Sairat OS: The Prize (part 3, page 8 updated Feb 10, 2021) - Page 2

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Posted: 4 years ago
#11

Originally posted by: columbia

Ok here you go -


What I loved

I loved the scene you created in the beginning - Sai with her books, it made me really imagine the set up and that was very transportive, I loved that..

I loved the thought behind every action of your characters. I loved how even it was Sai’s actions that we are reading but it’s Virat’s thoughts that we are getting privy to. I loved that a lot.

what I would have loved even more is if you can take it a little further, Virat almost seems happy to be in the “father role” space, you may not have written it or wanted to say that from a character perspective, but it’s coming off like that. Maybe a part 2-, like actually have the shirt delivered when he is there, but he waits for her to come back from college to wear it and maybe ask her how he looks, something like that , which also makes her see him beyond her Abbba.


I am sorry if I overstepped, but I loved your writing and I was imagining them and could see this Virat you created step up a bit more. Please don’t mind my comments.

Suggested title - The Prize (a play on who is the actual recipient of the prize and what is the prize - is it the cash, his gift or the growing love for each other)



Thank you for such detailed and thoughtful feedback. Definitely appreciate it a lot! ♥️

I think the way i envisioned the Sairat relationship right now in this OS was more of only affection- not yet in the love /attraction phase. But the hug was the first step towards initiating some physical intimacy as spouses. I was thinking of a part 2 maybe where Sai goes to mumbai for her quiz and they start missing each other as husband-wife. But i loved the suggestion of Virat wanting to get Sai's opinion on how he looks! Or maybe viceversa too. Sai caring if Virat thinks she looks pretty after she gets mocked for her dressing sense in college...

Also, I love the title suggestion! Thank you! I'm gonna keep it! 🤗♥️

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Posted: 4 years ago
#12

Lovely OS Neeraja.


The way the entire scenes is set up I can image this playing out on celioloid. Sai is so sweet. Giving her prize to Virat as she considers him her own and is giving credit to him for her success.


I am sure she will be going to Mumbai and Jaipur. It would be interesting to see if Virat surprises her in Jaipur and after the competition is over takes her sight seeing around Rajasthan.


I would love for Virat to make the first move and take Sai out for shopping and asking her for her suggestion on what shirt does she like on him.


Keep the creative juices flowing. The stories of the forum writers are far more interesting these days. ❤️

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Posted: 4 years ago
#13

This is very nice and heart warming, I love the way sai is showing importance of virat in her life and virat is finally giving thought to his feelings and situations. I specifically like the way sai observed virat's little things. I really want to see Mumbai and Jaipur trips...

And for title I would suggest, " jelabi Bai finally sudargaya"😂😂😂 sorry just kidding... Your writing is so beautiful, I don't feel myself worth it to suggest title.. plz do continue

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Posted: 4 years ago
#14

Originally posted by: neeraja91

Hi everyone! So heres another attempt at a Sairat OS. Had started it few days back but after a bit of struggle, completed it now.

Please do take a little time to provide a comment/feedback if you like it or maybe just to note what you would've liked to see instead etc. It would mean a lot to me to read some comments.

Title Credit: @columbia. ♥️


Sai came back home extremely happy. There had been a regional biochemistry quiz competition and sai and her team had won. They were selected for the state level competition to be held in mumbai and if they won there they would be going to jaipur for the national finals. Every year the national finals were held in a different city and it was a very coveted competition. She was extremely thrilled not only about the competition but also the chance to go to mumbai and maybe even jaipur!

When virat came home that evening he saw Sai immersed in her books. This time she was actually on the floor with an even bigger bookstall spread out around her. She had worn her spectacles too which virat thought looked extremely cute on her. Virat had only recently realized that even though Sai used reading glasses at home especially when studying long hours because otherwise she would get a headache.

Virat- good evening Sai. Aaj bahut padhai ho rahi hai! Table aur bed chhod ke aaj toh poore floor pe tumhaare books aur notes hai.

Sai- looked up and smiled sheepishly. oh hi virat sir. Haan , voh kal anatomy ka test hai, phir parson embryology ka pop quiz aur next week physiology test aur practicals ka bhi exam hai. And ab toh quiz ki taiyyari bhi karni hai.

Virat- wow. Tum toh bahut busy ho!

Sai- virat sir, vaise mujhe aapko kuch dena tha.

Virat- dena tha? Kya? He asked curiously

Sai- stood up, opened her bag and handed him an envelope looking at him in anticipation.

Virat- opened it and found 2000 Rs in it. He looked back at her and confusedly asked- ye kya hai?

