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22.b
"Why were you hurting yourself the other day?"
When those words slipped out of her mouth, I regretted my promise. Though it was unintentional, I gave her a chance to introgate me and all she could ask me was that.
She sat there attentive, looking at me straight, not concerning to shift her gaze for even a second. She knows how to keep me captivated.
The old Sharon was scared to meet my gaze. I could not help but compare them and I could relate to this one easily.
Despite her own problems, she was showing interest in mine. Her desire to know my inhibitions and problems was unnerving, it was making me anxious.
Do I really want to be vulnerable Infront of her?
No, undoubtedly don't.
I stayed silent. If she was expecting that at any cost I would answer her that question then she was wrong.
"That's out of the topic," I commented, avoiding answering her.
She didn't reply soon, I had a feeling that she was amazed with my reply, but I could tell she wasn't surprised.
"Didn't you tell me to ask anything?"
She asked, giving a little stress to anything.
"Yeah, but not about this... If you want to know anything else, you can ask."
I think I wasn't thinking properly when I told her that she could ask me anything. I was least expecting she would ask about that morning.
My blood ran cold thinking about the mornings I spend in my bathroom pricking a razor blade into my flesh, watching how the blood ooze out. It was not like I enjoyed hurting me, I knew what I was doing was wrong but I couldn't help it. Sometimes the physical pain was better than the emotional turmoil and that morning was not a different senario. I didn't think Sharon would barge into my room at that time and I didn't think about the possibility of getting caught, my first priority was to stop the emotional pain.
"Then I don't have anything to ask you, you can leave." She looked at her nails and gave me a bored look. I looked up at her face, realizing that I had zoned out.
"Sharon, you just told me that you wants to know why I used you, didn't you?"
It was barely audible when I said the word 'used'. I was ashamed of myself.
"Did I?" She asked me rather questioned me. I gave her a puzzled look.
Didn't she tell that?
"Swayam," my name rolled out of her mouth effortlessly and I loved how it sounded.
Geeezzz! I'm whipped.
"What I meant is, it hurts to think that I never deserved an explanation and that doesn't mean I want to know it now." She finished.
"You mean you are not interested to know that anymore?"
It made sense.
"Exactly,"
"Why?" I was confused, why she wouldn't want to know the reason I had.
"Because, when it mattered you didn't mind to tell me, and now when it doesn't matter you are all ready to spill it." She took a pause and continued, "I admit I'm not over with it but I don't want to dig into the past anymore. I'm moving on from it and I'm trying to forgive you though it's not an easy task."
"Hmm," suddenly I was speechless.
I didn't know what I was feeling then, her words hurt-ed but why?
A few minutes ago I wanted to tell her everything but hearing her say that it didn't matter anymore, I felt I lost a part of my life, afterall it was our past, where we were connected.
"Then why did you agree when I offered to answer your questions?" I probed more, this lady makes me mad.
"My first question answers that, doesn't it?"
I stared at her as if she has gone crazy.
She just wants to know why you self harming, idiot.
"Fine, then let me ask you something." I ignored the man just appeared.
"And that is?"
I slowly stood up from my chair feeling suffocated, sitting that close to her and not being able to touch her was making me mad. Her cute face and those tiny rose lips were teasing me to an infinite scale. I turned my back towards her to control my horny hormones.
"Why did you come to my office yesterday?" I blurted out.
For the second time I wanted to slap me for being so blunt.
"I didn't know that I was not allowed there." She snorted.
"That's not what I meant," I turned to look at her again, and she was already on her foot.
"When will you learn to talk, Swayam?" She muttered vaguely, though I heard it clearly I let it pass without making a fuss about it, may be because I knew she was right. I really didn't know how to talk to people. No, I just didn't know how to talk to her.
"You came there to meet me?"
"Was there anyone else I know other than you?"
Her witty remarks were getting under my skin but I tried to play cool. It was high time that I stayed that cool, and I was starting to feel like I would loose it any moment.
"I'm here trying to talk to you and you are being impossible." My tone had gone far away from being soft, the first sign of getting mad.
She knitted her eyebrows making a frown on her forehead and I almost made a movement to ease it with my fingers. She glared at those fingers, which were suspended on the middle air. I retreated my arm to my side, and put it in my pocket not trusting them.
"I came to talk to you. Now I think I should not have...you are always surrounded with girls,"
Her eyes popped out realizing what she said at the end, she was really not planning to say that.
