Author's note: Here's part 6 guys. Exams are in progress, hence the tardiness. As always, like and comment away! Much appreciated. Thanks!
Take Me Home Tonight: Part VI
Dekho, chhodke kis raste woh jaate hain...
Saare raste waapas mere dil ko aate hain
Look, she's walking away... leaving me behind
But every path that she may take, would only lead her back to my heart
"Khushi, wait..."
His voice pulled her from behind. Khushi stopped on her track and turned slowly to face him.
Arnav took a swallow.
"Khushi... I never... I had wanted to..." He didn't finish.
"Khushi on the night of our wedding..." he tried to continue "I was there... and I saw..."
Khushi waited silently, her eyebrows raised in apprehension.
"Shyam." Arnav finished with just one word.
Khushi felt like someone had punched her in the stomach. She couldn't breathe. She felt nauseated. Shyam. That black cloud, from the darkest episode of her life. She couldn't think straight. Whatever did he mean? Is it what she was afraid of? Does he know about Shyam... did he see her with him that night? He knows then? Does he know? Oh god what was she going to do? This changes everything. But if he knew all this time, why hadn't he said anything before today? Was he hiding it for the same reason that she was hiding it? To save Anjali di and her unborn child? That would make sense, because god knows this man loves his sister more than anything else in the world. Is that why? Is that why Arnavji? He knows then? All of a sudden, a rush of relief washed over her. He knows. Her husband knows of the biggest problem in her life. She didn't have to hide anymore. Oh god, someone knew! She didn't have to be alone anymore!
Arnav saw it all. The wide range of emotions that touched Khushi's face and left. First, shock and trauma, then disbelief, followed by fear, confusion... and then... relief?
Khushi could hug him, wanted to hug him. Her face lit up, and then it hit her again. If he knew everything, why hadn't he done anything all this while? Why hadn't he said anything? Why didn't he try to resolve the situation? And most of all, why had he put her through this joke of a marriage?
Arnav saw her face light up for a second and then drained of all colour the next moment.
"Arnavji... You knew? You were aware of everything? But... if you had known everything, then... then why didn't you do anything...? Why didn't you tell me about it...? Do you have any idea how many times I attempted to reveal the truth to you, and then stopped at the last moment?... I was so afraid... but... but you actually knew!... For all this time... But why didn't you say anything? Why didn't you tell anyone... even after recognizing Shyamji's true colours... why didn't you do anything about all of this?!"
I did want to do something...I desperately wanted to do something... If I'd gotten my way... if I could have taken his life... then the world would have been a better place without him, Arnav thought. But di came in the way. Couldn't do it. Couldn't do that to her. But why was Khushi asking these questions? And in this manner as well? She is asking why he didn't do anything to Shyam? Arnav was willing to forget everything, but that didn't erase what had happened in the past. And in addition to that, it felt like... like she was almost blaming him?
"Khushi... a lot of things happened all at once that day..." Arnav tried to maintain his composure. He couldn't afford to be angry. "I was gonna... I was about to tell di everything... when she found out she was pregnant... I couldn't see her get hurt in that state... and that Shyam... that Shyam... he told me... that he was gonna win", Arnav gritted his teeth, "no matter what I did... that he was gonna get you no matter which way the situation turned... that's why I had to marry you... I was so angry Khushi... I was blind with rage... I wanted to kill him, but even that would have been too merciful for him."
Khushi was beyond shocked. The harder she tried to piece things together, the more chaotic they got. All of these things happened on the same night? What else had happened? Why couldn't he, for once, answer her questions properly? Shaadi karna paraa? Shyam ki vajay se? How does that make sense?
"Arnavji you should have told me all this... I searched everywhere for you that night... I thought if I told you about him, you would take care of the rest... but you were nowhere to be found... and when I did find you, it was already too late... I had learned that... that Anjali di was pregnant... that's why I couldn't tell you anymore... but Arnavji... why didn't you tell me? I went through hell over this... I was so worried, so distraught'... I shed so many tears over this, only god knows how many times...I couldn't even sleep peacefully...and all because of..." Khushi paused. "Why didn't you say something Arnavji? And you had to marry me because of Shyam... what kind of joke is that... what does he have to do with our marriage?!"
Arnav was confused. And the confusion made him angry, like always. Why this pretense, even now? Why are they wasting time on these things? He had said... he had already said... that he didn't care anymore...
"Khushi... Khushi... Shyam and you... that night... I had found out... that he and you...you two..."