Sai- voh virat sir, aaj mere college mein regional level ka quiz tha. We won that so ye uska prize money hai. And hum state level ke liye qualify bhi hue hai!

Virat- gave her a big smile- Wow Sai! Kya baat hai! Congratulations! Ye toh itni acchi news hai. Ghar me sabko bataya he said and started walking out excitedly.

Sai- held his hand- virat sir, bura mat maniye but ghar mein sabko nahi batana hai mujhe. Voh iss mein bhi agar kuch taana denge toh mera mood kharab hoga aur faltu mein drama hoga. Please.

Virat just sighed- he knew Sai was right.

Sai just went back and sat on the floor getting back to studying.

Virat- vaise Sai, tumne ye prize money mujhe kyun di hai?

Sai- haan kyunki agar mein kuch le aati jo aapko pasand nahi aaye toh waste ho jaata na. Isliye.

Virat- matlab?

Sai- in a huff- yaar, aapko ips kisne banaya? Har chhoti cheez keliye itna explanation dena padta hai. Maine socha tha watch khareed loon but aapke paas toh already 2 hai. Phir maine socha shirt but phir aapke size ko leke confuse hogayi kyunki aapke paas toh 38 aur 40 donon hai aur upar se agar color nahi pasand aaya toh problem. Toh finally maine socha ki aap khud ki kuch lelijiye. Jo aapko accha lage aur useful ho.

Virat- wait a second, toh tum mujhe apni prize money derahi ho taaki mein apne liye gift le loon?

Sai- haan. Shukar hai finally apki batti jal gayi.

Virat- just smiled at her. Tum na itni ajeeb ho! Prize tumne jeeta hai toh gift mujhe kyun?

Sai- kya? Main ajeeb hoon?! Aapne khud abhi kaha na- maine already prize jeet liya hai. Ab gift toh unko doongi na jo meri jeet mein khush ho. And suddenly she stopped.

Sairat had an eyelock for a few seconds.

Sai- mera matlab... Jab mein school mein thi aur mujhe kabhi award milta tha toh mein apne aabaa ko trophy deti thi aur agar cash mila toh uss se mein aaba ke liye gift le jaati thi. But ab... She trailed off sadly.

Virat looked at Sai with mixed emotions on his face.

Virat- Sai, he said softly- kamal sir jahan bhi hai 100% tumhe ashirwaad de rahe hai.

Sai- smiled- thank you Virat Sir. Ab aap please iss prize money se khud ke liye kuch accha sa gift lelijiye. Ok!

Virat- but Sai, i don't need anything. You have earned this prize amount. Tumhe ise sambhalke rakhna chahiye.

Sai- immediately looked downcast- sorry, mujhe laga ki...anyway chhodiye, meine hi overstep kardiya. She just walked out of the room and virat could have sworn he heard her sniffle as she left.

Virat thought- ab maine kya kiya? kya karu is toofan mail ka!

He decided to talk to her after freshening up and dinner. He took his clothes and went to take a shower. As he stood under the shower he replayed all her words. "Gift toh unko doongi jo mere jeet mein khush ho"- wait so she acknowledged that he would be happy at Sai's success he thought with a smile. He knew that he definitely took pride in her accomplishments- maybe even more than his own! then he remembered how she had also noticed other little things about him- how he he had 2 watches, she even knew his shirt sizes... and then he had a eureka moment. Sai considered him as family just like her aabaa. Thats why she wanted to buy him a gift but she was such a jhalli that she decided to just give him the cash to let him buy it coz she couldn't decide what to gift him! And then he realized how upset she looked as she left the room.

Virat- oh no! Ye tune kya kardiya Virat! Sai ko shaayad laga hoga ki maine uska itna sweet gesture thukra diya. Shit! maine usko anjaane mein bahut hurt kardiya! Ab kya karoon?

Later that evening, Virat was trying to get a hold of Sai to talk but Sai was not making any eye contact. She had worn her headphones and was actively tuning him out as she continued reading.

But virat was also stubborn. He walked up to her and removed her headphones.

Virat- Sai, mujhe baat karni hai

Sai- kya hai virat Sir? She said irritably. Mujhe padhai karne dijiye

Virat- kuch der mujhse baat karlogi toh bhukamp nahi aayega. Aur vaise bhi tum toh meri topper ho. You wont fail just because you spent a few minutes chatting with me.

Sai- crossed her arms and said- boliye kya hua

Virat held her hand and made her sit beside him on the bed.

