Chapter 11: When Arnav loosens his tie
"You are going with him?" Payal says, her eyes transfixed on
the ridiculous hairband.
"He is coming with me actually," Khushi murmurs, scrubbing
her face vigorously. "It's his birthday today and I am taking him to lunch
before we shop for his clock." Payal hums in response and shoves the words of
caution back to her stomach. It isn't needed at the moment.
"Wear my black jeans." Payal advices instead.
"They are super tight on me Payal," Khushi bemoans around a
mouthful of toothpaste.
"Exactly." Payal grins toothily. "And wear some lip gloss,
yeah?" Payal walks back to her room and shuffles her dresser for the right
shade of lip gloss. "This is perfect," Payal suggests and thrusts the tube in
Khushi's hands.
"Is this going to bring out the color of my eyes?" Khushi
chortles.
"Don't be an ass." Payal scolds her and pushes her sister to
her room. She puts up with Khushi's resistance to wear anything that outlines
body shape and ends up bullying her into wearing that isn't four sizes too big.
"You are making me late," Khushi grumbles as she shoves her
feet into flats. She put her foot down at Payal's suggested footwear calling
them "impractical" and yelling "why the f**k would you spend so much money on
shoes".
"He can wait for few more minutes." Payal, as always, takes
Khushi's side.
"I will be back in the evening," Khushi hollers as she
sprints through the staircase. As if remembering the morning incident, she
stops and watches Payal few steps behind her. "Payal," she whispers. "I am
finally free."
"You have been free for six years Khushi," Payal whispers,
hugging Khushi's side.
Khushi shakes her head. "I may not have been living with him
Payal but legally I was married to him. Now, I am free. Truly, legally, free."
Payal simply nodded at the technical precision with which
Khushi lead her life now. In a way Khushi was right. She had been married in
the legal sense for sixteen years though they lived together only for ten. Now that
chapter of Khushi's life was closed and they were never going to look back
again. Teddy, for all practical purposes, was out of their lives and hopefully
in few years out of their mind as well.
"I will see you later." Khushi waves and sprints out to the
shop where Arnav waits for her.
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"Lunch first," Khushi declares the moment they step out of
the shop. "I will treat you to authentic Chinese food, sugarcane juice and
local dessert shop."
"Authentic Chinese?" Arnav echoed skeptically.
"Yes." Khushi admitted and slid next to him in the backseat
of his car.
"I have eaten authentic Chinese. In China, as a matter of
fact." Arnav waggled his eyebrows. "You better make sure this place stands up
to its standards," he adds making sure his voice maintains the mock brag.
Khushi quirks an eyebrow. "You do realize there is no such
thing as truly authentic? Like language and its accents, cuisine changes with
geography and culture. So what you are going to eat today is authentic Chinese,
desi style."
Arnav groans. "You just made it up."
Khushi grins but doesn't respond. She asks him about his
travels instead.
"I travel a lot not just because it is necessary for me to
be there physically but a way to get away from all this."
"Get away from all of what exactly?"
He sighs and rubs his eyes. "I turned thirty-seven today. That's
half of average lifespan of a human being. Half of my life is over but it feels
like I have led three lifetimes already. I am afraid if I slouch too low when I
sit, the weight of my responsibilities will push me to the ground." He snorts
and adds uneasily, "Either that or the constant looks of disappointments that
generally accompany people's faces when they talk to me."
Khushi doesn't speak and looks at her hands. "I am
celebrating today as well," she murmurs softly. "I am legally separated from my
ex-husband today."
Arnav whips his head and looks at her in surprise. There is
an expression on her face he has never seen before. She looks older and wearier
of the world than she ever did before. "He abused me emotionally and when it
started I was too young to understand the working of the world, of people. I believed
everything he said and his constant berating, disappointed looks and emotional manipulation
became my new normalcy."
"How did you get out?" He asks. He doesn't know if he is asking
for her sake or his.
When she answers, she lifts her head up and looks straight
in his eyes. "I took the first step."
"What was it?" His heart hammers in his chest.
"I told someone." She replies gently. Arnav lets out a
shuddered breath and shakes in the severity of the emotions that course through
him. She clasps her hand around his and squeezes tightly. His breathing
shallows and heaves dry sobs out of his chest.
"I have never felt so lonely before. Even when I had no one,
I had my two best friends. And it's the first time in two decades I am
celebrating my birthday without them in it. I know, I know I am too old for
these things but the two of them made it a big deal, you know? I whined and
bitched and moaned about it though I secretly enjoyed every moment of it."
"The day isn't over yet." She empathizes. "Think about it
this way - your birthday is the day when I got my freedom back. How is that for
special?" She nudged his shoulder with hers.
Arnav laughs brightly. "That's a pretty good way of seeing
things."
She shrugs. "If you don't mind me asking - how did you deal
with life after leaving your ex?" Arnav shifts the topic to more positive notes.
