New FF: New York times with Maan and Geet - Page 36

I had warmed up…and she had gone cold. I have to breathe warmth into her for we had switched places….

I just loved that line!

A brilliant update yet again! Hmm....so Geet is tired of finding answers and reasons behind everything that has been happening to her and decided to give up and take life as it comes......I kind of understand her state of mind.....too much of attachment causes pain.....that's what she got.....so she came up with this theory.....me thinks! Maan got the reason behind her behaviour.....I would love to see him trying to get that old Geet back.....interesting! Do continue soon.

Hasini,

Part 24: Fire and Ice is another mind blowing update. 😳😳😳😳

Life is so unpredictable. The reason it is unpredictable is because life is constantly changing every, second, every minute, ever hour, every day and so on. We are so used to being in our routine and our comfort zone that one day if something happens out of the blue which was not expected by us we get bothered, concerned, worried, anxious, alarmed? 😲😲😲

When Maan left without telling Geet…she could not understand why it bothered her so much. I know that Maan and Geet did not have a routine life, I mean they did not meet every day or talk every day or see each other every day, but both of them knew that the other person was there in their life in the present moment. The EHSAAS was there. Somewhere in their talks, gym workouts, hot chocolates, brunch, shopping, walk in the central park, drives, silent moments their hearts had connected. Maan had become an important part of Geet's life.

When Maan left without telling her Geet did not know how to react because it was a shock for her. She did not know what to do, how to act, how to react. She did not know if she was supposed to be angry, sad or upset. She did not even know if she should be bothered by the fact or not bothered by it. She had spent a few hours with him that night doing shopping and next morning he was gone. Various questions started coming in her mind. Was she important to him at all? Why did he not tell me about this trip? Is he ok? Why was his phone off? Why do I feel this way about him? He is just a friend; we had good times together, nothing more than that.

While figuring all these questions out, Geet's mind took her back to her past to those painful memories that were still in her subconscious mind. She started to think about all those unhappy situations that happened to her and why her only? It started taking a toll in her mind and heart and she could not take it anymore. It was as if she was crawling back in her shell. She was vulnerable already with all that was happening in her life and now with all these questions related to Maan..it was as if she shut down.

She did what anyone would do in a painful situation – to cope with the situation in the best possible manner you can at that point in time. Try and convince your mind and heart that all is ok, accept life the way it is, suppress your emotions and feelings in order to not get hurt, in order to not feel the pain. Ignore everything and everyone and just put on a MASK on your face by telling yourself that you are ok, life is ok, life will move on.

In Hindi you can say…Zindagi se samjota kar liya. Zindagi ne jo diya use kabool kar liya. Accepting life the way it is. No desire to fight anymore.

How long can an individual keep on expecting things from others? How long can they take a rejection to that expectation? One day the person will give up and learn to say – I have no expectations what so ever. I will learn how to not get hurt by having no expectations.

In this way – Geet shut her heart chakra down. She build a wall around her, so that she would not let anyone hurt her now. She was scared and fearful and this was one way she could cope with her life, move forward with her life….in the best possible way she knew.

Hasini – I love this last line on your update "I had warmed up…and she had gone cold. I have to breathe warmth into her for we had switched places…

Love

Rachana😛😛

Hi All, took some time...and the long one is back again...hope all like it...First in the line of many more to come...I present to you Maan....not Maan Singh Khurana...Hope you all like it...and please as always post. I'm liking the long ones...and thank you for taking the time to write.

Part 25: An open book'

<Maan's monologue>

I had been thinking since the Wednesday meeting at the coffee place'I knew I had to shock her out of it'whatever she was under'Its going to take a long time to see some significant change, but first I had to make some arrangements'

I called, booked the vacation home'made arrangements for the "works"'hired a maid and got the whole trip planned for the weekend'it was not a special weekend'but I wanted to have her by my side that particular day'

I knew Meera had gone to visit her aunt in Philly'this was it. I was not sure how to ask her'but I had to make the effort'

Maan:" Hi Geet'"

Geet:" Hi Maan'How are you doing?"

Maan:" I'm good'Hmm'I wanted to ask you if you were doing something this weekend'.and'hmmm' if you weren't doing anything particular'Do you want to go to Niagara?

Geet:" Hmmm'Maan'I don't know'who else is coming?"

Maan:" Don't take me wrong'but I could really use someone'I haven't invited anyone'.just you'"

<Geet's monologue>

I really didn't know'how to respond'I have never been alone with a guy on a trip'

It was awkward'but I couldn't believe it was coming from him'I didn't want to read much into it'just another random chance to go to Niagara'I hesitated but was willing to go'

Geet:" Hmmm'Ok Maan'when are we going?"