Virat- Sai, i'm sorry about earlier. I want you to know that not just your aabaa but I am also very proud of you. You are not only intelligent but very hard-working and focused and I am so glad that ghar mein itne saare dramon ke bavajud tumne apni padhai par uska asar nahi hone diya. Aur yeh quiz toh shuruwaat hai, aage tum aur bhi bahut kuch achieve karogi. Aur aaj jo tumne apna prize money mujhe diya hai - mein bahut pleasantly surprised hoon. Tum bahaar se bhale hi teekhi mirchi ho, dil se kaafi sweet ho!

Sai gave him a cute pout

Virat- vaise ab tumne joh ye precedent set kiya hai, yaad rakhna! future mein bhul mat jaana. Aaj ke prize money se mein khud ke liye gift toh zarur loonga but aage aur jo bhi prizes tum jeetogi usmein bhi mujhe humesha apna share chahiye! Manzoor hai?

Sai- manzoor.

Virat- sacchi? Itni asani se? Aur baaki sab ka hissa?- jaise aai/devi tai/bua? Unhe bura lagega na?

Sai- kyun lagega? Pahla haq aapka hai, kyunki agar aap nahi hote toh voh sab bhi meri life mein hote hi nahi...aur na mein medical college mein hoti. Toh mere saare awards aur prizes aapke hi hue.

Virat was overwhelmed. It was like he suddenly realized his magnitude in her life. Suddenly he realized that instead of her aabaa he was the one she put on a pedestal and considered family. She was never too expressive about it but he sensed the shift in their dynamics... He couldn't pinpoint what had changed, how and why. But he knew that whatever it was, he was definitely happy about it. He couldn't hold himself back and gave her a warm hug as he caressed her hair.

He felt her stiffen up for a few seconds but finally he felt her arms go around him, hugging him back and her warm breath on his neck. They stayed still for a few seconds but parted away quickly and Virat tucked away an errant strand of her hair behind her ear.

Virats phone pinged. He picked it up and turned it to Sai- ye lo amazon pe mere wish list ke saare items maine order kar liye, its out for delivery- notification bhi agaya- voh bhi prime delivery - toh kal subah deliver bhi hojayenge!

Sai- ghar pe? She asked worriedly- thinking of the drama to anticipate !

Virat- nahi, office par! He said to her with a naughty wink.

Sai could just blush lightly and smile back in return.



Such a sweet gesture from Sai. This is the first step towards their relationship.

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Posted: 4 years ago
#15

Aww this was simply beautiful

Really loved it

her sweet gesture for him

really enjoyed it

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Posted: 4 years ago
#16

Originally posted by: Tali_99

Lovely OS Neeraja.


The way the entire scenes is set up I can image this playing out on celioloid. Sai is so sweet. Giving her prize to Virat as she considers him her own and is giving credit to him for her success.


I am sure she will be going to Mumbai and Jaipur. It would be interesting to see if Virat surprises her in Jaipur and after the competition is over takes her sight seeing around Rajasthan.


I would love for Virat to make the first move and take Sai out for shopping and asking her for her suggestion on what shirt does she like on him.


Keep the creative juices flowing. The stories of the forum writers are far more interesting these days. ❤️


Thank you SO much. Means a lot coming from you. I am eagerly awaiting your update as well. Please keep writing and inspiring! 🤗♥️

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Posted: 4 years ago
#17

Originally posted by: Saichintalli

This is very nice and heart warming, I love the way sai is showing importance of virat in her life and virat is finally giving thought to his feelings and situations. I specifically like the way sai observed virat's little things. I really want to see Mumbai and Jaipur trips...

And for title I would suggest, " jelabi Bai finally sudargaya"😂😂😂 sorry just kidding... Your writing is so beautiful, I don't feel myself worth it to suggest title.. plz do continue


Hahaha. Thank you SO much. ♥️ Really appreciate your comment.

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Posted: 4 years ago
#18

Originally posted by: StarryStarryNyt


Such a sweet gesture from Sai. This is the first step towards their relationship.

Yup definitely is! I'd like to see something like this on the show too. I really rnjoy watching how happy/proud virat is when Sai does well or is getting praised

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Posted: 4 years ago
#19

Originally posted by: linakusharberry

Aww this was simply beautiful

Really loved it

her sweet gesture for him

really enjoyed it


Thank you very much ♥️ you are always very kind! Thank you for reading and commenting! 🤗

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Posted: 4 years ago
#20

Wow this one was so real. Like they cannot express, but yet they know the answers.


Thank you for this heart warming OS. Keep writing

Edited by njain16385 - 4 years ago

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