie no weights to my ankles"

~ C. JoyBell C.

With Anjali in drug induced sleep, Arnav stepped out of the room. His eyes took in all the things he could see. He saw the elegant house, the state of art furniture, expensive furnishings, designer interiors.. He had struggled and put in all his might to achieve all this from the scratch. He had struggled so that his Di would be happy and would be able to lead a comfortable life. He wanted his Di and his family safe and now at the age of 28, he found himself being spiraled down into the same place where he had started. Nothing had changed! His Di's life was in tatters, his family vulnerable!

"When we were children, we used to think that when we were grown-up we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability... To be alive is to be vulnerable"

~ Madeleine L'Engle

Sitting on the steps he pondered over his life. He wondered what had he gained in the past 14 years. He felt it was status quo. Nothing had changed! Resting his elbow on his knees, he felt dejected and defeated.

"Sometimes you just can't tell anybody how you really feel,

Not because you really don't know why.

Not because you don't know your purpose.

Not because you don't trust them,

But because you can't find the right words to make them understand"

All of a sudden her vision came to his mind. Draped in red saree, with wind blowing her hair, he recalled her words, "She has you. She will survive. You will make everything alright."

"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage."

~ Lao Tzu

This made him murmur,"Khushi." Taking his cell phone out to call her, he realized it was well past midnight and that she might be sleeping. His mind started to think, It was 40 minutes past 12. How could he...? She would be asleep...But if she was awake...? Maybe he could text her. If she was awake, she would reply. And then he could call her... Thinking so, he texted her, 'Are you awake?' When he received a Yes in reply he released the breath he had held up in anticipation.

"My heart only ever had one thought, one want. One need. Despite all, in spite of all...All my heart has ever wanted is you"

~ Stephanie Laurens, The Edge of Desire

He called her giving a sigh of relief. Her opening sentence made him gulp. "Hellooo. Arnavji, how is Anjaliji?" He answered that they had to call a doctor to sedate as Anjali was crying a lot and all were scared of her falling ill. Now with the drug induced sleep she was resting. It made Khushi feel sad for her. Arnav told Khushi that his Di will overcome this phase, "She will come out of this. She has to." It was more of a reassurance to him than her.

"What saves a man is to take a step. Then another step. It is always the same step, but you have to take it"

~ Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Khushi told him that she would come out of her misery in a better frame of mind. This was a better option than to let her live with that swindler without knowing his true face. The process of recovery may be slow but she has her power booster, you, by her side along with the backups, Nani, Mami and her other two brothers too. Her comforting words went a long way in calming his turbulent mind and said, "Yes. She has to."

"Every star was once darker than the night, before it awoke"

~ Dejan Stojanovic, The Sign and Its Children

Khushi reminded him that it was late and he needed his sleep. Though he agreed he was reluctant to end the call. With his eyes shut all his senses attuned towards the phone both were quiet for some time. Both were imbibing each other's presence and savoring it. Finally Khushi spoke what she felt, "Life is so funny... so strange... like a dream at times... like a nightmare at other times..." Her words touched him. He felt tears pooling in his eyes.

"Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim"

~ Vicki Harrison

She continued to say, "Sometimes it feels that everything is going my way... like seeing questions I know the answers to in the exam paper. Sometimes, I don't know where I am... on my head or on my feet..." She had echoed his feelings. He couldn't respond but just said "Hhmmm..." in assent. He was beyond vocalizing at that moment. She told him in her house both her Buaji and her Amma had been crying all the time and her sister was thinking that Khushi was heartbroken. Their house had taken the look of a Mourning Brigade.

"Sorrow comes in great waves... but rolls over us, and though it may almost smother us, it leaves us. And we know that if it is strong, we are stronger, in as much as it passes and we remain"

~ Henry James

He told her that the situation in his house too was the same. When he asked her, whether he could call her the next day? she teasingly told him, "Shall I write a permission slip for you, Banke Lalji?", making Arnav smile. She continued her teasing and said, "It is your phone, your time, your money... If you want to waste it on me, the Jalebi Express from Lucknow, who am I to complain?" Seeing her roundabout way of giving approval, Arnav promised, "Tomorrow, Khushi." And Khushi confirmed, "Tomorrow it is."

"No matter how hard yesterday was . . .

No matter how hard today is . . .

Open your eyes to the dreams and ambition

Tomorrow is a new day

And tomorrow you're a new person . . ."

~ Sally Elwan

The update has Arnav watching over his devasted family gathered around his sister. He sees their love for the two orphans. He wished he had the power to erase the humiliating memory of Shyam Manohar Jha from his sister's mind. He sought peace of mind for her. He sought strength for his sister to be able to rise above the ashes.

"It is easy to go down into hell; night and day, the gates of dark Death stand wide; but to climb back again, to retrace one's steps to the upper air - there's the rub, the task"

~ Virgil

Seeing all the things he had acquired with his hard work for his family he wished if only he was able to replace their vulnerability with strength. He had worked so hard for it but it seemed to be elusive. He sought that they would be endowed with enough strength to get over these obstacles.

"You have been told that, even like a chain, you are as weak as your weakest link. This is but half the truth. You are also as strong as your strongest link. To measure you by your smallest deed is to reckon the power of ocean by the frailty of its foam. To judge you by your failures is to cast blame upon the seasons for their inconstancy"

~ Kahlil Gibran, Prophet

He sought the presence of the child woman Khushi, who had shown courage, presence of mind and compassion beyond her years.

He sought the strength she gave him by just remembering her words.

"Rather than the strength it takes to not lose, it's the strength to stand back up after a loss that is sometimes more valuable"

~ Kyo Shirodaira,

Spiral: The Bonds of Reasoning

His search for his peace of mind led him to call Khushi and sought solace from her voice, words and feelings.

Khushi in her unique way gave him what he sought. She gave voice to his thoughts that were swirling in his mind, but unable to verbalize it.

He realized that she too had similar thoughts and was very much attuned to him.

By teasing him she lightened his heavily burdened heart, helping him to relax. Whatever he sought he received it from Khushi without him voicing it out!

Finally he sought for a brighter tomorrow by seeking her permission to call.
"Isn't it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?"

~ L.M. Montgomery

When she agreed to his request in a roundabout manner he confirmed that he would call her. She told him that tomorrow was a new day and a new beginning.

"With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts"

~ Eleanor Roosevelt

That's why it is QUEST.

That's it from me. Hope you enjoy it!

ahhh... such a sad part

Read it on the blog a while ago xP

Originally posted by: -Mrinalini-

@Rashmi - Are we playing reserve game here? 😆