Chapter 26 (A)
"Relax Aartiji..if you hold the handle of the seat any tighter it may just snap into two" Yash said as they were seated in the flight taking them to Delhi's Indira Gandhi Airport.
After an emotional farewell early in the morning Yash and Aarti arrived at the airport. Their flight got delayed by 20 minutes but finally, it was on its way, ready for take-off on the runway. It was to be an hour long flight.
"I never knew you were scared of flights" Yash asked gently seeing the distress clearly etched on Aarti's face and her effort to not show it.
"I am not...it's just during take-off that I get nervous sometimes" Aarti loathed to admit even that much.
"But how come I have never seen you show it before..." Yash started to ask.
"With the kids around I always got distracted and did not pay attention to it" Aarti answered. Yash listened but thought to disagree.
"I somehow feel it was not a question of you getting distracted by the kids but more of you staying strong in front of the kids...covering your "weakness" so to speak" Yash amended.
"Hmm...Whatever..." Aarti said, trying to make light of the accurate reading of her actions by Yash.
For Aarti it was nothing new how Yash could read her like an open book. But still it made her uncomfortable when he did that that so often and so easily.
"You need not be perfect all the time Aartiji...it's OK to be afraid of things" Yash said, trying to make Aarti feel comfortable.
"Hmm" again Aarti did not like Yash seeing her like this, at less than her best. And she wished he would just keep to himself right then.
It is so difficult to understand Aarti. She hardly opens up about her feelings. It is all so bottled up. I am always left to second guessing her. And maybe I always get it wrong, she must be laughing at me...at my attempts to understand her. Anyway let me at least get rid of her fears for now.
"Ok how about we play a game...that will keep your mind occupied just like you keep it busy when you are with the kids" Yash suggested.
"What do you have in mind?" Aarti asked curiously.
"Word association"
"Oh! Like we had in KKHH(kuch kuch hota hai)" Aarti momentarily getting distracted.
"Precisely...you see Aartiji I am quite the movie buff. I get many creative ideas from them" Yash grinned and informed Aarti as she smiled at that tit bit.
"Ok I am willing to play" Aarti said appreciating what Yash was trying to do.
"As you know in this game I will give you a word and you in turn tell me the first word that comes to your mind on hearing it. Ok?"
Aarti nodded.
"First then "Life"
"Journey"
"Journey"
"Unexpected"
Y: "Sun"
A: "Brightness"
Y: "Moon"
A: "Stars"
Y: "Stars"
A: "Twinkle"
Y: "Good"
A: "Truth"
Y: "Bad"
A: "Lies"
Y: "God"
A: "Courage"
Y: "Ugly"
A: "Hunger"
Y: "Beautiful"
A: "Bhopal"
Y: "Happiness"
A: "Family"
Y: "Love"
A:"You" ...Uh!...I mean your family...our kids. You know what I mean" Aarti did not know where to look. Why didn't the earth open up and swallow her right now, she thought.
"It's OK Aartiji. Relax. We do say the darndest things in this game" Yash said immediately trying to make light of it.
That was such an awful slip Aarti. How could you get so carried away and say such a thing? Never let your guard down like that. Never.
She had thought she had mastered her feelings for Yash. Had also thought she could pretend that she was happy with the status quo. But clearly that was not the case. Aarti cursed herself mentally. She was good at compartmentalizing her feelings. She could love the Yash as the father of her kids, as the dutiful son to his parents, as the loyal brother to his siblings and just about all facets of him without making him feel uncomfortable about it. But she did not want to face his wrath by making her love from him known or expecting him to reciprocate her feelings. Did not want to pressurize him into accepting things unwillingly like she had done the last time.
The last time she had let her heart lead her it had resulted in a magical night and a disastrous morning after. Admittedly Yash had apologised for his behaviour later but he did not give any reason for such behaviour in the first place. What could have made him react that way?
Having already spent more than necessary time on finding answer to that question she had given up and moved on.
Aarti became flustered and started to re-adjust herself in her seat. Started to look ahead and behind, here and there, anywhere expect at Yash.
"The flight has taken off Aartiji. You can relax now" Yash said misunderstanding her unease. Both became quiet after that and kept to themselves.
Why am I refusing to think that this meant something? Don't they say that this game reveals something of the subconscious mind? Could it be that Aarti does have feelings for me? Naah ! Been there thought that. I know she regrets our time together. Hell she herself told me so. I know my over the top anger could have put off any budding feelings she might have had. But lord a lot has happened since then. She must have overcome whatever I did had she any feelings for me. Love holds no grudges.
There was that initial phase of awkwardness for a while back then, of returning back to how things were...but we did manage. She has been so supportive in everything since then. We are good together. She must realize it too. If only I can convince her that we can be more to each other than what we are now. That would just be perfect.
The rest of the flight passed in relative silence with them occasionally chatting. They finally touched down in Delhi airport and the car that they had hired took them to the hotel where they had their booking.
