SS: If I Stay [Alpha] pg24 - Page 9

"No", she said. "I want you to take me home. Then, I want you to take me any way you like until the sun comes out. f**k me blind so I won't ever have to see you again".

"Why?"

"I want to be hurt"

After all, she'd spent way too many years feeling numb.

"Fine by me".

She sucked in a short breath as he pulled her into the nearest men's room and locked the entrance. Whatever happened to going home.

His fingers swam down under the fabric of her dress until he had access to her chest. She looked and felt so nervous under his touch he would have believed any lie she chose to tell. How could a woman look so innocent and so jarred all at once. She stood two inches away from him with eyes wide open as if the world did a number on her and she was on the verge of forgiving all its sinners.

Heck, she'd already forgiven Asad the moment he laid eyes on her. So drained was she from ten years of regret that hatred never stood a chance. The moment he walked back into her life, it was clear- it would always be him. Men could come and men could go but no one could hold a candle to his sun.

"Hey", he whispered soft into her ear.

"Hi", she said.

She wanted to ask about his brother, tease out if he was lying about their past. But the minute she felt his lips on her, all thought fled her head. All she could do was revel in the taste of him, a taste so familiar yet vaguely forgotten. She hoped she would have this moment for the rest of her life.

"Tits", he groaned and she knew what was coming. "I f**king love your tits".

She chuckled, "profane ass".

"Only for you woman".

He was reliving their banter from years ago. He just didn't know it yet.

"Beautiful. Oh what you do to me. I want out of here, will you come?"

"Make me", she answered breathlessly.

The double meaning wasn't lost on either of them.

"Anyone in there?" a loud bang on the door interrupted their reunion.

"Open the door and lock the first stall", she instructed. They'd done this many times, albeit in dingy gas station bathrooms but a luxury film festival men's room never hurt.

"No, your gown will be ruined". He was being logical now and she hated that.

Couldn't he see that her skirt was already riding up her hips and he'd all but ripped her slip in two.

"Freaking hell Asad. I am not backing out now".

"They'll call security", he rebutted.

"Let them. Come back or I am reapplying my smudged bloody lipstick and taking off".

He contemplated for a total of one minute before giving up and hopping back into position. She slowly unbuttoned his tux, undid his bowtie, taking her sweet hour to peel off the button up. He smiled knowingly. She would be the death of him. When she got him stark naked, she ran her fingers in a trail along his collar looking for a certain sign. When she reached the scar in the centre of his chest, she paused. Then, began nipping on the old mark as if to kiss the pain away. There wasn't any pain left but he wanted to tell her the secret anyway.

"It was twelve years ago", he started.

"You'd bloody OD'd on alcohol you told me. I knew it was molly or some other shit", she stopped. She'd never meant to pick on him. But it slipped out before she could catch herself. Now he would really hate her. If not, he'd atleast fancy her a stalker.

"Yeah, the doctor stabbed me with a shit ton of needles. And it left this bruise", he didn't seem to have noticed her filling in the gaps in his story.

"I massaged coconut oil on this puppy for three months religiously. But then you bloody went out and did it again. But then we were so far gone in our relationship, I did little to help you. I was sick of it, you know? I have had ten years to think. It was as much my fault as yours. I don't blame you for leaving".

"Huh?" he seemed to have realized what she was doing and froze in spot.

"I am sorry. I promise I am not a creep". She pulled down her skirt and adjusted her brassiere. "I..we..dated. For almost two years. You had a habit..habits, the last few months, or that's when I noticed. You were missing a lot, hardly sober anymore. You stopped talking to me. When you came home, it was just rolling in and out of my bed. We fought a lot. The day you left, I was so nasty. I said so many mean things I can't take back".

She stopped as the tears threatened to fall. He instinctively wanted to hold her, tell her it wasn't her fault. But he didn't know that. Hell, he wasn't even sure she was telling the truth.

"Who are you?" he asked not knowing what else to say.

"Zoya Farooqi. Your brother's high school math tutor. Your girlfriend, ex now", she added as an afterthought.

Zoya, Zoya, Zo? Why did that name ring so familiar? And why couldn't he remember her?

"It wasn't molly Zo". He smiled when he noticed the hope light up her eyes at the mention of her nickname. He didn't really know why he remembered this name, he just did. "Hard drugs. I shot up everything under the sun".

His agents had told him not to whisper this to another soul but this woman made him want to spill all his dirty laundry out in one night.

"Were you always drugged? Even when you kissed me that day in your parents basement? Did I ever catch you sober?"

There was no acquisition in her tone, only pain.

"I don't know. I have been in a haze for a long time. Hell, I don't even remember how I became an actor. It sort of just happened. People kept asking me how I'd made it big. But I all knew was I ran away from home and f**king ended up in LA. No clue what I did when I got here. I'd lived half my life through the recounts of others. I am no amnesiac but I ain't a trooper either. I don't have shit to back me up Zo but if I tell you my truth, will you believe me?"

"I want to. I am ready to accept anything you say to coax me right now. I just..."

"I am not coaxing Zo, I am...damn! Did we...how do I know it's you, you know?" he could barely form a coherent sentence. Every word out of his stupid mouth would sound doubtful now.

"It f**king hurts that you don't remember me but I gave you no reason to.Shit, just ask your brother, anyone in Colorado. They don't know everything but they know the bare minimum".

He wanted to tell her he'd kissed her sober. But even he didn't trust himself. Why should she?

"You don't have to, you know", she said. "We could leave the past in the past. I feel like I am taking advantage of you somehow. We should just get back to the party".

"No", he stopped her by the wrist before she could run away. "No, we can't stop this. I have to know, if not anything else. I want you woman. f**king now. To hell with my stupidity of the past".

"You weren't stupid". You are now, she said the rest in her mind. "Let's get back".

He nodded along her neck and dragged himself back to the party. They sat side my side in the middle row watching a Korean movie without subtitles. Asad had no interest in whatever two actors were sucking face on the screen. All he wanted to do was suck face with Zo. But he settled for the next best thing as he slid his fingers underneath the slit of her gown reaching her thigh and leaving goosebumps in its wake.

"I love the way I light you up".

"Don't, not here".

"How many times have we done this before, tell me".

"Too many to count".

"You smell like me", he observed.

"Stop sniffing me. You were all over me a minute and a half ago. Ofcourse I reek of your cologne".

"f**k".

"Stop swearing, people are staring".

"Let them Zo. Let me touch you or I don't know what I'll do".

"Alright but no thigh action".

She silently knotted her fingers with his. It was an innocent gesture but turned him flushed all the same. He pulled her palm over the zipper of his slacks.

"No", she said with her mouth hanging open.

"Have we done this before?" he raised his eyebrow playfully.

"Yes".

"What about this?"

He gripped her fingers with his own and guided her movements as he slowly unzipped his pants. Zoya had her heart caught up in her mouth.

The movie credits rolled and the audience sprang up for a standing ovation. Zoya joined them with exaggerated cheer. Asad sat silently at his table unable to move with the mess he'd created. Zoya looked down at his frustrated figure and laughed.

"You did this to yourself", she said.

"You will pay for this".

"What are you going to do? Punish me?"

"I just might", he winked.