Love and pain occupy the same space in the soul, sharing the same breath, the same heartbeat. They are indivisible, alternate versions of a single state of existence. Where pain abides as an unbearable torment, love yet thrives in equal measure. At its end, the rattle of a dying love's final breath issues from pain's mouth as well.
---
All this time, Khushi ached for his hands to support her buckling knees, slide down her back, relieving the burning sensations down her navel. But it didn't happen. He was engrossed into the actions of knocking her senseless, as his lips found her shoulders, but as they dipped lower, placing light kisses over her ribs, he suddenly stopped, and placing a long, lingering kiss on her forehead, he backed away.
'Why are you doing this Arnav?'
'I want to make you happy Khushi. Is that too much to ask?'
He stepped out of the hut, closing the door softly behind him.
Khushi dropped down onto the bed, placing her hand over her heart, trying to stop its erratic pounding against her chest. She tried to take in large gulps of air, clenching her eyes shut, as the events of the day started flooding her mind. She didn't notice the door opening once again, just as softly as it had been closed, seconds ago.
'Are you okay?' Arnav asked, as Khushi opened her eyes instantly to look up at his bemused face. 'Yes...just a headache,' she stammered, breathing heavily. Arnav plopped himself next to Khushi, looking around the room, trying to figure out what exactly he wanted to say. They just sat next to each other engulfed in an awkward silence, until Arnav's eyes landed on her bedside table that was overflowing with capsule strips of different kinds.
'Adru...Adrucil...what are these medicines for?' Arnav asked inquisitively, as he saw Khushi shift uncomfortably. She got up from the bed, picking up the stack of medicines and stuffing them into her bag. 'They...they are just, you know...for the headaches,' Khushi replied, trying to sound as nonchalant as she could.
'Oh, okay, so are you doing something in the evening?' Arnav asked, confused at her sudden frisky behavior. 'What---no, why?' Khushi replied meekly, slowly gaining back her previous vigor. 'We are going to look around the city a bit, I mean Anjali wants to, like around at seven or something, so you could come,' Arnav said, a bit too expectantly, looking down at his watch. 'Sure...I'd love to,' Khushi's eyes followed Arnav, as he went out of the hut, leaving her head spinning at a frantic rate.
---
Goa seemed even more alluring during the evening, or so Arnav thought, looking out at the vast expanse of the water, as colorful flashes, of what he presumed to be the markets, passed by. The ferry zoomed into the peaceful waters making its otherwise green color a myriad of the reflections of the twinkling yellows and reds of the fairy lights that adorned the pillars of the small ferry.
He looked ahead of him, his eyes held by an enthralling vision of Khushi standing next to Payal, smiling slightly, brushing away the stray strands of hair that kept obstructing her view, due to the salty breeze hitting her face now and then. Her ivory skin was highlighted by the ash grey of her dress, the scent of the frangipanis adorning the ebony of her hair wafted across his senses, as he walked towards her. And as if she knew, she turned around looking at him with anticipation, as Payal walked away towards the other side of the ferry.
They walked like that for a few long second, her dainty feet effortlessly backed against the bordering white pillars of the ferry, as Arnav came to stand right in front of her, his hands resting on either side of her shivering body, as he leaned forward. His scrupulous fingers sifted through her hair, effectively holding then back from her face and away from the porcelain slope of her neck.
And Khushi, seemed to have lost all her resolve way back when she had seen him walk towards her seconds ago and hence she closed her eyes, carousing in the sensation of his velvety lips on her scorching skin.
Arnav inhaled with the ambrosia like scent emanating from her with the intensity of an addict. He cascaded his lips over her throat, flicking his mastered tongue at some places, earning a moan or two from her. But just as she clutched his arms gently, Arnav stopped near her ear, whispering, 'As much as I'd love to continue...people have started to stare, Khushi.'
---
They walked along the night bazaars, sipping their breezers, enjoying the calm of the night. Khushi and Payal raided the shops, buying little trinkets from almost each stop. Anjali, meanwhile, chatted away with her brother, as she suddenly felt dizzy. 'Chotte, can you get some Aspirin from somewhere?' Arnav made her sit next to the other three, as he scuttled off to find the nearest chemist.
---
Arnav walked into a large pharmaceutical store, his mind now slightly relaxed, as Khushi had called and informed him that Anjali was absolutely fine. Apparently she had not eaten anything since breakfast. But Arnav thought, he would buy the Aspirin anyway, for further use.
'Aspirin?' Arnav asked the aged man at the counter, looking around the shop. The man slowly moved towards the many glass cabinets, taking out a plastic box, handing over a strip of tablets to Arnav.
As Arnav handed over a few notes, his eyes rested on the same box of medicines that he had last seen in Khushi's hut. Thinking he would buy some more for her, he asked the man before him sincerely.
'Give me strips of those too.'
'Do you have a prescription?'
'Prescription...a prescription for simple headache medicine?'
'I'm sorry, but these are hardly simple medicines and I cannot hand over them without a prescription.'
'Are you sure---?'
'Sir, this is Adrucil. A chemotherapeutic drug. In simple words, an anti-cancerous drug. And the last time I checked, it cannot be sold with a Doctor's prescription.'
'Anti--what? Are you mad? Cancer, is this some kind of a joke?'
'Sir the door is behind you, I'm sure you can show yourself out.'
---
Arnav somehow dragged his suddenly heavy feet, towards the place where he had left them. They were standing at the edge where the sea seemed to be clashing against the weathered rocks. A colorful tent hovered over their heads, a Karaoke festival was in progress. His eyes scanned the crowds, as they fell on her dancing form.
Arnav watched her move to the beats of the entrancing music blaring through the speakers. He watched as her hair wildly slashed through the wind, her hands swinging over her head.
It seemed to him, that she was so full of life. So full of energy. She had so much more to know, to explore, discover. But so little time.
Was this the reason?
The reason behind why she had said so casually, without a glimmer of hesitation, that she couldn't be with him. And it all suddenly flooded back to him, her sudden coughing bouts, the increased paleness of her face, Ajay's foreboding words, everything. And he felt his feet sinking into the soft mounds of the golden sands, seeking warmth, comfort.
So this was the truth. The bitter truth, that their whole relationship, connection revolved around now.
How selfish Arnav, always about you...what about her?
He fisted his own hair, trying to punish himself for not noticing the sadness, the dullness that had always brewed in her eyes.
And somehow, he felt at a loss, trying to think about what would happen next. About the future.
---
It sunk in, much later.
The truth. As the initial shock subsided, fear took over. The fear of losing her. Losing the only person he had ever loved, completely. The fear that one day, he might not have her in his life. Or, in his world. And then a searing pain, tugged at his chest.
Moments later, when he felt Khushi coming down, and sitting next to him, placing her head on his shoulder, he felt his entire understanding meet its demise. An eerie quiet, calm descended around them, belying the gravity of so catastrophic, a loss.
And all that remained was the cold, silent void, where love and pain danced, seamlessly together.
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Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
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