Chapter 27: The Truth – Part 2
Salome's words repeated themselves in his head time and again; for some reason, he couldn't get rid of the feeling that she had been trying to tell him something – something obvious and not so obvious all at the same time. She was not a woman who was cryptic for the sake of being cryptic; in fact, even though she was a master at playing games with words, she did not waste them…
What could she have meant?
"Gaurav…" he heard his wife's voice; its tenor had a softness that only came from uncertainty.
He had been sitting at the table in their bedroom for some time now looking aimlessly out the window. He didn't know when she had come into the room.
He let go of Salome and smiled as he turned his attention onto Vidya.
"If you won't mind my interrupting…" She started. He couldn't explain the agitation that he felt in that moment as he suddenly got up from his chair and almost grabbed her hand. Almost… he caught himself at the last moment and pulled his hand back. Instead, his tone came out harsher than he intended as he said, "You are my wife! If I cannot be interrupted for your sake, then whose?"
She reared back in surprise and her expression looked as perplexed as what he was feeling at his unexpected outburst.
And then he did take her hand, although gently now, merely to reassure her… and himself.
"I'm sorry…" it came out softly, certain in its uncertainty, just as hers had been before.
Even though she shook her head, she did not say anymore and he felt out of sorts as he gathered that he had truly upset her for the first time. Not to mention that what he had said had been the height of hypocrisy. How was she really his wife? Aside from tying a mangalsutr around her neck, he lived with her as if he would with a roommate. A friend rather… A very close friend, he amended… They had no other relations. And she did not even seem curious as to why they didn't have other relations. Why wasn't she?
And just like that, his ire was up once more and his usually sound capability for logic and reason fell by the wayside as the uncharacteristic anger took over. "But, you know that you have not truly become my wife. Aren't you in the least bit curious why?" He said to her even as he told himself to not project his own issues onto her.
This time, he did see a look of hurt pass through her eyes briefly before she pulled on her hand to get it out of his grip. He looked down, just then realizing that he was still holding onto her.
"I'm sorry… I don't know what's wrong with me today…" he said again, exhaling deeply, frustrated with himself and the confusing women in his life. Well…he corrected himself; it was more apt to say that he was the one confused when the women appeared to be slightly more sure of their feelings and sentiments.
"Isn't this how husbands act when they are in love with another woman?" His head jerked back in shock when he heard her statement, but she had already turned towards the bed and had started walking away from him.
He stood still for a few moments, convinced that he had misunderstood her.
"How do you know?" He finally asked when he could not be convinced.
She didn't answer, but stood at the foot of their bed with her back to him.
He walked closer behind her and asked again, "Vidya, how do you know?"
"You left some pictures of her on the laptop that you gave me."
"Where? Show me…"
She looked back at him with another look that he could not read. He could not read his wife at all…
When he didn't back off, she walked over to her laptop and he waited several minutes as she pulled up the folder. And then he saw it… they were those pictures… he had taken them almost two years ago, one of the few moments in which he thought he had caught Salome completely unaware and had seen her as she truly was… a genuinely sweet and loving woman…
He swallowed hard as he saw the slideshow of pictures and imagined what his wife must have felt when she had discovered them…. He had never seen Salome look at him with as much love as she had in those pictures. It brought fresh pain now as he recalled her earlier request that he never contact her again. However, he also could not ignore the simultaneous distress that he felt that Vidya had had to find out this way. Short of discovering them in bed together, he could not think of a worse way to find out about the other woman.
"How long have you known?" his voice came out thick and hoarse and he cleared his throat.
She did not answer him for a moment, but then said, "Since the night I told you the Infinity Paradox."
That seemed eons ago to him; so much has happened between them since then. In fact, he considered that day to be the true start of their relationship. "Four months…" he whispered.
She nodded.
"You have known for four months?" He asked as the truth of it really registered. "Why didn't you say anything?"
She looked back at him with an expression that told him how awkward that would have been.
"I haven't seen her since we got married…" he told her then, the words spilling out of his mouth without forethought.
"Do you want to?" she asked and as he looked at her, he didn't know what to tell her. He didn't know the answer himself.
"I don't know…" he said truthfully. "She and I… we have a complicated relationship."
"Why did you not marry her?" she asked again and something in her tone made him imagine how long she must have wanted to ask him all these questions.
"She wouldn't have me… Mother was opposed… there are other reasons too, but they are less important."
"Do you still love her?"
He closed his eyes when he heard the question that he dreaded. There was no easy way to answer such a thing… Love itself was a complicated emotion. Regardless, his wife deserved the truth and so he did tell her, "Yes…"
For a second time that day, he felt an intense and almost unbearable pressure in his chest when he saw her face in that moment. She lowered her eyes from him, but he saw that she pursed her lips and bit down on the lower lip tightly before giving him a single nod… as though this confirmation was something that she had suspected all along…
She remained that way for several minutes while he battled an untenable urge to take her in his arms. He wanted to rip his heart open and show it to her so that she could see what he could explain to no one, not even himself. Maybe if she saw, she would understand what words couldn't do justice to. But of course, such were senseless thoughts… despite what Lord Hanuman did, it was impossible to rip one's heart open and show anyone what hid there that you yourself couldn't see…
And thus, when she turned away from him and walked out of the room with the excuse that she needed to help out in the kitchen, he didn't stop her.
The agony of silence was preferable to the fallibility of words…
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