CHAPTER 17
THE SECRET BOND...
"Fakhr... Fakhr-Un-Nissa..." Abul Mali stormed into the room, where Fakhr-Un-nissa was lying at couch with a glass of wine in hand and reading a book.
"Are aiye aiye mere sartaaj!" [Come in my lord!]She chuckled. "Hum aapke hi kitab par rahe the. Ameer Khusrow ki rubaiyan...Kyu khoob kitab hay! Itne acche shayeriyon ko aap paigaam vejne ke jaise bekar kaam me zaya kar rahe hay?"[I was reading your book only. The poems of Ameer Khusrow...It's a great book! You are ruining these great poems by using them for sending secret messages?] She hugged him. "kabhi kabar hume bhi to ek adh shayeri suna sakte hay mare meheboob!" [Sometimes do recite some of these poems for me too darling!]
"Choriye! Har waqt mazak accha nehi lagta!"[Leave me. I don't like jokes all time!] Abul Mali freed himself from the hug angrily. "Ek to Sareefuddin koi paigaam nehi vej raha or upar se..."[First of all Sarifuddin is not sending anything and you here...]
"Log aapne maasuka ki paigam ke liye bhi itna nehi taraste hay jitney ki aap humare bahenoi ke liye taras rahe hay!"[Men do not wait even for the love letters from their beloved the way you are doing for Sarifuddin!] Fakhr giggled. "Unke baat chorie, or yeh bataiye ki iss na-cheez ko kaise yaad aa gaya!"[Leave him and tell me how you remembered this mere girl!]
"O Faisal Beg aapse milne aya tha?"[Had Faisal Beg come to meet you?] Abul questioned like a whip. Fakhr's heart shook in fear, but she did not let in to come in her face. Neither did she try to lie. "Haa. Hum aapko batane hi wale the par thik waqt nehi mila..." [Yes. I was going to tell you but did not get right time...] She said.
"Kya karne aya tha o budhha? O bhi tumhare paas?"[Why that old man had come to you?] Abul Mali was so angry that it seems he will burst like a volcano.
"Tahekikaat karne. Aapke se juri hui bohot sawaal kar rahe the!"[ For investigating. He was asking many questions regarding you.] Fakhr said at once. "Lagta hay usse shaq ho gaya ki Ammijaan ke achanaak se tabiyat kharab hone ki piche aap ke haat hay!"[ I think he is having doubt that you are behind the sudden illness of mother.]
"Yeh Faisal Beg!!!!!" Abul Mali threw the nearby vase in vain anger and hidden fear. Fakhr's pulse started beating faster, but she is too cunning to let that be expressed. She at once held her husband's hand tightly, kept her head on his chest. "Chinta maat kijie, o kuch nehi kar payega!"[Don't get nervous. He will not be able to do anything.]
"Kya kuch nehi kar payega Fakhr! Aapko pata hay, O Faisal Beg sayad zaherila sharab ki jaanch karwane bhi vej diya hay chori chupe!" [What he will not be able Fakhr! Do you know that Faisal has sent the sample of poisonous drink to test secretly?]His voice was trembling in fear. "Agar Mah-Chuchak Begam ko pata chal jaye ki hum..."[If Mah-Chuchak got to know that me...]
"Wallah!" Fakhr exclaimed in wonder. "Aap kya khowab dekhte hay Hindustan me hukumat karne ka? Aap to aapne dil se hi Mahchuchak Begam ki gulam bane baithe hay!"[Gosh! You really dream for reigning on Hindustan? You are actually a slave of Mah-Chuchak Begam from heart.] She cupped his face. "Aapne kabhi ammijaan ke sath shaeab pi hay? Kabhi unhe kuch khana parosa hay? Nehi naa? To log kaise shaq karega ki aap isme saamil hay?"[Have you ever drunk with mother? Have you ever served food to her? If not then why people will doubt that you are involved?]