Maan:" Tomorrow'we can leave after lunch'"

I just went along'I didn't want to give much thought to it'

I packed'I wasn't sure if I should let Meer know about the trip as she was already in philly'I did give Yash a hint that I was staying at a friend's place'for some reason I dint want anyone to know that I was going on a trip with Maan'

We left after lunch around 12.00 and reached Niagara in a couple of hours'we crossed over to the Canadian side'

It was an absolutely cozy vacation home'My bedroom had a large roof to floor window overlooking the fall and the view I couldn't describe with words'.it transported me to another world.

He took the bedroom adjacent to mine and his room had the same view too'

We settled in'it was pretty strange that it was just the two of us'

He had a cook arranged before and she had made some sumptuous Italian for us'I enjoyed the early dinner'I sat by the window seat next to the dining area while he sat on the table and finished our dinners'

Maan:" Geet'I want to ask you something'"

Geet:"Boliye Maan'"

Maan:" I want to take you someplace...do you think we can go now?..."

Geet:" Hmm'ok'sure'"

It was freezing at 4.00'just changed after a light wash'I wore tonnes of layers to keep me warm and going'

We left around 4.30 and we were already there in 15 mts'

We stayed inside the car'and it was those twilight hours'I felt awkward'

Then when the sun started setting'I realized it was the same place'I was shocked'why were we here now?

Maan:" Geet if you remember this is the same place'we stopped when we were coming back from Toronto'the place where you opened up to me'."

Geet:" Haan Maan..but what are we doing here?...I don't understand'"

Maan:" There is something I want to talk to you about'something I want you to know'"

Geet:" But Maan'"

Maan:" Chup'Bilkul Chup'"

He turned towards me while still seated in the car and put his index finger on my lips'It shocked me'he had never done such a thing before'

He slowly removed his finger from my lips and realized what he had done'he got out of the car and sat on the bonnet'it was a dj vu'only that it was happening all over again in winter'

It was freezing'but I could feel the warmth in him'I got out and sat next to him.

Maan:" I was once hurt the same way as you were too'I shut people out of my life and I didn't want to relate to people either'It was easy to deal with it that way'I tried telling you the same thing in the french cafe as well'but today...I want to tell you everything' If it can keep you from going that route'"

I listened keenly'he had never used some of the words he spoke today'.

Maan:" We were together for 2 years...one fine day she told me she didn't want to go ahead with our relationship 'that she wanted to go in search for better opportunities. I was hurt...I least expected it at that time'I had even introduced her to Daadima as my would-be fiance' Everything was done in a day'"

I felt bad for him'.I didn't know what to say'

Maan:" And my family...except daadima, people were around me only for my money'

Friends...they came around to party, but all would leave too in the end'the false praises and pretention it drove me crazy'I couldn't identify with the truth'Money...yes it can buy you everything and take many things away from you as well'"

I couldn't understand what he was saying'Is it really Maan...?

Maan:" But now I feel I made a mistake too...I should have learnt to isolate the parts and people

that affected me and not punish myself...I have left out on the small pleasures of my life for 6 years

I should have been able to identify with people better.."

Geet:" Maan'but'here'why are we here?"

Maan:" I wanted to share things with you here'in the same place where you opened up to me'other than that'I always liked the view here'"

He smiled'I looked away'

Maan:" If you look at just any one person's life events...it may seem pretty random...but look at it collectively'

In fact even just looking at your life'nothing seems random to me'

You not being able to finish your studies in India let you have your higher education in Canada

You have a degree from a much better school'You didn't dream there because you were meant to dream here'If you had not completed your MS in Canada, you wouldn't have gotten a job in a NY firm

If you didn't come here...I wouldn't have met you'And then I wouldn't have been forced to think about life...when you...who is in no way'related to me...was making an effort to make me open up to life'"

He was getting pretty agitated'

Maan:"If dev left you in Toronto then I wouldn't have driven you there'I wouldn't have even been in your life'

If I didn't drive you to Toronto you wouldn't have opened up to me here'and I wouldn't be standing here talking to you like this'"

He was jittery'he sat down once again next to me and was trying to calm down'it was cold'he was trying to warm his fingers by blowing his breath on it'Once he was ok'he started off again'he really was on a roll'.

Maan:" I'm don't mean to prove your theory wrong...but when I look at my life alone...it does look random'when I look at "Our" lives it doesn't look random...there was something driving us...to learn something...to discover a new meaning together perhaps...

I'm no one to answer all this...but I'm not going to give up now...You kept trying to make me look at the way I was...how I never laughed or spoke out of my heart...you were not related to me but you were trying...It took me 6 years and one person to nudge me from the life I was living to realize how I was living' I'm not going to let you take that route and leave it to chance that someone else will be that nudge for you..."