The realization struck Khushi like a lightning flash. And left her breathless. She couldn't believe it. She didn't want to believe it. It was too ironic. Too heart breaking... All this time? All this insanely lengthy while? He had thought... he had thought... If it truly was... what she thought it was... then... then... Arnav had thought all this time... somehow... by some cosmic misunderstanding... that... that she had been involved in Shyam's corrupt plans... In the same place where she was waiting for him, was waiting for their future together... Arnav had seen her with Shyam, and instead of what could have happened that night, this tragedy had taken place... That's why... the pieces all fell into place now... that's why... oh dear god that's why. That's why the brightness in his eyes that she had seen, oh yes, she had surely seen, had disappeared. That's when the warmth of his gaze that she had undoubtedly felt once... had frozen, had become rock solid ice. And that's where that new seedling of hope, that had just seen the light of day... the one that she had so quietly, but carefully nurtured... had been crushed... And that's exactly how the new Arnav Singh Raizada and Khushi Kumari Gupta had been born, two entirely new individuals who were but mere shadows of their former selves... Who walked side by side to be sure, but never together. Who looked at one another, but never saw each other. Who existed there physically, but never present emotionally. All this time? Oh god, all this time? The amount of time that was wasted was staggering. So heart breaking. Two people kept loving each other... despite their estrangement, despite each other's faults; unknowingly and unconsciously... unendingly and unconditionally... but from so far away that... that they forgot about it themselves... Neither realized what the other kept concealed in their hearts... and so both threw a veil on their own hearts carelessly, mercilessly... out of pride...out of anger... out of bitterness and out of hurt... And both missed each other all the while, all the same, never realizing once, that the other missed them just as much, if not more. Khushi's heart was breaking just thinking about it. This really must be a farce... because if it wasn't... and it was true... then it was just too unfair, so unfair, so wrong! They were so close... So close to having it all... having that fairytale ending... so very far now... and so long ago...
"Arnavji... what have you done... What have you done..." Khushi whispered in a barely audible voice.
"Khushi whatever it was, it doesn't exist anymore, does it? I don't care... Khushi I simply..."
"What have you done Arnav ji..." Arnav's flow was broken by her repetition. His eyebrows were raised in concern. But he didn't know how to continue.
"You saw something... something abnormal... and you conceived an idea from it... and then you readily acted on it... within a span of hours... you never felt the need to ask me once... not even once?" Khushi spoke very very slowly. All forms of energy had left her body. She felt drained. "You didn't try even once... to find out... if what you saw, what you heard, and what you thought... if that was indeed the truth...?" she continued weakly, "If you had asked once Arnavji... only once...that was all it would have taken... for you to realize the truth of the matter... and we wouldn't have ended up here..." A drop of tear rolled down her cheek, as she remembered. Oh how tragic it is... how very unfortunate... Khushi tried to steady herself... She needed to do something... what did she need to do again? She had trouble remembering... Oh right...she needed to set this straight... needed to tell him...even if that is the last thing she did before... before...
Arnav didn't know how to react. What was she talking about? "Khushi... what are you talking about?"
Khushi stared at him blankly. She tried to process what he was asking, but it was difficult. Her brain was still trying to get over the shock, and was functioning very slowly. Each neuron pushed on the signal to the next in the most sluggish manner, till the message was received and perceived. She couldn't believe it. What was she talking about? What else was left to talk about? What else was left in between them...? Khushi hadn't thought it was possible to have this kind of bad luck... Somehow, even after everything that had happened... the ingrained phrase 'good things happened to good people' and vice versa had still stuck around in her mind... until today... what she heard today, witnessed today... her outlook toward life had just burst into flames... and the ashes just remained there... if a phoenix was supposed to rise from it, it had forgotten its duty and was nowhere to be seen... she tried to scan through each detail of her life for something she did... that would make her deserve this... but didn't find anything... she wasn't surprised... normal humans didn't really do things in their regular lives that would make them deserve something even close to this... and even if she wasn't the among the most innocent, she hardly thought that she belonged to a clan of pure evil... so... not really from her doing, this is not... how lovely... is this life throwing her the lemon flavoured curve ball? Well, it must be, because this was truly beyond comparison... Shyam had brought bad luck with him, he sure had... but the most unbelievable part was the disaster he had left behind... this seed of misunderstanding that had ruined her life... and sent her down this highway to hell... along with this man who was standing before her. Where were they supposed to go from this fork in the road? Which way was she going to turn? Which way does one step when the whole world was crumbling around them?