"Par kar to raha hay na?"[But they are suspecting!] Abul Mali yelled. "Iss liye hi to o Faisal Beg mujhse khullam khulla iss maslat ko leke baatchit na karke mere pith piche aapse milke mere bare me puchhtachh kar raha hay!!"[Only due to this Faisal Beg has preferred to interrogate you secretly about me instead of discussing directly with me!]
"Humne unse aise baat nehi ki hay ki unke shaq yaakin me badal jaye. Aap befikhr hokar Sareefuddin ke bare me sochiye." [I haven't told him anything so that his doubt converts into his belief. You think about Sarifuddin being relaxed.]Fakhr told.
"Jiske sar pe maut cha raha ho o befikhr kaise rahega?"[Who can relax when death shadows over head?] Abul Mali became more restless. "Aapki ammijaan ki kan me ekbar yeh khabar gaya to kya karenge o mera aap soch bhi sakte hay?"[Can you guess what can be happened with me is your mother hears the news?]
"Aapko lagta hay ki ammijaan ke paas aab utni taakat bachha hay ki o aapka kuch bigar paye?"[Do you think my mother has that energy remaining inside her so that she can harm you?] Fakhr raised her voice a bit. "Or aapne kuch nehi kiya, Haidar ne kiya hay! Hum to kehete hay ki jo hua accha hi hua."[And you have done nothing. Haidar has done!] She smirked. "Ammijaan ki jo haal hay o aajkal bistar se jyada uth bhi nehi pate hay,unhe leke aab sochne ki zarurat nehi. Unke maut se hume kuch jyada nehi milne wala. Par rastey ka kata tha haidar or Faisal Beg, Karne dijie dono ko ek dusre se larai."[Mother's condition of health is so bad that she is even unable to get up from bed nowadays. No need to think much about her. We will not get much from her death. But Faisal Beg and Haidar are the thorns of the path. Let them fight between them.]
"Par..."[But...] Abul Mali was still in dilemma.
"Mere sartaaj!" She hugged his neck. "Iis nacheez pe yaakin kijie. Rastey ki kaanto ko hatane ka isse accha mauka or kya ho sakta hay?" [My lord! Trust on this poor woman. No better opportunity will come to pick out the thorns of path than this.]
Abul Mali tried to smile and left the room after kissing her. Fakhr starred at his path, with a cruel smirk in her lips. Yes, she will not leave the opportunity of uprooting the thorns of her path. And unfortunately her husband is one of them! A long time has been passed while playing this game of false love; not anymore!
"Chinar." She called out. The black girl came inside with a little jewelry box in her hand. She took the box. Ordering the girl to go off she carefully opened the box, removed the velvet cover of inside but found nothing. Getting puzzled she then took the necklace, which was inside the box, in hand; a little smile came in her face again. Carefully, she broke the backside of the necklace and a little piece of paper came out.
Fakhr-un-nissa unfolded the paper readily! Yes, the seal is there in its place! Now a broader smile reflected from her face. "Bhaijaan ka jawab nehi! Har ek bar ek naya tarika!"[Brother is great! Every time a new way! ] She murmured.
*FLASHBACK_________________________
The imperial majesty, Jalaluddin Muhammad Akbar, the emperor of the thousands of heart of his motherland, was sitting relaxingly in a royally adorned seat in the personal apartment of the military commander of Kabul, Abul Mali and his wife, the Mughal princess Fakhr-Un-Nissa. Though there was a chilling cold in atmosphere, the room was quite warm and comfortable due to the arrangements of fire inside, and his majesty was enjoying quite a nice moment with his sister, along with a healthy sip of wine and the tricky chess board; today he has been invited to his sister's apartment for a game of chess, a day before he leaves for Agra, after changing both the administrative system and fate of Kabul in own hand. But perhaps his motive was not only to relax, or to show his modesty by accepting the invitation- and that was evident from his sharp eyes those were fixed to the partially covered face of the princess. The princess was fully concentrating on the chess board, to answer the move played by the emperor; and his majesty was concentrating on the expressions of the eyes of the woman in front of him. There were no touches of any emotions, any sort of brotherly affection or friendly comfort in those eyes... Just like a brilliant player first observes his pawns before playing a big game, the emperor was calculating her.