He got up'he turned to face me'I was still sitting on the car's bonnet'I wanted to know why he was doing all this now'

Geet:"Lekin...ab ye sab...until yesterday...you didn't think I deserved to know anything'yahan tak ke'You didn't tell me you were going out of town for 2 days even when you knew about it all the time

and spent whole of Sunday with me..."

He smiled as if I sounded silly'

Maan:"Just like you said...you had your moment of your clarity...or whatever that is...I had mine...

and I dont want to keep out people who care for me...aur...ab mein tumhe kahe bina...kuch sochna bhi nahin chahta hoon"

He took my hands'removed my gloves and tightly held on to it'His hands were cold'

I wasn't sure'I was feeling vulnerable'.

Geet:"Maan...I dont know what I should do...anymore...how to talk...what to expect...Kuch samaj mein nahin aa raha hain'"

Maan:"Hmm'I can't tell you what you can and cannot expect from people...It's for you to figure out but all I can tell you is that you can expect everything from me and you will never be wrong'"

His words were ringing in my ears'.Dev's words flashed for the first time in a long time and I had no idea why'this was the first time my mind played that trick on me'It seemed as if there was another force that was trying to compare what he had just said and what Dev had said'

Dev:"Your expectations from me are always wrong'"

Geet:" Maan'you know it's not just about expectations alone...it's about your life's fundamentals' being shaken'"

I was breaking down without my knowledge'tears were already out rolling'

Geet:"I got married thinking it's for life...now I don't know who to trust and whom not to...

It was not for one month or two...I was married for 5 years'and I don't know if these things even mean anything'then why the mandap...why sign papers...and then one day you again sign some papers and everything is over...You are supposed to stop liking them...let go of them...

I don't know'I feel my heart is broken...If someone so close can do that then samaj mein nahin aata ki kisse yakeen karna hai aur kisse nahin'"

I was crying already'He continued holding my hand'he wiped down my tears'

Maan;"Geet'I can't talk to why people want to get married...I never believed in it big time'

If two people like each other then to me they are married right there' after marriage if they stop loving and at that time to me they are already divorced. A piece of paper never brought anyone together or took them away...that's I how I see things'Shaadi society ke liye kar te hai...But marriage is not the reason people trust each other..."

Once again'my mind was bringing Dev's words from my tragic past'

Dev:"Shaadi kiya hai maine tumse'you have to trust me'"

He was just talking away'and I couldn't believe my ears it was all coming from him.

Maan:" Geet'not all relationships are the same and I'm not an expert to analyze everything

You don't have to believe everyone...at least trust who have not hurt you so far. If they hurt you...isolate the hurt to them...but don't give up hope on everyone'people are good'

I know it sounds weird coming from me...but trust me..."

I was going through mixed feelings'I was happy that I was for once able to hear his heart out'but I didn't know what it all meant'why now? Once again'I wanted time to answer'

Geet:"I don't know what to say'.but I'm really happy for you'"

<Maan's monologue>

Any other time, I was sure this coming from me would have made her go crazy with excitement'but she remained grounded today.

Maan:"Geet'I want to say sorry'Sorry if I had ever let you down'sorry if I had ever made you upset or angry'Sorry"

Geet:"'Please Maan'don't ever be sorry'You have done so much for me'I can never re-pay you'"

Maan:" I don't want you to repay me'but just accept to work through all this'together'mere saath"

He placed his hand on mine which was already holding his other hand'.

Geet:" I don't know how'but'"

Maan:"Geet'just try'I will walk with you'"

The sun had already gone down'.It was freezing'I had started to shiver'he looked at me and put his arm around me'to bring me closer'I felt warm'I could already feel his warmth...He walked me to the car door'and I got in'

It was for the shortest while that he held me'for one moment'I felt my randomness theory didn't hold good'but it was too soon to tell'

As were about to leave'

Maan:"And there was one more reason...I wanted you to come..."

Geet:" Hmmm' aur woh kya?"

Maan:"I didn't want to be alone on my birthday..."

My eyes widened'it was more of a surprise to me'I was truly happy' I felt I was dead inside'but he always woke me up from deep slumbers I didn't know I was in'.but now I didn't know which side I was on'what I wanted to do'The perfect moment of clarity seemed all fuzzy now'he always did that to me'

Geet:"Aaj?"

Maan:"Nahin...kal..."

Geet:"You didn't tell me'.how can you? I don't even have a gift'"

Maan:"Thanks...but you can always think of one'"

That was sly'

I was once again lost'the brief period of clarity seemed to be disappearing'my mind was filled with questions'Why does he do this? Yesterday I felt as if I was going to go down a straight path'and now'he wants to walk with me in winding paths'