"Arnavji, what really happened that night? What on earth actually happened?! What was it that you saw? What could you have possibly witnessed that made you think that... that I was involved with... with Shyam? That's what you were going to say, right? That he and I... That's what you kept thinking, isn't it? Until today? Until this moment? For this long? But why Arnavji, why?! What could you have possibly seen that forced you to end up at this conclusion?!" She asked in disbelief "... Did you not hear, his despicable words? Did you not see my attempts to escape? Then how could you think like that Arnavji... how could you?!...And somehow, even if that thought crossed your mind, how could you believe it?!" Tears were streaming down her cheeks again, just thinking about the lost hope, the lost time, and the two lost people. She was mourning for them, more than anything else. "How could you believe that I would even think about doing something like that?" Her anger was building now. How could he think that? After what they had felt. After what he had done for her. And after how she had reciprocated... Is that how much trust they had left between each other? That he would rather believe his lying cheat of a brother-in-law than have faith in her innocence. Is that how much they had known each other? Then maybe she was wrong. Maybe they weren't meant for each other. "You couldn't even ask me once? Couldn't try even once, to find out what was really going on? You didn't think even once, that the Khushi that you knew, would never be able to do this...? You didn't trust me even that much?!
Arnav couldn't believe what he was hearing. It couldn't be true. Because if it was... well that would be just a bit too devastating. A bit too earth shattering. No, what she was implying simply couldn't be true.
"Well then... it's about time hear the truth Arnavji..." Khushi continued in a broken voice... "In case you decide to accuse me of something much worse than this... you might as well hear the truth once and for all..." Khushi stopped to catch her breath. "Arnavji Shyam is that very person... whom I was engaged to."
If the earth had suddenly split up in front of him, pulling him downwards into the underworld, Arnav would have been less shocked. He really had thought that his reservoir for surprise had been exhausted by this time. But the Universe apparently had other plans in mind.
"How do I tell you Arnavji, how can I make you understand even remotely... how big of a deception we fell prey to... my family and I... we had no idea..." Khushi tried to keep it together. As much as was possible. She accessed those memories. Those horrid memories that were better off forgotten. Things that she had tried so hard to abandon. But she needed them now. Needed those very unspeakable memories to combat this unbelievable battle. "We met Shyam ji in Lucknow... After we came to Delhi, he was the one who helped me that get a job... he... he pretended to help us so much that...that we all began trusting him, depending on him... and no one realized... No one had even a fraction of an idea of... of how big of a fraud he was..." So many painful memories, Khushi wanted to push them away, to erase them... but she couldn't. Today, she needed to draw from the magnitude of this pain, and turn it into courage. She wiped her tears and forced herself to focus. "Buaji wanted me to marry him, that's how highly she had thought of him... but I... I never felt anything toward him...never thought of him in that way... because I was... I was in... but then Babuji fell ill... and the desperate state of our family forced me... I had no other choice... I went along with it... to make everyone happy...and I got engaged... to a man... whom I didn't love... but respected enough that I could bear the engagement... but fate probably had different plans... because... one day I found out that... that Shyam ji was... was none other than Anjali di's husband!... Can you imagine my shock? You probably can't because I am just that despicable and evil to you, right...? But what devastating trauma my family went though, I went through... only we know... no one can ever comprehend the magnitude of our suffering... I never knew someone could deceive another human being this way''.. but this experience changed my whole view Arnavji! And you know what's strange'..? While all of this was going on... at that moment, I was looking for only you... unconsciously searching only for you... because, as always... it felt like, it's only you who would be able to understand me... would be able to save me... because you were the only one... I don't know since when... but you were the only one that I was looking for... and that's why I tried to tell you... tried so hard...but couldn't speak up Arnavji... at first because of Jiji and Jijaji's impending wedding... and later... for Anjali di... because...I couldn't... couldn't see her heart breaking into a thousand pieces... all because of me... that's why I kept silent... and I thought... now that our engagement was broken...Shyam ji would come to his senses... and di would never have to know... that... that her husband..." Khushi turned her face away in disgust and distress. "but I was wrong... gravely wrong... he had something entirely different in mind... I didn't know Arnavji!... I found out on that night... when he started telling me god knows what... I tried to make him understand... tried to remind him of his responsibilities... his promises... but to no avail... Arnavji did you see none of this? Did you only see the things that you wanted to see? Only heard what you wanted to hear? Arnavji how could you? How could you? That night, I was waiting for you, Arnavji... YOU!" Khushi sobbed, "when Shyam arrived... If you were present as well, why didn't you do anything? Why didn't you say something? How could you assume such a thing? Couldn't ask even once... what have you done Arnavji... what have you done... what have you done to us..." Khushi broke down sobbing. She searched for some support, and failing at it, she sat down from the dizziness.
