SS*end* Her Faded Footsteps- part5 Pg 71 upd 04/07 - Page 33

She was going to leave Raizada mansion with her head held high. Arnav might resist at first but she was sure she'd be able to convince him. It was her wish after all. Tears threatened to break from the constant restraints of her eye lids. They'd been withheld for the past three weeks, not allowed to rear its ugly head after that one night when she broke down with the acknowledgment of Arnav's despair.

No crying- she said firmly to herself as she perused the documents Mr Roy had sent her; divorce papers of her 6 month old tenure. Few more hours, just a few more hours and she'll be away from him forever and she can cry all she liked. Taking a deep breath, the fresh cool breeze from the open French windows seeping into her choked up lungs, Khushi put the file away and cocked her head to the side as she listened to the constant hum of voices coming from downstairs.

Past three weeks had been very eventful in Raizada mansion, what with the construction work and people coming and going at all hours of the day. Today sounded busier than usual. The house seemed to be swarming with people, clattering and crashing of various unnamed things and she wished she could go downstairs and see what the commotion is all about. She sighed sadly as she looked down at her legs. Times have long past gone when she could roam around the house to her heart's content, skipping from room to room like a butterfly, no care in the world.

A gut wrenching sadness echoed through her body, her heart constricting painfully as she wondered for the umpteenth time how things would have been had she not fallen down that day.

But had she not suffered the fall she might not have been able to save Arnav ji and that was all she had wanted then- to save her Arnav. She smiled through her bleary eyes; and that's all that mattered.

She wondered what Arnav would tell her when she asked him to sign the ill fated papers. He would refuse, vehemently at that, no doubt but she was ready with her counter arguments. He might want to keep her as his wife but the practicality of the situation is not in favor. Years down the line, her paralysis would affect both their lives and she would be a burden to him and his family, how much he refused to acknowledge it. He was a well known figure with a high profile for media attraction and having an invalid wife will not help him. He would want a family life, a wife in all sense and purposes, children and she wouldn't be able to provide any of them. The knowledge itself would kill her inside. She'd rather die not having him than by the knowledge of disappointing him.

Kushi smiled bravely as she took a deep calming breath. She could hear him coming upstairs, his sturdy footsteps thudding on the stairs as her heart quivered. It was now or never.

"Khushi" he strode into the room with a parcel in his hands, placed it on the bedside table and kneeled beside her so that she was looking directly into his eyes.

"Khushi" he whispered again, more gently, more softly and more urgently. He took her hand, numb with the cold spreading through her body and kissed her knuckles one by one, the nibbling touch of his lips sending sparks of electricity shooting down her frozen body. The intensity of what she felt at that moment, the helplessness of love for this man, sent her staggering and spiraling, gripping with shards of consuming agony down her body. She was tied to her own miserable, betraying heart, unable to utter what she had in mind as she stared at him. Was she ready for this? She gulped down the tears, clutching at the last shreds of control. She had to, but she couldn't. She couldn't watch herself doing this to him, doing this to herself.

"Marry me" he whispered.

"What?" this wasn't what she was expecting to hear and moreover they are already married, about to sign the divorce papers. The irony of the situation was not amiss to her. "We're already married" her voice sounded distant as if she's speaking to him from the other side of a mountain, blurry and surreal.

"Marry me again" his voice choked, gripped with a ferocious intensity, blazing a trail of fire inside her.

Khushi shook her head mutely, the heat that drenched her body abruptly doused as reality poured into her.

"I know what you're going to do Khushi. Please don't do this. Don't. Don't leave me" his voice shook as he drew her to him, wrapping her in his arms, molding her to him as if to never let her go, literally as well as figuratively trying to tell her what her heart had always wanted to hear.

"I want to marry you today. In a few hours time. Marry you as you always wanted to get married. Marry you as I always wanted to marry you."

In an instant she knew what he had been planning for the past three weeks. The realization left her reeling in shock, confused beyond belief, trapped between her own heart and mind.

"Arnav ji I can't" She was helpless, a puppet in the hands of destiny, sense and reality. Her throat ached with the efforts of choking back crying, her body tingling with his protective arms wrapped around her, binding her to him. "It wouldn't work" she felt her already tattered heart breaking into smaller smatterings as she heard her own words.

"It will work damn it. I'll make sure it'll work" She couldn't look at him; the scorching gaze of his penetrated her, reducing her to a nervous uncertain wreck. But she can't let him influence her with his powers. She has to build her resistance around him, strengthen her heart and walk out.

"Khushi look at me" she instantly abided him as she looked at his eyes, shivered and looked away, dazed as if looking directly at the sun. He lifted her head up as he made her look at him.

"Khushi I'd die without you. Do I make myself clear?"

She gulped.

"Do you want to see me die?" Khushi shook her head as if in a stupor not exactly registering what he said.

"Khushi what you're going to do to me would ruin me. I'd be more hurt than I'll ever be in my life. Do you want to see me suffer?"

And tears broke loose, engulfing her in a torrent of emotions, letting go of weeks of despair and longing.

"Khushi I love you. Always loved you. And nothing will change that fact. Nothing. When I say nothing, I mean it"

She heard him, the overwhelming sincerity, and the domineering firmness in his voice and realized she won't be able to do what she was going to do. She can't do what she was going to do. She loved him too much to see him suffer.

