Chapter 27
She switched on the toaster and picked up two slices of bread but then her gaze fell on the bottle of mango chutney. She shook her head, enough of having dry breakfast, today she would make hot mouth watering, stuffed paranthas for him and serve them with this chutney, even he should relish this sweet and tangy taste. She opened the fridge to take out the dough but sadly it was finished. So now she was supposed to kneed fresh dough, she gave the jar of flour a helpless look, if there was something in cooking that she dreaded then that was making the dough. Her mother had made several attempts to teach her but this was something she always found difficult. She would never get the proportion of water and flour right while kneading the dough. Letting out an audible sigh, she wrapped the end of her sari around her waist, pushed her glass bangles back and took a deep breath before telling herself, that yes, she could do it'for him. A fleeting smile spread across her lips just at the thought of him. The two days spent with him were the best days of her life, she would always cherish them. Her life could be so simple, devoid of any confusion, she had only dreamed and he had turned her dreams true. Each and every moment shared with him was so clearly edged out in her mind and impressioned on her heart. Though verbally nothing was expressed or exchanged but in her heart she knew that he felt deeply for her and it was a lot more than plain and simple concern something very close to love!
He came in the kitchen to fetch a glass of water and found her engaged in preparing the breakfast, she was totally busy in her dough making and the way she was concentrating on her work it seemed as though she had an extremely tough task in hand but she was not willing to give up. So what if her loose tendril was blocking her view and every time she pushed it with the back of her hand it fell on her eyes again, irritating her to no extent and so what, if while dealing with her hair she had smudged dry flour on her cheek, still she was hell bent on completing her task. Folding his arms across his chest, he titled his head slightly and kept on looking at her, she appeared so cute, innocent and troubled that he couldn't stop himself from grinning. Knowingly or unknowingly she always managed to warm his heart and bring a smile on his face. With her life was just beautiful.
He cleared his throat to make his presence felt, she jumped up on hearing him and nervously tugged her hair back, again smearing some flour on her face and making him roll his eyes. He pointed towards her cheek, she raised her hand that was already covered with flour to wipe it.
" what are you doing ?" he asked sternly, furrowing his brows. What else could she do, she wondered when he started walking towards her and stopped in front of her. She licked her dry lips nervously, seeing him standing so close to her. Unaware what he would do, she kept on staring at him blankly when he lifted his hand and tucked the loose hair that was troubling her so much behind her ear. She gulped the lump formed inside her throat, thinking that now he would move back, giving her some space to breath but he didn't. Instead he cupped her cheek with one hand, she gasped and closed her eyes as his thumb rubbed over her cheek to remove the dry flour. She stood paralyzed, unable to move and her fingers curled inside the dough. His soft and warm touch was making her heart pound rapidly, her breathing hitched and she opened her eyes slowly. His thumb stopped what it was doing but his hand didn't leave her face and now his dark pools looked into her dark pools . Her gaze was vulnerable, fragile and at the same time magnetic. It was drawing him towards her. The attraction and love between them was superseding all the boundaries and before they knew his lips were hovering over hers. Closing her eyes once again she took a sharp intake of breath. Her lips were quivering when he touched them and was about to capture them when the door bell rang sharply startling them.
Their moment broke, as she stepped back. Her eyes scattered the floor, she tried to control her ragged breathing as he brushed his fingers through his hair. Both were still under the spell and before they could decipher what and why it happened, the door bell rang again.
He left to open the door and found his wife standing at the door. Yeah she was supposed to come back but it slipped out of their minds completely. She was smiling at him but he couldn't bring himself to smile back at her, instead moved aside, allowing her to come in.
" what took you so long?" shalini complained and he kept quiet, he had nothing to say in reply.
" khushi...where's she ?" she asked and he gestured towards the kitchen. Shalini peeped inside the kitchen and asked warmly," how you're doing ?" crimson khushi, gave her a nervous smile and silently nodded her head indicating that she was okay.
" and my sweet heart ?" shalini said gazing at her baby bump.
" he's also fine ." khushi answered while running her hand over her belly. Shalini was glad that both of them were doing well and everything was fine in her absence.
" di ..breakfast ?" khushi asked softly trying not to stammer.
