CHAPTER ELEVEN
Realizations
Swayam was driving the car and Sharon was sitting on the passenger seat with looking outside, her head was resting on the window. There was a dangerous silence. No one tried to say anything. They were busy in their own world. It was almost past midnight, they were at the beach until now.
The streets were secluded. Every individual have already gone to their dream worlds, but these two souls are still in the battle between what they feel and what they want. They are still trying to understand what they are feeling, and to decipher what they want to do.
One hour ago:
Swayam placed his cold lips on her quivering ones. He securely held her against his chest, his one arm was around her waist, and if he was not holding her then she would have fallen in the wet sand. His one arm moved towards her neck, and that rested on her nape, he pulled her closer. She was crushing his shirt. Her both hands were over his shirt. She was holding for her own dear life.
There was no urgency! That was a kiss out of love, eternal love. They poured their longings for each other, the pain for staying away from each other, the hurt that the other one caused, and love and admiration for each other, everything in a single kiss. If someone sees them now, then they would have said that they were in love. Yes, they are in love but realization needs time. They are two broken souls in different ways, but the reason was same, LOVE. They were enjoying their togetherness.
After some time they broke apart, but he did not leave her, his arms were around her either she did not. There was a long silence. Both stared at each other. They let their hearts to connect. They have a light smile on their face.
"I have missed you" swayam broke the silence, his voice was heavy.
Sharon smiled.
"I have been waiting to do this since I laid my eyes on you" swayam let his heart open in front of her.
"I have been waiting to hold you since I met your eyes" he cupped her face in his palms.
"I have been waiting to tell you this since you fall in my arms"
"I missed you Sharon"
"I missed your presence"
"I missed every those tiny thing you used to do for me."
"I missed your smile that you only shared with dad and Tanni"
He kissed her forehead and hugged her.
"Come back to me Sharon, I need you, I need you in my life."
"When you left, I didn't realize that you were going with my heart, I couldn't see that my heart was with you"
"I ignored that my heart was crying for you, I want to heal but for that I need your presence, your care, more than that I need your love Sharon"
"I want, you to love me again."
"Give me a chance once again, I will prove myself. I want you in my life to make it beautiful. I have lost my happiness when I lost you"
"I lost my life's brightness when I lost you"
"I lost my life's music when I throw you away."
"I know I don't deserve your forgiveness and I won't ask for that now. But if you can give me a chance, a chance to prove your importance in your life."
Swayam put everything in front her. He was crushing her in his arms.
She slowly broke the hug. Her eyes were completely wet. She had nothing to say other than a simple 7-letter word.
"I'm sorry"
She then moved away from him, her eyes were mirroring her pain, but she successfully mask those with an angry glare.
"I'm really sorry Mr. Shekawat. You do not deserve my forgiveness, nor will I give you. I want you to beg to me still I will not give; I want you to go through all the pain that you caused me. I want you to suffer as I did. I want you to change to a vulnerable person. I want you to change like the old Sharon. We turned into the opposite. You were once the rudest and the ruthless person I have met now the swayam standing in front of me is the most vulnerable person. I was a vulnerable person, but now I'm not. This is new Sharon. I won't let you play with me again."
"You might think, when I let you come close to me, I let you see the weak Sharon, I showed you how much you still affect me, how much you mean to me so you still can have a chance but I'm really sorry I have moved on from you. Still my heart was yearning for your love, my heart was fluttering since I met you today, I want to control it and I can only control those by letting my heart live a moment. I forget those every pain and hurt you caused to me for at least to live a moment with you, but that doesn't mean you still have a chance. So goodbye...don't follow me...You are my life's one chapter, which I want to forget."
With that, she moved away and walked towards the car.
Swayam was rooted. He could not move his legs. When the realization hit him hard, he ran behind her and pinned her against the car. He placed his two strong arms on the sides of her head. He was angry. No one, no one refuses Swayam.
"No one, no one refuses swayam, you are playing with Mr. Swayam Shekawat, don't forget that."
She shivered with the intensive anger that his eyes showed. He glared at her. She was amazed with his split personality. He was in his vulnerable sate few seconds ago now he is the same old rude swayam.
She pushed him away from her with all her strength.
And she shouted looking at his face.
"You know what Mr. swayam Shekhawat you will never change, you were, you are and you will be the old rude, ruthless, selfish, money minded swayam. You have to control your mind first. Stop showing your attitude towards me, go and consult a doctor for your split personality. You are so bipolar."
Again, shock. Sharon managed to give shocks to swayam back to back.
He ran his hands through his hairs...now that was messy.
"Sorry Sharon sorry," he said holding her shoulders.
"I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to. I was scared of losing you."
He again went to his vulnerable state.
He was the reason behind her change. The rude, selfish swayam was the reason behind the change in Sharon and now the changed Sharon is becoming the reason behind his change.
She looked at his eyes. Those were showing guilty. Still there was love, love for his Sharon.
"I'm sorry Sharon. You know me right... and I don't say sorry to anyone...now see I'm saying sorry to you. I am asking apology to you. I do not want you to forgive me easily...you can punish me. You can test me... I never tried to hear my heart in those past years. When today I met you, my heart was crying to come near to you. I do not know what that was. I want to stay close to you, or otherwise I will die."
He was so desperate.
Sharon stared at him as he has grown to a ghost.
"Swayam."
He fell down in his knees and looked up at her.
"Sharon I never felt this before for anyone not even for you, you know that I was playing with you"
He stopped there and dipped head. After a few second he continued.
"I was being the worst jerk; I know I have hurt you beyond limits. I don't deserve your forgiveness. I know you don't want to come to my life again but just give me a chance to meant my mistake, I want to give you some happiness. Please let me do that."
She did not say anything.
"Take your time... I will wait."
After that, he stood up.
"Come it's late, let's go now."
She didn't move.
"Sharon"
"Haa..."
"Come let's go."
"Ok"
"Give me the keys. I will drive."
Without any reply, she gave him the keys and sat inside. Then swayam drove them to home.
Back to present
They were still in their own world. Didn't talk anything. After some time, swayam broke the silence.
"Sharon.."
"Hmm"
She didn't turn.
"You were lying na?" he asked with hope.
"About what?"
"That you were not happy when you were with me"
She looked at him; his eyes were red with pain.
"I was not lying, but I didn't say the whole truth. I was happy with you in that one month when you acted that you were in love with me, but that happiness went away after that night."
Swayam didn't dare to look at her after that.
Sharon was in a dilemma, she does not know what to do, she really don't want to trust swayam again, but she was sure that she has witnessed love, pain, longing, and cravings for love in his eyes. That wounded her heart. She wants to heal him. She knows there is a great swayam, an innocent swayam behind that rude one. She knows that he has his own reasons for what he has done. He is regretting everything he did. She wants to give him a chance, but she is scared what if she has to go through all the pain again, she will not able to survive that she will die with the pain.
Will she give him a chance?
Swayam was in a battle with his mind and heart, but he has decided that he will hear his heart from now, he has realized that he was craving for her and he has feelings for her. However, he is scared to admit that. He is scared to give a name to his feelings, Love. He fell in love with her even before he realized that he did.
Will he confess his love to her?
Will he bring tanni's name between them?
Anupamaa
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