Arnav had lost all sensation by then. He couldn't feel anything that was going around him. His face was ashen. His body numb. He had to remind himself to take the next breath in. But why... he could not quite remember. He could not remember anything else either. Just like he could not see very clearly anymore. His vision was very very blurry. He was not sure if from the phantom tears or just the haze that completely surrounded his mind. He couldn't hear her any longer either. Other than a faint buzz, the world was very, very quiet. Like it had left him. Or he had left it. Like he had been transported to another planet. Where the air was replaced by dry helium, and the sky was an infinite black hole. All sensations gone except for that numb, dull ache. The ache that had started from an unknown location, and was slowly dissipating along his veins, crawling along his limbs. A phantom pain. It hurt so much, oh god it hurt so much. It was in his blood now, burning through the veins as his heart was pumping. No, it was in his muscles, spasming and throbbing mercilessly. It was nowhere. It was everywhere.
The crushing realization of what had really happened was slowly dawning upon him. Slowly, the memories started coming back to him. That night. That night, and his misinterpretation of it. His threats... their rushed marriage... him bringing her into his home, and him throwing her out of his room... her family abandoning her, and his, tormenting her. Her bearing through it all. The afflictions that he had deliberately caused to make her suffer. The pain that he felt as a result of it. Their estrangement... No this couldn't be true. It was too sad to be true... Him hurting her at every turn, pushing her away. Not answering any of her questions. Ignoring her, neglecting her, hating her, stabbing her with his words. Oh god what has he done? What has he done! How had this happened? How could he have done this to her... his innocent wife... whose only fault was one of caring for the people she loved... caring for him... What has he done? This sin can never be cleansed. Can never be erased. No amount of apologizing will ever make it right. No amount of repentance will ever level it out. Oh my god what has he done to them... they had been so close... so close then... he had utterly and completely been in love with her then... with her now... for a very long time... from the very beginning... and surprisingly, so unexpectedly, and a little undeservingly, even she had felt the same. Only god knows how, but she had felt the same. She had loved him! Arnav could have had it all! Every ridiculous thing they described in the books, in the poems. He knew that to be true... because he had felt it. Felt that intangible thing. The taste of which still lingered somewhere deep inside, the craving for which had not died through all this agony. The longing for which still seized his heart whenever it chose to... He had had a feel of it, and a taste of it... and that's how he knew what he had lost... That's how he could sense what they had lost... And that's why he mourned for what they had lost. So much time lost. So much time wasted. So much heart lost. And so much heart wasted. And the most absurd part was that it need not have been...They could have had it all. They did have it all. And then lost it all. All for a lone mistake.
A tiny error. A massive misstep. A minor confusion. A major deception.
Arnav mourned quietly inside his incapacitated body, inside his maimed heart. Mourned for him. Mourned for her. And mourned for their silent love. He saw Khushi right in front of him, in not too different a state. But the distinction remained. Because theirs was the difference between innocence and guilt, between purity and sin. That's why he couldn't approach her. Didn't have the courage to approach her, to console her, to apologize to her. He couldn't apologize to her. Not for this. It would beyond hilarious, minus the mirth. Besides, all the apologies in the world couldn't make up for it, wouldn't make up for it. He had not one idea on how to even begin to react, but at the same time he could not stand watching her wither away in her pain any longer. She was slowly dissolving in her own tears right in front of him. That was inacceptable. He needed to do something. Apologise? How could he even begin to apologise? How could he even form the first word, let alone the first sentence? How could he undo the damage that had been done? How could he give back what he had so wrongfully stolen from her? How could he make her smile again? And how could he hold those hands again? Could he ever win her back again? How could he ever make her understand that he was prepared to do anything, prepared to spend his whole life, making up for each of her tears, for each of her woes? Just one chance, that's all he needed. Because now, he needed her more than ever before. Now that he knew. Now that he saw through it all. If she left now, he would never be able to recover, he knew that much. He would never be able to live with himself. What has he done... what has he done to the two of them...
