Thread 2-Celebration of Fates:RagNa FF, Part-44,Page-100, 21/02 - Page 5

PART-25

It had been five days after Prem's departure. Things between Raghav and Kalpi were pretty much back to normal with Raghav's morning greetings to Kalpi. He continued to give Kalpi roses of white and yellow colours alternatively, along with his morning kiss on Kalpana's cheeks. Now Kalpana seemed to have started enjoying Raghav's kisses and Raghav noticed that. He noticed Kalpi's shy downcast eyes whenever his face came closer to Kalpi's; and the tinge of red on her cheeks after his kiss. But never once did Kalpi say anything else; her eyes seemed to convey a lot- a fear, guilt, confusion, love; her eyes still showed a wall. But guilt? Guilt about what? Fear of what; and above all what stopped his honeybee from expressing things to him now? Raghav felt the changes in Kalpana for himself; but he was still mindful of those changes. Past of eight years ago had not left him either. Things could change, go wrong in fraction of seconds Raghav knew; only this time Raghav didn't want that change to be for worse.

What was that wall which though cracked but still enveloped Kalpi's heart; thus effectively silencing out its voice from reaching Kalpi's lips? Till now Raghav did not dare to believe what his soul knew somewhere was the case.

Raghav could not bring himself to believe that his honeybee had forgiven him; or maybe better still she has at last started believing in Raghav's innocense. Some things are too good to be true. He had wanted to take revenge from Kalpi, by making her admit that Raghav Singhania does affect her; that she will always need him for everything and most importantly for her career; that she was wrong; to make Kalpi admit that Raghav is important for her and her soul.

Raghav knew that he was right; because he knew Kalpi since childhood. He knew that for a girl like Kalpi allowing Raghav to kiss her, to come close to her even at the age of sixteen and now when she was a responsible adult meant a tie of emotions somewhere deep from her heart; which maybe even Kalpi wasn't aware of yet. Raghav knew the implications and meaning of this well enough, because actions speak louder than words. Kalpi was a girl of strong character. Thus, her never giving a strong and real denial to Raghav meant that he was in fact important for Kalpi; maybe the same way as she was for him.

This much Raghav had come to realize that since his childhood he was too used to his honeybee and her antics. Kalpana was the girl who always sought to be better than him; who always triggered his jealous tendencies- first in studies and now because he was possessive for her. The girl whom he was too used to protect since their childhood, who was a part of his daily life; with whom extreme of his emotions, the real him came out so very easily; the girl whose distrust on Raghav broke him in pieces and thus whom he could never forget and allow to leave him even when she was absent from his life. That girl was surely the most important girl in his own life; the only female other than his mother and cousin having the power and the right to oppose him or to rule him.

Maybe Raghav himself did not know why he wanted this revenge; why he refused to accept Kalpana's terms and conditions? Surely yes, it was to win from her; but not just for that. His soul never allowed Kalpi to leave him and their relation. A relation which Raghav had come to realize might be something more than what they both had thought to be since they were children. His decision to test the paths which their destiny could take them to; which was maybe more than a simple attraction had turned sour eight years ago. Now when Kalpana was near him, initially Raghav was too focused in proving Kalpi wrong. That would have given him some satisfaction; applied balm to his wounded heart. But as things progressed Raghav had come to realize his younger eight year back self was so right; Kalpi did mean much more to him than a simple case of attraction.

"I, I could not live without her; maybe I couldn't imagine my life without my honeybee". Kalpi's mere presence made him feel alive. But what would have made him more alive was Kalpana's happiness. She had hurt him eight years ago and Raghav tried to repay her by doing things he knew Kalpi's lips would deny. Getting Kalpi to admit her defeat would have given his hurt-self immense satisfaction, but that happiness was incomplete. The happiness in Kalpi's eyes gave Raghav more satisfaction than this crazy past desire of avenging injustice to himself.

Raghav could see that maybe finally soon enough he would at least get this acceptance from Kalpana that he does affect Kalpana's body and that he did matter to her. He wanted to see the same love and trust in Kalpana's eyes; which Raghav thought was reflected in his. His heart hadn't said "I love you Kalpana" even to itself yet; the fear of losing her again was stopping him from saying that. The fear of trusting his fate stopped him from this admittance. Now sitting in the lounge of his home, a beer can in his hand Raghav reflected upon his feelings towards Kalpi.

