"How could you throw such accusations at me?" her eyes reddened, the finger pointed to toward's the man shaking, as anger took over the woman. Wiping the tears from her eyes, she looked at her children, who were quivering in a corner and shouted, "Go in your room, right now, please, both of you!"
Just then another thundering voice made the children flinch, "No! Don't you dare order my children. They are going with me, to their home. You can do anything with your godforsaken lover then." Overpowered by his wrath, the man moved towards the two children, a boy and a girl, whom he remembered as lovely little kids, playing in the garden from the last time he saw them, almost two months ago, now horrified little souls who were staggering back even looking at him, their father.
The woman pushed at the man's chest, her voice now louder than ever, "No! They are my children, have you spared a thought for them in all these years? I have been the one comforting them when they ask me where there father is, who is busy having those numerous affairs. I have raised them, and they think you are a stranger, a stranger who has come to hurt their mother. You have no right to take them away from me."
She rushed towards her children, and went on her knees as the two of them, the twins rushed into her embrace, kissing her all over the face, while the man's eyes widened and then turned cold, again. He was beginning to say something, as the woman led her children into the bedroom, but her voice sounded just then, cold and bitter, a far cry from her actual self, but an attitude she had developed in the past few months, "If I were you, I would remain shut, before my children start hating you, their own father."
She returned a few minutes later, shutting the door softly behind her, wiping the tears from the corner of her eyes, as she glanced back at the siblings whom she had tucked in bed. Little did she know, it would be her last glance at her children, and theirs the last memory of their mother."
The little girl, whose eyes had been shut till then, was now wide awake, as she held her brother's hand tightly in hers, both equally terrified for their mother, wanting to meet their father. Suddenly, the sound of crashing glass reverberated through their room, and they shifted closer to each other, shivering. They could make out that their parents, the only two adults outside had resumed their shouting. Little could be heard through the closed door, but they did catch something, as their father raised his voice every now and then, "You and Mathur have betrayed me...you have broken my trust, you have destroyed my belief in love. I have given you everything and you..."
"Oh, keep your volume low and don't try degrading me in front of my children, yes, MY children. Tell me, have I ever questioned you about your affairs in front of them? He is a friend, only a friend, who has saved me from falling into depression, made me realised the importance of giving my children a good upbringing, all because my husband was off partying and having numerous affairs."
"Oh, and that is your well learnt explanation? Tell me, then why didn't your friend ask you to try and reconcile with your husband? Or was he busy taking you to his bed than caring about your husb...
"How dare you slap me? Truth hurts doesn't it? You don't deserve love!" his loud voice boomed into the room, laced with scorn, as both the children shut their eyes tightly.
"I want a divorce, and my children. I want to keep them away from their cheating father! It is actually you who doesn't deserve love!" cried their mother, just then.
The children fell asleep soon after, shuddering amidst the sound of abuses, of shattering objects, of cries and shouts, as doors banged, without realising that their mother had walked off, out of the place that had been their house for the past month, and now she would never be able to meet them, sing to them, and that they would never see her again, or feel the warmth of her loving embrace, ever again.
Hours later, only their father's loud cries echoed in their ears, heart wrenching cries, while the little girl shouted, shouted for her mother, shaking her brother, who stood still paralysed with shock, staring at nothing, as the scene unfolded in front of him, "Maa...mumaa!"
She walked rapidly, taking quick steps, almost dashing up the staircase, and then on the wet concrete of the balcony, not caring about anything that came in her way. She was certain that she would be followed, and sure enough, the footsteps sounded. Diya increased her speed, as she heard him approaching, and ignored that some part of the floor was wet due to a leaking pipe. Her foot slipped due to the water, and as she lost her balance, her eyes fluttered shut involuntarily but just then the person who had been following her, broke her fall, catching her in his arms, as he pulled her flush against him.
Her breathing was erratic, and her eyes still closed while his gaze pierced through her. Diya calmed down, recognising the familiar scent on the man, one that she knew was Arjun's. Her eyes flung open and she pushed Arjun away, with all the strength she could gather in that moment. "Stay away from me, Arjun Singh Khurana! Don't you dare", her eyes were wild, and her hair dishevelled.
