Aryan the mehendi master, LOL

* I watch the episode a day later on hotstar. I had some thoughts yesterday but I wanted to wait till I watch it today.

I know that some disliked the scene but here is the alternate view -- I was cracking up till Imlie started having a meltdown. I found the entire exchange hilarious, him entering the room and having a conversation with her half asleep. I found it hilarious how proud he was that he was so artistic and he didn't even know he had that flair before. Okay Aryan, if you go broke, open up a mehendi salon for weddings. 😂

This is old school type innocent pranks that used to happen during excursions, hostel, large family gatherings/retreat. It can be really amusing or cause a meltdown -- it really depends on the person. So during one excursion, the boys decided to play a prank on two of us girls. We fell asleep before the others while they were all chatting away in the room. One of them had the bright idea to put shampoo and toothpaste in our hair while we sleep and also draw a moustache on us. The next morning, they were waiting to see how we would react. Girl#1 had a meltdown. Me? I looked in the mirror and burst out laughing. 🤣

The girl who had a meltdown had to be counseled by the teacher. When the teacher asked me if I was upset and wanted an apology from the boys, I just laughed. She looked at me like I had grown three heads. I explained that it was just shampoo and toothpaste -- washable. If it had been harmful like glue or something dirty or if they had cut our hair, that would have been malice. But this was just a fun prank. I just shrugged.

The boy who came up with the idea asked if he had to apologize and I just laughed and said, "no, but if you do it again, I will kick your a**". He cracked up -- after that I had his respect as well as his friendship. My point is that these sort of fun pranks are rather common during large gatherings including shaadis. In one wedding, someone wrote the girl's name on the guy's arm at night. Then the next morning, it was pointed out in front of the elders during breakfast and all the cousins had a great time teasing him while he was dying of embarassment. 😂

This kind of masti is common especially in relationships where there is a lot of playfulness. Imlie and Aryan at the heart have a great Tom & Jerry kind of camraderie where they insult each other like 'gadhe' 'jungli' and neither have a meltdown. Not everyone would find being called gadhe or jungli endearing or acceptable. 😂

However, sometimes, pranks can get the opposite reaction than what was intended which is what happened here. Aryan was trying to win in a fun way but Imlie saw it differently. While some of the fandom didn't like the scene, I also wanted to share a view where someone actually found it amusing. I will bet that the person who wrote the scene came from one of those large extended families where this kind of masti leg pulling happened at weddings or had experienced these kind of pranks at hostels/excursions. So that is where it comes from.

O i loved this mehendi scene so much... N i laughed whole time bcoz whenever anybody apply mehendi on hand it feels cool and any person who is having that mehendi feels though person is sleeping she might feel sonething so i laughed so hard bcoz of that... N next aryan would be first husband who have apply mehendi to his bride... And the way he was looking to his masterpiece... 🤣🤣

So had a great convo yesterday with @lostraveller about Aryan's vulnerability. You can see the post here. Basically if we break it down, we have a clash of communication styles. Aryan cannot be vulnerable and share what feels until he is in a safe place. Right now, Imlie is not indicating a safe space where he can let down his guard. So I wanted to further explore the argument that Aryan-Imlie had and what we can learn from it.

What is vulnerable communication? The word vulnerable itself means a person that is in a position of being susceptible to physical or emotional attack or harm. So it is scary when we don't know how the other person will react. For someone like Aryan who is used to protecting himself and relying on himself, that makes it that much harder to let down his guard and actually tell Imlie what is going on.

Men struggle with vulnerability more than women. Some of it can be cultural and some of it can be the way you are raised or just circumstances. In Aryan's case, it is a traumatic incident where he lost his brother-in-law. In order to survive and pick up the pieces of his family, his business, he shut down his emotions and built a wall. Whether it was his fears, his struggles, his pains, he didn't want to share the burden on his mother or sister because they weren't in a place initially where they could be there for him. So he took it inwards and became like a stone. Now, it can be hard to undo that change because life has taught him to be tough. He is successful because he thinks like a chessmaster and does not give away his thoughts. However, what makes you successful in one arena can also hurt you in another. In this case, it hurts his personal relationships. Arpita and Narmada have been trying to tell him that they are now in a good place and therefore he is free to share his feelings. While they understand him because they have been with him on the journey, Imlie does not. She does not have the necessary context and speaks in a communication style that clashes with his.