Shalini shook her head, she'd had her breakfast and said," no thanks instead I'd like to rest." She seriously needed to take a power nap, the whole trip to ratnagiri was quite exhausting, the whole campaigning thing had drained her physically and on top of that to pose herself as pregnant was also quite difficult but in the end she was satisfied with the efforts they had put in the elections. She stretched her body and reminded herself that in the afternoon they all had to go and attend laxmi's daughter's wedding. It would be a long and tiring day so she straightaway headed towards her room to take rest.
Arnav and khushi were having breakfast at the dining table in silence. What had gotten into him that he took such a step, he was only cleaning her face then what happened to him? Why couldn't he control himself when he looked into her eyes? And what would have happened had the door bell not rung? He gazed at her from the corner of his eye, perhaps he would have kissed her! would it have been right? He glanced at her again, it definitely didn't feel wrong. He'd fallen for her and what he did or was about to do, he hadn't thought about it before, it was an impulsive action and his heart couldn't bring itself to regret it.
She continued to nibble on her parantha as even her mind was stuck to what transpired between them some time ago. The deep shade of crimson was not leaving her cheeks, she was extremely shy, her fingers were trembling and she couldn't dare to raise her lashes to meet his eyes. She loved him and always did but now to see him reciprocating the same was pleasantly surprising. What she exactly felt for him, she'd never expressed in clear words because deep down she thought he would never love her back but now when he was, then she was only happy there was nothing more to desire, she'd got what she'd wanted.
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It was close to twelve in the noon, shalini didn't have the heart to dress up for that wedding. Who goes and attends a servant's wedding? Ridiculous ! but she had to for khushi's sake. The housekeeper had taken really good care of her and the baby. If possible shalini would have given away some money to laxmi and avoided the wedding but khushi was keen to be part of it and thought they should personally give the gift to her. In these few months laxmi had grown really close to khushi and lately shalini felt that laxmi was beginning to develop a soft corner for her too. The reasons were unknown and she didn't have the time and the interest in delving into this matter. Things were going pretty smoothly within them and she wished that they remained the same,( she needed laxmi's services for some more time) unaware of the recent rift cropping up between khushi and laxmi.
Making a face she wore her earrings, combed her hair and then adjusted her sari. At the moment she only wanted to get over and done with this event as soon as possible. The thought of being surrounded by such low class people was cringing her. Even though back in ratnagiri she had been part of the crowd but they were always well behaved and in control. They worshipped abhi and her and maintained their distance but what would happen here she was quite unsure and that was worrying her.
khushi still in high spirits started getting ready, she draped a beautiful orange sari with green border, once again the sari belonged to shalini who felt that she needed to wear something appropriate that could match their standard as she was going out with them in public, she also gave her a thin chain and a pair of earrings. khushi didn't quite mind shalini's remark, by now she had gotten used to the fact that shalini was extremely cautious of her public image. She tied her hair in a bun and then fixed a gajra (jasmine garland) around it. After wearing a small bindi and light make up she was all ready to go.
Coming out of the room she found him talking to someone on his cell phone, he paused and stopped strolling for a moment as his gaze fell on her. By his expressions she could feel that he liked what he was seeing making her blush hard. His eyes softened and he turned around to resume his conversation. By then shalini too came out and both of them followed him silently out of the house to the car.
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The wedding hall was colorfully decorated, nothing lavish with lot of pomp and show, considering that laxmi was the only earning member of her family still the environment was blissful as guests began pouring in and there was joy and excitement floating in the air.
laxmi welcomed them warmly, she was more than grateful to see shalini and khushi grace the occasion. The reservations that she held against arnav were still there but she was glad that he at least had the decency to accompany his wife. Her eyes met khushi's , both of them tried to gauge each others feelings. laxmi glanced at her like an affectionate mother, who was aware that her child was upset with her but still believed that she would come around soon. She took a step ahead and wrapped her arms around khushi, taking her by surprise. There was a brief moment of hesitation before khushi too hugged her back, she always liked laxmi, even though lately they were slightly aloof but deep down she knew that laxmi selflessly cared for her. It was a big day for her and like laxmi had always been part of her happy times, she too wished to share her joyous moments.