"Agli chal aap chaliye..."[Next turn is yours...] Fakhr-Un-Nissa looked at him after moving her pawn, and the smirking eyes of the emperor directly met her eyes. Fakhr-Un-Nissa smirked too.
"Kya dekh rahe hay humare aankho me Bhaijaan?"[What are you watching in my eyes brother?] She asked with a measured mischief in her voice.
"Hisab laga rahe hay..."[Calculating...] He smiled back. "Aapke soch ki!" [Of your thoughts!]
"Humari aagli chal kya hoga iss bare me soch rahe hay?"[Are you thinking about my next move?] She asked too innocently.
"Aagli chal ki baate baadme." His majesty smiled. "Hum filhaal abhi aapke dimag me kya chal raha hay o par rahe hay!"[That will be thought afterwards. Now I am reading the thought that are going inside your brain!]
"To kya pata chala aapko?"[So, what did you understand?] Fakhr-Un-Nissa asked with sparking eyes.
"Yehi ki aapne bhi humare bare me kafi kuch pata lagaye hay!" [That you have also found out many things about me.]
"Khuda khair kare, aap muluk ki Shaenshah, or hum ek aam aurat. Hum aapke bare me kya pata lagayenge? "[God forbid! You are the emperor and I am a mere woman. What can I find out about you?] Fakhr-Un-Nissa took out her tongue. "Shahenshah ke zindegi to khuli kitab hote hay, pata lagaye bhi to kya lagaye..."[The life of the emperor is an open book, why one will find out anything?]
"Shahenshah ke zindegi khule kitab ho sakta hay, par uss mokam par hamesha ke liye khud ko khara rakhne ke liye shahenshah bhi har waqt aapne man ki andheri galiyon me chalte rahete hay."[Maybe the life of an emperor is an open book, but to be static in that designation even the emperor is too walks around the dark lanes of his mind.] His majesty smirked. "Or hume iilm hay ki aapko uss andhere galiyon ki pata chahiye..."[And I know that you want the addresses of those lanes.]
"Shahenshah ki dil ki andhere galiyon me jhankke hum kya kare bhaijaan, hum to khud hi ek aise jayge pe rahete hay jaha roshni nehi pouchhti. Sajish ki kale saya din ki ujale ko dhak deta hay!"[What will I do with the address of the dark lanes in emperor's mind, I myself live in such a place where light does not enter. The black shadow of conspiracy envelops the brightness of day!] She smiled casually. "Aap khub itne lambi safar karke aye hay yeaha bhaijaan, kaafi kuch badlao laye hay; sare Kabul ko aapne sipahiyon ke aankho ke tale kayed kar diya hay; aap sochenge ki Kabul aab aapke kadmo tale rahega... Par sach me aisa nehi hoga. Kyu ki Kabul ki andhere kille ki paheli srif andar se hi suljha ja sakta hay Shahenshah-E-Hind. Bahar ke hazar kabil jasoos bhi use suljha nehi payenge!" [You yourself have come here after a long journey brother, you have changed so many things here; have imprisoned the whole Kabul under the observation of your soldiers; now you will think that Kabul will stay under your feet forever...But that will not happen. Because the riddles of the dark palace of Kabul can only be solved from inside your majesty, the thousands of gumshoes are not enough to solve that from outside.]
"Yehi kahene bulaye hay hume aap."[And you have invited me to tell these only.] His majesty smirked. "Nehi to zindegi me ekbar dekhe hue sautele vai ko srif khatirdari karne ke liye to nehi bulate aap!"[Else you would have never invited that step brother whom you met only once before!]
"Or aap yehi sunne aye hay jahapanha!" [And you have come to hear these only my lord!]Fakhr-Un-Nissa smiled too. "Nehi to aapni ek sauteli behen, jiski sauhar aapke dusman hay uski mehemaan nawazi qubul karne aap itne dur nehi aate!"[Otherwise you would have never accepted the invitation from your step sister, the wife of your enemy all of a sudden!]
