In her new bedroom, sighing loudly, Zoya sank down into her new bed. Yes, HIS bed and much to her reluctance what was now theirs. Just one more piece of evidence to prove what kind of a ridiculous charade her life had become. This marriage was all for his benefit only, his pride, as if he really cared about her, Zoya sniffed as images from a few moments ago flashed before her, - Tanveer and Asad unashamedly holding hands in Tanveer's bedroom.
Asad had married her alright, the misfit that she was and not out of love - hell, definitely not out of love - he downright despised her, her ideas, her mannerisms, after all she was not as perfect as that salwar-kameez, tameez and tehzeeb Tanu. No, Zoya pacified the throbbing pain in her chest; he married her to honour his mother, to defy his legacy, to show the world he was a bigger man than his Abbu, to show that he could do no wrong. Although there were a few times this past week that Zoya had suspected that this marriage was more personal and more dear to him but then witnessing Tanveer and Asad together moments ago only made her suspicion that their marriage was a charade that more convincing. Yet Zoya found herself strangely seeking Asad's approval, something she never previously needed so much, not until Tanveer happened.
Zoya could not deny that her feelings for Asad, her feelings for him were crystal clear, the true depth of her feelings for Asad crystallised these past three months, she loved him and that was her affliction, her unlucky fate to love him unconditionally and never to be loved back in return, just fated to be his wife in name and nothing more. The mere thought of unrequited love did not make her happy and all she could see ahead for herself was misery, just endless misery. Misery that she would have to pretend that she was okay having Tanveer around, misery that Asad hadn't acknowledge his mistakes fully, misery pretending that nothing had changed between Asad and herself, and that Tanveer would always be the third person in their marriage, misery pretending to be the happy Zoya that Asad could laugh at and point out her faults at his leisure. So why had he ever wanted to tie himself to this farce in the first place? To establish a certain reputation for his public life or was it he had other plans for Zoya?
Disturbed and deeply irritated, Zoya sat up straight on the bed, all the while she succumbed to the most awful feelings of jealousy towards Tanveer, and she grew more convinced that there was something menacing about Tanveer, she always seemed to be lurking around wherever Asad was, and it was obvious Tanveer hated Zoya as Zoya quite frankly recalled the icy unfriendly stare Tanveer through in her direction the first day back in the Khan villa, the morning where Asad had brought her breakfast in bed.
Zoya closed her eyes heaving a slow sigh of sadness as she recalled the events of the week; everything just didn't seem right. She grimaced as she leaned back against the headrest of the bed, her head firmly pressed against the headboard. Maybe she just wasn't made for happiness. It wasn't the first time that thought had occurred to her. She was so confused; the mental and physical exhaustion of her condition and complicated pregnancy and the rushed marriage had taken a toll on her.
The thick gun metal sky growled a thunderous roar announcing the start of another downpour, the heavy sky appeared sultry through the glass window near the big green daybed where Asad often spent most of his nights these past few nights, another indication that their marriage meant nothing. Zoya traced the grey lines of rain that trickled down the window pane with her drowsy eyes; a handful of tears ran down her cheeks but she wiped her tears resolutely as she heard Asad's footsteps approaching the door, she sniffled despondently and got up from the bed turning herself away from Asad. Asad turned the doorknob entering the room cautiously; his eyes traced Zoya's swift movement from the bed towards the wardrobes.
Asad walked with a cautious pace towards the wardrobes with two steaming cups of cacao hot chocolate in his hands, his eyes stared at Zoya in awe and utmost admiration for her. It was almost quarter to midnight and Zoya was wide awake making clutter in their bedroom as she threw clothes haphazardly all over the floor, what appeared to be as if she was looking for something. Asad cleared his throat awkwardly as he stood over Zoya, which immediately brought Zoya out of her enthusiastic search through the wardrobe.
Zoya's tired and annoyed gaze looked up reluctantly to meet his tender puppy eyes and her eyes immediately clouded over, she lowered her lashes to hide unshed tears, her body tensed, when she saw Asad Ahmed Khan, her husband standing just a few inches away from her.
"What the hell do you want?" Zoya snapped in his direction. For a millisecond she thought that Asad might have flinched at her harsh tone but as soon as it was there, it was gone again, his body visibly straightened up and he narrowed his tender eyes at her trying to figure out the cause of her distress.
"Kuch nahin, wo actually ..." Asad sighed with a cautious smile on his face trying to understand Zoya's current mood. God did she look amazingly hot in her dishevelled state in her pink pyjamas and slouchy shawl. "You weren't sleeping, I saw the light from under our bedroom door, toh maine socha ... I would make you some healthy hot chocolate with cacao ... and maine socha ke ... it's easier to tell the truth in the dead of night, even when it's about the past, however complicated and painful and full of regrets it might be. And sometimes you just need to talk, drink disgusting hot chocolate and throw pillows and just lighten your mood," Asad spoke nervously, like he had verbal diarrhoea .
