FF: Forever and Always........part 43 in new Thread - Page 31

Part 29

Pari ran back to her room sobbing hard. It was painful like a deep stab. She was secure in her relationship with Yash yet in some vulnerble moments she felt questioning whether Yash was hundred percent commited to her. Especially from the day he had met Meera in Delhi things were really difficult for both of them. Long distance relationships had been hard for them but mixing an ex had made their equation totally unbalanced. Geet telling her that she was not Meera had hit her over an insecurity she did not know she had.

Yash who had just got up in Delhi checked his phone and found numerous calls from Pari. He called up immediately cursing himself for missing her calls. Pari picked up after several rings and said in a broken voice," H hello..."

Yash:" Pari, What's wrong dear? Why are you crying?"

Pari:" Nothing much Yash."

Yash:" Pari, please don't block me out. I know something is bothering you from last month. I thought of giving you space but now please tell me what it is."

Pari who had been confused and hurt just blurted out the first question that was bothering her.

Pari:" Yash, do you regret being with me?"

Yash:" Are you nuts Pari?"

Pari:" Just answer me Yash, do you regret being with me? Do you think that you and Meera could have a chance if I had not come between you two?"

Yash who had been expecting something serious jolted upright with the question. He cursed himself for giving her space for the last month thinking she needed some time alone. Taking a deep breath trying to control his fraying nerves Yash said softly," Parineeta Chopra, get this in your head and store permanently. You have never come in between me and Meera. We would have broken up no matter what because I don't love her in that way. I used to may be for few years but we both changed. Or maybe our perspective for each other changed when we started knowing each other. You had nothing to do with it love."

Pari:" Are you sure Yash?"

Yash:" I am hundred percent sure about you Pari. Rest I am sure we can manage together."

Pari:" So you don't regret breaking up with Meera?"

Yash:" Guilty yes. I am guilty for hurting Meera. She is a sweet person and even if temporarily I did shake her belief over love. But I don't definitely regret letting her go because I got you. As selfish jerk as I might seem, I don't want to change anything because that brought us together. I hate myself for the way I broke up though."

Pari:" What do you mean?"

Yash:" I mean Armaan had just you know... We were all hurt and confused especially Geet. She was badly shattered and all but then I was no better. You know right Pari that I and Armaan had been friends for a long time.In fact Armaan was sent to hostel because he wanted to be in the same school as that of mine. We had been the chuddy buddies in real sense and after mussorie we five became inseparable. His death had been a big blow. I have a void in my life that is still somewhere there. I didn't think through. Just that pretending to be in love with Meera when I was clearly not was plain wrong. And then I became friends with you. You were like a fresh breath of air. And that was when I broke up with Meera so I can be attracted to you without having any guilt. But then Meera had too much on her plate especially since Geet had been in a severe trauma after Armaan's death."

Pari:" Yash, you never said any of this in details."

Yash:" Maybe I wanted to avoid talking about my best friend. It still hurts to think about him. He was such an amazing person. "

Pari: " I don't know what to say?"

Yash:" How about you tell me why were you so insecured about us? Haven't I showed you over the years exactly how much you mean to me? I want to grow old with you Parineeta Chopra."

Pari smiled a genuine smile after so long. Wiping off her tears she asked softly," Is this a proposal Mr. Yash?"

Yash:" nah! I will propose to you traditionally someday on my knees. This is just to tell you that it will always be you."

Pari:" You were not hurt right with all these doubts in my mind?"

Yash:" No Pari. I know it is difficult for you to accept that I have a past with someone else. So was that all?"

Pari:" What do you mean?"

Yash:" I mean this was not the only thing disturbing you right? What is it?"

Pari's eyes were moistened again as she said softly about her encounter with Geet. She however did not say about Maan. Even while upset she thought Maan was Geet's secret to share. Yash listened very silently and said," Typical Geet."

Pari:" What?"

Yash:" Geet is still the same. She had always been a very closed off person who opens up only to Armaan. Even Meera had difficult connecting to Geet those days. I and Sid would be her friend but she rarely would share things with us. Whenever we would pester her for something she did not want to speak of, it would be her hurting our feelings in anyway so we get mad or hurt and stop asking her. This is her defence mechanism."

Pari:" It hurts Yash. "

Yash:" Yes it hurts. But if I know her correctly she will be crying her eyes out. "

Pari understood what Yash was trying to say. She said softly," It still hurts Yash. But I will try to let it go."

*****

Geet was crying her eyes out thinking about how rude she had been with Pari. She was ashamed of herself about that. But more than that guilt was over consuming her. In those moments while dancing under the rains with Maan she had felt attracted to him.

Maan was a handsome man and he had looked drop dead gorgous in the morning. Something about him had always made her feel secured. Yet this fatal attraction that she is feeling right at this moment is making her war with herself. And it was like she was cheating Armaan in all this.