"Masahallah!" Jalal smirked viciously. "Aapke baatyon se hi saaf zahir hota hay ki konsa khun daur raha hay aapki rago me! To bataiye, kya chahti hay aap?"[Your words prove what great bloods are flowing in your veins! Then say, what do you want?]
"Shahenshah se dosti!"[Friendship with the emperor!] Her voice was firm in her demand.
"Shahenshah se dosti ki keemat pata hay? Kya keemat chuka payenge aap iss dosti ke khatir?"[Do you know the consequence of the friendship with the emperor? How much will you be able to pay for that?] The emperor asked with a strain of smile on the lips.
"Kuch bhi!"[Anything!!] Her voice was adamant and free from all hesitations!
His majesty was now gazing at the beautiful eyes which were only visible in her covered face. His eyes had no touch of kindness; rather they were shining in the glory of victory; but was not his heart touched by the firm and cold voice of the girl of slight younger than him in age, who is his sister from his father's side? Why people do not hesitate to bargain even their relationships in the urge of power? Or is this the extreme point of bearing when people threw off all the loads of fake relations for own? Maybe both... The lines between them are too delicate to be understood!
But very naturally the austerity in his professional eyes had no touch of what his heart was thinking... He casually stood up, saying "Hum bohot jald rouana honge Agra ki taraf. Or Agra me pouchne ke baad aapki khat ki intezar rahega hume!"[I am going to set off for Agra very soon. And I will be waiting for your letter after returning back!]
"Kabul se Agra taq aise hi khat bhejte rahenge hum shahenshah? O bhi Kabul ki hal haqikat ke bare me likhte hue?" [I will send you letters only like this? That too stating the condition of Kabul? ]Fakhr-Un-Nissa tried to give a hint of her thoughts. And the emperor smiled, as he was also thinking the same.
"Bohot saalyon pehele aapse mulakat hua tha, yaad hay hume. Tab bohot chhote the aap, hum bhi. Par hume yaad hay ki aapko paheli ke sath khelne ka soukh tha... Aapke sath bachpan pe bohot paheliyan suljhaye hay humne!"[We had met before a long ago, I remember. You are a little girl that time, and I too was a kid. But I remember that you used to play with riddles. I had solved a lot of puzzles with you in childhood!] His majesty told with a lighter tone in his voice. "Kyu na humare yeh nayi dosti ke sath sath bachpan ki unn yaadyon ko taza kar liya jaye?" [So what if we recall back those remembrance of our childhood again via this new friendship?]
After a short and secret discussion on this topic of sending letters, his majesty was all ready to set off from the apartment of his sister. "Hume intezar rahega aapki veje hue paigam ka..."[I will be waiting for your messages.] he told.
"Shahenshah!" Fakhr-Un-Nissa called out with a hidden desperation in her voice. His majesty looked to her. "Kuch or baat hay?"[Do you have anything more to say?]
"Shahenshah ke paas dosti ki haat barane ke badle me yeh na-chij ko kya milega?"[What will this mere woman get from his majesty for promising the friendship to him?] She asked in a cold vicious voice.
The emperor passed his famous smile. With a gentle mischief in his eyes he uttered. "Dosti ki badle hamesha dosti hi nasib hota hay Fakhr... Or Shahenshah se dosti ki ehemiyaat kya hay aap humse accha jante hay! " [Friendship begets friendship Fakhr... And you know better than me the value of the friendship of an emperor!]
Fakhr-Un-Nissa kept on staring at his beaming eyes without blink, with a shine of triumph in own eyes.
__________________________FLASHBACK ENDS*
The princess smirked while reading the letter in her hand. A vicious light shone inside her orbs. She repeatedly read the rounded statements of the letter. The bond between the words is so strong that none will understand that is a coded message in disguise. And Fakhr is going to take that opportunity whole-heartedly.