Zoya looked up, more than surprised to see Asad like this. Why in the world would she share her problems with this stubborn brute of a man standing in front of her? "Dekho Mr. Khan, it's almost midnight, aur mujhe aap se koi baat nahin karni. Main sirf apna iPad doon rahin hoon. Najma ne kaha ta ... ke wo aap ke paas hai, mujhe apna iPad chaahiye Mr.Khan, that is all," Zoya stated demandingly as she waved more items from the wardrobe at his face.
Asad heaved a heavy and longing sigh. His rational-self told him he had a lot to apologise for, a lot to explain to her and it was best if he got it out of the way now, the quicker the better. He needed to clear all the misunderstandings in particular the misunderstanding surrounding the bus accident, and Tanveer as he recalled Zoya's deeply painful diary entry on how she witnessed him hugging Tanveer after running pass her as if she didn't exist; but he truly didn't know she was there that day of the bus accident. Asad just could not seem to shake off the feeling he might have given the wrong impression of him then and particularly now since he forcefully brought Zoya back to Khan villa. He felt he needed to clear whatever misunderstandings Zoya had about Tanveer. If there was one thing Asad abhorred in others it was belligerent and bad manners or worse the complete lack of manners and the more Asad thought about it, the more he was convinced he had displayed these mannerisms since he brought Zoya back home. He put it down to his pride and arrogance but he felt it was his duty to put things right between him and Zoya. It was only fair that way.
"Zoya ... I know you weren't sleeping, I saw the light from under your door," Asad whispered tenderly once more as he held up the two steaming cups pleading she would take up his offer. He repeated his words for he felt Zoya wasn't truly listening to him, he wasn't here to argue with her, he was here just to be with her like a caring, considerate husband. "Here ... wo actually I made hot chocolate with cacao. It probably tastes horrible, but... anyway I tried. And your iPad is in the third drawer on the left, next to your laptop and your pink leather bound diary," Asad spoke tenderly as he looked at Zoya, craving for her attention, hoping she would accept his invite to drink hot chocolate and talk to her hearts content. He wanted her to be her normal self around him, oh how he missed those days of effortless conversation and Zoya's constant need to prove him wrong with her lengthy discussions and silly arguments.
"Oh - I see," Zoya responded cynically as she located her iPad, "- ... waise ... I hope ke aap ne meri diary nahin pari, because that would be bad manners. And as for your hot chocolate made with cacao ... I don't want any," Zoya turned away gritting her teeth. She was suddenly very aware of the fact that she was looking no where near as presentable with her tousled hair and no make-up face, her slouchy pink pyjamas were not exactly flattering, God knows why she needed to feel attractive around him as she rolled her eyes at him. The second thing she realised was that it was pretty damn rude for him to be hiding her diary, for all she cared he must have had a thorough read through it, he most likely read all of it and most probably he found her diary entries childish and silly. It was Asad after all, what else had she been expecting? She sat up a little straighter on the floor ready to attack him for his stubbornness, like he assumed he had a right on everything that was hers. Zoya felt angry and silly once again, the shame would have killed her if he had read anything in her diary especially anything about him.
"Oh Zoya, don't grit your teeth at me, your teeth will drop out, or something hideous will happen to you if you don't stop pulling faces at me," he threw her one of his haughty smiles and made an exaggerated gesture trying his best to lighten her mood with a really bad joke.
Wow, seriously this wasn't the time to joke. Zoya shook her head, trying to look appalled at his arrogance, but she didn't really manage. Probably because she knew most of his arrogance was not genuine and so she could no longer feign being appalled, nonetheless she was still hurt. His posture was different, that shy smile turned to a lofty, somewhat self-assured grin, but his face seemed cautious and tender as he smiled at her. His arrogance wasn't strictly pretence; it was partly a character trait that was otherwise suffocated by his insecurities, and partly his very own protection from the world that had proven so cold and unwelcoming when he was a kid, his insecurities extended to his over needy protection for her.
Zoya got up and turned on her heels to counter him, "Something hideous will happen to you if you don't be quiet Mr.Khan," she countered him frustratingly but in doing so she collided with him, her soft fragile frame collided with his solid body, and in the collision the two cups of steaming hot chocolate cacao fell all over Asad. He heard Zoya's voice exclaim something that sounded a lot like a worried shriek as she reached out with her hands to caress his torso and a few seconds later, he felt the burning hot sensation of steaming hot liquid splashing against his toned torso, effectively drenching his crisp, white shirt with hot steaming chocolate.
"You've got to be kidding me!!! ... stuff like this only happens when you are around ... Mr. Akdu Ahmed Khan, you must think I'm a total klutz ... aur waise bhi galti aap ki hai, - naa aap yahaan iss tarah ... statue ki tarah karein rehte ... with two cups of steaming hot chocolate in your hands, aap ko iss waqt mazak sooj raha ta ... and now hamesha ki tarah aap mujh pe gussa karenge, like it's all my fault," Zoya exclaimed, her voice stirred with concern, fear and irritation all the same.
