CHAPTER 42
"AAKAASH! Aakash!!!! AAKASH!! WHERE ARE YOU? Why are you not picking up your f**king phone!!! Get back home, Aakash--Don't you dare switch me to voicemail, AAAKASH!!!"
The screams reverberated throughout the halls of Raizada Mansion, bouncing off walls and echoing through the lavish, empty rooms. The voice shouted over and over again, a thread of panic and fear now evident in the tone, as Arnav Singh Raizada raged for his brother. The rawness, the sadness in the hoarse screams made Hari Prakash realize, to his shock, that this was going to be a bad one, a very bad one indeed. This right now, was a throwback to that dark time of almost ten years ago, a throwback to the first few days of Arnav Bitwa's arrival here at Raizada House, back to when Arnav had been a wounded animal, and Aakash his only solace.
Hari Prakash turned fearfully and looked at the other servants as they waited quietly in the kitchen, praying for the sensible brother to return home before the homicidal one did something even more uncontrollable than just venting his frustrations on the phone. "Where is Aakash bitwa, for Devi Maiyaa's sake, when will he get back to deal with him?" whispered one of the Prakash brothers, as Hari Prakash peeked out of the kitchen to see where the madman currently was. The screams continued, now growing louder as their master thundered down the stairs. Just then, however, as if in direct answer to their prayers, the front door opened, and the calm footsteps heralding Aakash Raizada's return from the airport finally gave the Prakash brothers their relief.
"Khushi left, Aakash? She just left, just like that? And you f**king let her leave me?"The hoarse voice that questioned Aakash Raizada broke in two, and Hari Prakash, watching from his corner of the kitchen, saw Arnav's suddenly sagging body give out, and fall towards the ground. Instinctively he started forward, arms outstretched to stop that heavy load from crashing down, when he realized he didn't need to do anything, after all.
Aakash Raizada had caught his Bhai, and had already supported Arnav's weight with his own. Aakash held his brother, and looked straight at Hari Prakash over Arnav's bent, shuddering body. Hari Prakash, for a few moments, stared right back, his own eyes questioning and worried. A few moments passed as master and servant regarded each other over the prone body of the man they both loved. And whatever it was that he saw in Aakash's face in response to his silent query made Hari Prakash finally turn back to the kitchen, and quietly continue on with his evening tasks. Things were bad. There was no denying that. But, just as he had done as a teenage boy ten years ago, Aakash Raizada would do whatever it was that he needed to do, again, to soothe the wounded animal that was his brother.
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As Aakash half dragged, half supported Arnav to his room, his Bhai's movements uncoordinated and jerky, he found himself wondering how much more Arnav could possibly do to himself. How much more damage could he inflict...how much longer could he tolerate it all without falling apart. There was only so much a person could take, surely. There had to be a limit to the self- destruction, to the inner turmoil that a man, even a man of Arnav's steel temperament could be expected to face.
Aakash thought of the tears that had rained down Khushi's face when she had boarded her plane to Lukhnow just an hour back. He thought of her grief, so imperfectly concealed behind her shaky smile, her eyes burning with the pain of loving a man who could not, would not, it seemed, give her peace even if he gave her passion. He remembered Khushi turning away from all of them in the airport lounge and weeping her heart out when Anjali had left them to attend to their tickets.
He had sat helplessly with Payal and NK as each saline drop fell down Khushi's face, each a testament to her sorrow at leaving behind, even temporarily, the man who she longed for even as he repeatedly hurt and misunderstood her. He could close his eyes and see the despair that had been etched on Khushi's pale, exhausted face at the thought of leaving her heart and soul behind. She had been bruised and battered emotionally and physically, and for what? Caught in the web of a love she could not fight, she was a victim of, and a catalyst for her own tragedy... She had suffered just as much, even as she left Arnav here in Delhi to suffer a loss of the damned, even though that loss was Arnav's just punishment for his actions.
Such sorrow. Such goddamn, unnecessary sorrow. And all for what? To preserve what? To continue what? To repeat this cycle of trauma, where a past that she had no knowledge of would continue to ruin her life and that of the man she loved? The past would never let go, because Arnav had not let it go. And, until something was done to finally cauterize his oozing wounds, to silence the sibilant whispers that bogged this haunted man down, Arnav would repeat each destructive cycle. He would write his own tragedy, until there truly was nothing left of the woman he was destroying, by loving her so destructively. And with Khush's end would come Arnav's own. Cycle complete. This was just...enough.
Aakash had had enough of the secrets that whispered and crawled around the walls and passages of Raizada House, snickering from the shadows, hissing curses down onto its victims. Old sins had long shadows, but surely not eternal ones..?
Aakash fetched a glass of water, and he was waved away when he tried to help Arnav drink it down. Arnav had recovered his poise, just as swiftly as he had lost it downstairs. Silence enveloped the room, as both brothers stared at each other, and Aakash sat, mutely, waiting for the explosion he knew was coming.
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Arnav spoke, his voice a strained whisper, his eyes wet and bloodshot as he struggled to express what had just been done to him, what he was feeling:
"All I have is her. All that I want, all I'll ever want, is her. Please, Aakash. Please help me--call her, call Payal, tell them to come home because I cannot, I cannot go to Lukhnow. I can't lose her, and I am losing her, I can feel every bond dissolving, I can feel her fading. I will go mad, Aakash. I might already be mad, I can't seem to shake this fear and it claws at me, and I terrify her as I try to hold on. But I can't lose her, because, I know this time, with this loss, I won't make it back to you and to Di this time around. This time I wont be able to recover like I managed to recover when Maa died. Maa would not have wanted Khushi to leave me too, Aakash. If Khushi leaves, now, this will be it for me. And she is leaving! What do I do, Aakash?"
Suddenly, Aakash reared up, his eyes glittering, his face a perfect mask of fury.
"Who the f**k told you that you recovered in any real f**king way from Shaila Bua-ji's death, Bhai? What the f**k makes you think anything you've done so far are the actions of a man Shaila Bua-ji would have been proud of, or actions that she would have wanted you to do??"
Aakash's voice, harsh, accusing, cut through the air. Arnav's eyes widened in shock, but honestly, no one could have been as astonished by the anger in Aakash's words than Aakash himself was at that moment. The explosion, when it came, had, finally come from the brother who had seen everything. Who had stood by as beloved family members had suffered through trauma and despair, both fated and self-created, and who had finally, finally, had enough.
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Chapter 43 :https://www.indiaforums.com/forum/fan-fictions/3166265/ipkknd-ff-perfection-th-4-chapter-46-pg-124-updated-august-14-2015?pn=41
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