She caressed her fingers on the stamp from that was at the bottom of the paper, as a sign of the emperor being involved with it. "Hum jante hay ek Shahenshah ki dost hone ki ehemiyaat kya hota hay bhaijaan!" [I know the value of an emperor's friend!] She smirked. "Iss liye humare raste me hum aapke koi or dost ko dekhna pasand nehi karenge! Kabul me aapka ek lota dost rahega shahenshah, jisko aap aapni dosti ki tohfa denge! Koi or nehi..." [So I will not bear any other friend of you in my path! You will be having only one friend from Kabul your majesty, whom you will give the gift of friendship. Not anyone else...]her voice suddenly sank into a hard cruelty.
She readily pulled a writing pad and started writing something on that. After completing that she took the letter of jalal, and attached that with her letter. While rolling both of them she again called out.
"Chinaar!!"
The slave girl was right behind the door. She presented herself at once. "Hukum kare huzur..."[Order my lord!]
"Mirza Hakim ke bare me kya khabar hay?"[What is the latest news about Mirza Hakim?]
"O to Badakshan me hay huzur... Uaha ki sultan ke sath waqt bitane gaye hue hay..." [He is in Badakshan my mistress... To spend time with the sultan there...]
"Hmm... Pata hay!"[Yes, I know!] Fakhr-Un-Nissa uttered thoughtfully, while calculating something in her mind. Then she looked at the girl and showed her the letter. "Yeh khat jald se jald Mirza Hakim taq pouchh jana chahiye; aise ki iss mahel me kisiko pata na chale..."[Send this letter to Mirza Hakim as soon as possible; and none of the palace should know about it...]
The girl bid and went off. The cunning princess kept on gazing at her path. Now the vicious smile of her eyes had been vanished. In place of that there were a strain of guilt and dilemma. Mirza Hakim is her own little brother! He loves her more than his life and she too does not love him any less! She will indulge him too in her dirty game? Does not she know how much can it tell upon his tender and green heart!
For a moment Fakhr's sentiments overpowered her calculations. Her heart was forcing her to call back the slave-girl. No need to send any letter to Hakim! No need to involve him! But her brain did not let her heart to win. No! There is no relation in a competition, in politics. Now Fakhr-Un-Nissa has none. No mother, no brother, no sister, no husband! She has only an aim and she cannot be deviated from that for some stupid emotions of relations. She has only a relation remaining in this world- that she is the friend of the emperor. Or to be honest she is the spy of the emperor! The emperor is exploiting her for overruling the disobedient state Kabul, and she also will exploit that exploitation of the emperor, by enrooting herself slowly in the field of power; she has to make Jalal understood that how much important is her friendship for holding Kabul strongly... And for this she has to stand alone by the emperor's side. From Kabul none other can share that relationship with His Majesty. Fakhr-un-nissa cannot let anyone to do that! If the obedient, lovly, caring and very dear brother of emperor Jalal also roams around alive by her side will ever she get the full attention and power that the emperor has promised to her? The pleasant, smiling, obedient faithful and lovely dear brother will have to die... for Fakhr-Un-Nissa's sake!
THE CONFESSION...
The darkness of the midnight had prevailed over the joyous melodies of the festive eve, and the whole fort, after spending a great evening full of music, dance, colour, drinks, lights and happiness, was now in the world of dream. Jodha's room also was dark in silence. The lights of the celebrating city coming from outside was not adequate to enlighten the room. The hoots of the owls and the tireless chirping chant of the crickets were augmenting the silence of the night. Jodha and Jalal was lying on the same bed, maintaining a little distance between each other, sleeping in a deep sleep...too deep to find out the impulse of own heart. From Jodha's facial expression it can be said that she is in a peaceful sleep, but Jalal's face was not. The lines of anxiety and terror both had become clearly visible on his sleeping face. His closed eyes were signing of utter discomfort, as if he wants to get rid of something he is going through; still he was desperate even in his sleep, as if he is trying to fight hard with his invisible enemy! A nightmare it was; a horrible nightmare... The same one of which he cannot get rid of- he has dropped his children in the doom of death, and Jodha is going far from him, leaving him alone in a dark gruesome night!