Looking down Asad found himself staring into the shell-shocked face of Zoya who was frozen in place, holding onto his now stained hot white shirt from scalding his torso, while Asad held the half-empty cups mid-air between their bodies. Zoya's mouth was hanging slightly open and her gaze darted from the growing stain on Asad's shirt to his face. Asad could pinpoint the exact moment her eyes widened in an almost animated way as she looked at him waiting for him to roar as usual. And truth to be told, he was in no mood to roar at her, - had it been any other day he would've probably been angry at the situation, but not today. He could not suppress the smile that began to form on his lips. Zoya visibly flinched before she regained her composure and broke the silence. In that instance, it was like a dam had broken, the words started spilling out of her mouth with seemingly no control. "I am sorry. I am sorry ... I didn't mean to ruin your shirt Mr.Khan, I wasn't targeting you, I'm not a mean person, I wasn't trying to hurt you. I would never to try to hurt you. It's a bad thing to happen with anyone, anyone else but with you it's probably the absolute worst case scenario because you're...well, you, hamesha gussa karte ho mujh par," Zoya sighed, "Aaj Jahanpanah-six packs mujhe deewar mein chunwa hi denge," Zoya whispered under her breath.
Asad closed his eyes briefly, as he was caught somewhere between complete and utter sadness and wild amusement. He felt sadness that Zoya still didn't trust him, there was hostility between them and somewhere he felt amused and at home when Zoya had called him by the nickname she so aptly gave him. He placed the half-empty cups on the nearby dressing table and removed the wet shirt in one swift motion. He observed her as she lowered her lashes and ran a nervous hand over her pink pyjamas, she took a long steadying breath, her eyes drifted over his body from top to bottom as he undressed and then she quickly added, "I was not checking your six packs out - trust me Mr.Khan ... I wasn't checking you out ..." Zoya mentally kicked herself, she knew perfectly well she was adoring his torso.
"What?" Asad asked, arching his eyebrow inquisitively, not quite able to hide his amusement any more.
"Kuch nahin, I said I was sorry," Zoya whispered as she took a steadying breath, she wiped a few stray tears from her pale cheeks. "I'm trying to say that I'm sorry." Asad looked at Zoya up and down for a second, puzzled by her weirdness, hurt by her pain and distrust in him. Yes, it was an accident but she didn't need to be sorry over spilt hot chocolate. If anyone needed to apologise it was him. His mind wandered back to Zoya's diary entry about the morning after their romantic encounter at the farmhouse, the way he yelled at her and accused her of the lowliest things, how he almost hit her and how he had completely unacknowledged her at the bus accident, he didn't mean to at all. He had never found a way to forgive himself for his actions but he desperately wanted to make up for his shortcomings. Whenever Asad thought about that day, images of Zoya lying helplessly on the ground, blood trickling down her face, completely broken flashed relentlessly in his mind, it broke his heart and made him re-evaluate his behaviour towards Zoya a million times these past three months.
"I'm sorry Zoya," Asad spoke distinctly in a slow whisper, he stressed every syllable reinforcing his remorse, his tender voice gave her goose-bumps, "S-Sorry for many things Zoya," his eyes traced her retreating form stop just a few inches away from him, "I'm sorry I read your diary," Asad spoke tenderly as he glanced over her shoulder for her reaction, - her face now turned from apathetic to livid. Zoya's body now turned and stood watching Asad, her eyes flickered restlessly, her eyes on the verge of spilling looked at Asad with loathing. Asad realised Zoya was holding her breath as she tried to control her anger towards him but nonetheless she could no longer remain silent over his egotistical need for his constant intrusion into her personal life. She finally reached for the nearest pillows on the floor and threw them heatedly at Asad in succession, each throw became successively violent.
"Zoya, please listen to me-" Asad's voice broke off as he dodged the pillows that Zoya threw at him bitterly. "I'd prefer to talk with you about this-" Asad broke off once more as Zoya approached him to continue her bitterness and anger towards him and with her weak trembling hands she began to attack him, with each punch she threw she sought to inflict as much pain as she could. No matter what she did, it just didn't feel good as the thoughts of the past, his cruel words whirled in her mind. Whatever Asad wanted to say was now stuck in his throat, he felt pain at the anguish he caused Zoya, his heart ached to see her so broken.
"You had no right to read my diary, Mr.Khan, aap ka koi haq nahin mujh pe," Zoya spoke lividly as tears now began to stray down her cheeks uncontrollably as she struck his naked chest with bitter punches.
"Don't you think this silliness has gone on long enough?" Asad spoke through gritted teeth in a matter-of-factly tone as he grabbed both of Zoya's arms and pinned her as sensitively as he could to the far right wall, inches away from the bed. She needed to be careful; he didn't want her or the baby to get hurt. Zoya could not believe Asad's stubbornness and arrogance. Did he just call her silly? She was about to scream at him, tell him how much she loathed him, her eyes widened with anxiety, hate and fear all the same as Asad backed her up against the cold and apathetic wall. Zoya wrestled and stirred with irritation in Asad's firm grasp, she was utterly disappointed in him now. He had called her silly one too many times.
"I'm being silly -" Zoya broke off as a jumble of emotions and memories raced chaotically through her head and heart, all of Asad's angry words surfaced in her mind, his accusations, his rejection and the humiliation she faced all those months mocked her heartlessly. Her crying became intense as her body shuddered below his and she felt utterly broken at the thought that Asad was about to dismiss the single most heart-breaking event in her life as just silly stuff.