What needs to occur to get from this stalemate? Here are some suggestions to improve communication from one article:

1. Share your feelings -- learn to share your small regular feelings on an everyday basis so that it becomes more a habit.

2.Build trust -- capture those moments when you can use to build trust. we also have to understand what trust really means -- trust is the safe feeling that enables you to be vulnerable with another person, without fear of judgment, abandonment, or betrayal

3. Listen deeply -- listen with an open mind and full attention. make eye contact, put your judgements aside and try to hear what the other person is really saying

4. Be vulnerable -- exposing yourself emotionally to another person may sound frightening. understand and respect the other person's fear. they are not shutting you down for fun.

5. Don't stereotype -- look at the individual and do not box them in with preconceived notions.

6. Manage conflict -- during a tense situation, conflict management is key. the needs of all parties need to be balanced.

When I look through the points, what stands out is judgement and stereotype. Imlie has already decided that Aryan is using her and that he is a bad person. She has decided that he has no feelings and is a stone. She does not think he can be vulnerable too. She is calling him names without giving him a chance to defend himself. So how does he respond to that -- She needs to hear words strung in a sentence but he reads and responds to actions. All her actions are telling him that she will not accept him, reject him and will not understand him. Hence, his conclusion is that an explanation is pointless. So while Imlie is getting frustrated, what she does not realize is that she is one the mismanaging the conflict -- she has create a zone where Aryan feels unsafe to share what he truly thinks. Her actions do not build trust in him.

There was another great article that had great points on what needs to happen for vulnerable communication:

1. Put yourself first -- Rather than focus on your partner/other person, focus on yourself first. You need to care for yourself

2. No blame game -- If you make your partner feel incompetent, inadequete, or selfish, they will withdraw. Being vulnerable is not about accusations or highlighting your partner’s shortcomings. That leads to a dueling match birthed by insecurities.

3. Use verbs that express the emotions you are feeling such as need, feel, or want. This focuses on what you are trying to accomplish rather than your partner’s shortcomings

4. Be detailed -- Don't talk general but talk about specific incidents and why they hurt. Give context.

5. Be completely honest and genuine about how you feel.

Again, what sticks out to me is #2 and #1. Imlie is blaming him which immediately makes Aryan withdraw. Like the article said, we are seeing a dueling match that is fueled by each other's insecurities. Aryan feels that Imlie cares for the Triapthy family because of Aditya and is still in love with her ex. None of her actions make sense to him. While she has stuck a label on him using her for revenge and so all of his actions are filtered through that lens. Nothing he can say or do will prove otherwise. If she put herself first and took care of herself, she wouldn't feel so frustrated that she is breaking bangles or biting him. While she undestands that she is an open book and he is a closed book, what she does not see is his vulnerability. sharing my other post.

So taking a step back, this phase has a lot to teach us in our personal life and different relationships. What is our communication style? Do we rely on words to read people or we more action oriented? Do we allow ourselves to be vulnerable? How do we manage conflicts? What are we doing that is fueling the conflicts further? Lots to think about no?

P.S ~ sorry not able to tag, haven't figured out what I am doing wrong.

Totally loved what you have written.

I wanna talk a little about Imlie’s mindset as well. She has just escaped the trauma that was her first marriage and has now been put in a situation of another forced marriage. As a 20 yr old who defines herself on the basis of the family who love her, she has made a choice that she feels guards her security aka her family. Unfortunately so far in life, she was never ever taught to put herself first. In all matters, she has put herself in pain and danger because her self-worth does not stem from herself but her family.

Now Aryan is a new friend who has been in her life a short while and done much for her….he has introduced to her the idea that she must not forget to choose herself even when she defends her loved ones…..this has opened a new door for her but humans are creatures of habit….any new threat and we tend to fall back on old habits….The moment she comes to know about Aryan’s revenge, she has negated all the good things she learnt from him because even now her sense of self-worth is shaky and dubious.