"Nehi!!!!!!!!" [No!!!!!!!!!]Jalal roared out from his sleep, jumped to sit up, and the sudden jerk of his nightmare brought him back from the horrible dream... Jodha also, hearing the sudden terrorizing scream from her side, had jumped up from the bed. She surprisingly looked at her husband's sweated face, which was traumatized with a sudden blow of panic and gasping in an unknown excitement.
"Kya hua Shahenshah!" Jodha's hand automatically went on Jalal's shoulder, to strengthen him. "Kya hua?"[What happened Shahenshah!]
"Haa?!" Jalal uttered in a lost manner. His eyesight was vacant in a blind fear. Perhaps he had not come out from the jolt of the dream.
"Koi bura sapna dekha aapne?"[Had you seen any bad dream?] Jodha asked softly, while caressing his shoulder. Jalal looked at her eyes, now with a sheer life in eyesight, and then touched her palms on his shoulder. Yes she is here! She is here by his side! He lowered his head a little then, putting hand on forehead, to bring himself back from the world of the horrified dream. Again! Again he has started to have the same nightmare!
"Haa...Bohot bura khwab..."[Yes...A very bad nightmare...] He uttered to Jodha with difficulty, in a trembling, chocked and low voice. But is it only a bad dream? Is not it a reflection of Jalal's whole life, which is full of failure, defeats, vacancy and darkness only? Just when he tries to come out from the loop of his frustration by indulging him much more in outer world, this nightmare strikes his sleep like a sharp dagger, reminding him the most torment memory! It has been a year since the incident happened, still... From the night of Hussain's funeral to even now...
Jalal closed his eyes tightly to bear the hammering ache in his chest. It hurts, it hurts a lot... It hurts when one passes through such a pain, yet cannot share it with the person whom he wants to share; particularly when that person is lying beside him only! He cannot seek his shelter in the chest of his love-lady, as he himself had pushed her out one day!
It was his love who killed his son. It was his uncontrollable desire for his lady for which his son had to pay with his little life... she had come to him; he told her to go, but in his mind he was desiring her companion. His thirsty manhood was dying to overpower her surrendered womanhood, to play with her body, to mingle her entity with his own... It was his wish, and she only fulfilled that... like a passionate beloved, by becoming completely of him for that night, by forgetting about her another identities... Just how he had wanted...
And Jalal, you selfish, coward, spineless Jalal, you did not think twice before thrashing all the loads of guilt on her that night! You tried to make your heart understood that you are not responsible for your children's death; your wife is completely responsible as she was fulfilling your desire. You used to be proud of your intense love? Self-centered, heartless coward you are! You are not worth to be called a human! You are a murderer Jalal! A shameless imbecile who has murdered the last ray of hope in the heart of a childless mother so mercilessly that... that the heart has become an emotionless dessert now! How could you utter those words to her Jalal? How could you utter? How could you differentiate her from your own entity? She was all yours from the first day, all of her heart, her wishes, her desires was yours, you never thought her anyone else other that another part your heart, then how!!
Jalal clenched his hair tightly with a sheer gasp; perhaps to express the hatred on himself he was feeling! It is not that he is feeling guilty for the first time for telling those harsh words to Jodha, rather he was very shameful for that incident when the burden of despair had lessened a little after the next sunrise; but still he, foolish he, was unable to ask forgiveness from her. He had no strength to stand in front of her after that night. Instead of that he started to flee from her, started to avoid her, avoid his own personal life by getting extra busy in outer world, and killing himself from inside by drowning his own entity in the world of utter frustration and depression... Jalaluddin Muhammad, the undefeated warrior, fled from the real battle of life without even facing the consequence! Shame!
"Shahenshah!"
Jalal readily picked up his eyes, his anguished and lost eyes to her. Jodha was standing beside him with a glass full of water in hand. He kept on gazing at her with a shock in eyes, as if he is seeing her for the first time.
"Pani pijie..."[Drink water...] Jodha forwarded the glass to Jalal with a real concern in her voice. "Acchha lagega!"[You will feel better.]
Jalal's eyelids did not move. His vacant eyesight perhaps had no idea of what Jodha is talking about!