Livid with loathing for him, Zoya tried to wriggle free from his strong grasp but in response Asad held her dainty frame even more firmly, pressing her securely against his body. "Please Zoya, don't struggle, just hear me out," Asad pleaded. In the close proximity Asad could feel Zoya's heart beating wildly against his chest. He let out a rushed breath when he felt the weak thrum of her vein under his shaking fingers. Asad observed Zoya's broken form from under his thick long lashes as she struggled in his arms to free herself from his vise-like grip. Asad had endured his share of pain while Zoya had left him but seeing his wife, yes his wife Zoya in so much pain, the pain he felt now for her was a million times worse, her cries and distant self were a constant reminder of the pain and despair she experienced at his cruel hands, at the hands of the man she trusted the most, she loved the most.
"No Mr.Khan, mujhe aap ki koi baat nahin soon ni. Let me go please, you're hurting me," Zoya pleaded through her sobs. Asad loosened his grip but there was no way for Zoya to escape. The urgency to pacify and hold Zoya in his arms was overpowering, he needed to put things straight for the fear of losing her still plagued him, he was so scared that one day he would wake up to find Zoya gone forever. He slept so lightly this past week since he brought Zoya back home, he slept on the big green daybed guarding the window and the door for fear that Zoya would up and leave in the dark of the night, even the mere sound of Zoya stirring in her sleep kept him awake. She was already very distant from him despite living under the same roof as him; she hardly spoke to him and the only time she would look at him was when he would urge her to eat food or take her medication. Then and only then would she give him that loathing icy look, the only attention he ever got from her these days. Nonetheless he loved her, and so he was apprehensive watching over her every move. He had to talk to her now, otherwise she would just drift further and further away and sooner or later she would leave for New York and never come back, the mere thought crushed his soul into pieces.
"Shhh, Zoya, relax, it's me, it's me," Asad lowered his hand to wrap his arms around Zoya in an all-consuming hug. Somewhere deep inside he felt relieved that she did not flinch at his touch. Asad ran his thumb in circles over her back in soothing circles, trying to soothe her from the pain he inflicted now and the pain he inflicted back then three months ago. The guilt of his actions still heavily lingered around him as a dark shadow, a constant reminder of the monster he was. Asad rested his chin in the tender crook of Zoya's neck, the short hairs of his stubble skimmed the sensitive and cold skin of her neck, and his hot breath fanned over the area of her neck and ears, and against all odds she too leaned into his touch, it provided her the peace she had been waiting for all this time much to her reluctance. Asad kept murmuring into her neck and his breath fanned over her earlobe as he spoke, "I'm sorry Zoya, I am so sorry Zoya, I love you Zoya. Please forgive me for every cruel word and act. I'm here, I'll always be here ... I've got you Zoya. I'VE GOT YOU - I've got you."
Zoya leaned further into Asad's caress, it felt so wrong yet so right as her hands instinctively moved from her sides up his naked torso, her fingers leaving a trail of blazing strokes as her hands crept up his body towards his neck where her hands laced themselves around the nape of his neck, her cold petite fingers played tenderly with the small hairs on the nape of his neck. Asad swallowed tentatively as he too leaned in to Zoya's caress, oh how he had missed the warmth of her touch, all these months of pining for her one touch seemed to half-satiate that pining.
"Zoya -" Asad sighed longingly as he whispered on Zoya's neck once more, " Ple-ase, please listen to me, hear me out. Please don't leave me, please don't move until I've finished," Asad spoke softly; he hesitated as he absorbed Zoya's reaction in his arms. She did not move, her hands continued to caress the nape of his neck but he heard a perceptible sob escape from her lips. In response Asad planted gentle kisses on her exposed shoulder, his voice choked in a whisper as he spoke sincerely, "I know you're upset about Tanveer, and about the day of the bus accident and everything I said earlier that day. I'm sorry that I put you through a lot, mera yakeen karo, I never intended to hurt you," Asad spoke tenderly, his breath fanned over the delicate spot between her neck and shoulders as he tentatively pulled her a little closer, pressing her head on his bare chest where Zoya could hear the racing of his heart. Her breath hitched at the sound of his beating heart and a lone tear strayed down her pale cheeks.
The softness and remorse in Asad's voice threw Zoya off guard as she felt the defences she built up against him dissolve. There was something about the way he spoke, the way he held her that she felt compelled to hear him out. She looked at him as she pulled away just a little with wide questioning eyes, an errant tear trailing down her pale cheek. Hesitantly, he moved his trembling hands up her shuddering cold body, giving her enough time to protest before he gently cupped her face, letting his thumb caress her cheeks where her tears had assembled. Zoya gasped, letting go of her breath that she had involuntarily held all the while, and against all her instincts she leaned into his touch even more. Asad automatically held her with more persuasion and assurance than before; he searched her tired red eyes where a mix of emotions endlessly played on a loop and spun through her eyes. Zoya just looked at him with her big, helpless brown eyes; the uncertainty within them broke his heart all over again. He had yet to win her confidence and trust. Usually, she was so strong and fierce, a smile always played on her soft lips and she was always so quick to put him in his place. Gone was her trademark smile and nonsensical shayari, gone was the Zoya who tried her hardest to prove him wrong. This wasn't the Zoya he knew.
