NEW ASHLOK FICTION : GUILTY Chapter 29page 140 - Page 67

"Shlok! What are you doing? Are you crazy? Where are you taking me?" She finally found her voice.

"Come with me and make a decent man out of me. May be, just may be I'm not so hopeless after all" she kept on looking at him confused and puzzled. "Don't look at me like that. I have a decent cow shed not just a warehouse. Big enough for all of them and even pancy over there! he said pointing towards her collection and Bieber poster.

"How can I come with you Shlok? You'll be suspended. Have you forgotten I'm the main, no the only suspect in my dead husbands murder. How can you even think of doing something so irrational" she said trying to infuse some scenes into him.

He just took few steps closer to her and grabbed her again. "Are you saying you can't or you won't? Let me worry about all of that. I know what I'm doing. Just trust me." he said and gave her a kiss that poured out his love for her.

"And babes, I can't sleep without my horny lil cowgirl now. It just ain't the same. There I said it"

"So, you just want a warm body next to you at night. You just want me to warm your bed" even before she finished the sentence she could see his changing facial expressions. And he was infuriated. He just let go of her. And was about to walk out of the room. She ran before him and closed the door and put her hands together asking for forgiveness. She locked the door and put the keys inside her t-shirt, when he tired to open the door. The next moment she got down on her knees and with hands on her ears kept looking at him. This infuriated him even more. He just pulled her up and she tried to hug him. But he held her at arms length. She knew she's hurt him again. Much more than she could've imagined. She cursed her treacherous mouth. She belittled his love, she on her own accord tainted their love. More over his love for her. She tossed it into the filthy cesspool.

"Why do you the think the worst of me Astha? Is this you're way of taking revenge on me. Reverse phycology?" His hurt and anger clearly showing.

"I'm sorry!" She said again holding her ears.

"Oh! Just grow up for gods sake Astha! It's not funny nor cute. Its cute when

Sandhya does it. Not when a grown women does it. It just looks stupid and lame" he said pacing the room exasperated .

"You want me to grow up! For what so that you can kill me again! Like I was asked to grow up when I wanted to have a pet, when I wanted to be loved by my parents. I did and I died many a horrible death when they told me I was never wanted, it was a mistake to give life to me, I was the biggest wrong in their perfect world. Then I was asked to grow up again when I refused, begged them not get me married off to a man I haven't even seen. But died a slow agonising death every time I remember him being with another while still with me. I died every time he asked me to do something I'm not comfortable with and then ask did I enjoy it. I lied and died pretending for I was scared he'd leave me if I said onterwise. I wish I had died. I wish I was never born. I'm just a big fat disappointment. Just go away from my life. I know you don't need this shit in your life. It's not you. It's me Im the filth in everybody's life. I'll just burry myself and be out of your life. And I know at the moment I stink like hell. I don't want you or your love. I don't want to grow up. Let me just die this time, On my own terms" she took the key out and threw it to the floor. "Just leave me alone with my shit"

He came up to her. Kissed her forehead placed a small box on her palm "all I know is that I love you" He picked the key off the floor and was on his way.

Even he didn't know exactly what just happened. How did things go so wrong so fast. He flew to her thinking of taking her with him to his house. So that finally he could call his house a home. After all she's put him through and the things she said to him he should hate her, but he just couldn't. He wished he could. So that walking away from her wouldn't have been this hard. But it was. Nothing seemed to make sense. Every time he tries to do something nice for her things just go horribly wrong. Why? Is this some sort of sign? But he didn't believe in any of this. All that mattered to him was her. But she seemed to push him away. She body language says something else, but when she opens her mouth she says another.

The things she revealed about her made him love her more not any less. His parents just never had time for him. But They never said anything hurtful to him. His life was far better than hers. A pang of guilt crept into his heart about his parents. And he couldn't get the image of her lying next to him and he asking her if she enjoyed it. And she having to lie to him for fear of loosing him too. It was a good thing he was already dead. If not he would've strangled him with his own bare hands.

As usual she cried her self to sleep. She didn't have the courage to look into the small dark blue velvet box. She knew what was in it. Opening would mean realising what she lost. Could've and would've been. Lying alone in her bed she reminisced the night they spent together. His warmth, his tender caresses, feather light trails of kisses and his sweet whispers and his passionate love making cascaded her heart as she tried to make sense of his love. The intensity of his love for her. Is it possible to love someone so deeply so soon. Apparently he has and he seemed sure about his decision as the setting sun.

He couldn't even get drunk. He was on call. He wanted to drink till he drops, and forget about her. But his damn job didn't even allow that liberty to him. He cursed his job. He couldn't just take off and go somewhere even. He had a murder to solve.

Her life depended on it. He immersed himself in his work. That was the only way he could survive. He couldn't get her out of his mind. Something or the other would remind him of her. Even a milk carton reminded of her. Every time he sees his gun it reminded her. The cynic had become a sick puppy.

She didn't have the guts to call him nor text him. He was too hurt to come back crawling for her. She rejected him. Not the other way round. They both knew how many ticks they were missing each other. One was too scared and other was too hurt and too proud to do anything about it.

