I am standing in front of the mirror.I am staring at my eyes..my nose..my lips..my shoulders and I am laughing myself.suddenly the question arises. Am I beautiful?I asked the same question to my maid.."Nandhini! Am I beautiful?"
"yes! Rajkumari..Yor are so beautiful..looking like an angel' she replied
I don't know why but the answer irritates me.."Lie"
" all r saying Panchali is more beautiful..and I saw Angarani..she is also more beautiful than me"
my maid looked at me strangely..me too..I don't know why I am comparing myself with Angarani and Panchali..
my maid now replied.." may be Rajkumari..but your beauty is unique..You have the most expressive eyes.."I remembered the words of panchali now..this was the first word she spoke to me..
ok!!which colour saree I can wear now..red..no green..no..no red..
after a longtime spending before the mirroe i felt little satisfied in my appearance now..It is the early morning..Suryadev is in deep thinking of coming out..
Now i am prepared myself to meet my king..I said to myself..noI should not faint again i should not give room for silly emotions ..i should see him..i should speak to him..come on Uruvi!! You are a kshatriya princess..gather all our boldness..yes you should do it..
When I came out my mother was astonished to see my make up and appearance.She saw me from top to bottom.
'where are you going Uruvi!.in these awesome attires.."
"just out mother to see the beauty of hastinapur in the early morning..
my sedan chair (litter) is ready ..i will return soon.."
my mother smiled at me.." oh uruvi!! i was so scared that you were always cheerless for few days..now i see my daughter again.."
"what is the reason for your sudden joy"
"oh! my dear mother" i hugged her and kissed her in the cheeks..and I started running..
I sat into my vehicle..It is completely covered one..I have an opening in the side nearto my eyes..throught that gap i can see out..my vehicle started moving..i can see very minor..delicate rays of sun..I am enjoying the sight.suddenly my vehicle is stopped.I can hear someone speaking. to my maid..then he came to me.I saw him through the gap..He joined his hands and said.' Rajkumari! can you please wait here for a while? Angaraj is going to the river banks now..can you pave way for Angaraj?"
My heart is bursting in happiness..Before I answer I hear the clatter of hoof approaching our place..I turned and looked at the horse..no!! the man sitting in the horse..I twinkled my eyes..
"a sun in the horse"..no!! a man with radiance of sun..he is extremely handsome..the morning rays slightly fell on his face..his kavach and kundals are glowing..I cannot take my eyes from him..now I can see him freely because he cannot see me..
He called the person who is speaking to me The person ran to him.He asked something pointing out me..The person replied..He shook his head.He started moving..while crossing me he turned his face casually and looked at me..no my eyes..suddenly he gave a second look..i can see a sudden change in his face..I can see a kind of astonishment in his eyes..few seconds..very few seconds..our eyes met each other..then he went rapidly..I am feeling mixed now..shy..smile..tension..worry etc..
I ordered my maids to stay away and I am alone approaching the banks..on the way I can hear people who got donation from him are praising him..I feel like flying..my walk changed into a jump and jump into a dance..I have almost reached the banks where my lord is donating gold coins..i can see a long row of people..My legs struck suddenly..They refused to walk..I held a tree for my support..i have a sister who grew with me..shyness..she is stopping me now..I adhered to the tree..I am staring at my man All people had gone..Now he is standing alone..His face is filled with some kind of grief..I can even hear his sigh..
come on uruvi!this is a rare opportunity..you cannot get another one like this..go ..just go..i am tensed..my body is drenched in sweat..
"what i will speak to him?who am I?
I am your slave..but is that possible for me to say that
if he asks me what i am doing here..what will i answer?
suddenly I here a sound of a chariot..oh!! Yuvraj is coming..I truned to move back..but I cannot..something stopped me there..I totally adhered to the tree..
i can hear the clear voice of yuvraj"mitr! how long will you stay here..i am waiting for you fora long time?"
yuvraj stopped suddenly by seeing my king'd face..I can see the pain in yuvraj's face also..a deep silence prevailed there.."mitr!! what happened..i never saw such a downhearted karna..where is your shinning face? where is your thejas?
My king smiled with a vexation "Thejas! hmm I lost all my fame..honor everything mitr..what is remaining?
the words stabbed me..i think yuvraj also felt the same like me..
" mitr! pls don't do this to me..my heart is wounded enough..Did u saw the marriage celebrations still it is going on..this is not my hastinapur,,people forgot me..that's y i needed your presence..I have only you mitr!
"but mitr! I too have only you"
these words might have choked yuvraj..he held my king's shoulder.."mitr! what is bothering you? please forget about that day"
" that day was my last day mitr!..i never faced such a great bad..worst insult before"
"no! stop thinking about it mitr"
I stopped..first i was very angy..but now..what was my fault mitr!! is there any fault in my birth? or is there any fault in my passion for education..I was rejected badly..but you took me in your hands like a baby and saved me from humiliation..but on that day there was no one to stop my humiliation..Mitr!
I am broken into pieces..now red saree is drenched in my tears..
"It was my fault mitr!!..I should have not took part in the contest..I forgot about my birth..which kshatriya princess will accept me??"
my heart is moving up and down ..I am here maharaj..i am your slave!! i am dying to live with you..
now..yuvraj continued.."no! it was my fault..i should have rejected the invitation of swayamvar..already we don't have good terms with drupad..leave it mitr!!..some people fail to recognize the difference between a diamond and a white stone..I know my diamond and i know the worth of it..come let's go..!! come on.."
Yuvraj hugged him and they turned ..now I stepped back and went to my sedan chair quickly..because..i cannot meet him now and I don't want to meet him now. we are returning to the palace..no..i cannot tolerate this anymore..I cannot stay away from him ..I wish to take him in my arms..i wish to hug him tightly and say leave it my king..I wish to take his head in my heart like a baby.. and to console him..i wish to say here is a kshatriya princess living for you..dying for you ..i should pack up all those stupid sentiments and emotions..I should act clearly now..
I am going to say this to my mother..one day I have to do it..Let it be today..I hurried to my mother's room..my dresses are irregular..my hairs are bumpy. .my dress is drenched in sweat..I look grimy..I just rushed to my mother's room and called " mother"
84