Asad lifted and brushed her hair from her face and tucked the loose tendrils of her fringe behind her ear, "I love you." he breathed sincerely, his eyes scanned for her reaction. And once more he perceived a myriad of emotions spiralling as questions appeared on her tired face.
"I'm sorry Zoya, that I didn't give you an explanation then, that I didn't listen to you, that I didn't try and understand you, and that I left you. Maine aap ko uss din nahin dekha ... I didn't see you at the bus accident scene. I was so blind with rage against the whole court case issue, my pride and ego were so bruised that morning ... ke mujhe kuch aur dekhai hi nahin diya. I'm sorry that I didn't see you there. I didn't mean to brush pass you like that, I'm sorry if that hurt you so much, I guess ... mere sorry kehne se kuch nahin badlega, par phir bhi ... I'm sorry. I just didn't see you that day," Asad's voice broke as he spoke. His soft beguiling gaze fell on Zoya, "Trust me, I would recognise you anywhere, even with closed eyes, but that day, I was so blind, so blind with rage."
"I didn't know ... ke aap uss bus pe ti. Magar maine aap ka iPad dekha ... iPad pe ... tumhare khoon ke nishaan dekhe ... aur phir ... I - I got really worried. Aisa laga ke ... meri puri duniya hi katamb hogayi, that I had lost you. Phir ... I went searching for you everywhere, maine har jaga dekha, hospital stretcher beds, ambulance, the whole accident scene. I even ran back to the farmhouse to see if you had gone back there ... par aap kahin nahin ti. I spent all night looking for you ... aur phir aap apna mobile bhi nahin answer kar rahi ti ... toh phir main ghar aaya ... aur Ammi ne bataaya ke aap ko chot lagi ti - and that you were asleep ... toh phir mujhse rahaan nahin gayaa . I came to your room to see you ... I saw the bandages on your head, that broke me to pieces. Right then - all I wanted to do was hold you and make all your pain go away ... but after everything I said to you, I didn't know how to face you. Main kiss muh se maafi maang ta. Aur phir ... the next day you didn't come out of your room - toh maine socha ... I'd let you rest, I'd let you cool off a little, maybe you were still upset with me and that was totally understandable, you had all right to be angry with me ... but when I came home from work late that night ... tum kahin nahin ti ... tum kahin nahin ti Zoya, you just left. Mere baarey mein ek baar bhi nahin socha, you just left. There wasn't a day that went by where I didn't think about you, where I didn't worry about you. Not a day went by that I didn't worry about where you were. I know you think that I blissfully moved on with my life and that I didn't care about you, that I wasn't going to take responsibility for my actions. But you had got it all wrong, I just needed time to cool off. I've always loved you. I love you Zoya, then and now and forever, " Asad's voice broke off once more, a pang of sadness enveloped him as he closed his eyes remembering those long three agonizing months without her.
Zoya looked at Asad with longing, somewhere deep down she believed him. She felt her heart melt in her chest, his words were too much and she began to cry again. This was what she was waiting for all these months, a sign that Asad had changed for the better, for her, for each other. Her heart reprimanded her for leaving him in this mess. Zoya loved Asad so much and although leaving him, seemed rational at the time, it certainly did not ease her troubles, yes she was angry at him but it was also true that she was miserable without him and hopelessly in love with him.
Zoya could see Asad's adam's apple move up and down as he swallowed hard, his eyes took a darker shade of brown as he lifted his lashes to open his weary eyes, unshed tears glistened in his tender eyes under the dim light of the bedroom. He looked at Zoya with longing eyes, he waited for her to acknowledge his remorse, he longed for the moment she would say she forgave him, for her to say she missed him too, and that she loved him.
"Aur Tanveer-" Zoya's voice broke the dense silence that lingered as she delved further into Asad's tender eyes, her tearful eyes demanded he answered her question and that he cleared her doubts about Tanveer and him. Asad's eyes misted as he understood the weight of her question. His heart throbbed with an unbearable ache at the weight of that question. The pained expression of his face was so acute that she might have well slapped him with that question. Silence weighed heavily between them, and Asad flinched in revulsion at the thought of him and Tanveer together, his mind wandered back just to moments ago when Tanveer had insisted she and him would have been together had she not left. Asad clenched his jaw in revulsion, the mere thought of Tanveer and him together was an insult, it made his blood boil to think that Zoya thought he had a thing for Tanveer.
Asad collected the rage that grew deep within his core against Tanveer and against Zoya's misconception of his relationship with her but no later his eyes softened as he gazed at Zoya fixedly, her big almond shaped eyes that captured his gaze whenever he dared to look into them, strengthened his resolve to set things right. Her deep chocolate eyes, one look from them and he knew he was at home. He knew he was hers and only hers when he looked into Zoya's eyes, he had found home in her.