"Shahenshah!!" Jodha called out, and after understanding that perhaps that will ot help her husband, she took his hand and made him to hold the glass. "Kya ho gaya hay aapko?"[What has happened with you?]
The touch of Jodha's hand suddenly broke Jalal's conjuration. He took the glass in his hand, and drank that like a spellbound zombie, and passed the glass to Jodha again, before placing his right palm slowly on the eyes...
"Kya sapna dekha hay aapne? Bataiye mujhe..."[What had you dreamt? Say me...] Jodha, perhaps forgetting about all the distances they have, sat beside her severely disturbed husband to understand the real matter. Her hand automatically touched the left hand of Jalal, maybe quite unmindfully; but she got a reaction that she never expected.
Jalal instantly moved his hand from eyes, cast his distressed sight to her face, gulped twice for a moment, and then clutched the hand of Jodha...
"Maaf kar dijie hume!"[Forgive me!]
Jodha was completely confused with the sudden apology for no reason. Yes for his words at the evening she was upset with him, but he had said that he was sorry much before, and the matter has been solved long before. This distressed, defeated, heart rendering apology is certainly not for that... then why...
"Shahenshah..." Jodha uttered with the hidden question. But perhaps Jalal did not hear her. He held her hand more tightly, again repeating the same words "Maaf kar dijie hume Jodha! Hume maaf kar dijie! Hum o nehi kahena chahte the. Hum..." [Forgive me Jodha, forgive me! I did not want to tell that. I...]He was gasping while murmuring like a unconscious. His voice was continuously sinking more in the sea of despair...
"Aap kis bare me baat kar rahe hay? Kya nehi kahena chahte the?" [What are you talking about? What didn't you want to say?]Jodha now questioned directly, as she was not getting anything. "Jo baat aapne aaj sandhya ko kaha o to..."[The things that you told me at evening that is...]
"Hum Hussain ki maut ke bareme..." [I am talking about Hussain's death...]Jalal cut her to tell her the actual thing, and after uttering the word, as the whole scenario flashed up in front of his eyes, he could not hold himself anymore. The hard rock of tears and solitude that had been strangulating him from inside for a long year suddenly blasted out; tears rolled down from the cheeks of the mighty emperor, with his body shivering in the thrust of cry from inside. "Hum nehi kahena chahte the Jodha Begam... Humpe yaakin kijie hum nehi..."[I did not want to tell that Jodha Begam... Believe me I was not...] He could not explain more, only broke down in a silent strangulating sob on her hand. His body was shivering in jolt of emotions.
Jodha's eyes filled with tears. That night... that horrible night... worse than any nightmare... the father of her children blaming her for the death of her own children... That wound of insult was severe than others from the heap of pain that has been stored in her heart... The other pains leads to tear, this one inflames the heart... She can bear the pain of losing her sons in her heart, but how can she bear her abandonment from her love's heart?
Jodha caressed the hand of him. Her hands had been wet with his tears. She sighed. What did she feel actually when he, like a heartless person, put all the blames of her child's death to her? Guilt? Humiliation? Resentment? Anger? Or all the emotions being mingled had lost in the sea of an immense pain, the pain where they both are same? Now when her lover is asking forgiveness from the deep of his heart, what else can be her response!
"Hum jante hay Shahenshah!" [I know it Shahenshah!] Jodha murmured in a low tone, wiping her tears...