Taking her diary while wiping her tears Geet started writing,

Dear Armaan,

I am bad. I am very very bad. I have cheated you Armaan. You know I told you how Maan was in love with me. You know something happened today morning. I felt attracted towards him.I danced with him in the rains. We were so so close and I did not find it revolting. In fact I liked it. I liked his touch and his care. I liked being in his arms. It felt so safe and warm like I was finally at home.

I was right. I should not have come to lonavla. But then Maan had arranged for my brother to come as a surprise and I and teji veerji had a long face to face chat after so long. But then I had to be an idiot and ruin it all.

And you know what the worst part is? I actually liked being with Maan, dancing withhim. If this was wrong then why did it feel so right Armaan??

I love you Armaan, I do. And a part of my heart says that I cheated you by sharing this moment with Maan. But then another part of my heart, a smaller one, says that this was pure and beautiful and innocent. I am at war with myself. The peace, the serenity I had found after coming to Mumbai were thrown right out of the window. The brewing storm that I had ignored for so long is knocking at my door and I don't know what to do Armaan.

To make matters worse I even hurt Pari. She was just trying to help me and I just pushed her away with my insensitivity. I compared her to Meera and that must have hurt her really bad. But I swear Armaan, I am not her friend to replace or even get a temporary Meera. I am with her because of who she is. And she is a really great friend and I hurt her. I hate myself right now.

Armaan I love you. But I am afraid of the future. What should I do? For so long you had been my friend, philosopher and guide. What am I going to do, whom I should turn to now that I am confused. I need you Armaan. I wish you were here!!I love you Armaan! I miss you!

Forever and Always,

Yours Geet

******

Maan was silent. He knew in his heart that the moments spent with Geet were pure. Yet he knew Geet will be in her room beating herself over this morning. He loved Geet and after today he is positive that Geet at least likes him more than a friend. But the problem is that Geet loves Armaan.

How do you compete against that kind of love? You can compete with a living breathing person but how do you fight a memory? Yet the more important question here was did he want to compete?

Maan was busy fighting when the Teji came near him. The beautiful morning has turned gloomy with all the brewing storms.

Teji watched his friend. It had been years he had known Maan. He had seen Maan cope up with his parents and beloved uncle and aunt's death even years after the accident. He had seen Maan take responsibility of his family and business even while he was a student at NYU. He had seen Maan turn into the man he is today without losing the person he was then and that had made Teji respect Maan more.

Clearing his throat Teji asked the question that had been bothering him from the time he and Maan had had their little chat.

Teji:" So, you figured it out?"

Maan was totally lost in his thought and looked up to find a serious Teji.

Maan:" What do you mean?"

Teji:" You know what I mean. But still let me spell it out for you. Did you figure out about Geet?"

Maan sighed.

Maan:" Tej, it's not always possible to find a straight road ahead. Life is complicated."

Tej:" No Maan. We make life complicated. I know you had been out with Geet today morning and something about the equation had changed. As a brother I should be angry for messing with my sister. Yet I know you as a person and I know nobody deserves her more than you."

Maan:" What are you really trying to say Tej?"

Tej:" I am just asking you something. When are you going to tell her the truth?"

Maan:" She is not ready for the truth yet Tej. "

Tej:" I think she is ready. It is you who is afraid of the consequences of the truth."

Maan:" So what if I am afraid? I have lost so much Tej. If I am about to lose Geet too let me at least enjoy and gather few moments with her."

Tej:"Why do you think you lose her? It can be different you know."

Maan:" Then I would say you don't know your sister so well. She will never forgive me, heck; even I could not forgive myself."

Tej smiled. He knew Maan was right and had a point. But then he knew his sister well enough to tell that Maan is wrong in this context at least.

Tej said in a strong, firm voice," On the contrary Maan, I actually know my sister very well. Yes she will be angry and even will hate you for sometime. But ultimately she will come back to you. Believe it or not, what you both have runs deeper. Even if Geet is not ready to feel it right now she can't stop her emotions. You two have a bond and that kind of bond leaves marks. Not like the scars left by bloody wound, more like footsteps on sand."

Maan:" Do you think you will be able to forgive me?"

Tej:" There is nothing to forgive because you are not wrong Maan. You are not the one responsible for whatever happened. So stop blaming your self. Forgive yourself Maan. You are out to win Geet Handa and you would need every trick up your sleeve for that. My sister can be the most stubborn person in the world if she wanted to be."

Maan:" So you approve of me and your sister?"

Tej:"I just want my sister to be happy and well loved. She had craved for a family from when she was very young. I know with you she will get all that. So if you need the words, I approve. But then again I was nowhere in this story. This was a triangle between you, Geet and Armaan. I don't have any power to decide the consequences."

Maan:" how do you compete a memory Tej?"

Tej:" That my friend is something only your heart can answer. But more importantly, do you want to compete a memory?"

Tej left the room. Maan sat back staring out of the window. More questions than answers. Lonavla will indeed be a turning point.