Arshi FF:Love Me Forever #2 LINK TO# 3 pg 149 - Page 33

Chapter 18

With every passing day and week her love for him grew deeper along with the desire to confess her feelings to him, although she was still confused about whether he too felt the same or not but she had no doubt in her mind that her heart beat only for him. She was waiting for the right time to express her love because she knew that he kept his emotions well guarded and even if he too loved her he would not confess it on his own, she would have to take the first step and she was prepared to do that.

Soon one of the most important days of her life arrived, her birthday and to make it all the more special for herself she decided to open her heart out to him on that day. She was aware that he would not remember her birthday cause she had never told him about it, she wanted him to be the first one to wish her at midnight.

She took payal's help to decorate the terrace with red and white heart shaped balloons and rose petals spread all over the place along with aromatic candles placed at different corners. A big chocolate cake was kept at the centre of the table with a few candles burning on it. Aman was asked to keep him busy with work and return back home just a little before midnight and send him straight to the terrace. Payal looked at her watch it was 10 minutes to twelve, she hugged khushi wishing good luck and left the terrace. She had an early morning flight to catch along with anjali, both of them were going to banglore to shop for her fast approaching wedding.

Khushi gazed at the stars and the moon above, she saw his face in the moon and smiled nervously, he was indeed her moon. There were numerous stars glittering in the sky but just one moon outshined all of them, just like he always managed to outstand in a huge crowd. The moon was not spotless or scar less yet it appeared so beautiful similarly he was not perfect he had his share of weaknesses and flaws but despite that she desired him. The moon was far away from her and she admired it from a distance, even her moon was beyond her reach but that didn't stop her from loving him, with the passage of time they both bridged the gap between themselves and tonight she would eliminate this distance completely by confessing her love to him.

She moved around the terrace slowly kicking the balloons lying on the floor, she stopped near a big bowl filled with water and floating candles, she saw her reflection in it and smiled shyly, she had dressed up only for him in that red sari wearing the diamond earrings which he had gifted her on diwali along with the bangles that daadi had given her on knowing about her pregnancy and of course she had kept her hair open just the way he liked them to be.

She was waiting for him anxiously when she heard his footsteps and turned around. He walked slowly with his hands in his pockets and glanced at the decorations in confusion, what was all that for? Was he forgetting something? He reached near the table and saw the cake which had her name, he scratched his forehead and felt guilty for not remembering her birthday, he raised his eyes and looked at her, as usual she was smiling without complaining," khushi I'm sorry I didn't know."

She shook her head forgiving him and replied," it's okay arnav ji..you're here with me at this moment is more than enough for me."

He bit the inside of his cheek feeling bad that she had made each and every day of his life special but today on her special day he had nothing to gift her, he gazed at her apologetically and said," I don't even have a present for you."

She walked close to him and brought her hand from behind and opened her palm on which a small gift was kept," arnav ji without my asking you've showered me with many gifts but tonight I have something for you."

He smiled thinking that on her own birthday instead of taking a gift from him she had bought something for him. He took the box from her hand and opened it slowly while she waited with bated breath to see his reaction. It was a simple gold ring, he picked up the ring and raised his brow questioning her, she gulped the lump down her throat and took a deep breath before telling him why she was gifting this to him, "Earlier things like wearing mangalsutra around my neck and vermillion in my parting used to only symbolize that I am your which wife but with the passage of time these symbols have now became an integral part of my life, they are no more just symbols but my sole reason of existence."

She glanced at her ring which he had slipped it in her finger that time anjali had said that the nerve of the ring finger was directly connected to the heart, she was right the ring and the one who gave her that ring were now closely connected to her heart and tonight she too wanted to mark him as hers, she too wished to connect with his heart and which was why she gave him that ring, a token of her love for him," this relationship has now become my life. This ring is a symbol of my love ..i love you arnav ji."

Finally she had said it, she felt so relieved and light, with a smile on her face she read his eyes which earlier appeared confused and now shocked, the ring dropped from his fingers as her words registered in his mind, she was in love with him? Did his ears hear right?

He creased his forehead and asked softly," love? You love me?" she looked at the dropped ring then him, the way he was looking and speaking to her made her heart beat drop down.

Still in a state of shock he continued," from where did love come between us?" she wasn't understanding what he was saying, he stated further," you know I don't believe in love."

Her throat went dry and her face lost its glow as she said," but I... thought that " he didn't let her finish and asked in amazement," what did you think?that I love you ? but didn't I tell you before getting married that this relationship would be devoid of love ..then why did you think otherwise?" tears blinded her vision as she realized that he didn't love her and he still maintained his stand that he didn't believe in the emotion called love and whatever transpired between them in all these months didn't build up into love according to him.

He saw her heartbroken face, love always hurts, he was aware of that which was why he stayed away from it and never wanted to bring it in their relationship. He held her by her shoulders and looked into her dismayed eyes, it pained him to say all that but he had to bring her out of this disillusionment," look khushi, what we share is beautiful. We deeply respect and care for each other. We trust one another with our feelings with our hearts. Things are just perfect like this. Don't bring love and ruin all this. Love only hurts. And I don't wish to see you hurt."