Pulling back laxmi took all of them to meet her daughter and the groom who were sitting on the mandap, performing the wedding rituals. Shalini gave a fake smile while presenting them with a wedding gift and looked around uncomfortably as the small hall started getting filled up with crowd belonging to the lower strata of the society. They were laughing and talking loudly against the blaring music played in the background. The place was littered and congested and to make things worst it was hot and humid. Nothing was as per shalini's tastes and preference and how could it be, after all there were not attending some big fat wedding.
Soon the bride and the groom were supposed to take the marital vows, it was getting crowded so laxmi suggested khushi to go and sit somewhere. Shalini gave her an approving nod, the last thing she would want khushi to get pushed by someone. The annoying music finally stopped when the priest began chanting holy versus, shalini sighed in relief, now some more time and all this would come to an end.
khushi sat across the stage and watched the couple exchanging promises as arnav and shalini too stood close to the centre stage. Unwillingly the thoughts of all of them drifted to their marriage and they couldn't prevent themselves from remembering their own wedding day. Just like the couple before them even they had taken the seven vows that formed the crux of a wedding relationship. And right now the three of them were walking down the memory lane thinking about those vows when the priest began narrating the significance of each one of them.
First vow, the groom pledges to provide welfare and happiness to his wife.
Shalini smiled and looked up to him, he was a wonderful husband and always did everything he could to make her happy, there were no complaints from her side, although it was hard to convince him about for this surrogacy thing but in the end he did agree, whereas khushi smirked inwardly, her husband was a devil and failed to give her a single moment of happiness during their wedded life.
Second vow, the bride promises to be his strength.
arnav wondered whether she was really his strength, professionally yes, in fact she supported him more than he had expected but personally? He hated to admit, despite having a life partner, she didn't share his life or maybe..he didn't share it with her.
Third vow, the couple pledge to remain spiritually committed.
arnav and shalini were always committed to each other, even though they never succeeded in connecting emotionally but otherwise they were loyal and respected this pious institution of marriage until she made that bizarre demand of asking him to sleep with someone else and to make it worse she even tried to commit suicide when initially he refused That day the spirituality in their relationship died though he managed to save her life . On the other hand khushi and shyam were never committed at any level be it spiritual or emotional as he was only interested in having a forceful physical connection with her, khushi cringed at the realization.
Fourth vow, the bride takes an oath to serve and please her husband in every possible way.
Yeah, khushi pleased him every night in every possible way she could, after all she was a commodity bought for seven thousand rupees. She endured his beating and torture without uttering a single word and later on when he extracted the amount he had invested in her handsomely, by selling her in a brothel, she didn't complain. She served him more than any wife could!
Fifth vow, the couple prays to almighty to bless each others family with happiness and well being.
Shalini's family was her father who was proud of his son in law and more than glad that his daughter had married arnav, although he would have been more happy had arnav actively participated in his political career but then shalini thought that at least he allowed her to help her father in every way she could and of course arnav's name was always an added bonus which shekhawat used to the fullest. As far as arnav was concerned , the only solace that he could draw from this relationship was that his mother wanted him to settle down with shalini and be by her side always and he was doing that perfectly. He hoped at least his mother was happy from this alliance. Coming to khushi her world revolved around her mother and when she died her family also ceased to exist. Her step father was someone about who she didn't wish to even think about, he was solely and primarily responsible for ruining her life!
Sixth vow, the bride provides assurance that she would participate with her husband in all his noble and divine acts.
Shalini was proud of herself that she had actively participated in all his works. She slipped her arm around his and rested her head against his shoulder thinking how intelligently she had supported all his professional decisions, she was the driving force behind his professional endeavors , even though he kept her away from the dangerous aspects of his work still she was fully aware of what he was doing, also a lot of charitable and social causes undertaken for the benefit of ratnagiri were done under her guidance.
Seventh vow, the couple pleads for the long lasting relationship , enriched with understanding and loyalty.
Shalini tightened her hold around him, this was what she wanted, a long lasting relationship with him and for that it was extremely important that they extended their family, though he wasn't willing to understand this aspect but she was sure that once the baby would come into this world it would only strengthen their marriage. arnav smiled sadly, understanding was what he always desired from his life partner, he wanted someone who could even understand his silence. Automatically his gaze fell on khushi, the level of understanding that he shared with her was something he wished from his wife who was leaning against him for reason unknown to him, her closeness now failed to affect him anymore. Respect, honesty and loyalty are the crux of any relationship and he thought that they would be the foundation stones of their marriage as well and as far as he could remember he respected this relation and was honest and loyal to her until that fateful night when everything changed between them and this relationship was sacrificed to quench the thirst for more. khushi lost in her thoughts wondered what kind of a marriage she had, it was nothing less than a nightmare that lasted more than she could bear. It was rotten, gruesome and ugly from start to finish, something that shook her faith in herself and in any kind of relationship. This was something she desired to erase from her memory completely but couldn't.