"Was it really true? She has become my life, my everything and the reason behind my smile. Can I, can I say, admit what I feel for her? I wanted her to be only and only mine, for life. Only I have the right to be close to her; I had and I have been the closest to her always. Does she really need someone else as her life partner too? Someone else for her life? I wanted her to love me; and maybe, maybe I do too. But, Oh Kalpi; why do you make things so difficult? I, I am sometimes too afraid of how and what I feel. I admit I am scared of the feelings within me when I am close to you; when you are close to me. I cannot admit yet that I love you, that I like you beyond I can ever imagine or beyond I can ever like anyone else. Because since the time of our first kiss, its only you I have liked the most, yearned for the most, missed the most. Yet, I am afraid of our closeness but, I cannot live without this closeness too. What? What do I do? I cannot let you go away from me now; I want you for myself. I do love this feeling even if it is scary, so soothing after eight long years! Maybe I have given a chance to this feeling already; and, and I know this fear shall go away completely soon. Maybe very soon, I know. Till then please let me feel you near me; because, I don't know what future holds for us. But I just want to cherish each moment with you, for you and with your happiness because I love the smile in your eyes the most. I, I love that and I cannot live without that smile. I will always protect that smile, come what may. Regardless of whatever we share in future, I shall be your protector and your shield from others always."

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"So what did you reply to Prem?" Sapna was asking Kalpi the same night while they prepared dinner together in her apartment. Kalpi was staying with Sapna for the night. Wanting to catch up with each other Sapna had suggested that Kalpi makes an overnight stay at her place. "It's the only way we can spend time together you know?" Sapna had told Kalpi and latter had willingly agreed. Sapna was the best person to share everything and right now Kalpi really needed some shoulder to rely on. "I told him that I don't love Raghav" Kalpi replied sheepishly and in response Sapna raised a brow. "You told him that? Why if I may ask? Raghav is the only person ruling your head, heart and life from what I see!" Sapna asked Kalpi.

"Yes I gave that reply to him, and Prem went on to insist that I tell Raghav about my feelings soon. That I don't want to lose that man. I, I don't know what to say Sapna. It's true I don't want to lose him and he is most special to me in every way possible. But am I ready to accept him completely in that way? I don't know. Many things are still unresolved,, the mystery behind eight year old incident; who was responsible behind it. Many knots are still left to be untied and till then, I cannot hold this knot of Raghav and mine relation properly to untangle it. I am afraid of allowing him complete access to my everything, my life and my mind and heart. Most of all, I am still afraid of getting hurt again; and I don't even know by whom and what? Maybe I do love him I know, because for me he is the only one having right on me and shall only be always. But I still have time , still want to take time to admit that to him and myself. Plus before that I still have to tell him sorry and admit he won; that I was wrong and I am defeated happily for life. Without that sorry how do I move on in reality; I have to leave this guilt and questions-behind. I have to take my time, some more time."

"Hmm" Sapna said and placed a hand over Kalpi's shoulder. "Don't worry everything will come out just right. Okay? Just trust your both fate. It will play out just fine and it will be happy soon" Sapna said.

"It will be fine right? I don't' have to lose him also right? Even if I m not ready yet? It will be okay na?" Kalpi's hopeful eyes raised towards Sapna as her lips left these words. Any positive words Sapna said right now would be Kalpi's lifeline for now.

"Yes my best friend, just trust God and everything, Trust your feelings okay?" Sapna said hugging Kalpi close and comforting her. "Hmm okay" Kalpi replied "I love you Sapna."

Sapna chuckled "I love you too sweetie, I love you too" adding in her mind "But I cannot wait for your appropriate time to confront the feelings you have for Raghav. Maybe that extra push might bring that time sooner than you and Raghav expect it. Maybe...yes we should."

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NEXT DAY, 6 P.M.: -

It was the room of a theatre again, and Kalpana was sitting inside dressed in her Kathak attire. She'd stepped into a theatre after so long; and the fact that it was for a show which she was doing with Raghav did not help. True that right now they both were shooting in different locations. Raghav was in the studio they shot daily but Kalpi was to shoot in a theatre today. It was supposed to be recreation of a flashback sequence wherein it was shown how Kalpi's character Ananya went on to become from a desiring classical dancer to a businesswoman. They had shot the sequence of Ananya giving a stage performance of her Kathak dance whilst she was still in college. One more scene remained to be shot where Kalpi's onscreen mother tells Ananya after the performance that since her marriage is now fixed, this was the last stage performance; and last dance of her life.

