"Whats the matter Alya, you were supposed to call me and Mukti to ranbir's place na? That's what we had decided? To fir suddenly yahan tumhare ghar pe kyun bulaya?" Dhruv asked as soon as he saw Alya standing in a corner of her terrace, holding the railing.
"They are getting married"
"Who..who are getting married? What are you talking about?"
"Manik and..Nandini..." Up until now, Dhruv had been wondering, why Alya was talking, as if in a trance. Now it made sense.
His own reaction was a lot like of someone who had just taken an injection. It didn't register at once, except for that microsecond long prick, but as time passed by, he started feeling more and more uncomfortable, as if an alien fluid had been stirred into his blood. And the most intriguing part was that he didn't even know what was bothering him so much.
"So...you..are you...upset about it?" he couldn't even frame the sentence properly. Anything he spoke now could hurt her and that was the last thing he wanted .
"Should I be?" she turned her face towards him "upset?? What do you think...mujhe upset hona chahiye kya?" Even though her eyes were fixed on him, her mind was somewhere else.
"Main kya bolun, ask yourself, may be you will know the answer. You don't look happy though. I understand.. even after all these years you still have a soft corner for Manik. I understand Alya, its always difficult to forget your first love."
She broke into a laugh, hollow and haunting as it reverberated through the morning air. "Is that what you are thinking right now? Is that what you have always thought about me?" She demanded.
It was getting difficult to follow her. She was in a daze, talking like a stranger...talking like someone on sedatives...asking vague questions that he didn't have answers to. Dhruv wanted to say the right thing but he then he couldn't figure out what she wanted to hear. Consoling her seemed to be the safest option.
She looked at his confused face again and nodded her head with a grin. She knew he wouldn't understand, what was the point expecting him to. But she wasn't even angry at him for letting her down. How could she blame him, when she herself never understood her truest feelings, until this morning.
"No Dhruv, I am not upset or sad or angry or anything. For a change, I am at peace. I am actually happy they are getting married, they deserve to..they deserve each other. But that aside, I am just thinking about myself and my life so far. I have so much going on inside me, I don't even know what to say, how to express my feelings. May be there's no point discussing all this. Yeah.. Let's just forget it."
"No, I want to listen" Dhruv grabbed her wrist as she turned away from him. "Bolo, everything that's going on inside you.. I want to know.."
His eyes had the same genuine concern, they once used to have. And honestly, she did want someone to listen, may be not someone or anyone but him. She wanted him to taste the storm inside her and still it if he could. For some damn reason, she did want him to understand her.
"I was with Manik for 7 years, Dhruv and today I realized that I never loved him."
Dhruv stood there, dumbfound.
"yes Dhruv, can you believe it!!!.. I realized it today, after seeing them fighting and making up that I never loved Manik." He had never seen her eyes speak so confidently, never seen her be so sure about anything. "In fact I realized, I don't even know what love is...All my life I thought its about being in a relationship, doing things together, going out on dates & trips, having a good time together. But hell no, that's not love...no no... that's not remotely love. Love is what I saw today. Its deeper, its raw, it has nothing to with all the things I thought were important. Love is about hearing your lover's silent cries, to be able to read their mind inside out, to get down on knees and fight for him, to show him the way when he is lost. I never did that, in all my years with Manik, I never tried to know who he actually was. That's why when Nandini came along and Manik started changing, I was so so jealous. I thought he was betraying me, that he gave her in a year what he didn't give me in 7. But I was wrong Dhruv, it wasn't about Manik, it was Nandini. She pulled out the real Manik from within the rude Manik that we all knew."
Dhruv looked on, his face as white as a duck. Alya wasn't just telling him her feelings, she was in a way showing him the mirror. What did love mean to him? Yes, he did care for this girl, but did he ever..like ever fight for her? Heonly ever fought with her. Their egos, their selfrespect, their miscommunications had never let them come as close as Manik and Nandini. And he had always craved for it, only that he didn't know how to get it.