This was the first time she had called his name, even acknowledged him properly, in all these days. Part of him would have smiled, but the other guilty part overshadowed it. His heart was filled with remorse for not trusting her love, for pushing her away when he knew she was weak, for not listening to her. It hurt, a lot. But Arjun knew he had to mend his mistakes, he had to tell her that he knew she was not at fault. Hence, closing in the distance between them, he held her by the shoulders, looking straight into her unwilling eyes, as she wriggled in his hold, trying to pull away from him.
"Diya...please, please listen to me. I know I don't deserve to talk to you, least of all your forgiveness, but I am selfish, I want to talk to you, to tell you how I feel about you. Please, just please listen to me this once", he paused; noticing that she had stopped her protests, just slightly, but the uncertainty in her eyes gave away her lack of trust for him and his words. His heart pained to see the reluctance in her expressions, eyes which had once shone with love for him, and he had known it had been difficult for her to accept that love, but blinded by wrath, he had completely disregarded it.
"I know I had been irrational that day, and although this is no excuse but I was unwilling to understand anything at all or to listen to anyone. I loved you so much; it was unbearable for me to see you there with that...that Mathur...my blood was boiling. I had trusted you after much difficulty, and I had finally decided to accept love in my life, because I had always seen that the love never mattered after some time, and only brought with it heartbreak and pain. I was weary, but you made me admit that I could actually love, that there was so much more to the attraction, that it wasn't lust.
"And then that day...that day I saw you with Mathur, you didn't even deny it and just smiled. My father was a drunkard, a bas***d. My mother has always had to struggle, and they were both supposedly in love, but he would beat her and go on drinking. That's when my belief in love and marriage shattered, and I started believing that these things didn't exist in the world, but you changed all of that. Hell, I forgot that you had given me so much love, made me forget all of that and I went straight to Chitrangada. I didn't realise what I was doing, I just drank so much and then nothing mattered, I only remembered that moment, when your hand was in his. You know I had always been possessive of you, still am, but that's when my rage got the better of me. I just...I thought why would you be with a man like me, a man with a past when you had that Karan to go to, someone your father approved of, and you have always wanted your father to love you..."
"...And you thought I would betray you because of my father, you thought I would be so selfish", Diya cut in, her voice filled with disgust, "You thought I left you, cheated on you, because I couldn't accept your past? You think I would do that, ever, when I was still battling the ghosts of my own past, my parents' separation? When I accepted you, I knew everything about you, when I acknowledged my love for you, that was after knowing the real you, after realising that your pain ran deep, and I gave you time to accept me, always, to believe in that love, that relationship we once shared. Did that mean nothing to you? I still remember each and every word, I remember that day clearly when you told me about your past, your father, and I accepted my love for you even after that, I never held back, I never blamed you for taking your time with moving ahead with me."
Diya's teary eyes shot up to his guilt ridden face, her breathing still unsteady, and anger rippling through her form. Three years ago, she had always imagined them as being happy, being there for each other, and much in love. But now, what had that love gotten them to? Initially, she hadn't been able to bring herself to accept her feelings, she had been uncertain, and her past experiences had kept holding her back.
That was when Dai ma had managed to keep her hesitance at bay. She had been told by her mother-figure about how it wasn't necessary that what happened with her parents would happen to her as well. She would have to rise from the ashes of her past, forget those dark memories, and move ahead in her life, and so she had done that. Diya had tried to shed her inhibitions whenever Arjun had been around, but each time she had initiated a kiss, held his hand, she had felt him tense, his muscles tighten, and finally when she had confronted him, Arjun had been honest, not hiding anything from her, as they sat in their special corner, overlooking the ocean, right on the marine drive, while the balmy wind had blown softly.