The goddess of rain watched in silence again. Poor souls... her eyes teared up... so close... and still so far... Her heart went out to them... oh how sad this is... she thought to herself... two people in love... in the most hesitant and rigid love... the most exhausting and the tenderest love... they spent decades looking for each other... for fate had separated them... had placed them on the different sides of a mirror... and that cruel silvery glass would not crack... would not let them through... and so all they could do... was peer into it... unconsciously... in search of their other half... in search of that missing piece of the puzzle... the piece that had fallen out one bright sunny evening, never to be found again... they peered so hard into it, to see the other side... but the only thing they saw were their own reflections... staring right back at them... alien reflections that looked nothing like themselves... angry reflections that only wanted to exact revenge... from the entire world... but once in a while... once in a very long while... when the brightest blue moon would be lighting up the sky...they would catch a glimpse of the other side... and see each other... their other half... the missing key to the forbidden room... and for one second, one very tiny instant, they would be back... back to their lost selves... back to that long forgotten time... and back in their forbidden land, their promised land... the promises to which had been neglected so thoughtlessly... For a fragment of a moment, their hands would touch through the mirror, and their eyes would meet... and they would pass a lifetime in that fleeting moment... just before... right before the mirror rudely interrupted them, as it would always do... it would send an electric current through its plane... that would jolt them into consciousness... jerk their hands free... and thrust them back...away from each other... again... to the dark abyss of ignorance... where they remained until the next blue night... and thus the cycle continued...
... but today... today... that wicked mirror had finally cracked...! And a window had formed in its place... Today was the day! Today was the day to finally conquer the repulsive forces... and finally come together... to come nearer than ever before... than anyone else... than everyone else... and they were...! They were coming close... they were finally seeing each other... they were finally realizing what it was they were in... what it was they were so privileged to experience... something that only a few people in this world get to experience...and now... once again... fate had landed another obstacle between them... one last impediment... the final blow... The goddess of Rain shifted her eyes from the heavens back to them... she just hoped this last blow... this massive, massive shock... didn't take them down with it on its way... she prayed silently, for she could do nothing else... she prayed because they have suffered for too long... justice have been neglected for just far too long... and if even today they were punished for someone else's sins... she wouldn't be able to take it... no she wouldn't be able to bear it any longer... it was just too distressing... the goddess of rain looked away in pain... her friend, her cousin tried to comfort her... patience, my sister, she said, they have come this far... and we have stayed with them for this long... we can't leave them now, when they are this close... we have to believe in them, because if we don't, nobody else will... because these two are so lost, that even they don't believe in themselves anymore... but remember that they have come this far...they need our prayers now, as they need our blessings... more now than ever before... I know this last obstacle they are facing is towering, and so daunting... but their love is strong, sister, and their destiny, powerful... even fate does not have a choice anymore, sister... no one does... because the magnitude of support that they have from this earth, and from the heavens... is so extraordinary... that evil does not stand a chance...so be patient sister, today let us all be patient, and hopeful... today, let us be hopeful for Khushi, and let us be embolden ourselves for Arnav. The goddess of Rain nodded in agreement. And they both turned their attention to the lead actors of the play, with all their hope, all their love, and all their encouragement.
Arnav felt the wind whirl around them in confusion, as if hesitating to say something. But the warmth it brought comforted him a little. He looked at Khushi. She was shivering from the trauma. Arnav remembered all the times when she had been there for him, had comforted him, had taken care of him, had been his support. No matter what state their relationship was at. It was his turn now. This would be the hardest thing that the great Arnav Singh Raizaada had to do in his life. He felt very inadequate. He had conquered the world before... all this experience, and yet he felt so unprepared for this one final test. A test he could not afford to fail. Everything was at stake... he had to go all in now, and win with absolute certainty as well. Because the prize was one he was not prepared to lose, he could not afford to lose. The odds were against him. Immensely. Chances were low. But if he succeeded this last round, this last test... he would never need anything else. God, Arnav thought silently, I have never asked anything from you, have never been sure if you exist. But if you do, then you are watching. And you have seen all that has happened. Today, I ask this one thing from you... that you keep Khushi in my life... please God... Arnav squinted his eyes in suffering... please, don't let me lose her. Because I won't live without her. Don't do it for me, because I know I deserve no such favour, and I don't expect any either. Do it for her... because she is suffering, and if anyone deserves your favour, it is her... my Khushi... my partner, and my wife. I ask you for this one favour, with a promise of allowing you to have anything you want in return. If you exist, then show yourself in this one small way, in this one time that I need you the most. Keep her safe, and I will finally believe in your existence and in all of your might. Relieve her suffering, and I'll do anything you want in exchange. Return her to me, and I'll never ask for anything ever again.
Arnav finished his prayers and took a step front. Toward his destination. Toward his love. Toward the only thing that ever really mattered.
***
PS: As always, Banner edited by THEREALNATASHA. In addition, here's a VM made by her, that goes very well with the mood of the scene. Very well made as well. Check it out if you feel like you need an overdose of... well, this.
[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7IrE0fVGGm4[/YOUTUBE]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7IrE0fVGGm4
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