Perhaps her voice gave Jalal strength of confessing more. He tried to control his sobs hard, and with a chocked voice he said "Hum... hum pagal ho gaye the Jodha! Hum bhul nehi paa rahe the! Hussain ko...Hussain ko dafna dene ke baad hum... Uski kabar ki mitti mere haat me laga tha... Humare dono bacchhe humare wajay se... Hum pagal ho gaye the Jodha! Hum sab kuch jalake rakh kar dena chahte the... Hume pata nehi tha ki hum kya kahe rahe hay, kisse kahe rahe hay! Hum..."[I...I became mad Jodha! I was not able to forget! After Hussain...After burying Hussain I was... The soil of his grave was still in my hand! Only due to my fault both of our children...I was mad then Jodha! I wanted to burn everything around me... I did not know that what I am telling, to whom I am telling... I...] After telling this much in a blow his sobs again broke out. "Hum agar apne apko kaabu me rakhte to humara ek bacchha zinda raheta, par hum...hum itne bare galti ki bojh kaha rakhte; hum...hum sabko dosh de rahe the, sabpe ilzam laga rahe the... Aapne kismat ke upar, Allah ke upar, zindegi ke upar... par hum aap pe ilzam kaise laga sakte hay! Kaise laga sakte hay!!!"[If I had my control over desires at least one of my son would have been alive, but I... where I would have kept the load of that burden; I was...I was blaming everyone... On my destiny, on the God, on my life... But how could I blame you! How could I!!!! ] He uttered on the last words of the sentence with lots of incredulity, as if he is not able to believe that those words had come out from his throat one day!
"Hum nehi sochte hay uss bare me Shahenshah!!"[I do not think about that incident Shahenshah!] Jodha uttered holding her chocked voice. "Aap shant ho jaiye..." [Please cool down...]
"Kaise shant ho jaye!! Hum...hum haar gaye Jodha! Hum haar gaye!" [How can I be cool!! I... I have lost Jodha, I have lost!]
"Aap haar nehi sakte shahenshah!"[You cannot lose Shahenshah!] Jodha moaned in a firm voice. "Aap kabhi haar nehi sakte!" [You can never lose!]
Jalal gazed at her eyes in his tearful eyes, trying to gather strength from her. "Hume agar khuda bhi akar kahe ki aap humare zindegi ke sabse bare dard ke liye zimmidar hay, tab bhi hum yaakin nehi karte Jodha! Hum kaise aap pe ilzam laga sakte hay!"[If even God comes to me to say that you are esponsible for the greatest wound of my life, I would never believe that even after that Jodha! How can I blame on you!] The words that he was unable to confess for a long year, those words who could not come into his tongue even in the morning, spontaneously came out with the blow of tears. "Hum aapko kisi bhi haatse ke liye zimmidar nehi mante hay Jodha... Hum aapko kaise haarne de sakte hay! Kaise..."[I do not believe you responsible for any tragedy jodha... How can I let you to lose! How...]
"Hume pata hay Shahenshah!"[I know Shahenshah!] Jodha responded in her tearful, chocked voice. Yes, she knows it. She believes it... She knows it much before than his majesty has realized this truth!
"Ek mauka nehi diya hume...hume humare zindegi jineka!! Chin liya humse humara sab kuch!! Ek choti si zubaan se ekbar Abbujaan' sunne ke liye taraste the hum! Usne mere bacchho ko utna bara bhi nehi hone diya ki o hume pahejan paye!! Hume zindegi ki sabse bari khushiya deke o aise chin liya!! Aise!!"[He did not give me a little chance...to live my life! He snatched everything from me!! I only had craved for hearing Abbujaan' from a little voice always! He did not let my children to grow up even to that they could recognize their father!! He snatched everything from me after blessing me with the greatest happiness!!!] Perhaps the answer of Jodha gave him the strength of coming out of his own guilt; and all the anger, all the resentment he has for the ultimate, broke out with another thrust of cry... He broke down again, this time more vulnerably, more dejectedly... this was the first tears that he dropped for the demise of his children, after a long, aloof and dejected year!!
Seeing her mighty husband of an extraordinarily great personality to break down in terrible cry, like a kid, the affections in Jodha's heart rose up suddenly. Her heart was commanding her to step forward and embrace him, to sooth his burning heart with her cold touch; but she did not... She let her love to cry his heart out. Cry Shahenshah cry! Break the barrier of affliction of your heart with the tide of tears that has been strangulating you from inside. Flash out all the resentment and agony with the flow of tears. These drops of tears are most precious for you!
PRECAP: The dark and lone secret chamber and his dream lady alone in that. Despite knowing that he is going to take the greatest risk of his life, Sarifuddin could not control his lecherous perversion, and clenched a hand of Jodha from back, to gain her...
Edited by Shinning_Stuti - 9 years ago
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