Posted:
First off let me say...beautiful review as always, Mimsy! Thank you.
I seem to be stirring up a hornet's nest with every update. The last one was Sanju and this time it seems to be Ashu!!!
Okay, I wasn't going to say anything or offer any explanations for this chapter, but reading your review has compelled me to. I want to be As attorney..I'm pleading his case for him!
N feeling terrible about realising As doubts..okay, here I'll make an admission. If you read the previous update you may not find any indication of As doubt there, either in his thoughts or his actions. Yet N could feel them. Perhaps he did something sub-consciously? I don't know.
About feeling terrible about it, yes, she may have. Who knows, if N had been in a sober state, she too might have backed down? Didn't she also feel relief at the fact that they didn't do it? She thinks it's relief because she sensed As reluctance, but her own eagerness or confidence could have been induced and not natural...like her intoxicated state? I'm not offering explanations here, I'm just raking up some probable scenarios. I really don't want to portray A as villain ...just as a person who thinks and weighs too much as opposed to N's impulsive and care-a-damn attitude. If he thinks too much about the consequences of their actions as also the consequences of their relationship, is he doing wrong? Shouldn't one partner be wearing a thinking cap for the both of them? Shouldn't at least one of them be prepared and take the next step with open eyes instead of them both jumping into it with eyes closed? I believe A was doing just that. He never had any doubts about his love for N. Nor of hers for him. Never had and never will have. But he worries about the fate of their love. And their future. Somewhere deep down Sanju's words struck a chord in him. Didn't I say that Sanju wouldn't have affected him at all had he himself not been half way down there already? So please don't be harsh on him, Mimsy!
I never intended for A to be callous or mean here. I just wanted to show how badly his mom's coming affected him. He would have to have come unhinged somewhat to speak to N the way he did! He never has been so harsh to her ever! In the Rishi update, she calls him a coward, but he still stays calm. She's his precious gem..he would never hurt her.
He's angry at N for getting his mom over and he lashes out at her. He's wrong, yes..but we all say things in anger we don't really mean. N did too. It's obvious our sympathies would lie with N here since we've seen how much she put into doing this whole party for him. But we cannot judge A on the basis of what he said here.
He's angry at N for getting his mom over and he lashes out at her. He's wrong, yes..but we all say things in anger we don't really mean. N did too. It's obvious our sympathies would lie with N here since we've seen how much she put into doing this whole party for him. But we cannot judge A on the basis of what he said here.
I only put those words in A's mouth about him going all out for their relationship, because I wanted him to defend himself from N's previous statement that he only thinks of himself all the time..that he's selfish. I never thought that I'd be committing character assassination here!! And that too of my Ashu's ! :(
They hurl accusations, words at each other that have been said in anger, without thought... Just blind, raging, insane anger. Both of them. We all do that. And frankly I would say N has never really understood A's pain. She means well and she wants to bring his whole world together for him. It's because she loves him unconditionally. But our A is a complex one. And a simple girl like N will take time to understand and fully comprehend his many layers. It's just the one time they talked about his mother. She knows his angst, she's heard Armaan's warning. But she still does what she thinks is right. Not what would be right for Ashu. Here she may be being pre-emptive to avoid A vetoing the idea, which, in all probability would be what he would have done. But she still crossed a major boundary. Agree when you're in love there are no boundaries. But knowing the way A feels about his mom, she could have been little more sensitive towards him and his feelings.
In this update, A needed to hear a few home truths about himself. And N told him, gave it to him. But when she accused him of being selfish, he couldn't keep shut. Of course he's not doing her a favour! And he didn't take credit even when he really did one for her during the entire Rishi episode! He would never want to flaunt what he did for her..ever. It's just blind rage and possibly, like you said, some of Sanju's voice speaking.
I really did not want to make him say something that would come across as unforgivable or terrible! I do not want N to throw these words back at him. I do not want them to gnaw at her. I do not want A to feel overly remorseful or terribly guilty at these words. Of course an apology is called for. But not by creating a situation wherein N looks like a saint for forgiving him. I just wanted them both to spit out all their fears, their worries, their pain, their anger, their insecurities, their doubts to each other.
(Oh lizzie..what have you done????? *beating head upon wall*)
Judge Mimsy..awaiting your verdict..
comment:
p_commentcount