Khushi retracts her hands from his. "When Payal and her
inspector friend rescued me from the cage, I didn't have just one giant
problem. I had giant several problems. I cried, I fought, I rationalized. At one
point I almost went back to him, you know?"
"Really?" Arnav is flabbergasted.
"Yeah." She speaks with an ease he finds envious about. It's
the ease he once possessed. Now its bunch of frazzled nerves and cotton-candy
thin bravado. She continues in the same tone that she exercises while
explaining a clock to him. Cool, calm and detached. "I was eighteen when I got
married. He patiently stripped me off my personality, individuality, my
personal taste and afflictions. He molded me the way he believed was right'. For
ten years I lived trying to fit into the mold he held in his hands. The alternative
was looks of disappointment."
"He made you feel guilty." Arnav finishes for her.
"Yep. The guilt became so deep rooted that stepping out of
line gave me a panic attack. And here I was, out of his disappointed and
demanding looks trying to find footing in a world that gave me choices but my
husband had torn and shred my ability to make a choice into pieces." She
exhales and runs a hand on her face.
"Then how?" Arnav asks, not hiding admiration or attraction in
his eyes.
Khushi chuckles. "I just restarted. Fix one problem. Decide.
Move to next problem. Decide. Move to the next and so forth."
Arnav bites his lip and shakes his head. "You make it sound
very easy Khushi." He says, voice trembling.
"It isn't easy Arnav." She looks at him again, her lips
quirking in a half-smile. "For the first time I had to become most important
person for me. I had to let go of the guilt and the unattainable standard that I
had come to practice. I had to live."
"Is the will to live sufficient?" He asks looking at his
lap. She shifts closer to him.
"Hey, look at me," she demands softly. He wills his neck to
turn and begs his eyes to look at her. It's a difficult task to get past the
shame but he does it anyway.
"It is a good start." She answers simply and he breathes out
heavily. He is glad she isn't preaching him about forgiveness and moving on. He
is happy she has been in the same place he is currently in. His stomach loosens
when her acceptance of his emotional stability comes calmly and steadily.
Khushi smiles at him when the driver announces their
destination. Arnav smiles back weakly at first but bounces back quickly. "This
place smells like Garam Masala and
tomato ketchup Khushi, how is that Chinese cuisine again?"
"You can't smell tomato ketchup." She berates him and pushes
him towards a corner table in the shabby restaurant. "This place has best fried
rice ever."
"I can smell tomato ketchup." He stubbornly insists and
whips his head all around to take in the atmosphere. "They are using coriander leaves,"
he points to the wok few feet away from him.
Khushi groans and kicks him under the table. "Wait till you
taste it," she grumbles and motions for a waiter to take their order.
Khushi takes delight in Arnav sweating through three-piece
suit and a stiff tie while he settles to eating second order of fried rice. When
they walk out of the small restaurant, Arnav has half his clothing in his hand
and Khushi is refraining from laughing outright.
"I will have to dump my coat, vest and tie in the car. Can't
walk around carrying it." He bitches and ushers her towards the parked car. The
driver double takes when he looks at his boss's rumpled appearances but keeps
his mouth shut as Arnav hems and haws.
"Now what?" He asks.
"Now I buy you dessert and we walk to the clock store as we
eat."
"That's unhygienic." He blurts.
"You will get over it." She replies blandly and quickens her
pace. Arnav follows her dutifully, hand in his pockets and ignoring the steady
stream of vibrations from his phone.
They stop at the mouth of a narrow street and he waits
patiently for Khushi to lead the rest of the way. "Here we are," she trills and
rushes into a small shop. "Here" turns out to be a small establishment selling
assorted Kulfi. Before he can speak,
she thrusts a saffron treat in his hand. "I hope this drips on the cuffs of
your shirt to match the green and brown stains on your shirt."
Arnav rolls his eyes. "You aren't funny." He ignores the
indignant reply and concentrates on the burst of flavors in his mouth. Instead
of walking, they sit down on rickety bunch and enjoy the cold sensation in
their mouths on a dry hot dusty afternoon.
"What are you smiling about?" She asks, handing him a
tissue.
His smile widens. "It's one of the best meals I have had in
days," he answers honestly.
Khushi drops her chin and looks abashed. "Now to get your
clock," she comments instead.
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Its early evening when they call it a day and he drops her
off back at Watching. For four hours
he was just a guy enjoying a meal and shopping for a mundane thing. It was
simple, easy and uncomplicated. With Khushi he didn't have to reveal much or
explain a lot. In some moments she understood him better than he knew himself
while in some she didn't say anything at all. He took comfort in her silences,
he relaxed in her distractions and reveled in those few moments when she
earnestly made him feel better.
He sees several missed calls from his family, Suman, La and
Aman. There are few messages as well.
He leans back in the seat and closes his eyes. "Take the
long way home." He tells his driver.
He wasn't ready to let go of this foreign feeling thrumming
in his veins.
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