Aryan to her eyes was once a beacon of hope but now that he too has shown flaws she cannot seem to accept his good deeds……its all black and white for her……that people are gray beings is not a concept she yet understands,,,,,she is stuck in thinking that she was used because she is too young to understand that actions speak louder than words. So now she has reset her behaviour into the Pakdandiya survival mode of aggression….both physical and verbal….harming herself and him both…..this is a self-destructive habit she hasnt been able to let go of…..

Until she learns the lesson of self-love she will keep repeating this crying and victim mentality. Aryan has decided as her 50/50 partner to show her the mirror. He is doing it the hard way because his methods have always been rough since he himself locks his emotions up. But is there any other way to make her see her own value? Nope. Aryan has already tried many times with words and advices and softer lessons. This time he has decided to go the hard way.

But then again, only the people who truly love us will ever choose to take the hard way for our own good if that makes them the villains.

What you say about Imlie's sense of self-respect makes a lot of sense on why she is so tied to them and being a sacrificial idiot. To be honest, I don't really relate to Imlie. I don't really get why she is so attached to the Tripathy family because they don't seem to have treated her that well from what I can see. I get Aryan's logic and king of thinking and really enjoy his clear cut reasoning in many situations -- so as a character, it is easier for me to understand Aryan and feel for him.

Going forward, I am going to relate Imlie to the type of women who sacrifice it all for the sake of their children and husband and then curse themselves for not doing anything for themselves when they look back on their life. They are so wrapped up in the identity of others that they have lost themselves and have no idea who they are. The problem is that when they lose those family members either to loss or just natural progression of life (job relocation, marriage, childbirth), they feel lost, angry and don't know what to do... Aryan in some ways is trying to break her out of that mindset and say put yourself first, care for yourself and be your own person. The problem is Imlie thinks being her own person is a sign of selfishness and being self-sacrificial is a sign of love and being a heroine (of her story).

I actually enjoyed the conversation Aryan and Imlie had during this scene. It was truly adorable. Coming to the scene itself, the premise of the scene isn’t something novel. We’ve seen it in past movies/tv shows as well. Taking context out of the picture, this could be perceived as being lighthearted and sweet. My issue with specifically this particular scene though, is that in the previous scene, Imlie expressly told Aryan that she does not want his naam’s mehndi on her hands. And the next morning while she’s clearly distressed about the situation, he tells her that he did it because he is not in the habit of losing. This is why I’m having trouble perceiving it as fun.

I get what you are saying but I really can't take this girl seriously. 😂

This is the same girl that said she doesn't want him touching her during the Holi episode and not even few seconds pass, she does this.

I cracked up seeing that and I was thinking "girl, so your arm can touch his chest?" 🤣

So just as she accuses of Aryan giving her mixed signals, she is also doing the same to him. She breaks into his physical space, she touches him by tackling him, wrestling him.... There is a reason why folks in the office thought these two were dating and it wasn't just because he was appreciating her more. So can see why Aryan would not think of it initially as a big deal that he cheated in order to win. She does the same as well but she thinks he is not allowed to. They are Tom & Jerry style one upmanship -- so if she cheats, then he will too. He did not think in the idea that he was violating her space which is why he got affronted when she got mad at him.

Agreed....

Aryan babu was watching his art in such a way as if next business iska hi karenge woh bhi joint venture mein and imlie like yeah mujhse behatar kaise ho sakta hai 😆yeah aadmi hai ya discovery channel har baar koi naya talent samne lekar atta hai 😆

Tho it was technically a creepy prank🤣 I thoroughly enjoyed this scene🤣 and the dialogues🤣

Starting from Imlie's *Amma bhainsa darwaja khatkhatawat hai*🤣

To Aryan's *neend mein bhi mere baare mein soch rahi ho? * was too adorable🤣

I found it hilarious that even in her half sleep, she recognized his knock and presence enough to be sarcastic in her sleep and calling him a buffalo. 🤣

I hope that we have more half asleep arguments between these two going forward. They were a cracker. 😂