"All the time I was with him, I used to think ki what should I ki I don't spoil his mood, I wanted to please him...I always had this fear ki...what if he stops loving me, what if he gets bored of me. I as so besotted, so scared all the time. And its so funny that Manik never for once cried in front of me. Yes he did get angry and lash out.. He had those typical outbursts you know but I never saw beyond them. But Nandini is different. How ironic it is.. Ki after being together for so long, Nandini proposed Manik in these conditions and Manik refused her initially. It must have been so humiliating for her..aur wo bhi infront of us..but she didn't cringe. I didn't see a single crease in her brow. Wo to ..she wasn't even thinking about herself..or his refusal..she was only focused on Manik, how to get him out of that sad zone. Any other girl in her place would have been scared, no matter how much you love the person. And let's be honest, Manik does get difficult at times..everytime he is in not in control of the situation. But Nandini wasn't scared, she didn't have any doubts..it was like she could just read him.."
She stopped, gasping for air. They looked into each other's eyes, exchanging more than glances. "Main samajh hi nahi payi Dhruv, neither myself, nor Manik, and not even you."
To hear his name with Manik, it stirred a little something in his wounded heart. All these years they had been together as friends. After the fall out they had pretty much stayed together, backing each other up and yet neither had let the other enter into their individual dark zones. Oh, how desperately he wanted to pull her in a hug. How badly he wanted to assure her and be assured instead.
"Alya..."he opened his mouth to say something but she cut him short.
"You were the right kind of guy for me Dhruv...sweet, innocent, calm, jo ..who doesn't lose his temper, who listens to me patiently..who does these little things that matter so much to me... things that my parent's filthy money can never buy and still we couldn't understand each other. Kyun Dhruv..why..why we are so star crossed?"
Unable to hold back his emotions any longer, he gently tugged at her hand and drew her to him. It was awkward, this closeness after years, he didn't know how to touch her, how to pat her, but he wanted to. She wasn't willing, but she didn't resist either. And then he hugged her, a first very gently, but then his hands got tighter around her. There was nothing sensual about it, and yet it wasn't entirely friendly. Somewhere they both felt, a silent promise was being made. They weren't too good at this, they had never done this, but both their hearts had always craved for it. 'Would they ever learn the language of love? Would they ever fall in love again? Was it even worth the pain?' Only time could tell.
Song link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_3N-qzeidNE
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Three bells and five earth shattering bangs on his door. "I swear to God, I will strangle this bloody moron?" Ranbir rushed to the door, tightening the drawstrings of his shorts.
But then when he opened the door, as usual his bubble of violent air burst and instead of chopping the uninvited guest's head, he got busy supporting the weight of her body that she conveniently thrust upon him.
"Aram se aram se miss Kangana, kitni moti ho yaar, dekhke nahi lagta..kya reinforced steel ke bones hain kya tumhare?"
Navya animatedly rolled her eyes at him, frowning, as her brows creased. She thought for two seconds and then smiled to herself "koi nai Ranbire...bring it on..aaj to tum jitne bhi sade jokes marlo..aaj main dhulai ke mood mein nahi hun.. Wo kya hai na ki aaj mera ek purana sapna pura ho raha hai and main na khusi se pagal ho rahi hun...Manik or Nandini shaadi kar rahe hai Cabir..i mean Ranbir..yakeen nahi hota.. Matarani aaj to hum 5000 ke laddoo charayenge aapke mandir mein." She was literally squealing & jumping on the floor.
He watched her go bonkers, happier than he had ever seen her before. Her expressions were as unpretentious as her, her joy, boundless..completely unadulterated. It reminded Ranbir of his childhood, when people still had this kind of simplicity. Somewhere between nukkad pe gupshap and facebook hangouts, the world had changed. Not just packaged food , even relationships now come with a price tag and an expiry date. Navya was like an antithesis to the world around her, a breath of fresh air amidst the suffocating fog of deos, an unapologetically real face in a selfie obsessed crowd. And the ore he saw her, the more he wished to be like her..clear, transparent..beautiful.
"Did you congratulate Nandini?" he asked looking away, suddenly realizing, he had been staring at her for a bit too long.
"Hay ram..." she bit her lips "hum to sahi mein bhul gaye, khusi ke mare yahi daure chale aye, tumhe batane ke liye. Koi nahi, Nandini ko bhi congratulate kar denge.. Abhi to wo Manik ke sath hogi.. Man to laddoo fut rahe honge larki ke" She broke into another giggle, still shaking with joy.
Her eyes, they were sparkling a little more today, though they always sparkled and mostly for others.
"So you came to me first, even before Nandini?"
"haan.." she replied innocently, straightening the folds of her crumbled anarkali "To kya hua...kyun tumhe acha nahi laga kya mera is tarah achanak aa jana..?" Looking at his vest and shorts, she contemplated, perhaps she shouldn't have dropped in announced like this. But you couldn't blame her. She was way to excited to act sane.