A creepy smile formed on my face when l caught her blushing. My thoughts went towards the incident happened in my cabin yesterday and I found myself blushing.
Was she trying to mask her embarrassment by being snobby?
A sudden thought popped up in my mind and I beamed at it.
I carefully took slow steps towards her, painfully slow steps and she visibly tensed. When I took one step towards her she took one away from me. We continued the game until she became rooted on her place. She couldn't move further as her legs touched the bed. I anchored Infront of her when I felt I was breathing in her scent. I was that close to her and I could hear her heart beating as if she was running a marathon. I already knew mine was not a different case.
We both were staring at each other not even blinking once. I took a moment to examine her face, her eyes were shining with love, I could easily recognize it cause I have seen it a bunch of times. When her gaze fell on my eyes I tried to be open, I tried to reflect my feelings. I was not even sure what I felt for her but undeniably there was something, she had something in her that kept me beguiled.
Taking some courage from somewhere, I put my right hand palm on her cheek.
See I told you, my arms were not trustworthy.
She stiffened under my touch and I didn't like it at all. I wanted her to be happy, I wanted her to be relaxed when she was with me.
There standing that close, looking at her that deeply, I was gone to a trance, where only she and me was existed. Then and there I knew, in my heart I had always kept a special place for her, and I knew I was falling for her.
A few minutes later, I found myself laying on top of Sharon on her bed. She was laying in her back and I was hovering over her.
How did we end up there, I amused.
My eyes came out of its socket when I registered the position, we were in a very compromised one. My palms were resting on the sides of her head and my body between her legs.
Promptly, she squirmed beneath me and I snapped out of my thoughts. When I looked at her face, she was giving me her heated glares, trying to push me away placing her palms on my chest which was not helping at all, it was only making things difficult for me.
When her palms reached on the top of my heart, she froze. Her eyes snapped to mine and she stopped her movements. She might have noticed the crazy beatings of my heart. And I opened my mouth not really caring about our position.
"See, that's what you are doing to me. Why I'm feeling this way?"
She gulped and I followed her movement, from her eyes to the throat and to her chest. I quickly looked away. She was distracting me.
"Get up." She shouted and pushed me with more force, but I didn't budge, liking the way she was feeling and how I could make her uncomfortable.
I was not alone in that boat.
After giving her a tough time, I pushed myself away from her and stood up. When I gave her a hand to help, she first looked at my hand then my eyes, sighing she finally held my hand, letting me to pull her up.
I pulled her with a little more force and she came crashing to my chest, I suddenly snaked my arms around her waist holding her in her place.
"Sharon, I ..."
She looked at me puzzled.
"You know I'm sorry, I'm sorry for everything."
I didn't know why I brought that matter again.
"I know that," she mumbled.
We stayed in that way for a few minutes, with a very comfertable silence and when that silence started to get awkward I broke that with a truth.
"It was dad, he made me use you."
"I think I heard you wrong."
She pushed my hands off her and created two steps space between us.
I knew she heard me right and her that reaction was a way to tell me to change what I said. And I was determined to speak truth.
"It was him, he loved you more than me." I said curtly, feeling betrayal running through my spinal cord. "He was so proud of you. He was so happy that you came in to his life and he eventually forgot that he had a son. Then he compared me to you. He told me, you were better than me, he said I was worthless...and I didnt need anymore reason to hate you."
"Don't speak bullshit, Swayam. Do you have any idea about what you are saying?" She shouted at the top of her voice.
I ignored her.
"Dad asked me to marry, if I wanted to be the heir. He wanted me to be settled and I wanted the power and money, so I choose you. I was soo blind with my revenge that I didn't think twice. When dad asked me to settle down you came to my mind, so I thought to use you to get what I wanted."
"You ar..e making...no sen...se" She stammered, shocked with the truths.
"It is the truth Sharon, don't you remember your Chocolate Uncle?"
Hearing me her face went pale and then and there I knew, I can't back out.
"Chocholate Uncle and dad, both are same?" She asked, I could sense fear in her words.
I nodded, and I felt my left cheek stinking.
Sharon slapped me.
**
So this is the end of part 22. I hope you guys are happy with it cause I'm.
Wait for the next one, which will be up soon.
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Thanks...
Keechu.
Kumkum Bhagya
Anupamaa
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