What makes love last
Couples at various stages of loving from young lovers to mid-age partners,to those basking in the emotion in twilight years,give Anuradha Varma tips on how to keep the love going
TIMES NEWS NETWORK anuradha.varma@timesgroup.com
IS there a recipe for love that lasts forever After the heady rush of first love settles down,what keeps a relationship going It can be many things,from a deep friendship to giving a partner space to pursue her dreams.
Designer Ravi Bajaj,46,married his longtime love of 18 years,Binti Malhotra,36,recently in a civil ceremony at Las Vegas.He says,It was a spontaneous decision.We are soulmates.I met her when she was 18 and she is now 36;she has literally grown up with me.We work together and have been spending eight hours a day together,six days a week.Love is not really definable.It can mean trust,a comfort level,enjoying each others company,the ability to read each others minds and being sensitive.Were both hugely practical and dont look at each other with rose-tinted glasses.I dont need to change myself to fit into her world theres zero effort and I love that.
He adds,There are no rules that I follow,but what I love about myself is the ability to be myself in every situation and with everybody.I am me good,bad,fugly there is no pretence.
Love can also give you wings,as you fuel each others dreams.This is what works for televisions young it couple,Mahi Vij and Jay Bhanushali.Says Mahi,Love means being willing to compromise and through that,your relationship improves too.We enjoy doing things together,whether it is dancing or eating out. Adds Jay,What attracted me to Mahi was the fact that she respected elders.She also visited me at home one day and cooked for me.I cherish the fact that we push each other to reach higher in our careers.
Psychiatrist Rajan Bhonsle believes love evolves at different stages of the relationship,from being hormone-driven when youre young to a harmonious companionship in later years if youve successfully tided over the rough spots.He explains,There is a lot of physical attraction
a n d high romance when young.As you mature,you realise there is life beyond love.As you turn practical,you try to convert the other to your liking.If you survive the fights in your mid-life,which is when most divorces happen,you can look forward to a life of mutual respect and harmony.
Helen Fisher of Rutgers University in New Jersey divides love into three stages.
The first is lust, driven by the sex hormones testosterone and oestrogen.The second stage the love-struck phase and the third is of attachment,which requires a lasting commitment and tells if a relationship is going to last.Model and grooming expert N aya n i k a Chatterjee has been married several years and says the meaning of love changes at different stages.At the start of a relationship,it is based on attraction,and later rests on compatibility.Love has no formula,but just like you have to maintain a home,you have to maintain a relationship,or it can disintegrate.You have to constantly work towards it.Realising a problem is a step towards solving it.And remember,the blame game is worst.Also,choose your battles and let go of those that are not so important. Nayanika,who lives with her in-laws,has this advice to offer.The relationship needs maturity on both sides to work.Respect the relationship for what it is and dont try to see more into it.Expectation is the root of all problems. If youre looking for love,work on making yourself a happier person and living a full life.
When the right person comes along,youll instinctively recognise the signs,as a c t r e s s C e l i n a Ja i t l ey ex p e r i - enced with fianc Peter Haag.Says Celina,Even before Peter and I met,our mutual friends knew we were soulmates.As the great poet Rumi said,Lovers don't finally meet somewhere,they are in each other all along.We just knew. On finding and keeping love,she advises,Self-love is not only necessary;it is a very important prerequisite for loving others. Do past relationships teach you how to love better Says Celina,The best thing is to release the emotional blocks which keep us from allowing love.
Thespian Dilip Kumar and Saira Banu have been married over 40 years.Despite the age gap of 20 years between them,the marriage has stood the test of time.Says Saira,I dont think love can be defined.I would say love means giving attention and care to your partner if he is worthy of it.I have been blessed with the man I dreamed of marrying from the age of 12 and we have both given a lot to the relationship to grow stronger and happier with each passing year.I have cherished every moment I have spent in his company be it during our travelling to beautiful places in India and abroad or at home with our family members. She adds,To me,he is not just my husband,he is a bundle of the five or six children I wanted God to give me.Today,I cannot be away from him for long.I want him before my eyes always.When we were both working sometimes we would be away from each other at different shooting locations doing our jobs.Then it was romantic,because we would wait to see each other and I would think of all that I would tell him when we would be together and the minute I would see him I would forget it all.Every marriage goes through its ups and downs,so I would tell all young couples to have patience and nourish the relationship with love that gives more than it demands.
So,work at it and keep the love flowing!
THE TWILIGHT YEARS: Saira Banu cant do without Dilip Kumar,her husband of over 40 years.Saira says their relationship has grown from strength to strength.Today,she cant live without him and wants him before her eyes always THE MIDDLE YEARS: Soulmates Ravi Bajaj and Binti Malhotra married spontaneously in Las Vegas after 18 years of courtship.Years of togetherness have ensured that there is no room for pretence when the couple is together JUST ENGAGED: When Celina Jaitley met Peter Haag she knew he was the one.Past relationships have taught Celina to release emotional blocks and allow love to enter her life YOUNG LOVE: Mahi Vij and Jay Bhanushali are looking forward to a lifetime of togetherness as they build a foundation for love and their nascent careers
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