And she felt his lips on hers; soft moist lips gently seeking her consent and the alien sensation of him sent her senses reeling- paralyzed with the new found desires coursing through her. She knew he was trying to tell her many things with that one kiss, the yearnings, the promises, his love.

As he kissed her, his feelings intensified, his lips moving with desperate urgency, his kiss deepening as he passionately coaxed her lips apart, asking for her reassurance, she felt her resistance crumbling, giving herself to him, kissing him back with the same fever, unable to restrain the emotions pouring out of her in torrents.

As they broke apart, breathing deeply, shivers still wracking her body from her first ever kiss, she felt his hand gently nudging her chin and she looked up at him, a blush spreading across her face as tears still silently fell off her cheeks from the riot of emotions frothing inside her.

"Will you have me now? Please?" And her feelings knew no bounds as she threw her arms around his neck and dissolved into tears, nodding silently into his neck as she let herself succumbed to him.

She slowly straightened herself and smiled at him resignedly through the tears and he gently wiped them away. "Payal will be here any minute to help you get dress" he said softly as he pointed to the large parcel sitting on the bedside table.

He smiled gently and kissed her forehead murmuring a "Thank you" to her and left the room.

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"You look absolutely beautiful" he kissed her cheek lovingly as he bent down to look at her, sitting placidly on the bed. She was dressed in a heavily intricate designed red and light turquoise lehnga, the red pallu covering her head and jewellery adorning the delicate arcs of her body bringing out her creamy milky skin in to sharp focus.

"Come, it's time. Everyone's waiting" he kissed her again, even more softly this time, like to a rose petal as he surveyed her with shining eyes.

"How will I go down?" she was genuinely a little dazed as he stood in front of her in all his glory, wearing a marvelous silver-grey sherwani- she'd never seen him in one before. He looked unbelievably dashing and handsome and that was an understatement.

"It will help you get down easier. All the steps downstairs had been altered the same way" he said quietly to her questioning gaze and Khushi felt involuntary tears springing to her eyes. All those construction work happening in the house' was for this. She tightened the grip around his neck as she looked at him with tear filled eyes, wondering how much more she can love this man.

Raizada mansion was splendidly decorated in bright fairy lights, yellow and silver tapestries falling down the walls in artful grace and a golden canopy decorated with red and white flower garlands set over a slightly raised platform where the wedding was to be performed. She saw her family beaming at her; amma, babuji, buaji and most of her neighbors and her Laknowi relatives. Raizada family and their guests smiled up at them in genuine happiness as they came downstairs and Arnav headed straight to the raised platform and placed her gently in front of the sacred fire where the priest was sitting down waiting to perform the rites.

Arnav sat left to her, his eyes sparkling in happiness as he looked at her with a gentle smile. Khushi felt over-whelmed, still in a daze, unsure whether she was dreaming or not. It all felt too good to be true. He bent towards her and breathed "No you're not dreaming Khushi" She felt herself blushing a bright scarlet. How did he know what she was thinking?

At the auspicious time, the priest started with chanting of the Holy Scriptures, bending over to put a red tika on Arnav's forhead. Garlands were exchanged amidst the flowers raining upon them as their families celebrated. Thus started the process of rituals, traditions and customs which Khushi had dreamt all her life to be performed on her wedding day. Babuji was helped up for the kanyadhan and Payal gently took Khushi's right palm and resting it on Arnav's while the scriptures were read aloud and babuji grasped their hands for a brief minute, his eyes shining brilliantly before being helped to pour sacred water over their hands to a thali placed bellow their feet; symbolically giving away all responsibilities he had shouldered of his daughter to her husband. Khushi felt fresh tears brimming at her eyes with the significance of this custom as she stared at her beloved father who had looked after her for so many years; precious childhood memories crowding her mind as he looked at her fondly.

Anjali came forward and placed a pink cloth around her brother and tied it with the end of Khushi's dupatta. With the cue from the priest Arnav slowly got up and stood next to her. Khushi looked around bemused, suddenly a ringing noise inside her head reminding her that she cannot walk around the sacred fire to take saath pheres (seven rounds of fire). "Not to worry" he said softly as he bend down and swept her yet again into his arms. "I promised to be your steps".

And Khushi couldn't stop the tears now pouring down her eyes as he walked around the fire amidst the chanting of the scriptures, his strides steady and measured as they both symbolically walked their seven pheres together. "Hush" he said gently as he looked at Khushi now crying silently as they completed the seven rounds, a silent promise to be together for their next seven lives.

He placed her back on to her seat and smiled at her, his deep brown gaze fixed on her with startling intensity. It was time for the last rituals as the priest called out more suthras and scriptures while Payal brought a thali accompanied by an ornamental pot of sindoor and mangal suthra. He lifted the Maang tika over from her forehead, dipped his fingers into the pot drawing out a pinch of sindoor and drew a bold red streak across her maang. The spark emanating from his eyes frothed with new found intensity as he stared long and hard into her eyes. A bit of red sindoor fell from her forehead to the tip of her nose drawing out gasps and woops from the gathered crowd; an auspicious sign of a happy bride and a wonderful married life.

Arnav extracted the mangal suthra and tied around her neck, his warm breath grazing her neck.

Khushi stared back at him; her eyes misting with tears, shiver after shiver of marvel and joy as well as a tinge of poignant sadness running through her as he squeezed her hand and smiled with eyes full of promises for a happy beginning, leaving aside their past and all dark circumstances that hindered their happiness.

They had married again thus closing a loop and opening another.

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