"Diya I know my behaviour is confusing you, but trust me I am very serious about this, about our relationship and that is the reason I have brought you here today, because I want to tell you that my past is holding me back from moving ahead, a past that I want you to know, something that I have never shared with anyone before." As Arjun gaze into her eyes, he felt her hand tighten around his, their fingers entwining.
Diya smiled softly, assuring him, as he continued, "Well, before I met you, I believed that such a thing as love didn't exist, that it is all teenage fantasy and absolute rubbish. This belief had strengthened to such an extent that I thought it is only lust, in every relationship. I thought like that because even my parents claimed to be in love. Other people thought that they were the perfect couple, but there is no such thing as a perfect marriage, or that is what I thought. Everything was okay; actually, till me father lost his job, a reputed post in a multinational company. My mother tried to assure him, she started working to earn for the family, and she did very well, but that didn't go down too well with that bas***d. He slipped into melancholy, and then started drinking out of jealousy. Slowly, he started raising his hand on my mother, and then when I would try to come in between, even at me", Arjun paused, his voice choking in between, his knuckles tightened in rage.
Diya's own tears threatened to fall, but she didn't let them, wanting to be strong for the man who meant so much to her, only she pressed his hand in assurance that she was there for him.
"My mother took all of that, for me, so that I would never have to be tagged as coming from a broken family. But I never told anyone that I would save my lunch money, so that I could help my mother financially, and I would burn with rage each time that man came in front of me. I would always have the strong, violent urge to strangle him for hurting my mother. Then finally one day, when I couldn't take it anymore I protested and he threw a glass at my head, which was the last straw. I ended up being in the hospital and then we started living with my grandmother, my nani. After that day, I drilled into myself that there is no such thing as love in this world.
"I never saw that man again, and my mother and nani tried filling in the void, keeping me away from those memories. A few years ago, we received the news that he had died. Although I did not think about him again, I promised to myself that I would give both of them the best I can, and I worked hard, trying to top all my classes, and I did. I wanted to be a successful businessman, but guess fate had other plans for me. Even now, I give them both all the luxuries, to try and do that little I can to make up for the struggles both of them have had to go through...I..." he voice choked, and Diya immediately cupped his face, trying to transfer all the optimism she had left after listening to him. Her hear constricted seeing him with all his defences down, almost helpless in front of her. She wiped the tears off the corner of his eyes and held his hand tightly in hers.
"Arjun...look at me", Diya beckoned to him and as Arjun looked up, their eyes met. Still holding his face in her hands she started, "Can I tell you something now, about myself?"
When he nodded slightly, she continued, not breaking the eye contact, "Well, you know I don't talk to my father a lot, right? Actually, I have a past too, it is something ugly, something that caused nightmares to Dhruv and I, till Dai ma came into our lives, and ever since she has helped us fight that past, and emerge victorious. It was something that never let me trust completely in the institution of marriage, and love. We would always look at other children whose parents were happy and miss our mother, our maa. There was a time when we would envy them, but Dai ma taught us to be happy, independent and made us forget those memories, well almost. I...my maa", she was unable to speak any further, because she was scared, scared to relive those moments, and scared that she would be vulnerable in front of Arjun, whose strength she had to be at that moment.
Diya's face fell, as she tore away her gaze from his, but immediately Arjun took her in his embrace, cradling her close, as she started to weep, not being able to keep her tears at bay. "Shh...Diya I was ready to tell you everything, because I have learnt to come to terms with it, and from what you said earlier I suppose so have you, but I had prepared myself and I understand that you need time. You can take your time and tell me whenever you are ready."
As her hiccups receded, she looked up and placed her palms on his chest, "I just want to tell you that I will give you the space and time you need, and never will I back away from this relationship because I understand how it feels. You don't need to worry about me leaving you, because you are stuck with me, for now. I understand that it will be difficult, but we will cross the hurdles together and maybe someday we'll be able to accept those three words, come to terms with our feelings, acknowledge them and shed our inhibitions, together."
Diya smiled at him as he echoed her last words and hugged him close. "Together."