Asad cleared his thoughts; he stood faithfully in front of Zoya, he raised his hand affirmatively, his fingers slid softly under Zoya's quivering chin and he gently lifted her face. "Tanveer and I are just friends, only friends. Wo mere bachpan ki dost hai aur kuch nahin," Asad finally spoke stressing each word in hope to pacify Zoya, his brooding and contemplative eyes fixed on Zoya. Zoya felt the intensity of Asad's unblinking gaze as he spoke to her, she felt he could read her mind, his intense gaze was a stark and painful reminder that her feelings for him ran deep, and she loved him too much for her own good.
"The hug you witnessed was nothing but a friendly hug Zoya. Tanveer had called that day moments before the accident, I heard her scream and then at the road blockade when I went looking for her, I found her at the scene of the bus accident, she looked confused, and that is all. I do not have any feelings for her, I NEVER have and I NEVER will. Mere dil mein sirf tum ho Zoya, tumhari jagaa koi nahin le sakta," Asad spoke with an assertive tone, his eyes scanned Zoya's reaction.
Silence penetrated the raw and painful atmosphere of Asad's and Zoya's bedroom. Zoya looked at Asad, her eyes glistened as fresh tears streamed from her drained eyes, she shook her head vigorously, her face bowed in defeat, "Mr - Khan - please -" she whispered brokenly. Asad's heart broke seeing Zoya so helpless like this. He immediately took her in his warm and tender arms and held her as she cried inconsolably against his shoulder. Her body at first remained rigid in his arms, Asad began to stroke her back briskly at first, his hands were warm against her cold skin, and as his caress became slow and soothing, her body too instinctively began to relax in his arms.
"Shhh, Zoya, please don't cry. I'm sorry Zoya," Asad murmured tenderly, his lips moving against her neck, "You have no idea how painful it is for me to see you like this, to be the cause of all your pain," Asad sighed achingly, his own eyes numbed with tears.
Asad pressed his lips very lightly against Zoya trembling lips, his arms coiled around her waist tenderly bringing Zoya closer to his warm body in a firm and loving embrace. Her erratic breathing slowed down as her tears subsided before she fell quiet and responded to Asad's tender kiss with matched tenderness, as she kissed him back fearlessly. What was this man doing to her? With just a single touch, a whisper of a word, Asad had her turning into a puddle of emotions, her pale skin burned from the sweet little acts of affection Asad planted on her skin with his warm lips. As much as she tried to deny it, this man made her feel things that no one had ever made her feel. She could feel both hatred and extreme affection towards him; her love for him was far too great to ever let her hatred undermine her true emotions.
"Look at me," he whispered pulling away slightly as he broke the heated kiss for some air. Her doe like eyes widened as she observed him from under her long, thick wet lashes. "I will never deceive you, I never have, aur hamare beech koi nahin aayega, Tanveer bhi nahin," Asad reaffirmed his commitment to her as he gazed into her eyes. Zoya looked into those dark orbs, feeling them piercing through her and staring deep into her soul. She knew that he wasn't lying.
"Asad -" Zoya whispered, - his name dropped from her lips in the barest whispers, she hated how weak she sounded, how needy and breathless she sounded. Zoya wrapped her arms around Asad's naked torso instinctively, she scanned his eyes intuitively knowing he was deeply touched to hear his name slipping so comfortably from her lips, he looked as though he found home in that moment and the feeling was mutual for she felt safe in his arms, she had found her home she longed for in his arms. Zoya's hands crept swiftly up his hot and strong body, her fingers innocently traced the contours and crevices of his body while she buried her face in the crook of his neck, earning a longing sigh from Asad the moment her cold lips pressed tender kisses up his torso toward his neck, her lips lingered on the strong bump of his Adam's apple and the dip at the base of his throat, he swallowed hard in response to her kisses, his Adam's apple visibly bobbed in reaction to her tender and hungry kisses. Zoya inhaled deeply, taking in his unique scent, feeling their chests rise and fall in unison, and his heart beating just as rapidly as hers.
They stayed like this for quite some time, the only sounds came from the unison of their beating hearts and the rain and storm the brewed outside, the intermittent flashes of lightning caressed the room with a triumphant glow. Asad lowered his lips to Zoya's ears as he whispered "Zoya - talk to me, Zoya," he urged her in a low, soft voice. Zoya sighed softly as she stirred in his warm embrace.
"Kuch toh bolon. Deko na, wahi main hoon, wahi tum ho, it's the same me, the same you, magar phir bhi ... something's amiss between us. Zoya pehli dafaa ye khwaab dekhni ki himmat kar rahen hai, tum se bahut kuch seeka hai maine, like ... like making hot cacao chocolate," Asad smiled into Zoya's hair as he inhaled her familiar scent, his remark on the disastrous hot chocolate accident moments ago earned a little smile from Zoya's lips, as she smiled into the crook of his neck.
"Yoon muskara ke tum mere ishaaron ko yoon nazar andaaz nahin kar sakti ho. Jawaab to tumhe dena hi hoga ... ya phir ... tum mujhe kuch kehna chaahti ho - something that's bothering you. Please tell me everything, if it makes you feel better, if it makes you happy, you can swear at me, you can poison my food, you can kick me, if it allows you to make your mind up about me even if you feel like punching me go ahead, I don't mind because what I think and feel for you won't change ... tum kuch bhi kaho, whatever you decide... I'll always love you Zoya ," Asad spoke smugly knowing his first step to win over Zoya was working. But he also knew he needed to let her heal and walk towards him at her own pace, whenever she was ready, he was always going to be here waiting for her.