This last scene of the day required Kalpi to be in a sombre mood and it came naturally to Kalpi. It was the first time she was shooting without Raghav being around and Kalpi realized that she missed his presence too much. The background of theatre only served to increase her pangs more. But their scene required background of a theatre and Mr. Roy thought it was much better if they shot in a real theatre rather than prepare a new set for that scene. Thus here she was, trying to suppress moans of her heart, feeling her mind a bit annoyed by the voices inside her.

She rested her head on the back of her chair, focusing on her breaths in a meditative practice. "It may help in calming myself a bit and passing this evening" Kalpi thought. Her thoughts still wandered to Raghav so Kalpi had busied herself in playing games on her cell when a knock sounded on the door of her room.

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"Come in" Kalpi replied while sitting straight. The door opened and Kalpi looked in the mirror as to who was the new entrant. Her confused mind recognized the face soon causing her to leave her seat and turn towards the man who had entered. Her lips quivered, "OH God why?" it seemed everything today was hell bent on making her too emotional and make her miss Raghav more. "Sh, Shinde Sir?" stuttering Kalpi asked, her eyes showing she was happy and yet emotional.

It was "Amar Shinde" the director of the play Kalpi and Raghav had worked eight years ago; and whose last show proved to be a break in their friendship. After Kalpi had left that theatre group, she hadn't met any member of that group; and partly it was a deliberate attempt to keep herself away from any memory which reminded her of Raghav. But now things were different, Kalpi had moved on and her perceptions about Raghav had taken an almost 360 degrees turn. Today, if ignoring the fact that Shinde Sir's presence had reminded Kalpi of her times with Raghav; she was truly happy to meet one of her mentors. After all it was in his guidance that Kalpi had started maturing as an actress.

"Oh my God I cannot believe this Sir. I am so happy" Kalpi managed to say and in few strides she'd reached where Amar Shinde stood; somewhat heavy built man of 52 years, showing streaks of grey hair now. Kalpi touched the man's feet and he blessed Kalpi, "You still haven't changed I see" he said. Kalpi only laughed and gave the man a light hug. "I will never change for you Sir. I am sorry to be staying away for so long" Kalpi muttered with a frowning and pouty face. "But I, I had some personal issues. I lost many friends for this reason. But everything is fine now and I am so glad to find you again. We shall surely be in touch again" she continued and Shinde smiled.

"I know what reason Kalpana" he smiled shocking Kalpi. Bemused and crossing her arms Kalpi asked "You know? And what would it be Sir?"

"You think I wouldn't know my daughter like girl and son like boy enough?" Shinde replied, his voice showing the amusement. "Means?" frowning Kalpi asked, praying this father figure man was a bit less smart in these matters. But all her prayers went in vain when she heard the man say "It was because of Raghav, right?"

Hearing Raghav's name from the man's mouth her eyes widened in surprise. "You know?" Kalpi asked from Shinde in a shocked voice. "Yes beta, I know" the kind man replied, "Besides you two had not parted on too cordial a note. And all of us knew how close Raghav was to you being your childhood friend. So it was natural for you to behave the way you did; and for us to suffer alongside Raghav."

Kalpi lowered her head, not even attempting to hide the regret and sadness, "I am sorry Sir. I shouldn't have done that with you all. Your understanding and explanation does not justify my actions. But if I can make you believe that I did miss you all, all of you including Raghav; would you believe me Sir?" Kalpi asked Shinde in hope. Shinde smiled and placed a loving hand on Kalpana's head, "I would and I can see you have moved ahead. You have matured as a person and also understood that your childhood friend Raghav could not play a cheap prank like that on you. I watch each episode of your show and it is so good to see you both acting together again. I wish though you two were never separated and that misunderstanding had never crept between you both. That when you confronted Raghav, it wasn't with a slap."

Kalpi's face drooped, "I wish so too Sir but, you'd seen right what had happened? As a girl I could not take it then and to know that it came from my childhood friend shook me. But I agree it shouldn't have happened that way." She finished speaking while shaking her head in a no and felt Shinde Sir caressing her head. "Move on Kalpana beta. If you have not already then simply say sorry to Raghav and mend things completely between you two. No one becomes small my child by accepting his/her mistakes. I am sure Raghav will understand and forgive you; he cared for you, he always had. Communicate with him about this incident and try to hear his side of the story, even if it's after eight long years. Some things are better late than never, for I know for sure one fact that Raghav never was your culprit."

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction using characters from the show "Ek Mutthi Aasmaan" on "Zee TV". The characters are owned by creators and owners of the show.

PART-26