Rules Of Attraction#2 Chapter29 Pg125 19/08 - Page 11

A love like that was a serious illness, an illness from which you never entirely recover.

-Charles Bukowski

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'I missed you, Arnav.'

'Then why did you let me go?'

They had been looking into each others eyes for a long time , but as soon as Arnav asked her the dreaded question, Khushi averted her gaze, focusing her glistening eyes on the green waters. The tears that she had held back fell relentlessly.

Arnav watched her face, as the wretched tears fell, but this time he clenched his fingers into a fist and decided he wouldn't wipe away her tears this time. He wouldn't let his guard down again. Not before he had answers. Instead, he spoke, rather commanded.

'Stop.'

She looked up at him, confused.

'Stop crying.Please.'

She looked away again, and rubbed her face with the back of her palm. Blinking several times, trying to shrug of the moist film, and regain focus.

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This time he would want answers. She knew it. But she couldn't give him the truth. And neither could she knock the doors of the eventful night, six months ago. Not yet. She was not ready. Too much had happened in the past hour, and way too soon.

She didn't know when, but both of them had started walking into the beach, Arnav by her side. They didn't speak for a long time. Khushi chanced a furtive glance beside her, and found the man, who would once openly stare at her, looking into nothingness, his eyebrows furrowed in deep thought.

Things had changed. For the worst, or the better, only time would tell.

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'So, how is everyone at home? Aaliya, Anjali?' Khushi finally broke into the suffocating silence. She saw how instantly, a small smile lit up his face.

'They are good.' Arnav replied, thinking, what she expected him to say next. Clearly she didn't want to delve into the past, and even though he wanted answers, he was grateful, that it didn't have to be that sudden. 'How was graduation?'

'I was expecting you to be there,' Khushi reminisced, looking up at him. She thought she saw a sudden flicker of anger cross his face, but it was gone in a flash, blanketed by the mask of ignorance, once again. 'I had an important meeting, Couldn't miss it,' his voice not betraying anything, as he looked at her. She nodded, absent-mindedly.

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Khushi didn't know what to do anymore. She had ran out of words. And silence only paved the way for her to think. Something she didn't want to do. She just wanted to have a rambling conversation with him, keep walking over the green waters, and not think about the future. But that obviously wouldn't happen. Nothing was the same anymore. The natural ease between them had been replaced by a tugging awkwardness. He wanted answers, she didn't have any. All she wanted that moment was to be with him, for the little time they had together to never end. Because even though she knew, that he was engaged to another woman, it was better to feel that ache than to feel numb. She knew it was better to revel in the warmth of having him walk beside her, as long as it lasted.

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She was nervous. Probably thinking, he thought, glancing at her white knuckles, as she crumpled the soft chiffon of her skirt. But with each passing second, his control was slipping. As much as he felt at home, walking with her on the beach, the storm brewing inside his head couldn't be put to rest by the soothing damp breeze blowing around them. And it had almost snapped when she said she had been expecting him. Her words, the sight of her with that man, fresh in his mind, he walked ahead of her and blocked her way suddenly.

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'Have you forgotten what happ---' Khushi cut him almost immediately, the tears streaking her face once again, 'No.' Khushi felt his shaky hands cup her face, just as she felt her eyes close in apprehension at was about to follow.

'Do you want to say something Khushi?' She looked up at his face inches away from hers. Even under the dark sky, she didn't miss the tears slowly welling up in his eyes. 'I want to, but I don't know what to say.' She whispered into the air.

'I want answers Khushi. Do you understand me? I need you to explain.' His voice was on the verge of pleading as Khushi nodded obediently.

'Was it something I did? Was it too much? Did you need time then? If it was, then I am sorr'' 'No, no, don't say that.' He was crying, now, she could see clearly, as he made a poor job of brushing away the pooling moistness from over his cheeks.

'It was nothing like that. You never did anything wrong,' she tried to make him understand. Arnav's fingers slid into her hair, and he tried again, 'Is there someone else?' 'NO, no, how can you say that?' And the seething anger that had been surging in Arnav's eyes for the past few minutes, were mirrored in Khushi's for a few seconds, before the floodgates opened.

'Then tell me Khushi, why can't you be with me? Why---you kissed me, sometime back, didn't you? What was that Khushi? Has your answer changed?' He was almost shouting then, his eyes bloodshot, enraged by her composed face.

'It's still the same Arnav. I can't be with you.' Khushi looked away, focusing on a point behind him, trying to shake off uncertainty in her voice. Of course I want to be with you Arnav. Are you blind? How much more obvious can I make it? But I'm not sure, not yet. Not sure, if I can have the forever I want, with you. Not sure about the future. And as these thoughts flooded her mind, she wouldn't help but think, what if it was too late by the time she would actually be sure.

Arnav moved back immediately. Hearing those words from her mouth the second time, had a much larger impact that he could have imagined. He laughed. And it resonated in her ears with mockery, loathing.

'And then you claim to love me.' He stated, awaiting an outburst.

But it never came. Though a few soothing words followed. Tender, but breaking both their hearts.

'I know I don't have a valid explanation. But I do know that I love you. And I will love you forever.'

'You will?'

'Yes. That's the problem.'

Time stood still for a few seconds. Khushi could only hope that he would be satisfied. Hope that he would remember her. Remember what she had just told him and not ask questions. His fury replaced with a strange pain. He felt oddly happy at her confession, but he still knew something was amiss, incomplete. Arnav gave it one last shot, but he was cut through once again.

'Khushi, you know I love--'

'Don't. You are engaged to someone.'

It came like a sharp knife, cutting through the damp, salty air. It was said in trembling, broken whispers, but it was accusing. And for the second time in his life, Arnav Singh Raizada had nothing to say in return. He looked into her eyes, hoping to find, hurt, anger, but all he saw was an disarming sincerity, and unadulterated love.

After a few seconds, he could see the retreating waves of violet, before it slowly disappeared completely.

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