As it started to drizzle lightly, Arjun's penitence grew deeper. It dawned upon him that he was the sole cause of the misunderstanding, that their separation was his fault and also that his Diya had been affected by everything deeply, and all along. He took in a deep breath before whispering her name, his voice deep with sorrow, "Diya..."
But she held her hand up, cutting in, "Did you for once think that even I had a past, a past that scared me so much I was afraid to tell you about it, the person I love so much. You declared me a cheater, Arjun. You didn't even care to listen to my side of the story, that maybe I knew nothing about what was to happen that day. If you claimed to love me, couldn't you read the confusion on my face like I read the anger in yours?
"Karan is my best friend, my childhood friend whom I had forgotten, someone I had even stopped considering after you came into my life. But still he understood everything, he understood me. Something you failed to do, when you claimed to be my lover. It's my fault that I didn't lose my trust in you even when Saket told me that you had gone to Chitrangada Vohra's house, and I didn't stop trusting you even when I stepped into her house, believing like a fool that my Arjun would listen to me, that he wouldn't betray me, even though my heart almost stopped beating. But you shattered that heart, you broke everything."
Diya's cries were echoing through the secluded terrace-balcony now. Her eyes were bloodshot, and she fiercely pushed at Arjun's chest, while his eyes remained fixed on the ground before him. She held his shoulders, forcing him to look up and continued, "How could you say that I cheated on you, I would have never done such a thing, least of all to you, the only person I love. You are the person who had made love revive inside my heart, the person who had made that ray of hope shine before me, that maybe I could have that perfect relationship. But happily-ever-afters don't exist, do they? At least for me they don't, right? You ensured that.
"Do you know why it hurt so much? Because my father had once accused my maa of cheating on him, the woman who raised his children, loved him immensely, and all she was doing was seeking support from a friend who prevented her from slipping into depression -- while he was busy expanding his business and seen barely at home, and when the tabloids were filled with reports of his affairs -- only that friend happened to be male. Do you know who that friend was? Kabir Mathur, Karan's father. Yes, he used to be my father's best friend. Had it not been for him, my mother would either have filed for divorce long back, or slipped into depression. You know what my father said to my maa, that she did not deserve love!"
Arjun stood still, shocked by the revelations while Diya hit his chest, screaming, howling, as she shook him, clutching the lapels of his shirt, and then sank to the floor. While all this happened, Arjun remained unmoving, his face contorted with shock and grief as moments when he had accused Diya so harshly flashed before him, his own words and hers ringing in his ears.
It's alright, maybe it is in my genes to 'cheat', I don't blame you for not trusting me.
Why don't you just admit that you were playing with my feelings, being what you really are, the spoilt daughter of a rich father. You don't deserve love, Diya.
I am the daughter of a father who once loved me, not the daughter of a rich businessman. And maybe you are right; I don't deserve love after all.
As heavy rain started to pour on them, all of it made sense now, that she had suffered as much as he had, and maybe more. Arjun kneeled down, his shivering fingers cupping her cheeks as she continued to weep. He moved closer, touching their foreheads, their faces now inches apart. He felt her hands tighten on his muscles through his wet shirt, as pellets of rain fell on their faces. Arjun shifted closer still, slightly lifting her face such that she looked him in the eye. Their lips were about to meet when suddenly, Diya pushed him back abruptly, hastily getting up and dashed out of the balcony as if someone were following her.
Arjun stood up reluctantly, Diya's face flashing in front of him, her words reeling through his mind when suddenly he realised that she had used love, not the past tense, each time she had spoken of her feelings she had expressed her...present feelings?
He knew the passion was still there, and so was the love and now he would correct his mistakes, he would fill her world with love, with joy. Arjun Singh Khurana would give Diya Panchal the perfect relationship and he would give in his best because if ASK decided on something he would not back off till he achieved it, and this time the stakes were high, because it was about the person he loved, the person who had cared for him, made him optimistic, made him believe in relationships, and he would gain her trust. Although Arjun knew that maybe he didn't deserve that love from Diya, but he knew that she deserved it, and no one loved her more than him, no one could ever.
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