Asad pulled away as he observed Zoya in utter adoration, his eyes frustrated waiting for her to say something, anything to him. "Maybe we need to start over, get to know each other," he said after a long pause before raising his hands from her waist to her face where he caressed a few wayward tendrils of her fringe affectionately.
Finally Asad held his hand out in front of Zoya smiling awkwardly. "Hi, I'm Asad Ahmed Khan," Asad spoke nervously, his eyes scanned her reaction the whole time seeking her approval. Zoya stared at him for a moment, unsure what to do and then his gaze flickered down to his outstretched hand before raising an amused eyebrow at her. Zoya's lips tentatively curled up in a smile as she finally yet nervously grabbed his hand in hers. " Zoya Fa -" her voice hesitated in a nervous whisper, somewhere deep down she found his mannerisms, his means of pacifying her amusing. "Zoya ... Asad ... Ahmed ... Khan", she finally replied self-consciously, a low sob escaped her as she watched him wondering where Asad was going with this.
In that moment, there was a spark of unadulterated possessiveness in Asad's eyes that Zoya had seen many times before, the same possessiveness he had always tried to hide from her previously months ago now emanated overtly, his heart soared hearing her call herself his wife. "It's very nice to meet you Zoya Asad Ahmed Khan," Asad spoke possessively, his voice smooth and husky all the same.
"I know this may sound a bit abrupt but I'd really like to take you out some time for a date to get to know you. Hot cacao chocolate milk, maybe?" Asad smiled alluringly, his dimples became evident as he took on a flirtatious tone. In the intermittent flashes of lightning and the dimmed light of the bedroom, there was the gentleness in Asad's conduct, the teasing demeanour, the affection that Zoya had only seen glimpses of previously was now ever more apparent than ever before, he no longer masked his affections for her. She had known and been accustomed to his hate and anger, his jealousy and his possessiveness. But now she came to know the depth of his feelings. The light tone of his voice combined with the genuine smile gracing his gorgeous lips, made her heart melt just a little bit more. This was the Asad Ahmed Khan that Zoya wanted to see more of, the Asad Ahmed Khan she wanted to get to know.
Zoya wiped the tears on her cheeks with the sleeves of her pink pyjamas as she pursed her lips nervously playing along with Asad's weird role play.
"I don't know. You seem like someone who likes to spill hot chocolate all over yourself. Maybe we should try something less dangerous," Zoya smiled tentatively, her eyes still moist with tears. Zoya walked over to the dressing table to pick up the half-empty mugs of hot chocolate made with cacao. She took a small sip and almost spat it out again. For someone of Mr. Khan's perfection, the hot chocolate made from cacao was regrettably disgusting with a capital D.
"Mr.Khan, maybe next time, please stick to coffee, aap ki favourite bitter black coffee, alright?" Zoya shot Asad a smile. This was the first time in days since their rushed wedding that Zoya had smiled at him genuinely even though she had only just warmed up to him, and even though there was a small fear in his heart that she had not fully forgiven him, a shred of uncertainty still saturated the air, but Asad felt happy in that moment when Zoya smiled at him, even though a shy look of uncertainty framed her pale and tired face, nonetheless he felt content that she smiled at him. He stared into his own cup and grinned. "Yeah, that's probably for the best."
"Mrs.Khan?" Asad looked to Zoya, his eyes lingered on hopefully.
Zoya looked at Asad tenderly, "Yes Mr.Khan," she replied self-consciously, contemplating on apologising for making a scene, for cluttering his room, for damaging his crisp white designer shirt, she knew how much he liked tidiness and perfection. She was about to apologise when Asad lifted the palms of her hands to his lips, pressing his lips in a warm and lingering kiss against her palms. "Zoya, I don't know where you get such a big heart from, itna sab kuch hone ke baad, phir bhi ... you're being generous with me. A week has passed since I brought you back here and married you against your wishes and I can't sleep at night because I keep thinking that you're about to run away, again. That's why I sleep on the green daybed guarding the door and window. Agar tum phir se baag, gayyi, toh ... meri duniya bikar jayegi. Please meri zindagi sawaar do, hamare iss rishte ko, hamare iss nikaah ko apna kar?"
"Zoya, your compassion for others, your generous soul is what I value most about you, no matter how wrong I've been in the past, you've always overlooked my mistakes and somehow excused my shortcomings. Never lose that Zoya, I fear you need it more than ever now, to completely forgive me for hurting you so badly ... to give me another chance? I love you Zoya," Asad reaffirmed his love once more, no matter how many times he said he was sorry, no matter how many times he told her he loved her, he simply felt it just wasn't enough.
Zoya's eyes settled softly on Asad as she listened to his words absorbedly, "I'm glad we finally talked and I want this, believe me Mr.Khan, I want this too," she said as she leaned forwards into him, her petite hands rested on his chest. "Mr Khan, I want this, but not now. I don't want to jump into this. I think we're both too emotional and too raw right now to take this step. What's a few more days, a few more weeks after all this time, right?" Zoya spoke nervously as she scanned his reaction.