"Nahi acha laga na.. Bohot acha laga" but he didn't understand why he blurted that out.
"Tum khush nahi ho kya? Dikh to nahi rahe ho"
"I am ok.. I mean I donno.." he gave her a straight look and she gaped at him questioningly. "Acha choro, you say why are you so happy?"
"Why happy matlab kya? Tumhe pata hai Cabir, I mean ranbir..wo to ek dusre ki shakal tak nahi dekhna chahte the.. Manik kitna khatarnak tha...hey bhagwan.. Aur aaj..usse acha larka torch leke dhundne jao to bhi nahi milega. Nandini pe to wo jaan chirakta hai. Dono ne bohot mushkil jhele hain saath mein.. Finally they will be happy... mujhe to sochke ki itni excitement ho rahi hai kya bataun.. Par tum itne sad kyun ho, tumhe to mujhse bhi zyada khush hona chahiye"
Yes, why was he not happy? Did he know why? "I donno Navya, why I am not as happy as you are or as happy as I should be. Honestly, I don't understand much of love. Yes they seem to be so in love with each other and they should be together, but with so much going on in their lives, I am scared it might strain their relationship. I mean, kanhi wo jaldi to nahi kar rahe, and later on kanhi ye zidd unke against na chala jay."
"Hmm..tum inta deep bhi sochte ho? Mujhe pata nahi tha.."
Ranbir gave her one of his Would-you-please-stop-goofing kind of expressions.
"Waise jayaz hai, tumhara darr jayaz hai par tum unhe abhi abhi dekh rahe ho na. Agar pehle se jante to aisa nahi sochte. Unhone bohot bade bade problems jhele hain sath mein, jhagra bhi kiya, ek dusre se alag bhi hua par alag reh nahi sake. Kuch log na aise hote hain, jinki jodi sahi mein upar wala banata hai. Lakh koshish karlo par tute nahi tutta.. Nandini bohot sambhli hui ladki hai. Wo kabhi jaldbazi men decisions nahi leti. Par isbaar usne zidd sirf isliye ki taki wo manik ke sath rehkar uska sath de sake. So yeh jo darr hai na tumhare dimag mein, use bahar nikal do aur dil se khush ho jao. Itna acha waqt fir shayad na aaye. Jaise Nandini Manik ko support karne ke liye yeh sab kar rahi hai waise hume bhi unko support karna chahiye...samjhe Cabir..ufff Ranbir!!!ranbir!! Ye pata nahi mere dimag ko aaj kya ho gaya hai."
He noticed how everytime Cabir's name slipped from her tongue. "You are missing him..aren't you?"
"kisko?"
"cabir!!"
"Hmmm thora bohot, wo hota to aaj party zaroor deta."
"Can I ask you something?"
"Poocho poocho.. Aaj to bejijhak poochlo.. Service tax bhi maaf hai aaj to"
"Did you love him?"
That smile disappeared from her face as she stood shell shocked. Except for Mukti, she had never confessed her feelings to anyone. She had the choice to lie today, she could laugh it off or pretend as if it was the most ridiculous question ever, but she didn't want to tarnish the sanctity of their friendship with this one lie. She gulped and replied meekly, "I wish wo gay nahi hota.. But eitherways I did love him, as a friend and usse thora zyada bhi." and then she smiled "saab meri kya galti hai, bhuke ko khana do to wo khush hoga na, jab sabne dhakke marke nikal diya to sirf us ne sar par chat diya. Halaki wo pehle nahi chahta tha ki hum yahan rahe par dheere dheere wo bhi badal gaya. Kash ki..."
Ranbir sighed and they both fell silent.
After a long time Navya said "Mukti ko pata hai ki nahi?"
"Guess not, agar Manik ya Alya ne nahi bataya hoga to no.."
"Aur um yaha khade khade hamara muh dekh rahe ho.. Ranbir kaise dost ho yaar tum" her complaints wouldn't stop. She dragged him by hand, only letting him put on some decent clothes before leaving for Mukti's place. In her words they had a lot of preparations to do and they'd better start doing it now.
Song link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j6kKYFg3PEY
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A/N: Writer wants to know are you gius not liking the story anymore? I see only a few comments and that too from the same, loyal readers??? whats up guys.. tell me agar acha nahi lag raha hai to...
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