She couldn't comprehend his definition of love, as per him love was synonymous to pain, hurt and tears, whereas according to her when two people respected each others feelings, shared their joys, sorrows and deepest secrets with one another and cared unconditionally about each other then all that fell into the category of love, ironically all this was present in their relationship which even he admitted but failed to name it as love.

She wanted to remind him of all those beautiful moments that they shared in the past, to convince him that love was definitely present in their relation but her throat went dry and mind blank, Her heart still didn't wish to believe all that he had said and asked him one more time, "not even for a single moment...you loved me?"

He stared back at her questioning and hopeful eyes then slowly parted his lips and whispered," No. I didn't."

That was it, her dreams, her hopes, her aspirations, her life, her everything came crashing down before her eyes, she couldn't take it anymore and collapsed on the floor.

He kneeled in front of her and cupped her face worriedly, tears dropped from her lifeless eyes, she pushed his hand back and turned her face away from him, he tried to speak to her," khushi, please look at me. See I never wanted to hurt you. I told you not to expect love from me." he attempted to turn her face so that she could look into his eyes but she removed his hands from her face and said sadly," Arnav ji, please leave me alone."

It grieved him to see her like that, he never wanted her to suffer therefore always shielded their relationship from the painful emotion of love, he raised his hand to wipe away her tears but she pushed his hand back," for god's sakes arnav ji, this pain this anguish and these tears, they are all mine. Let me deal with them. You just go. Please." the bitterness, the hurt, the despair clearly visible in her voice and in her words but how could he abandon her like that, he shook his head in negation, her accusing eyes met his and she asked," agreed you can't love me back. But at least you can allow me to spend sometime alone? On my birthday is it too much to ask for?"

Her every single word pierced through his heart, all that he had dreaded was now happening, he sighed deeply then stood up and left the place silently.

He sat on his rocking chair as his mind began replaying the incidents that had taken place in the past, her getting terrified on seeing him pointing a gun at somebody and then her advising him to stay away from unnecessary bloodshed, her making him realize that how much his sisters repented their misdeeds and now he should not only forgive them from his heart but also forget what all that had happened and lastly her getting mad at him when he had got shot which later on compelled him to leave his unlawful business and venture into a new project. He did as she asked him to do and changed himself considerably not because he loved her but because all that she said made sense to him and moreover he wanted to reform himself for the sake of his child.

He was grateful to her for making him a better grandson, a better brother and above all a responsible parent. She influenced him the way nobody ever did, with her he felt happy and at peace especially when she made him realize that he was not a bad or wrong person and that he would make a great father one day. Due to her he felt so closely connected with his child.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, her weeping face appeared before him, he gripped the arm of his chair firmly, why did he always brought tears to her eyes? Why did he always disappoint her when all he wished was to make her happy?

He opened his eyes and his gaze fell at the entrance of the room, he remembered clearly that when she had broken the news that she was pregnant he had decided to make her sleep in a separate room, why?

Because they weren't like any other normal married couple who loved each other so there wasn't any point in sharing the same room. At that time too he had explicitly stated that there was no place for love between them then why did she forget his words and fall for him?

He clenched his jaws and gritted his teeth as he reminded himself that he wasn't capable of loving anybody, whenever he did in the past his heart always got brutally hurt in return, he didn't have the ability to go through this pain all over again, which was why he kept his emotions in control and didn't wish her to lose her heart to him but she did! He banged his fist hard on the chair.

She stood up and began stomping the balloons with her feet one by one as she recalled how he had picked her up in his arms when she had burnt her foot during the Ganesha puja and later on had brought Ganpati home for her sake. She raised her foot and burst another red heart shaped balloon on remembering the diwali evening when he had gifted her those earrings, she could still feel the touch of his fingers as he helped her wear them. If all that wasn't love then why did he care so much about her and what she told him? Why couldn't he bear shyam's remarks when he mocked their relation? Her heart beat was making a louder noise than the bursting of balloons under her feet.

She stopped near the table where the cake was kept and glanced at the burning candles, how could she misread his eyes which clearly reflected that what he felt for her was more than just plain and normal concern, there were times when she felt he was attracted towards her, she had witnessed passion in his eyes when they had got stuck in the rain on their way back after visiting shirdi, then why was he denying and not acknowledging his true feelings. She extinguished the birthday candles by pressing her palm over the flames and smirked thinking he was feeling guilty for not gifting her anything tonight but the way he rejected her love he couldn't have made her birthday more special and memorable.

With heavy steps she walked toward the swing, sat on it and gazed at the sky, the clouds hid the moon behind them making the night moonless just as her moon was hiding behind the wall that he had built around himself making her life loveless, she wasn't ashamed of confessing her love to him, if he didn't wish to accept it then it was his choice she would not force it on him but hence forth she wouldn't display it either, she had done what she had to do on her part now the ball was in his court.

Sometime later he came back to the terrace for her, he looked around and found her lying on the swing. He went up to her and on the way his foot kicked the ring she had got for him. He picked it up and glanced at her token of love but could he give her what she wished for? He didn't know and quietly slipped it in his pocket. He covered her with the shawl he had around himself and glanced at her tear stained face, he was feeling miserable after breaking her heart but he had no other option he didn't want her to live under false hope. Some things weren't in one's hands, they would happen if they were meant to be and this was one of them.

Rose