Asad's pining eyes held Zoya's gaze intensely, he swallowed hard as he understood the weight of her words, she needed time. He smiled ruefully through the tenderness in his heart, knowing he had a long way to go. Asad smiled with uncertainty, but he nodded his head in agreement to her decision "Ok, you're right, whatever makes you happy, makes me happy too Zoya. I just want you to be happy," he sighed longingly. "Phir bhi ... meri kuch shartein hai, I have some conditions," his eyes puddled with sadness as he waited for her response.
"Kaunsi shartein Mr.Khan? What kind of conditions?" she asked with a playful frown, a lone tear escaping her weary eyes, sleep was now taking its toll on Zoya's fragile frame.
"Pehli shart ... You're sleeping in here. In our bed ... with me," Asad whispered tenderly at first, testing the waters to check if she protested against his wishes.
"Done," Zoya replied timidly.
"Secondly - I get the right to cuddle you whenever I want, wherever I want, like cuddle privileges " Asad now spoke teasingly to which Zoya raised an amused eyebrow.
"Done," she smiled as she took a few tender steps towards him; her eyes still moist- glistened under the dim light of the room as she closed the distance between them although somewhat hesitantly, a part of her still needed to trust him, to believe this was all real. She wrapped her arms tentatively around Asad, her eyes wide with uncertainty hugged him tightly as she recalled some of the moments of closeness between them, how he was always there for her, to catch her from falling, to save her from harm, how they tended to be lost in each other's eyes completely oblivious to the world around them whenever they came so close to each other. She looked with awe into his affectionate gaze. When had Asad adopted those puppy eyes? She had always been wary of his icy amber gaze, his disdain for her odd ways, and then all the same his eyes could change to a brazen and bold gaze and the things it could do to her, the way he could undress her with his eyes or the way he would look at her when she disappointed him. And now the colour of his puppy eyes reminded her of was shallow water. She believed him, especially after their talk tonight she did ... yet somewhere she felt discontent, some unfounded fear of impending betrayal stirred within her; her mind still was not at rest knowing Tanveer still lingered around.
She closed her eyes momentarily shaking off the thoughts that battled through her heart and mind insistently, the dark clouds had now been lifted and the air had been cleared between them. Zoya closed her eyes and her breath hitched on the tenderness of Asad's touch as he reciprocated her hug and she felt a weird unexplainable sense of comfort as he wrapped himself around her. "Aur kuch Mr.Khan?" Zoya whispered onto Asad's neck, her lips skimmed the tender spot of his Adam's apple, her senses completely wrapped around him until he was the only thing she could feel, she could hear.
"I get to kiss you whenever I want," Asad said as he leaned in and pressed his lips softly against her lips to emphasize his point. With a smile, Zoya leaned forward and pressed a lingering kiss to his lips. "I promise," she mumbled against his lips. She could hear the beating of his heart as he deepened the kiss, she could hear the echo of his breath as his breath resonated with her breath in a syncopated rhythm, surrendering to his kiss.
"Mr.Khan, I'm sleepy," Zoya finally murmured, her voice breathless, wearily as she closed her eyes under his caressing touch, her head began to spin in frenzy as she rested her head on his strong and welcoming shoulder. In one sweeping motion Asad scooped Zoya into the safety of his arms and carefully walked over to the bed. He climbed onto the bed with both his knees, gently lowering Zoya onto the cool lavish duvets of their bed; he took extra care ensuring the pillows supported her fatigued form and even more care and consideration as he wrapped her snug into warm fluffy blankets, his fingers traced her waist until his hands rested gently on the little bump on her stomach, earning a smile from Zoya. Asad hovered a little while longer over Zoya, his body supported by his elbows, his gaze lingered over her angelic face unashamedly. Asad's smile grew wider when he saw a faint blush creep up her cheeks. It filled him with a primal pride that he could manage to make this beautiful, confident woman, his wife blush with nothing more than an admiring gaze. Zoya savoured Asad's playful and affectionate gaze as she leaned into one of his hands which now rested either side of her petite form, her fingers traced lazy circles on the back of one his palms earning a longing sigh from Asad, only after a few seconds he realised Zoya traced the same thing over and over again on his palm.
"What are you writing?" Asad whispered tenderly as he pecked Zoya's neck teasingly, earning a longing whimper from Zoya, she shuddered a little when his lips moved against her skin.
"I love you," Zoya whispered as she continued lazily tracing what seemed like those very words on his palm again. "I love you too Zoya" Asad whispered as he stroked Zoya's face, her eyes were now closed as she began to fall asleep beneath his tender gaze. Asad leaned in and dropped a gentle kiss on Zoya's lips, and he finally lowered himself to lie down beside her, his arms wrapped affectionately around her, she sighed and leaned inwards against the naked warmth of his chest in her sleep. For the first time in months Asad felt as ease and content knowing that Zoya reciprocated his feelings, and sleep finally overcame him.
Continue directly below for Part 5 C 😳
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