Originally posted by: CoffeeAddict
So finally, iska bhi number aa gaya. Let's get to it then...Finally 😳😆
Chapter 4
I'll still stand by my previous comment and say I was disappointed. Now that i'm sober and not that much sleep deprived or stressed, I won't say I'm angry. But yes, disappinted.
It began with a lot of confusion. It seemed like he was thinking about it while walking along with Panchi and there'll be a parallel working of both the past and present. But you made it a separate segment in itself. And you get the million dollars! Yes, the flashback was what he was thinking while walking with her. But since I was tired while I was writing the chap, i didn't include the present in the chappy. I think I wrote that as a note 😆 That's why I updated without much delay 😆
There was no Panchi-KD of today. But just of the past. And somehow the past characters seemed so influenced by the present characters. I'll still say they were out of character. How? Can't pin point. It's just gut feel. Since I am taking the liberty to actually change a little background of the characters and yes, tweaking a little bit of their traits, it's a little given that they are OOC. I am sorry that you are disappointed. But I can't do much. It fits into the story that I want to tell 😆
Really loved the way it was penned. Description of Royal Academy - brilliant. Seemed like an alumni telling a friend who wants to put his kid in the school. The sudden 180 degree turn to KD's situation was an enchanting contrast. This is more of a KD centric story than Panchi one. It was always meant to be this way. I want to explore more of KD than Panchi. IMO, he has more layers than her so tweaking them is easier 😊
I love how you put one sentence paragraphs in the middle. That's your signature style. Brings out simplicity yet gives an artistic feel. (Pardon my randomness in the comment, I have the chapter open in an adjacent tab and I'm scrolling through it and remembering where I had to comment about. The first three paragraphs were from what I remembered.) Hahaha, excused! 😛 Commenting is not an easy task, I can feel ya girl! 😉
He's distrustful. He knows he doesn't belong. But he acted a little mannerless. I know you have your reasons, but I just can't associate KD with this behavior. It was just his first day. He was being silently targeted for his social status. He was a little annoyed at the priviledges the other students had and he was deprived from them. KD, to me, has always been a little frustrated by his modest life. After a day like that, anyone would be a little mannerless 😆
Panchi being persistent to a stranger. Somehow it seems she hasn't met RV yet. 😆 Oh no, she has met him. You will know that soon. Not just a stranger, she was just being her usual sweet helpful self. She had judged that the guy needed some help 😆
Once again I'll say, we can argue over this for ages. For us the notions of the TBP characters are different. It's a gut feel along with observation for me. That kinda closes the topic then. And I don't mind. This difference of opinion and perspective is good. And I am not a mahaan person anyway, I can be wrong. But it's just a fiction, let's not bother much about it 😛
Chapter 5
" The skies above were holding a gathering with the clouds and they had started to gather." --> The repetition of the word gather in the same sentence, kills the beauty of imagery and its softness here. Will be honest and say, I didn't notice it and since I don't proof read before posting, the mistake is there. Now that you mentioned it, it does seem ugly
I love the constant voice of reasoning that you've implanted in KD's brain, though it's shrinking and getting mousey by the minute. Who cares? 😉 Lady, you are one observant person. Kya pakra hai! And ek dum sahi pakra hai! 😉
Beautiful portion where KD's makes useless (yet somehow important) small talk, turning into argument, to divert Birdie's mind. Important, I've said it before, it's very important!
The cafe was honestly so Panchi. She's the typical girl-next-door. Who loved color Pink. Who loved fluff. Who loves puppies. And will have enough courage to save a puppy from a speedy car. She's caring and fragile. Aaahhh!! Panchi is such a doll! Man, I love her! I have a girl crush on her 😆
And Martha... Was so like my mentor!! 😆
I don't know if I'd ever define KD as hooligan, that is if I could stop looking all doe-eyed at him. But my teacher would call him a lot more than just "unhealthy hooligan". (Ya I know i'm talking about a teacher here. But she used to be quite easy going when we'd meet out for lunch.) Martha is just furiously protective of Panchi and, don't kill me, KD does seem like a lukha/gunda/hooligan sometimes 😆 Even Martha could've called him something else as well but she was just in a good mood seeing Panchi. Weird, ne? 😛
He was hungry. True. But nothing can make KD be less chivalrous. Maybe extreme maddening anger. But not hunger or embarrassment. Those are too little an emotion in front of his politesse. i would say that KD is a different person in front of Panchi. Also, hunger is a monster. Also, despite being chivalrous, he doesn't exactly know how to deal with girls. That's what I've noticed.
Now it seems you did that just to stretch their "date". It's a date? 😆 Well not exactly to stretch, but to let KD have control over the course of things now. I just didn't do it nicely enough 😆
Though I love the innocent looking and behaving KD. 😳 --> My expression at - "Buss thori bhook lagi hai." The guy is still young! Thora innocence hona chaiye 😳
I'll still say I know where this is heading to. But i'm not laying all my cards on table just yet. Damn you! I am curious! TELL ME! 😡
I'll go on a limb here and say, you still hate me. Not for the comment, no. I am happy for that. But the fact that you are not telling is making me URGH! TELL ME!!!!!😡😡😡
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