After checking-in and taking the card for the room from the reception, both Aarti and Yash silently followed the bellhop into the lift. After swiping the card they went into the room.
Aarti surveyed the room; while Yash set aside their luggage tipped the bellhop and sent him on the way.
It was a suite, beautiful to look at and overseeing river Yamuna. In addition to the bed room there was a sitting area with furniture. Aarti went around the room laying a hand on all the items and finally stood near the window to take in the view outside. Yash quietly went and stood behind Aarti after observing her silently for some time.
"So we are finally here" Aarti said not looking back instinctively knowing that Yash was right behind her.
"So we are" Yash agreed.
"What is the plan for the day?" Aarti asked.
"Well we have the party to attend this evening but till then we can freshen-up and then..." Yash halted.
"And then?" Aarti prompted.
"Well we are free till 7 pm. I was supposed to meet my partners today but they had called yesterday to inform that they will have the meeting tomorrow after tonight's party. Do you care for some sightseeing perhaps? Oh! I forgot to ask you, have you been to Delhi before by the way?"
"Yes..but it was long time back, while I was in school. We had participated in the republic day parade. It was an unforgettable experience for me" Aarti said recollecting one of few incidents while growing up that had given her a lot of pleasure.
Yash looked at the dreamy faraway look on Aarti's face and smiled to himself.
One of these days I want to find out more about her past. I have this bone deep urge to know everything about her.
They called home and informed of their safe arrival. Then just as planned they freshened up and had a light breakfast and set out for the day.
First stop was Bangla Sahib Gurudwara. Both Yash and Aarti were deeply religious and thought to offer prayers for the well being of their children and family. It was such a calm and peaceful place to be, the sarovar surrounding the main building added to the beauty of it, while the intricate marble work just heightened its magnificence.
Yash and Aarti finally came out and were walking in the corridor when Aarti spoke.
"Thank you for bringing me here Yashji"
"Thank you for being with me here Aartiji" Yash responded.
To which Aarti grinned and Yash knew a similar expression would be reflected on his face too. He was really enjoying being with Aarti. He had been to Delhi on countless occasions earlier but this time being with her was like enjoying its beauty all over again. She made everything special.
"Can we do some shopping next Yashji" Aarti asked expectantly.
Yash kept quiet intentionally teasing Aarti.
"Please... I know men hate shopping but I had promised everyone back at home that I will bring them something special for each one of them. Even last time when we had gone to Mumbai we had returned empty handed" Aarti kept talking not noticing that Yash stiffened at the mention of their last trip to Mumbai. While Aarti kept walking ahead Yash had stopped altogether. Aarti finally realized that she was walking all alone. She stopped and turned back, but by then Yash had recovered somewhat.
"Aartiji...tomorrow after the meeting we will be free. Our flight is later in the evening. So I suggest we go shopping in between" Yash said as caught up with Aarti.
Aarti was a bit slow on the uptake but her entry into the no-go zone dawned on her finally. It had been a long time since she spoken about Mumbai. By tacit agreement both of them had avoided mentioning Mumbai and what happened there. But suddenly it was back between them. Aarti cursed herself for inadvertently ruining the mood by opening a can of worms.
Yash seemed to have become very distant after that. They returned to the hotel room later, after having a late lunch at the restaurant in the ground floor of the hotel. Yash excused himself stating that he had certain calls to make and went out of the room.
Obviously he is avoiding me. Yashji I am sorry I did not mean to bring back bad memories for you. I know how you regret that night.
"Uh! "bad memories". Why Yashji...why don't you ever tell me about what went wrong? If it was something that I did or something else...why can't we move past it together?"
Aarti opened her suitcase and selected the saree she had packed to wear for the occasion that evening and hanged it in the cupboard. She had also packed one more thing which she had hoped to surprise Yash with.
What's the use now Aarti. He may not appreciate it anyway. But none the less no point in hiding it, might as well wear it.
Aarti became very sad suddenly thinking about her situation. Outwardly she had all the happiness in the world. She lacked in none of the materialist comforts. She was now part of a loving family and she was blessed with three children. She finally had everything she ever craved for as an orphan. But she longed for more, that one thing that was so near yet so far, Her Yash and his love.
Why can't I be happy with what I have? I should not be greedy. I have to make do with whatever I have. You cannot force someone to love you back now can you?
As usual she lectured herself and tried to control her emotions from getting better of her. The exercise left her very drained and tired. She then quietly closed the suitcase kept it aside, climbed the bed and before she knew it she fell asleep without even bothering to change out of her clothes.
Yash returned to the room to find Aarti sleeping. He closed the curtains as it was still sunny outside and did not want the light to disturb Aarti. He sighed heavily and went and tried to get some rest himself. The trip had taken a nose dive all because of him.
TO BE CONTINUED...
PS: I am taking things slow in this update. Kindly bear with me.
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