She was lost in her painful thoughts when she felt a hand on her shoulder, turning her neck she found an old lady sitting next to her. She glanced at khushi's protruding belly and smiled warmly.
" when is the due date ?" the lady asked about the baby. khushi lowered her eyes and replied that the baby was due in a few months.
" you're here alone ?"
khushi shook her head instantly, no she hadn't come alone and said, " no I'm with '" while pointing in shalini's and arnav's direction but failed to complete herself when she saw shalini standing so close to him, holding his arm. The scene kind of pricked her eyes and she didn't know why it disturbed her so much. She dropped her gaze slowly and caressed her stomach.
" with your husband ?" The lady tried to finish her incomplete answer.
" I don't have a husband ." khushi told her dryly and saw her expressions changing. There was sympathy and pity, perhaps she thought that khushi had lost her husband. At the same time she could see several questions running in the lady's eyes for instance, how did all this happen? How did the baby come and what would she do with it? honestly khushi had answers to all her questions but she couldn't afford to give them away, it was none of her business to poke in khushi's personal life but these things happen with grown up women who sometimes get nosey, curious and irritating.
Involuntarily her eyes once more glanced at shalini and him. Yesterday when they had gone out in the evening, she was standing that close to him while posing for the photograph and now it was shalini...the memory made her flinch. She didn't wish to admit but shalini and he made a lovely couple.
He noticed her wary expressions but failed to comprehend the reason behind them. Maybe like him even she was thinking about her failed relationship. Marriage was something that didn't bring happiness in their lives and it showed on their faces.
Suddenly the whole idea of attending the wedding seemed a big mistake to khushi. Even though he had accompanied her still she felt lost and lonely. The atmosphere was getting heavy and hostile for her and she couldn't afford to stay a minute longer, hence she went up to shalini and said," di, I'm tired. I want to go home."
Shaalini was delighted to hear that and agreed at once. The wedding ceremonies were done and there was no point in staying back.
laxmi wanted them to have something before leaving but shalini declined politely and said that khushi would be more comfortable if she had home made food. laxmi didn't argue, she was happy at least they made the effort to come over and gazed at khushi lovingly who appeared grim. All khushi wanted was to leave this place and run back home.
Leaning her head against the car window her mind travelled back to the two days she had spent with him, especially the last evening, where on these very roads she was walking with him care freely and blissfully. There was no tension, no confusion and nothing to worry about. There was similar excitement in her heart when she was getting ready to attend this wedding, thinking that once again she would have a good time as he was with her.
But how wrong she was, he was not with her but with his wife! Sitting behind she looked at shalini who was sitting next to him on the front seat. The place belonged to shalini and it would always be occupied by her. Yesterday, she got to spend some time with him only because his wife was not there. The realization brought tears in her eyes, the moments shared with him were a dream and this was reality. No matter how sweet the dreams are eventually they break when we open our eyes and no matter how bitter or harsh the reality is, we can not afford to over look, we have to accept and live with it.
The words spoken by laxmi sometime back, were now echoing in her ears. The love that she held for him in her heart had indeed blinded her vision, she failed to see the big reality of life. Shalini was his wife, who he would acknowledge in public where as she was only carrying his child out of a wedlock, she was nothing more than an embarrassment for him, someone who would only garner questioning glares whereas respect would go to his legally wedded wife.
The car came to a halt when they reached home. He got out and opened the door for her, on seeing that she was still sitting in the car. Opening of the door brought her out of her reverie and she felt embarrassed when he held the door for her. She looked extremely sad, in fact through out the wedding she hardly spoke. Something was wrong with her but what?
" is everything alright ?" he asked softly. She looked at him for a second, blinked back her tears then nodded her head and went in without saying a word.
Thanks for reading
Rose
Book Talk
Shiv Shakti
10