She didn't go out of the house during that entire ten days. She looked herself in her room. Even Filo was beginning to get worried. She hardly ate. She hardly spoke. She couldn't remember the last time she saw her smile. She was fading away right in front of her eyes. Filo felt very helpless. She had become very thin. She tried to move back in. But Astha wouldn't hear none of it. She insisted her son needed her more.

The time was 9.00 in the night and she out of pure coincidence switched on the TV.

The news presenter was going on and on about a shooting of a Detective attached to the Mumbai Crime branch. And that they have caught the perpetrators. He was shot at point blank range and his colleague saying it was a miracle the bullet missed his heart. He's out of danger. Recovering well at Scared Heart Hospital. Then the images of him being taken on a stretcher with his face blurred was displayed. She felt as if her world came crashing down in an instant. Time stood still. But her head was spinning. She didn't know how she managed to drive. But she did. She parked the car and she ran towards the main entrance. But she was stopped by the security guard. Visiting hours are over. She pleaded with him to let her through. She for the first time in her life broke the law. She offered him a bribe. She took out all the money from her wallet and gave it to him. The guard took pit on her. He didn't even take the money but offered to take her inside. Asked one of the other guards to stand in for him.

He took her to first floor. All was quite. Except for the beeps from various monitors and pulse sounds coming form rooms. He pointed towards the last door. She thanked him. And begged him to take the money to buy something for his wife. He very sombrely said she's no more. She thanked him for his kindness. And with a lot of apprehension and a weak heart she etched closer to the door. She could hear the monitors beeping continuously. She wasn't sure wether she'd be able to survive the sight that awaits at the other end of the door. But she had to see him. She wanted to be with him. She slowly opened the door ever so slowly and the sight that greeted her nearly stooped her heart from beating.

Covered in full white sheets from waist down. His chest along with the left shoulder bandaged almost completely. saline bottle was hanging on one side. His wrist covered with white plasters where they had inserted the cannula. Heart monitor kept beeping. She could see little blips jumping up and down. But he was motionless. Sleeping, sedated. She slowly approached his bed side. Tears streaming down unchecked. She wanted to touch his face, kiss him, Hug him, tell him how much she loves him and How she missed him. But she stood frozen. Just her tears seemed to be the only one with the will and permission to express what she felt. She reached for his face but withdrew her hand. She just stood there for how long she didn't know. She wasn't bothered. It seemed like an eternity. His silence was killing her bit by bit. He was taking slow deep breathes. It Seemed to suck the very soul out of her. She couldn't take it anymore. She turned to go back.

"Are you disappointed?" Came out of nowhere. She turned in an instant.

He was looking at her. "Still alive. I'm sorry! That Idiot had such bad aim!"he said nonchalantly.

She slowly walked up to his bedside. Leaned towards him kissed his lips making sure not to hurt his wounds. When she tried to lift her head he put his hand on to her head and pushed her face closer to him.

"If I had known this I would've gotten shot earlier. These guys are so pathetic they can't even shoot to kill. What has the world come to" He said breaking the kiss.

"You promised" she murmured through the tears

"That's what happens when you let go"

"I'm sorry! I won't let go again. Please tell me you forgive me. This is the last time. I promise you I'll never doubt your love. I promise you I'll grow up.

And I don't want grow up alone. I want you by my side. I died a little bit everyday that you were away. I missed you so much Shlok. I was unable to function normally without you. You're like the air that I breath. It's clich I know. But now I know what it means. I can't live without you. I want to be with you. Every day very hour every second"

"Come up with something original will you! You're quoting UB40! Thank you for not quoting pancy! I'm forever grateful for that."

"Can't you stop being sarcastic for once." She said smiling through her tears.

"Then that wouldn't be me right. Isn't that one of the things you love about me? Or wait I forgot, you just love you're cows and your pansy." he said looking into her tear filled eyes.

She tried to walk away. He held her hand.

"Make up your Mind. Are you coming or going. I'm not your boy toy. I'm the one and only Shlok lovemehotri"

"Is that what you think you're to me. Then for your information I'm coming." she said very decisively.

"Why"

"What do you mean why"

"Why are you coming to me?"

"Because I need you. Because I can't live without you"

"That's it"

"No"

"Then"

"Because I love you" she said what she and he already knew and leaned towards him kissed his forehead. She kept her forehead on his with tears of joy and pain streaming down her cheeks. But they were smiling and happy. For the first time in her life she felt she belong to someone. And it gave her such a feeling of content. She felt she finally reached home. In his arms in his love she found her solace. The unknown future frightened her. But she knew in her heart with him by her side she could face anything. Except loosing him.

"I had to get shot at to get you to realise that? I should set him free. He did a favour" he said kissing her lips softly.

"One condition, promise me you'll stop talking about dying all the time." She pleaded.

"I can't promise you, but I'll try not to get shot at. And you pray they remain lousy with their aim"

"So does this mean my penthouse is gonna become a cowshed and pansy haven?"

"No. It'll become our home" she said giving him the biggest most brightest smile.

Seeing her face he felt as if was flying. What ever specs of doubt or barriers that was in his heart just melted away. He was totally and absolutely sure of her and her love for him. Of them. He finally found what he's been looking for. Sing to me Bono...! Too bad you're still searching!

...

U2 - I still haven't found what I'm looking for...

https://youtu.be/UKn7zlT3jhE